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Jenna knocked on Jayden’s door and then opened it. He was doing his homework on the desk. He looked busy and she thought she should probably leave him alone, but this needed to be dealt with. There was no point avoiding this situation. She wasn’t a coward, especially when it came to her son’s welfare. “Hey, can I come in?” She kept her voice easy and friendly.
He continued to write in his notebook. “Sure.”
Knowing that he was trying to avoid having a long conversation, she wasn’t perturbed by his cold demeanor. “What are you doing?”
“I have to submit a book report after the holidays. Thought I should get started,” he replied.
“Lance left,” she informed him.
He didn’t say anything.
“What’s wrong? I thought you liked him?”
“I do,” he muttered, not sounding happy. “Most of the time.”
She marshaled her thoughts. These circumstances required a light hand and a sensitive touch. She didn’t want to hurt her son and yet, he would have to accept Lance. For better or worse, Lance would be in her life. Sure, accommodating him might be a painful process for Jayden but she wanted to ease it for him. “Jayden, you need to talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going on in your mind. Maybe I can help you.”
He sighed, put his pencil away and turned to face her. “It’s—I don’t know.”
“Are you worried that if Lance is in my life, I would have less time for you?”
He ran his hand over the edge of the table. Picking up a pencil, he tapped it. “Ryan’s mom is always too busy to spend time with him because she’s busy with her boyfriend. And she keeps changing them every few months. She goes out with her current guy and leaves Ryan at home.”
She could understand his fears. For too long, it was just the two of them and now, there would be another man. He was likely feeling left out and confused. Jenna locked her gaze with his. “There may be times when I would go out alone with Lance and you’ll have to stay at home with the sitter. Then there may be times when I would go with you and Lance would have to fend for himself. In any case...” She took a deep breath, hoping that she was explaining it the right way. “Lance and I are just starting out. I don’t know how things will shape up. We may not get along well in which case...we would have to break up.”
“But you’re going out with him?”
They couldn’t officially start dating until Lisa agreed to a divorce and so far, she was resisting all his attempts. But such things couldn’t be explained to a child. “I am, sort of, yes.”
He snorted. “Whatever!”
She ignored his attitude. Time was her only hope. Would he come around? What if he didn’t? If Jayden never accepted Lance, she would be forced to make a hard choice and Jenna hoped she would be up to the task then. For now, she decided not to push him. “Listen, baby, what you need to know is you and I...we will always be solid. We love each other and always, always, always, we will be there for each other. We’re family.”
“And if you marry him, he would be family too?”
His simple question felt like a punch to her heart. “If I marry him...yes. But we’re not even thinking about that right now. Lance has got—some issues he needs to sort out and I’m not going to jump into a new relationship without giving it much thought. But I promise if I do think about marrying him, I would ask you first. And only if you were okay with him being a permanent member of our family, would I go ahead with it.”
He nodded. “Okay.”
“Are we on the same page now?”
“Yes, we are.”
She wanted to be sure. “Are we good?”
He smiled. “Yes, mom. We are.”
She walked over to hug him. “Good! I hate it when we don’t get along.”
“So do I.” His arms went around her waist and he hugged her. “I love you, mom.”
“I love you too, baby, more than you can ever imagine. Now, finish your report. I’m going to put dinner on the table in ten minutes.”
“Hey, mom!” he called as she stepped towards the door. “What was the name of the bank where you applied for the loan?”
She frowned. What was going through his head? “Why?”
“Just wanted to know.”
She searched his face but couldn’t figure out as to what he intended to do. She regretted discussing her business plans with Jayden. Jenna naively assumed back then that if her numbers were in order, someone or the other would give her a chance, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Banks cared about guarantees and assets, when she didn’t have any of those. She’d inadvertently put up Jayden’s hopes and now, he couldn’t seem to let go of the idea.
Jenna told him the name of the bank. “See you downstairs in ten minutes.”
Once she came back down, Jenna checked on the chicken, she’d popped into the oven. She turned down the heat and began to ice the cake she’d baked for Christmas. She set the table, lost in thoughts. Jayden’s questions ran through her mind. He appeared to think that her relationship with Lance was serious, whereas she wasn’t so optimistic. Correction...she couldn’t think in such positive terms. Anything could happen and she didn’t want to end up devastated if it turned out that things between Lance and her weren’t working out.
In any case, in the kind of mess he was in, he couldn’t leave his wife any time soon. Lisa would need some support until she felt ready to stand on her feet. With the sort of honorable and conscientious man Lance was, he would never leave her to deal with a new baby on her own. He really was a caring man. Having him in her life is such a plus. What’s more, he practically made her heart thud with desire every time she glanced at him. If she wanted her son to accept Lance with an open heart though, she needed to go slow. Jenna tossed the salad and put it on the table. “Jayden!” she called.
In response, he bounded down the stairs. After washing his hands, he joined her at the table.
They said their grace, and she served him. Now that Lance was gone, Jayden was in his usual bubbly and chatty mood. He regaled her with stories about his friend who lost his pet spider in the house. His mother didn’t allow anyone to sleep until the spider was found as she didn’t relish the idea of waking up to find the creature sitting atop her.
Jenna felt glad Jayden didn’t have an affinity for such pets.
He did mention getting a dog sometimes, but he wasn’t ready for the responsibility and appeared to know that fact quite well. Once dinner was over, he helped her clean and marched back to his room.
Jenna found herself at loose ends. She didn’t have any after work shifts for a few days, no daytime job and all her Christmas baking orders were delivered. It had been long since she got the time to devote to her own interests. She didn’t know what to do with herself actually. Picking up a novel she started six months ago, she tried to get back into the story but she’d pretty much forgotten what it was about. She put the book down and decided to go to bed early.
Her cell phone rang. Lance. Her heart beat with excitement as her finger paused on the button. She pressed it. “Hi.”
“Hello. What are you doing?”
“Actually, I was slipping into bed. Got nothing to do. Jayden is busy with his own stuff.” She sighed. While she was working, her son grew up. She missed having the baby who’d been totally dependent on her. Now, he could keep himself occupied for hours without any assistance from her. “The house is too quiet.”
He laughed. “Wish I could come over. I’m sure we would’ve found something to keep us occupied.”
The hint in his words was none too subtle. Her lips lifted in a smile as she imagined what all they could’ve done to pass time. “Yeah, I’m sure you would have. Are you at home?”
“Yeah. In the guest bedroom.”
“Did Lisa ask if you met me?” This was so weird, but there was no way out of this strange triangle until Lisa did something about it.
“I didn’t see her. She’s cloistered herself in the bedroom.” His voice sounded a bit sad. “It’s...just hard on both of us. Now, that she knows I have you—I think she wasn’t expecting that.”
Jenna felt a pang of guilt, but it wasn’t hers to carry. If Lisa wasn’t pregnant with another man’s child, Lance would never have even looked her way romantically. Also, she felt pretty sure even if they didn’t end up together, he still wouldn’t go back to Lisa. She broke his heart with her betrayal. Infidelity wasn’t something a man or a woman could easily tolerate. Then, there was the added question of a child; it would be a constant reminder of her treachery. No child should grow up in that environment. For the sake of the baby, Lisa would have to do the right thing eventually.
Becoming a mother was the greatest privilege in the world, but it also added to a woman’s responsibilities. You couldn’t walk away from your child, the same way you could do to another human being. A tough, demanding, but extremely rewarding job. Once she got the baby in her hands, Lisa would know what to do.
“What are you thinking?”
“About Lisa,” she replied with honesty. “This must be tough for her.”
“Tough for her?” His voice rose up an octave. “It’s hell for me.”
She lay down on the bed. “Of course, it is. But I can understand what she must be going through.”
“As long as I live, I shall never understand women.”
“You and the rest of your brothers.” She snorted. “Women are very complicated, highly evolved and extremely smart creatures. It’s not easy for men to get us, but if you try hard enough, we’ll make the job easier by telling you what we want.”
“Good one!” he teased. “If I ever have a daughter, I’d spend a lot of time with her and that might give me an insight into the mind of a female.”
Jenna couldn’t say anything. She plucked at the bed sheet as she pondered over his words. It was silly to deny that she wasn’t in a relationship, but it wasn’t serious enough for her to ask the big questions. She did have a feeling they would move past the initial phases at a much faster speed than other people. For one thing, they knew each other quite well and shared a history. Secondly, they were already half-way to the L word. At least, he was there while she still fought it. “Do you want children?” she asked the question before the words got struck in her throat.
He waited for a while as if he was considering her words. “Maybe. Yeah, I suppose, at least one. It would be nice—but if you don’t want—”
“I wasn’t talking about myself.”
“So, who were you talking about? The nonexistent woman who’s going to birth my child, after I’m done with you?”
Words failed her. She didn’t know what to say. His anger was justified.
“We’re together, you and I. And that’s that. There’s no future beyond this, Jenna. I love you and I know that you’re having a harder time saying the words back to me, even though you feel them, we’re in it for the long haul.”
All the air was driven out of her lungs. “I—I...”
“It’s hard for you, I get it. You want to take it slow? I can be a turtle. We’ll do it at your pace, but we’re in it for life and that’s pretty much what I have to say about it.”
Do I get a say in this? Well, damn it! She was also in it. But did they want the same things? It seemed too difficult to decide about such matters at this point. Then, regarding his stance on children—was she open to the idea of having another baby? Well...it was pretty much what she wanted. Alone, she wouldn’t have been able to manage, but in a loving, secure relationship with a husband who pitched in, she might be able to pull it off, especially if she ditched her evening job. “All right,” was all she could muster.
“That’s all you’re going to say?” He sounded annoyed. “Nothing else?”
Jenna didn’t like his tone. He didn’t know what it was like to constantly put the needs of your child in front of your own, so he couldn’t judge why she was finding it so hard to reconcile to the idea of doing it all over again. It wasn’t fair to put her on the spot. But shit! She was the one who brought up the topic. “Yeah, that’s pretty much all I got right now. I’ll let you know when I’ve got more to discuss.”
Let him decide what to make of it.
His sigh was audible, even over the phone, and conveyed the frustration that surely simmered inside him. It wasn’t easy for a man to confess his love for a woman, only to have her say she didn’t know how to respond. Given the situation, he was being patient.
She would do well to take a leaf out of his book.
“Good night, Jenna. I love you.”
Damn him! Did he have the patience of a saint? “Good night, Lance.” With that, she put the phone down. For a long while, Jenna sat lost in her thoughts. He would wear her down. The only thing that remained to be seen...how long it would take her to give in?
The battle of wills was on and she was betting on Lance.