Sara breathed in deeply, feeling the chill winter air biting at the edges of her nostrils as she crossed her arms more tightly in an attempt to keep out most of the cold.
She’d never been a smoker herself, but she’d found an odd attachment to those moments where her smoker friends would step outside for a couple of quiet minutes, whatever the weather. It was something she still tended to do even when on her own — minus the cigarettes, of course. Whereas her friends who smoked had associated the chance to take two minutes to decompress with the quick hit of nicotine, Sara had associated it with stepping outside for a short period of time.
She wasn’t alone for long, though, as the door opened and Elijah stepped out, walking towards her. He seemed to have a slight hunch to his shoulders, and was moving with less confidence and assurance than he usually did.
‘You okay?’ she asked.
‘I’m not sure really,’ he replied, avoiding eye contact with her.
Sara stepped towards him, keen to show she cared, but also not to break their rule of being too “obvious” at work. ‘Can I help?’
‘I don’t know. Maybe. Probably.’
By now, the body language was clear to Sara. ‘Elijah, have I done something to upset you?’ she asked.
Elijah let out a small sigh. ‘I saw you in the kitchen with Aidan. I saw you… hugging.’
Sara thought back. ‘Oh. Yeah. He was upset about something, so I gave him a hug. It didn’t mean anything.’
Elijah looked up at her for the first time. Sara could see pain in his eyes. ‘It looked like more than that,’ he said.
‘It really wasn’t. He was just upset, that’s all.’
Elijah swallowed. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It just… I’ve been hurt before, you know? I can’t bear the thought of that happening again. Not with you.’
Sara put a hand on his upper arm and rubbed gently. ‘Hey, I know. You don’t need to worry. I’m not going to hurt you. I can understand how it might have looked, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past, but I’m looking you in the eyes and promising you I’d never do anything like that, Elijah.’
He was silent for a few moments, then began to talk. ‘I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it or thought anything of it. It’s just really hard when you’ve been burnt in the past. My brain plays these tricks on me. I guess it’s just trying to protect me and make sure I’m not hurt again.’
‘You won’t be,’ Sara replied. ‘Not by me, anyway. You honestly have nothing to worry about.’
‘But those things you said at the pub. About him. Not knowing if you were over him.’
‘I said I sometimes wondered. But I don’t anymore.’
‘Are you sure?’ he asked, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
Sara stepped towards him and rested her forearms on his shoulders, locking her hands behind his neck.
‘I’m sure.’
A few moments later, their kiss came to an end as they each remembered their pledge to remain professional at work.
‘Are you okay?’ Sara asked.
Elijah nodded. ‘Yeah.’
‘And are we okay?’
Elijah nodded again, and smiled. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Yeah, we’re just fine.’