Seaview Towers was just as rundown on the inside as it was on the outside. Pushing the pram inside as gently as they possibly could so as not to wake Gertrude, Sid and Eric instantly thought that the guesthouse couldn’t have had a visitor for some time.

The chairs, tables and shelves in the hallway were inches thick with dust.

Mould splattered over the walls like a disease.

Long dangly cobwebs hung from the ceiling.

A vase of dead flowers stood stiffly in a bone-dry vase on a counter.

As soon as the visitors were inside, the twins hastily shut the door.

BANG!

Then they locked, double-locked and triple-locked it, making sure to take the key with them.

CLOCK! CLACK! CLICK!

“Welcome! Welcome!” began the second sister. “Our home is your home. We couldn’t be more delighted that you chose to stay here.”

“I used to come here as a boy,” replied Sid.

“Ah! Delight of delights! Welcome back! Your names, if you please…”

“I’m Sid.”

“And I am Eric.”

“Sidney and Eric. Wonderful! Wonderful! And what, pray, is the name of your baby?”

“What baby?” replied Sid, not thinking.

Eric elbowed him in his ribs.

“Ouch!”

“The one in the pram?” reminded the lady, with a suspicious look in her eye.

“Oh, that baby!” said Sid, recovering quickly. “Her name is… Gertrude! Baby Gertrude. But please don’t disturb her, because she is sleeping!”

“Very well. May I ask whose baby it is? Forgive me, but you look too young, and you look too old to have a baby.”

Now it was Sid and Eric’s turn to look at each other.

“Erm, it’s my little sister!” lied the boy. “This is my great-uncle. We were evacuated out of London because of the bombing.”

“Ah! The bombing!” exclaimed the second twin. “Those Nazis will never, ever stop!” she added, smiling. “Oh! Please, forgive our manners! Permit us to introduce ourselves! My name is Madame Brown.”

“My name is also Madame Braun,” said the other.

“Braun?” repeated Sid.

“Brown!” snapped the scarier one. “Please forgive my younger sister’s very slight accent. We are not from Bognor…”

“…or Regis!”

“Bognor Regis!” she snapped again, this time smacking her twin sister’s hand hard.

THWACK!

The other sister seemed used to this as she didn’t cry out. However, it was painful enough for her eyes to glisten with tears.

“As you can see, we are twin sisters!” said the other one.

“No! I’d never have guessed!” joked Sid, trying to lighten the mood.

The ladies were not the least bit amused.

“As I was saying before the interruption, as we are twin sisters both named Brown,” began the other one, “I will permit you two gentlemen to refer to me as Madame Bertha.”

“And you can call me Madame Helene!”

“Thank you, Madame Bertha. Thank you, Madame Helene,” replied Eric. He was trying to be as polite as possible after Sid’s joke had fallen so flat.

“You are very fortunate that we have just the one room here at Seaview Towers that is vacant!” said Helene. “Please follow me,” she added, leading them up the staircase.

Eric and Sid looked at each other as if to say, “STAIRS!”

“You can leave the pram in the hallway, and carry the baby up to your room,” said Bertha.

“Erm… well… You see… No…” spluttered Sid.

“We wouldn’t want to clutter up your hallway with the pram!” leaped in Eric.

Together he and Sid hoisted the humongously heavy gorilla in the pram up the flight of stairs. They took each step as carefully as they could, desperate not to wake Gertrude from her slumber. However, the load was so intense that in no time they were both sweating and shaking.

“The baby is heavy, no?” asked Bertha.

“Just normal baby size!” squeaked Eric, clearly straining.

CLINK! CLANK! CLUNK! went the old man’s tin legs on the stairs.

“What is that clanking sound?” remarked Helene.

“It’s just my tin legs,” replied Sid. “I lost mine in the First World War.”

“How very careless of you,” purred Bertha.

The old man shook his head, before he and Eric finally reached the landing at the top of the stairs.

“This is your room!” began Bertha.

“Number THIRTEEN,” added Helene.

“Unlucky for some!” joked Sid.

“Let’s pray it is not,” said Bertha with a smile as she unlocked and opened the door.

CREAK!

The bedroom was full of dust, dirt and cobwebs. There was a strong musty smell of damp. It seemed as if no one had been in here for quite a while. There were two single beds, a desk and a chair. The curtains were drawn, so Madame Bertha glided over to the window and opened them. This sent a cloud of dust bursting into the room.

WHOOF!

It made Eric and Sid cough and splutter.

“HUH!”

“URGH!”

“Please do not spread germs. We will bring you a pot of hot tea presently,” announced Bertha.

“Please don’t go to any trouble,” replied Sid.

“It is our pleasure,” purred Bertha. “You must drink up the tea. It will warm you from the rain and cold.”

“I don’t really like tea,” said Eric.

“You will drink the tea,” she said again.

This sent a shiver down the boy’s spine.

As he and Sid pushed the pram through the doorway, it became clear it was too wide and got stuck.

SCRITCH!

“Do you need assistance?” asked Helene.

“We may not look it, but we are both as strong as oxen!” added Bertha.

“We can manage!” said Eric. With a coordinated shove, they just managed to squeeze the pram through the doorway. Not without waking up Gertrude, though, who suddenly made a loud noise…

“HEE-HAW!”

“What was that?” demanded Bertha.

“HEEE-HAAW!”

“The baby just needs winding!” lied Eric.

“Thank you so much!” added Sid, hurrying the ladies out of the room and slamming the bedroom door in their faces.