Time passed, but Eric kept checking the clock on the wall in the captain’s cabin. It was now a quarter to twelve. Just fifteen minutes until midnight when the U-boat and everyone in it was going to destroy the Houses of Parliament.
Winston Churchill, everyone in the British government and all three heads of the armed forces would be killed instantly. The Nazis would then be free to invade Britain just as they’d marched into so much of Europe.
“Well, who’d have thought that by rescuing Gertrude from the zoo that we’d end up here?” said Sid.
“It’s lucky we did!” replied Eric.
“Lucky? How?”
“We’ve got a chance to be heroes.”
“You’re right. That’s all I’ve ever wanted,” said the old man, tears budding in his eyes. “My legs were taken from me all those years ago on my very first day on the battlefields of France. I was sent straight back to Blighty. Now I’ve got one last chance to finally be a hero.”
“This is it! We can do it, Uncle Sid! Me and you and, of course, Gertrude here can save Churchill.”
The gorilla nodded. Gertrude wasn’t sure exactly what she was nodding for, but she was always up for adventure.
“How can we?” asked Sid.
“I don’t know yet. I’m only eleven. But, first things first, we need to get out of these chains,” said the boy, rattling away at them with little effect.
“They’re impossible for us to break through,” added Sid as he tried too.
“For us, yes, but maybe not for Gertrude. She is so strong that she broke through her cage, remember?”
This stopped Sid in his tracks. The boy had a point.
“But how are we going to tell Gertrude to break through the chains? I don’t speak gorilla, and neither do you.”
“She’ll understand if we mime,” suggested Eric.
“She might.”
Both then performed their best pantomime of the chains being torn apart, but sadly Gertrude merely shook her head and frowned as if they were both bananas.
“I’ve got an idea!” exclaimed the boy. “If we tickle her, she might just wriggle enough, and break this pipe! Then we’d be free!”
With his head, Eric nodded to the pipe running along the floor. It was a thick steel pipe, one of hundreds that snaked along the length of the U-boat.
“It’s worth a try!” agreed Sid.
“Let’s take off our shoes.”
“You what?”
“We’ll have to use our toes to tickle.”
“I don’t have any toes!”
“Tin toes! Just try!”
The pair kicked off their shoes. Next, with great difficulty, they manoeuvred themselves into positions where their feet were at the same level as Gertrude’s armpits.
For most people, armpits are their most ticklish spot, but when they both tickled the gorilla there she hardly reacted at all.
TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!
It was like Gertrude was experiencing a pleasant scratch, rather than something that was going to make her squirm. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes.
“She’s not ticklish under her armpits!” cursed the boy. “Let’s try under her chin!”
Once again, the pair contorted themselves into new positions where now their feet would be level with the gorilla’s chin.
“It’s not easy at my age!” complained Sid as his bottom found itself under Eric’s nose.
“Don’t make any sudden movements!” snapped the boy, fearing the worst.
Now they tickled the gorilla under her chin with their feet.
TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!
All Gertrude did this time was yawn.
“YAWN!”
“Fiddlesticks!” cursed the boy. “Where on earth is Gertrude ticklish?”
If only they’d had this handy guide:
WHERE TO TICKLE A GORILLA:
This gorilla-tickling experiment went on for quite a while until the pair finally hit GOLD!
The balls of the feet!
Sid and Eric ended up upside down doing it.
TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!
Immediately, the gorilla was whooping with laughter.
“HEE! HEE! HEE!”
Not just that, she was now rocking and wriggling with such force that the metal chain they were all attached to yanked against the pipe.
“Keep going, Gertrude!” said Eric.
“You can do it, old girl!” egged on Sid.
With some difficulty, the pair kept tickling the underside of Gertrude’s huge hairy feet.
TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!
The more they tickled, the more she convulsed.
TICKLE! TICKLE! TICKLE!
“HEE! HEE! HEE!”
Until eventually…
SNAP!
The pipe broke in two, spraying sparks of electricity into the cabin.
FIZZLE! FAZZLE! FOZZLE!
With the pipe snapped, Sid and Eric could free themselves too and scrambled to their feet.
“Yes!” exclaimed the boy.
“The boys are back in business!” agreed Sid.
They both hugged Gertrude tight.
With her ginger eyes, the gorilla indicated the thick rope that was still tied round her.
“Oh yes, of course!” said Eric.
As fast as they could, he and Sid unwrapped her like a Christmas present.
“There you go, Gertrude! And so sorry for tickling you!” said the boy. “But it was the only way.”
The sparks from the electric cables in the pipe were now exploding into the cabin.
FIZZLE! FAZZLE! FOZZLE!
It was like a fireworks display!
WHIZZ!
SNAPPLE!
BANG!
Sparks flew higher and higher until the Nazi flag caught alight.
WHOOMPH!
“Best thing for it!” remarked Sid.
However, smoke from the burning flag must have set off an alarm, as the U-boat throbbed with the sound of a bell.
DDDRRRIIINNNGGG!
“We need to get out of here!” said Eric.
At that moment, the cabin door swung open. The Braun twins stood in the doorway, sporting swastika armbands and wielding their machine guns. On seeing the three had escaped from their chains, Bertha barked, “We’ve had quite enough of you three ruining our plans!”
Helene added,
“Prepare to die!”