The next afternoon Hillary planted herself next to Hudson at the lockers. She wore a somber black sweater, and the absence of color made Hillary’s skin look even paler than usual.
“How was rehearsal the other night?” Hillary asked.
“Great!” she said, deciding not to mention Logan and his angry glares. “And we have a show tonight. Wanna come?”
“I can’t. I have to do something with my mom,” Hillary said, her arms folded in front of her. “I’m so annoyed. But can you do me a favor? Can you ask Logan about me?”
From the little interaction she’d had with Logan so far, Hudson already knew that this wouldn’t be easy. “I’ll try,” she said.
“Just mention my name, and maybe that I wish I could be at the party, and just see what he says. And watch his facial expression. Even if he’s trying to play it cool, you’ll be able to tell from his face.”
Hudson pulled out her Geometry book. “I’ll keep that in mind, Hil.”
Hillary beamed. “Great!” she said. “And then tomorrow we can maybe go shopping again?”
Hudson needed to get to class. “Sure,” she said. “Meet me at Kirna Zabete in SoHo. Noon.”
As she watched Hillary walk away, Hudson wondered if it was a good or bad thing to be so superconfident. On one hand, people like her mom and like Hillary never let the word no stand in their way. But sometimes that meant that they also set themselves up for disappointment. Hudson wasn’t sure, but she had the distinct feeling that Hillary was going to be headed for some real disappointment as far as Logan was concerned.
*
After giving Carina and Lizzie directions to the party in Larchmont and making plans to meet them at eight, Hudson left school and made the trip home to change. As Fernald navigated the traffic down Fifth Avenue, Hudson looked at the brittle winter sunlight slanting through the branches of Central Park and realized that she would need another alibi to get out of the house for the night. She still hadn’t seen her mom since yesterday’s fight at the recording studio, and with any luck, Holla and Chris would have plans tonight. Still, Hudson would have to say something to Raquel, so she thought quickly.
Jenny. She needed to ask her about the birthday party, anyway. She picked up her phone and called her aunt.
“Jenny?” she asked. “It’s Hudson.”
“Hey, Hudcap,” came her aunt’s cheery, but tired, voice over the line. “How’s it going? I’ve missed you.”
“So, I talked to my mom about that birthday party we’d like to throw you,” she said. “My mom really wants to do it.”
Jenny laughed. “Well, considering my sink just exploded and Barneys just told me they don’t want to carry my line and I had the world’s worst date last night,” she said, “I’d say a party sounds kind of nice. But I’m gonna be out of town. Remember Juan Gregorio?”
“Who?” Hudson asked.
“The guy from Buenos Aires. He’s invited me down for the week of my birthday. I think he misses me.”
“Oh,” Hudson said.
“So just tell her I can’t do it the twenty-first. I’d call her myself, but I don’t want to look pushy.”
“Yeah, no problem,” Hudson said. “And if my mom calls you tonight, will you say I’m with you?”
“O-kay,” Jenny said cautiously. “What is it?”
“It’s just this band I’m in. We have our first show tonight. Not at a club or anything. It’s just a high school party. She still doesn’t know about it.”
“No problem,” Jenny said. “I’ll tell her. I hope it’s going well.”
“Okay, thanks!” Hudson said. “And let’s hang out again soon!” Thank God for Aunt Jenny, she thought as she pressed the End Call button. She’d really lucked out when her aunt came home from France.
Back at home, Hudson showered, dried her hair, and put on her Leather Milkmaid dress, designed by Martin Meloy. Martin Meloy wasn’t her favorite, since the whole debacle with Lizzie and his ad campaign, but she still loved the dress. She topped it off with a beat-up boy’s motorcycle jacket she’d scored at a flea market in Florence and then slipped on her stretchy, rhinestone-covered headband for a little sparkle. This was going to be her first show, and she wanted to look good for it.
When she slipped downstairs, she almost walked right into Raquel, who was holding a tall, spindly orchid. “You look nice,” she said. “Where are you going?”
“Aunt Jenny’s taking me to a Broadway play,” Hudson said, heading to the elevator. “We’re having dinner before.”
“Does your mom know this?” asked Raquel.
“I think so,” Hudson said, trying hard to look Raquel in the eye.
“Just be home by eleven thirty,” Raquel said, continuing past her down the hall.
Hudson gave Fernald the address of a restaurant on Forty-third and Sixth, which was about halfway between the theater district and Grand Central.
“Aunt Jenny will bring me home in a cab later,” she told him as she got out.
Fernald nodded and she slammed the door. Then she ran down Forty-third Street, straight into the wind, amazed at how good she was getting at this. And she almost wanted to laugh. Probably every kid in Larchmont wished they could be in the city on a Friday night. And here she was, lying through her teeth so she could flee to the suburbs.
Ben had texted her that he and his mom would be waiting for her at the train station. As she stepped onto the platform at Larchmont, she saw his mom’s car parked under a street lamp and recognized Ben’s tall, lanky frame when he stepped out of the front seat. “Hudson!” he yelled. “Over here!”
She waved and ran to the car, relieved to see them. She still wasn’t used to taking the train by herself.
Mrs. Geyer waved at her from behind the steering wheel. “Hi, Hudson!” she said.
“Thanks for picking me up,” she said as she slipped into the backseat.
“How was your train ride?” Mrs. Geyer asked. “Does your mom know you’re up here?”
“Oh, yeah,” she said, trying to sound convincing. “She wanted to thank you for picking me up.”
Ben got back into the passenger seat and closed the door.
“Because she should really have my phone number,” Mrs. Geyer said. “Do you want to give it to her?”
“I’ll give it to her later,” Hudson said. “She’s out right now.”
This seemed to be enough for Ben’s mom. They drove out of the parking lot and then turned in the opposite direction from town. “It’s so quiet up here,” Hudson marveled.
“Too quiet,” Ben said. Hudson could see that Ben had tamed his hair with some kind of product, because it wasn’t as springy as usual. He’d also switched his glasses for contact lenses, and she could smell some kind of spicy, musky scent that might have been aftershave.
“Ben thinks it’s boring up here,” said Mrs. Geyer, fiddling with the radio. “He’d love to live down in the city. What do your parents do in the city?” Mrs. Geyer asked.
“Mom,” Ben objected. “Don’t be rude.”
“I’m not being rude, I’m just making conversation,” Mrs. Geyer said.
“Well, it’s just my mom and me, and she kind of… works from home.” Hudson paused. “She’s in the arts.”
“Hmmm,” Mrs. Geyer said as they turned into a driveway. “So she’s a painter? Or a writer?”
“Kind of a cross between the two.”
Mrs. Geyer drove up to what Hudson assumed was Ellie’s house. It was a modest Tudor-style home with a stained-glass window in the front door. There were lights on in the windows downstairs, and already Hudson could see kids inside, milling around.
“All right, I’ll come by to get you around eleven,” Mrs. Geyer said. “Hudson, is that good for you? Or should we get you to the train a little earlier?”
“I’m getting a ride back to the city with my friends,” she said. “But thank you.”
“Have fun tonight,” Mrs. Geyer said. “Ben, don’t forget your bass.”
“I know, Mom.” Ben sighed.
Hudson and Ben got out of the car. He pulled the case containing his electric bass from the trunk, and as Mrs. Geyer pulled out of the driveway, he rolled his eyes at Hudson.
“Your mom’s really cool,” Hudson said. “I wish my mom was half as cool as that.”
“She’s okay,” Ben said. “She’s not that into this band thing. To her it’s like this big distraction from what I should be doing.”
“And what’s that?” Hudson asked.
“Being on the chess team. Being on the physics team. Trying to get into MIT,” said Ben. “Or Harvard. Or Johns Hopkins. Those are the only colleges that are officially approved.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Both my parents are professors. And look at me. I’m, like, genetically engineered to be in a science lab somewhere, studying genomes or writing software.”
Hudson laughed.
“But this is who I really am,” he said, shaking the case of his bass. “I got big plans for this group. Just so you know.”
“So I hear,” she said, smiling. “What’s your big plan?”
“That we play at Joe’s Pub,” he said simply, as if this were the most logical thing in the world. Joe’s Pub was a famous club and cabaret space in New York. It booked all kinds of acts—jazz and pop and rock and even stand-up comedy—and everything from up-and-comers to the seriously famous.
“Joe’s Pub?” Hudson asked.
“My dad took me there a couple of years ago,” Ben went on. “He loves jazz. He’s the one who got me into it. He gave me all his old John Coltrane and Miles Davis CDs. My mom wants to kill him.” Ben smiled to himself and kicked at the gravel in the driveway. “So he took me to Joe’s Pub to see Bill Frisell, who’s probably the greatest jazz guitarist of all time, and I had kind of a flash-forward. I could just see myself doing the same thing, onstage there one day.” Ben chuckled. “Obviously I know it’s a long shot. Not to mention my parents would completely freak out if I actually got that far. But if I did play there, one day, then maybe my not doing what they want wouldn’t be so hard for them to take.”
Hudson listened, remembering the conversation she’d had with Richard Wu just a few months earlier. She’d wanted to book a show at Joe’s Pub. Naturally, Holla had changed his mind about that. She’d wanted someplace bigger, more of a real concert hall, like Roseland. Hudson hadn’t even fought her on it. “So you think that would do it? Playing at Joe’s Pub?”
Ben shrugged. “It’s just my goal right now. And maybe I could make it happen. The whole trick to this business is connections. That’s how anyone gets anywhere. It’s, like, ninety percent connections. I went to camp with this kid whose dad was some big-shot music exec guy. He could totally help us.”
“I think it has a little more to do with talent,” Hudson argued.
“Well, maybe,” Ben said. “But what about all those kids who become movie stars because their parents are? You think they got the job just because of their talent?”
Hudson didn’t want to answer that. “Look, if you are that serious about doing this, then what about changing the name?” she asked. “The Stone Cold Freaks isn’t doing us justice. What do you think of… the Rising Signs?”
Ben didn’t say anything.
“I’m kind of into astrology,” Hudson explained.
“The Rising Signs,” he murmured, looking off into the night. “That’s kind of cool.”
“Let’s run it past Logan and Gordie and see what they think.”
“The Rising Signs,” Ben repeated as he leaned down to pick up his case. “Nice one.”
They walked into Ellie’s house, and as Ben stopped to chat with some friends, Hudson stepped slowly into the living room. She didn’t usually go to parties alone, much less parties thrown by people she barely knew. Groups of girls walked past her, laughing and talking. All of them wore jeans and oxford shirts or sweaters. Hudson looked down at her poufy leather and hot pink silk dress and felt a little self-conscious. A couple of girls eyed her dress from across the room. Hudson waved at them. They waved back, hesitantly, but kept talking. Hudson walked over to the piano and dropped her bag. At least she could hide out here for a while.
“Ooh, Hudson!” Ellie cried, coming toward her. She was more dressed up than her friends were, in jeans and a camisole lined with sequins along the neckline and straps. “Great dress! I love it!”
“Thanks,” Hudson said, relieved. “And happy birthday.”
“Hey, can I ask you something?” Ellie said in a low voice. “Ben just told me you’re really into astrology.”
“A little, yeah.”
Ellie leaned closer, practically whispering. “Could you find out if me and this guy are compatible?” She nodded her head at Logan, who was walking toward them with his saxophone case.
“Him?” Hudson pointed. “Logan?”
“We sort of hooked up last weekend,” Ellie admitted. “And I think he likes me. But I can’t really tell. I can give you his birthday, though, and maybe you can tell me!”
“Uh… uh, sure,” Hudson said.
“Awesome,” Ellie said, getting distracted by a group of people walking into her house. “Have fun!”
She wandered off to greet the newcomers. Almost before Hudson could absorb this, Logan sat down next to her and opened his sax case. Hudson cast him a sidelong glance. If what Ellie had told her was true, and Hudson had the definite feeling it was, then she needed to figure out what to do about Hillary’s unrequited crush.
Logan still seemed intent on ignoring her as he put his saxophone together.
“Do we have a set list yet?” she asked him, in a super-friendly voice.
Logan shrugged. “I guess we’re just playing whatever you and Ben want,” he muttered.
“No, we’re not,” Hudson said, confused. “I think we all should talk about it. Together.”
“Yeah, just like we all talked about changing the name of the band,” he said sarcastically, snapping the pieces of his sax into place. “Together.”
“Wait. It’s not changed. It was just an idea we had. Who told you that? Ben?”
“Whatever,” Logan said under his breath. He slipped the sax onto its stand and walked away.
“Logan!” Hudson yelled, but he didn’t turn around. She watched him pick his way through the crowd and disappear toward the kitchen.
She sat on the piano bench, glancing at the crowd to see if anyone had just overheard their fight. This band thing didn’t feel right anymore. She felt like an intruder. She’d unwittingly caused a whole slew of problems just by showing up. I should leave, she thought. I can’t deal with this guy not liking me.
But then she remembered: That had been one of her fears, something she’d written down on Hillary’s list. Not being liked. And here it was, happening right now.
Just as she was about to go find the bathroom and take a time-out for a moment, she saw Lizzie and Carina and Todd and Alex wading through the crowd. She’d never been so glad to see them before. She ran over to them.
“Hey, guys!” she said.
“Hey!” Lizzie said brightly.
“We just walked right in!” Carina exclaimed. “There wasn’t even a list or anything!”
Hudson had noticed that, too. In the city, the news of a party always spread dangerously fast. It wasn’t rare to see the doormen of the buildings on Park Avenue holding guest lists and checking off names as they let people through to the elevator.
Alex checked out the crowd, tapping his feet to the music. “Nice playlist,” he said. “But where’s everyone supposed to dance? There’s furniture everywhere.”
“What’s wrong, Hudson?” Todd asked, looking at her with his alarmingly blue eyes. “You look a little freaked out.”
“Oh, nothing,” she said, embarrassed. “I think this one guy in the band is a little bit mad at me.”
“What for?” asked Carina.
“I kind of suggested we change our name.”
“What is it now?” asked Todd.
“The Stone Cold Freaks.”
“Oh, yeah,” Alex asserted. “Definitely. Not even a question.”
Ben and Ellie walked toward them, and Hudson waved for them to join. “Hey, you guys, meet my friends. This is Lizzie, Carina, Todd, and Alex. Everyone, this is Ben Geyer and Ellie Kim. Ellie’s the one having the party.”
After everyone said hi and spoke for a while, Ben pulled Hudson aside. “I think we better start. But I can’t find Logan anywhere. Hey, Gordie!” Ben pulled Gordie over as he walked by. “Where’s Logan?”
“Haven’t seen him.” Gordie shrugged.
“I think he’s mad at me,” Hudson said. “You told him about the new name for the band, right?”
“Just for a second,” Ben said. “I didn’t tell him it was a done deal or anything.”
“Let’s try to find him,” said Hudson, leading the way to the kitchen. Ben followed.
They looked everywhere. He wasn’t in the kitchen or the dining room, or out on the back patio, where a group of kids hung out in the cold. Finally they spotted him in the laundry room, talking with a small group of people. “Can I talk to you for a second?” Hudson asked. She looked back at Ben and Gordie. “Alone, if you guys don’t mind.”
“No problem,” Ben said, and he and Gordie retreated.
“What?” Logan asked, his eyes narrowed. The group of people he’d been hanging out with quietly walked back into the kitchen.
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve come in and turned things around, because I haven’t,” she said. “Maybe Ben did speak a little too soon at the bar mitzvah, about having me be the lead singer, but then he gave you guys a chance to talk it out. And this whole thing with changing the band name—that was just something I mentioned to Ben for, like, two seconds. It’s not a done deal.”
Logan looked past her, fidgeting to get away.
“I know there’s nothing I can do to make you like me,” she went on, “and I really don’t care if you do or not. But what I do care about is this band. And I don’t want there to be drama before it’s even started.”
She had no idea where these words were coming from. This wasn’t how she usually talked, and she’d never spoken to anyone like this before. Logan darted his eyes around the room, as if he were physically unable to make eye contact. And then he said, “Forget it. There’s no drama. Are we going on now?”
“Uh, yeah,” Hudson said. “Let’s go.”
They walked back into the kitchen, where Ben and Gordie waited for them beside the four-layer dip. “We’re ready,” she said simply, and the four of them walked back to the living room.
“What’s going on?” Carina asked, brushing her blond hair back behind her ear.
“Just a little band drama,” Hudson said, smiling. “Wish me luck.”
“Break a leg, Hudson,” Lizzie said, then leaned her head on Todd’s shoulder. She looked like she was blissfully in love.
Hudson walked over to the piano. A few feet away, Gordie snapped his high-hat cymbal on above the snare.
“I say we start with the song you wrote, Hudson,” Ben said. “Then ‘My Baby Just Cares for Me,’ ‘Fly Me to the Moon,’ and ‘Feeling Good.’ ”
Hudson nodded and sat down at the piano.
Ellie called everyone into the living room. “Okay, you guys!” she yelled. “Here we go… the moment we’ve all been waiting for! May I present… well… Ben’s jazz band! Take it away, guys!”
Hudson felt her heart leap into double-time as people quieted down. You can’t freak out now, she thought. Not now. Her hands shook, but she still found the opening chords.
Nobody knows you here, she told herself. Nobody expects you to be good.
She started to play. After a few moments, she slipped into her music trance. Soon Ben joined her on his bass, then Gordie. And when she got to the bridge, and Logan started to play, he actually restrained himself. She didn’t dare look up from the keys as she sang, but it didn’t matter. Her voice was strong and elastic, hitting every note. And somehow, her talk with Logan in the laundry room had only filled her with more confidence.
When she reached the last chord, there was a moment of silence. And then the room broke into applause.
Hudson glanced back at the rest of the band and then, awkwardly, they all rose from their seats and took a small bow. This is me, Hudson thought, bowing. This is what I’m good at. Like it or not.
“Woo-hoo!” some guys called out.
The twins Hudson recognized from rehearsal jumped up and down.
“Hudson!” Carina called out. “We love you!”
At the end of their set, after they’d played four more songs and rocked every one of them, the Rising Signs, or whatever they were called, linked arms and took their final bows. Hudson locked eyes with Ben over Gordie’s and Logan’s heads and they traded an ecstatic smile. Their first official gig hadn’t just been good. It had been great.