“Hudson, it’s okay. Really. It’s okay,” Lizzie said, smoothing Hudson’s hair with the palm of her hand.
“Come on, you’re gonna make me cry,” Carina pleaded, reaching out to pat Hudson on the back.
They weren’t supposed to be inside the ladies room off the Chadwick lobby, because technically it was for visitors only. But Lizzie and Carina had pulled Hudson in there the moment they saw her, and Hudson had been only too grateful to follow them. She now stood with her head pressed up against Lizzie’s shoulder, sobbing so hard she thought she might hyperventilate. As soon as she could breathe normally again, Carina wet a paper towel under the faucet and handed it to her.
“So what happened?” Lizzie asked. “Just tell us.”
Hudson blotted her face with the paper towel. “My mom found out about the show. It’s on Page Six. And I have to quit the band. And my aunt officially hates me.”
“And now it’s all over. Everything. After a great show last night, too.” She sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her hand.
“She was just angry,” Carina reasoned. “Wait until she sees you at a show. She’ll totally change her mind—”
“No, she won’t, not now. That’s all finished.” Hudson grabbed a dry paper towel and wiped at her eyes. “It’s like there’s no talking to her. There’s no reasoning with her. She said because I signed a contract I should pick up where I left off. But that album just isn’t me. It’s not even my music.”
“Why don’t you tell her that?” Carina asked. “Just say that. Tell her you want to make an album that reflects you.”
“I tried,” Hudson said. “That day when you guys were in the studio last fall. Remember how well that worked out?”
“Look, you’ve been brave, and you’ve put yourself out there, and you’ve gotten out from under your mom’s thumb,” Lizzie pointed out, her hazel eyes calm and reassuring. “And that’s more than anyone else could do in your shoes. Maybe you can rejoin the band in a little while. After things calm down.”
“And why does your aunt hate you?” Carina asked. “I mean, not to make things worse, but that part I still don’t get.”
“My mom threw her a party, and I knew my aunt couldn’t be there, and I forgot to tell my mom. You know how controlling she is about stuff. I just couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t say that I’d made a mistake.”
Her friends looked at her gently. “She’s your mom, H,” Carina said. “She doesn’t expect you to be perfect.”
“Yes, she does,” Hudson said, feeling the tears start to come again. Hudson glanced in the mirror. Big red blotches spread out from her green eyes down to her cheeks, and her lips were swollen. “She can’t be normal,” Hudson said. “She can’t eat like everyone else. She can’t relax for a second. It’s all about being the best, the biggest, the most amazing person in the world. She wants me to be like that, too. It’s like I’ll be some loser if I don’t end up a superstar.”
“Do you believe that?” Lizzie asked.
Hudson swallowed. “No.”
“So then why does it bother you when she says that?” Lizzie asked.
Hudson played with the hair elastic around her wrist. “I guess a little part of me is afraid she’s right,” she said quietly.
Carina looked at her watch. “Oh, shnit. Madame Dupuis’s gonna have a French cow if we don’t get up there.” She put her hands on Hudson’s shoulders. “You okay?”
Hudson sniffled one last time and then splashed her face with more water. “God, I love school,” she groaned, and then cracked a smile.
As they walked out of the bathroom, Hudson tried to believe what Lizzie had said. She had been brave. She’d tried to do her own thing. For just a few short weeks, she’d just been Hudson onstage. And it had been wonderful.
But that was all over now. And the sooner she accepted it, the better.