Chapter Fifty-Six
I handed Liam the email from Nathaniel. “Do you remember Nathaniel? It was about seventy-five years ago.”
“Yes I remember him: powerful mentally, not physically, plain for a vampire, light brown hair, brown eyes, my height, huge ego, cruel to his nest, insecure despite his power. Humans tend to die in his territory.”
“Like a steel trap.” I laughed and he shrugged. “I wondered if you’d accompany Sasha to deliver a message for me. You’ll need to carry him through the lines. I’d really like it if you’d just appear in his living room or on his patio, sometime when he’s relaxed and not expecting anything.”
“You’d rather not simply reply to his email?” He smiled knowingly.
“Not so much, although I do want Sasha to give him a formal message in writing as well. It will be hard for him to ignore this show of power. I hope you don’t mind being used so crudely.”
“I’m used to it.” I laughed at his dramatic tone of voice. His expression turned evil. “I think I would enjoy seeing Nathaniel again. The last time he screamed like a young girl if I remember correctly.”
I barked out a laugh. “He’s never been much of a fighter, although he has a larger nest, now. I have Sinc researching all of them, so that we’ll be prepared for anything. If it turns out he has a witch or a sorcerer on the payroll, I’ll send Angel too.”
“Ah yes, the Latin lothario.” I looked at him with surprise. “He made a pass at Kellaine. I was tempted to neuter him, but I controlled myself. Kellaine made it clear she wasn’t available, too politely for my taste.”
“Liam, my friend, you sound like a man with a mate.”
“As you know, the situation is different in my culture. She’s the daughter of an elder and because I’m the son of an elder, she is considered a good match for me. We were pushed together almost as soon as she was born. Because I’m half human, the general belief is that I have a good chance at fathering a child. Kellaine is full blood fae and so I can’t see that our chances are much better than two full bloods. Still there is pressure on us. It takes away the…the—”
“Romance? Spontaneity?”
“I’m very fond of her, Garrett. She’s lovely, intelligent and I know she cares for me. We’ve been lovers for centuries, but I can’t touch her without thinking about what’s expected of us. Lately, I find myself avoiding her. I should let her go.”
“Take her someplace away from Faerie and spend some time together. See what happens. You can use Eleanor’s place in Carmel. It’s beautiful there.”
“You still don’t refer to it as your place.”
“Too many bad memories. I’ve had it cleaned up and completely redecorated, but I still can’t bring myself to go there.”
“It’s where your family died. Perhaps you should sell it.”
I ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t want to do that either. I’d like Jackie to see it. I should be able to get past it. It was so long ago.” I looked at Liam. “It was where I spoke to them for the last time, before each one was taken away to die. I often wondered why she left me for last. I think she was modifying her techniques, believing all the time I had the best chance to survive. Sometimes I wish I could kill her again.” I’d hissed that out, startling myself with my old anger rearing its head. “Her death didn’t…”
“It didn’t end your pain. Nothing will do that. But it’s given you a chance to start again.” Liam sounded annoyed.
I thought again about Jackie and I’m sure my expression must have reflected some of my fear. “She’ll never be completely safe. Being my mate makes her a target for my enemies.”
Liam actually laughed at me. “And what supernatural is completely safe? She’s not your child, she’s your mate and she’s powerful enough to stand by your side in any battle. I should kick you in the ass right now. This isn’t like you.”
I rubbed my temple. “I’m afraid for her. She’s not dealing with what happened. I got her to talk about it once, but she exploded with Sinc. And I still sense she’s struggling constantly to hold herself together. She’d not enthusiastic about seeing a therapist and I’m not sure where to go from here.”
“Jackie and I have reached an agreement on a possible course of action. Perhaps you’d call her in here so we can discuss it and I can answer your questions?”
Curious, I sent to her. Jackie arrived, sat in a leather chair and listened while Liam explained the whole thing from beginning to end. I watched her watching for my reaction so I made sure that I showed none. My mind was churning at the thought of her having to live through that torture a second time. How could I allow that? Allow. There was an inappropriate word if I ever heard one. Jackie wasn’t a child. She was a powerful female who deserved to make her own decisions, but, my god—to be tortured all over again?
Calmly, I asked, “Was there another option?” Liam then described the memory wipe. I knew immediately that she wouldn’t go for that. I never would have either. No matter how painful, I never want to forget what Eleanor did, to my family and my nest.
“This is what you want, my love?”
“Yes. I want it to end.”
“I’ll stay with you during the entire process.” She smiled at me, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears, looking scared and a little bit desperate.
Liam responded. “I’d like to wait a few more days until I feel she’s physically strong enough.” Liam stood up. “Eat and take some mild exercise.” He shifted his attention back to me. “Contact me about my trip with Sasha. I am looking forward to seeing Nathaniel’s shocked expression once more.”
“Probably tomorrow night.” Liam nodded and left.
As soon as the door closed she was walking around the end of the desk and crawling into my lap. “Thank you. Liam thought you’d push me to do the memory wipe, but in the end you’d support me.”
“I’d never ask you to forget what you managed to overcome. I’d never want to forget one moment with Eleanor.”
“I’m afraid.. I’m afraid I’ll go through it all again and it won’t help me—that I’ll be worse.”
“We’re going to trust Liam knows what he’s doing. If he’s willing to do this, then it’s going to work.” I kissed her gently and asked, “Is Sasha up?”
“I haven’t seen him.” She was curled up against my chest with her arm wrapped around my waist.
“Then could you send Bridgett in, please?”
She sighed. “Yes, boss.” She didn’t move.
“I said please.”
“Uh huh.” Still no movement.
“It seems you need some motivation. What do you have in mind?”
“A vacation.”
“Where?”
“Let’s visit Francois.”
“We’ll go in the spring.”
“Really?”
“We’ll go to Paris in May, for your birthday.” She smiled and gave me a delicious hug but still wasn’t moving off my lap. “What else?”
“Another kiss, then I’ll be good.” So we kissed again and I forgot about my desk full of work or Nathaniel and his challenge. She put her hand on my face. “Your skin is still warm, but you haven’t fed today.”
“I had some very high octane fuel during ‘plus tard’.” She laughed and shoved me playfully. “I don’t think I’ll have to use a donor today. Must be the demon blood floating to the surface.”
“Well that’s fine with me. I don’t like those donors of yours.”
“You don’t know them.”
“Just on principle.” She took in a deep breath, pulling my scent into her lungs.
“You’d like them all.”
“Well, maybe we’ll just invite them to come with us to Paris in May.” She was baiting me to see what I’d say.
I played along. “I don’t think they’ll all be able to take off from work. Perhaps one or two.” I pretended to think about it. “Carol should be able to come.”
“Did I say I wanted to know their names? In fact, I think I expressly mentioned not wanting to know their names.”
She’d buried her face in the hollow at the bottom of my neck, her hand clutching at my shirt. I wanted to take away this pain, to relive each horrifying moment for her. I would give anything to keep her from harm, to return her spunky confidence, her faith in her own abilities. My heart was breaking for my angel, yet I had to be her rock, so I continued to tease her about my donors.
“Carol was at the bonding ceremony with her mother. In fact, they were all there. I introduced them to you, I just didn’t mention they were donors.” I was stroking her hair to calm her, taking in her scent to calm myself.
“That was sneaky.” She was quiet again, an arm firmly positioned around my waist, clinging to a few extra moments alone with me. I held her closer and made slow circles with my hand on her back, taking in the comforting scent of cheetah and wildflowers.
“Okay, I’m going.” She got up slowly and I grabbed her hand as she stood.
“You can stay as long as you like. I don’t have to work. We can—”
“You won’t get any work done. Come and find me when you’re finished. I’ll send in Bridgett.”