Janell sat across the table from Eve, sipping on a cup of tea in her friend’s kitchen. She’d just poured out a jumbled explanation about the conversations she’d had with Hank and Lizzie and her own confused thoughts and feelings.
She leaned back, waiting for a response, and thought wryly that it would be a miracle if Eve could make any sense of her ramblings at all.
Eve fingered the rim of her cup. “So he finally kissed you, did he?”
Janell shot her friend an exasperated glare. “Didn’t you hear anything else that I said?” Was that an amused twinkle in her friend’s eyes?
“You finally admitted to yourself that you are in love with Hank. He proposed to you for the third time. You confessed your past to him and he didn’t think the less of you for it. You and your sister cleared up all the misunderstandings between you, and she never resented you as you thought she did. And, oh yes, Hank’s aunt warned you against the dangers of false pride. It sounds to me as if things are finally working out for you as they should.”
Janell frowned. “You’re simplifying matters.”
“And you’d prefer it be more complicated?”
“It is more complicated. Don’t you see? I’m worried about disappointing Hank and the children.”
“What I see,” her friend said gently, “is that what you’re really worried about, deep inside, is getting hurt again.”
Janell stiffened. “How can you say that?”
Eve reached over and took her hands. “Opening yourself up to people is scary because it makes you vulnerable. But, Janell, don’t you see? It is also one of the most beautiful and fulfilling things you can experience. Don’t cheat yourself of that gift just because you were hurt once before.”
Janell let her friend’s words settle inside of her and slowly her defensiveness melted. All of them—Hank, Lizzie, Eve, even Mrs. Collins—had been trying to tell her the same thing; she just hadn’t wanted to listen.
But she was listening now.
She met her friend’s steady gaze. “What if it’s too late?”
Eve smiled. “I don’t know Hank very well, but I think he might be open to a change of heart on your part.” She smiled archly. “But if he’s already proposed three times, then it might take a little more than a few dropped hints to get him to do it a fourth time.”
Janell agreed—there wasn’t any might about it. After the way he’d looked at her just before she walked out of the schoolroom, she knew he wouldn’t make it easy on her.
“Does this mean you’re going to stop hiding behind your past?” Eve’s question held a note of hopefulness.
“Maybe. I don’t know.” Janell was still afraid to trust her feelings just now. “There’s someone I need to speak to first.”
Eve stood. “Well then, there’s no time like the present. And remember, the true, cherishing love of an honorable, God-fearing man is something worth fighting for, regardless of the outcome.”
Janell couldn’t agree more.
* * *
Hank kicked at a rock whose only sin was being in his path. When he’d left the schoolhouse earlier he’d turned away from town, needing a long walk to clear his head, but it hadn’t helped much. Janell had trusted him with her story and it had been something so unexpected he was still trying to digest it all. She’d been hurt, and hurt deeply, and he had wanted nothing more than to go out and slay her dragons for her. Only it turned out the biggest dragon was one lodged deep within her own heart.
He knew his words had hurt her, and a part of him deeply regretted that, but he’d hoped to shock her into seeing what she was doing to herself, to both of them.
But he’d failed. In fact, had only succeeded in pushing her further away. He wasn’t sure where he could go from here.
One decision he had made during his long walk, however, was that he couldn’t marry Cassie Lynn. It wouldn’t be fair to the young girl to trap her into a loveless marriage, no matter how willing she might be at the moment. She should have the chance to find someone who would love her as she deserved. He planned to tell her that as soon as he arrived home—no point in dragging this out now that he’d made the decision.
It probably wasn’t going to be an easy conversation to have, especially since she had such strong feelings against returning to her father’s home. But he hoped his assurances that she was welcome to continue in their current arrangement until she could find other work would go a long way toward easing any disappointment she might feel.
He entered through the back door and found Cassie Lynn in the kitchen, placing a pie in the oven. Smudge was in a corner near the stove, licking at one of his paws.
He and Cassie Lynn exchanged greetings. Then he looked around. “Where are the kids?”
“There’s some new puppies over at the Tucker place and they wanted to go see them. Don’t worry. The oldest Tucker girl, Fern, is with them. She promised to keep a close eye on them and walk them home later. You don’t mind, do you?”
He shook his head. A part of him was a little concerned about their being out on their own, but he knew that was foolish. Children their age freely roamed among neighboring houses all the time. Mostly he was pleased to know that they were beginning to act as if this was home.
He jammed his hands in his pockets and met her gaze. “Actually, that’s good because there’s something I need to talk to you about.”
“Before you do, there’s something I need to tell you as well.”
Hank leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms, willing to delay his news by a few minutes. “I’m listening.”
“I’m afraid I can’t marry you after all.”
Hank straightened and dropped his hands. This wasn’t at all what he’d expected. “May I ask why?”
“Because it’s obvious to anyone who has a pair of eyes in his head that you’re in love with the schoolteacher and she’s in love with you, and I don’t aim to get in the way of that.”
She said all of that in the most matter-of-fact manner, as if it was a well-known fact. Were his feelings really so obvious to everyone?
Hank pulled his focus back to the young woman standing in front of him. “So what are you going to do? If you want to stay on here as housekeeper, I won’t be able to pay you much, but—”
She held up a hand. “Thanks, but that won’t be necessary. I heard Mrs. Fuller was looking for someone to help out at her restaurant since her second baby came along. I already talked to her about it and I’m going to start working with her right after Christmas.”
Cassie Lynn was definitely a girl who wasn’t afraid to go after what she wanted.
“Then I wish you well. And I want you to know how much I appreciate all you’ve done for me and the kids this past week.”
“I’ve enjoyed it—I mean that. Those are some mighty good kids you’ve got yourself, and they’re lucky to have you, too. And Miss Whitman, of course.”
He was afraid the kids’ only interaction with Miss Whitman in the future would be at school. After their conversation this morning, he couldn’t see her spending any time here in his home.
“So what was it you wanted to speak to me about?”
Hank looked up and gave her a crooked smile. “The same thing, actually.”
She nodded, as if pleased. “Glad to hear it. You and Miss Whitman belong together.”
There was no point saying more than necessary. “That remains to be seen.”
Before she could say more, he changed the subject. “If you need me I’ll be out back, checking on Hector.”
It seemed that after Christmas it was going to be just him and the kids. He hadn’t figured out how to make that work yet, but he had more confidence now that he could find a way.
And he had Janell to thank for that.
* * *
“Please have a seat.” Reverend Harper waved Janell toward one of the leather chairs in front of his desk as he settled into his own chair. “Now, what can I do for you?”
“There’s a matter I’m struggling with that I’d like to get your perspective on.”
“Of course.”
How did she start? “It concerns something that happened before I ever moved to Turnabout, something I’ve put off dealing with.” She sat up straighter. “I’ve gone through a divorce.” To her relief, she saw a flicker of surprise in the reverend’s face, but no judgment.
“I see. And since I assume the issue you wish to discuss with me relates to this, would you mind explaining the circumstances that led up to your divorce.”
Janell gave him a more succinct, less emotional summary of the story she’d related to Hank earlier and then leaned back in her chair. How would he react?
He seemed to ponder her words for a few moments. Then he finally leaned forward. “First, let me say that you have my most sincere sympathy. You were put in a very difficult position at a time in your life when you were quite vulnerable. Based on what you’ve told me, this divorce was not something you sought or wanted. And let me remind you that the God we serve is a loving and forgiving God.” He leaned back with a gentle smile. “But you have yet to tell me what particular issue you are struggling with at this time.”
“I’ve fallen in love with a man who is strong and honorable and God-fearing.”
“And you want to know if you are free to marry again.”
“Yes.”
He put his hand on the large, well-used Bible sitting on one corner of his desk. “The good book is clear on the conditions under which divorce is permissible, which are mainly adultery or desertion. Some argue that these same conditions also make it permissible to remarry. And one interpretation of your story would indicate that your former husband deserted you—especially given that he has subsequently remarried, making reconciliation between you a near impossibility.”
He spread his hands. “But ultimately this is a personal decision that is between you and God. Only He knows what is truly in your heart, and only He can give you the answers you seek.”
Then he gave her a questioning look. “And of course, it is something that should be discussed with the man you wish to marry.”
She nodded. “He knows the truth.”
Reverend Harper’s face cleared and he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his desk. “Then, if you will allow me, I’d like to pray with you. And be assured that in the days to come I will be praying for you, both that you will discern God’s will in this matter and find a measure of peace with whatever that answer may be.”
As Janell bowed her head, she already felt some of that sought-for peace wash over her. Whatever the coming days might bring, knowing that she no longer held her secret quite so tightly, and that the guilt she’d carried around with her like iron shackles for so long was misguided, made her feel freer and lighter than she had in many years.
And later, after she left Reverend Harper’s office, she made one more decision. It was time for her to make things right with the town council. She’d taken the job as teacher here under false pretenses. Whether their need to know her private business was right or wrong, she’d lied by omission to them when she’d applied for and accepted the job of schoolteacher.
Telling them would very likely cost her her job, but if it did, she knew that she would be all right. She would find another job, either here or somewhere else. And if that took a while, she also knew that her parents would take her back in the interim.
And just maybe, if she wasn’t already too late, there was an entirely different, much more fulfilling position right here in Turnabout that she could fill.