Anna Mae paced from window to window, waiting for Josiah to arrive home. This was the third day, and still no word came from town, saying whether he was safe or not.
Over the past few days she’d worried about Josiah, and yet she also wondered if he wanted her to leave. He’d been so angry, and now that she’d had more time to reflect on it, Anna Mae knew he was upset with her. Was he angry enough to ask her to leave once he’d captured the outlaws and secured his girls’ safety?
Thoughts of the twins had her looking over her shoulder at them. She’d brought them into the kitchen so they wouldn’t awaken Susanna, but it proved harder each moment to keep them occupied. They wanted to go to their playroom. She’d let them help mash the sweet potatoes she’d cooked earlier, then they’d helped pat out cookies. Now they ran their hands through the dried beans she’d poured on the table in a desperate attempt to silence their whining.
“Papa.”
Anna Mae whirled around to shush or comfort the girls, whichever was needed, and her senses leaped to life. Josiah stood in the doorway to his bedroom, hair tousled. He had a big white bandage covering one shoulder and wrapped around his chest and back.
“Josiah.” She could barely get his name past the lump in her throat. She moved toward him, compelled by an unseen force. He stepped forward and clasped her body tightly to his. She buried her face against the corded muscles of his neck, her heart bursting with love and anguish at the same time. She could no more stop the tears than she could stop breathing.
She felt him swallow and then he kissed her forehead.
“Shh, Annie girl. I’m fine.”
She refused to budge from his arms, her face against his unhurt shoulder. He murmured words of encouragement and sweetness. “Seeing you in danger...” He paused and swallowed again. “You are so brave.” His hand softly brushed the hair flowing down her back. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m so thankful you’re alive.” Her voice was a weak, tremulous whisper. She leaned back to look up into his face.
He started to answer her then gave her a gentle squeeze, a grin the size of Texas tilting the corners of his mouth. Josiah looked down.
She had no problem identifying the source of his amusement as the twin now climbing his leg was almost to her waist, fingers digging into the fabric of her dress. She stepped back to give the child more room.
Once Anna Mae was out of his arms, Josiah lifted Ruby on up to his shoulder as Anna Mae clasped Rose in front of her.
“I guess all her climbing has made her strong.” She laughed.
He nuzzled his two-day bearded chin into Ruby’s neck, making her shriek and giggle, then leaned forward to snuggle Rose, as well. Rose patted his face, then buried her head against Anna Mae as if she might cry.
“What’s wrong, Rose?” Anna Mae had a notion she knew what troubled the child. “Does Papa’s hurt scare you?”
Ruby gingerly touched her father’s bandage, then looked him in the eyes. “You falled?”
“Something like that.” Anna Mae saw the uncertainty that crept into his expression even as tears welled up in his beautiful blue eyes. That was all it took for Rose’s soft heart and she launched herself from Anna Mae’s arms to Josiah’s, effectively pushing her twin to the side. Anna Mae’s frantic grab was all that saved Ruby from landing on the floor.
It lightened the situation and Anna Mae laughed happily. Rose’s little arms tightened around her papa’s neck until he walked to the table and sat down. Only then did she lean back and look into his face. There was no sign of tears. Instead, Rose’s beaming smile melted Anna Mae’s heart, and from the look of love in Josiah’s eyes, it did the same to him.
Anna Mae also saw pain in the depths of his gaze. It was time to get his arms free and to fix her husband some much needed breakfast. He was starting to look a little thin to her.
“What’s going on in here? A person can’t sleep with all this caterwauling.” Susanna took Ruby from Anna Mae and swung her round and round. Anna Mae wondered how long Susanna had been watching. The rims of her eyes appeared a little red and puffy, as if she’d been crying. Had her friend been listening in on her small family and been touched by the sweetness of it all?
Anna Mae took Rose from Josiah and put her in her high chair. “I’ll start breakfast and we can eat in a jiffy.”
“If you don’t mind, Anna Mae, I’d rather get on back to town.” Susanna set Ruby in her high chair as well and cleared her throat. “I’ve been gone three days and I figure work has piled up.”
“I’ll saddle your horse. Just give me a few minutes to get dressed.” Josiah turned to go into his bedroom. Only then did Anna Mae notice the bare parts of his chest, back and shoulder.
“I’ve been saddling my horse for as long as I remember, Josiah Miller, and I’ll not have you insulting me. I’ll be gone before you get your boots on.” She pointedly looked down at his bare feet, pulled on her scarf, then her coat, and picked up her valise.
Josiah shook his head and went to his room. His door closed softly and Anna Mae rushed to hug Susanna, who hugged her back, then released her. “You have a wonderful family now, Anna Mae. I’m happy for you.” She turned and blew kisses to the twins.
Anna Mae wasn’t quite ready to let her go just yet. She caught Susanna’s sleeve. “Thank you for staying with us. I don’t know if I would be sane now if it hadn’t been for you and your assurances that Josiah was fine.”
Susanna smiled. “It was my pleasure. I’ll see you Sunday.” The door closed behind her.
Anna Mae turned to find three sets of eyes on her. Josiah’s were gentle and contemplative and held a gleam of interest she returned wholeheartedly. The other two identical sets said, “You mentioned breakfast, so what’s the holdup?”
She clapped her hands together. “So, what shall we do?”
“Eat.”
Ruby echoed Rose and then grinned as if she’d just been offered a prize at the fair.
Josiah and Anna Mae exchanged open looks of amusement.
She nodded and walked to the stove. “Then breakfast it is.” Anna Mae noticed the letter from her mother still lying on the table where she’d left it the night before. She’d read it every night since its arrival, and she still felt her place was here with Josiah and the twins. Anna Mae stopped and picked it up, folded it and stuffed it into her apron pocket.
That letter, along with worrying about Josiah, had kept her awake most of the nights he’d been gone. At times she knew she’d be writing her mother back saying she was happily married and not coming home. Other times she thought about her unrequited love for Josiah, who could never love her like a true wife should be loved. It was all just too confusing.
“Annie, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you mind rustling up a batch of biscuits and gravy?” Josiah asked. He sounded sad, as if he thought she wouldn’t be making them for him again soon.
She looked over at him. Had he read her letter? And if so, what was he thinking? That she was going home? Or that she should go on home? “I’ll be happy to.”
“Egg,” Rose called. Josiah handed her a cloth ball to play with.
“All right, one egg for Rose.” Anna Mae looked to Ruby. “Ruby, would you like an egg, too?”
The child shook her head and took the picture book Josiah was handing to her. “Bikit.”
Josiah eased into a chair at the kitchen table. “I hope you don’t mind, but I read your letter.”
Anna Mae turned to the counter and began mixing dough for the biscuits. “I don’t mind.” She poured milk into the dry ingredients.
“Have you given any thought to what your mother told you?” He paused, waited, then continued. “About the teaching job?” His voice sounded pained.
She stirred the batter. “I’ve done nothing but think about it.” She folded the batter over with her hands, adding a little more flour each time till the mixture was stiffer. Then she pinched off a little section, rolled it in her palms and patted it flat in the pan.
He waited until she’d finished making the biscuits and had put them in the oven before asking, “And?”
Anna Mae wiped her hands and came to sit at the table. “I guess that depends on you.” She held up a palm to stop him from interrupting her. “I’ve prayed about that letter for three days. I don’t believe God wants me to leave you and the girls. But if you truly feel you don’t need me or that you want me to go—” she swallowed hard “—I’ll go.”
There. She heaved a sigh. I said it. Silent prayers began flying heavenward. Anna Mae didn’t want to leave Josiah. It would break her heart. She loved him and the girls with everything that was in her, but she also knew it wouldn’t be fair to keep him in a marriage where he felt no husbandly love for his wife. Lord, it’s in Your hands now.
* * *
Josiah felt as if a big piece of the puzzle finally fell into place. Love shone from her eyes. He’d been afraid Anna Mae would reject him after he’d treated her so poorly at the bank, but now he knew she cared for him as much as he did her. He patted his front pocket to make sure that Anna Mae’s ring was still there.
He reached across the table and took her hands in his. “I never want you to leave me, Anna Mae Miller.” He searched her face, her eyes, noted the trembling in her fingers, all evidence that her emotions were involved. That was a positive. But would they return to the advance-and-retreat actions of the past? Could he allow her to see what was in his heart?
Now was the time. He’d spent the past three days studying his heart and he knew Anna Mae held it as surely as he knew anything. He could hold back no longer. She had to know that he loved her.
Josiah pulled the ring box from his pocket and set it on the table. “Things have changed, Annie. Three days ago I walked into a bank and my wife stood between a gunslinger and banking customers. My heart leaped into my throat. I died a slow death. I knew right then and there that if we lived through that bank robbery, I would never let you go. It just took my heart three days to convince my head it was true.” He prayed she’d see all that he felt for her in his smile and eyes.
A lone tear escaped the corner of her eye and slowly trickled down her face. Josiah used his thumb to wipe it away. He continued, “I’ve been an idiot, Annie. I realize that now. I thought I could only ever love one woman. I thought that to love you, I’d have to forget Mary and the relationship we had together. But that was wrong, too.”
“I never want you and the girls to forget Mary,” she protested.
He scooted his chair around the table so that he could wrap his good arm around her shoulder. “Thank you. I’m glad you feel that way.” She rested her head on his chest and it felt good. It felt right. “I need to explain something, so hear me out.”
She leaned back to look up at him. The trust he saw in the depths of her eyes gave him the assurance that Anna Mae was listening to him.
“I grew up without a mother. When I married Mary, she’d run a hand over my hair or touch my arm and I’d feel special, and it fed something that had been missing in my life. The softness of a woman’s touch and the desire to matter to someone. But over time, she was as happy to see me leave on the trail as I was to get away. Neither of us minded being apart for weeks, sometimes even months.”
Josiah kissed Anna Mae’s cheek and smiled secretly to himself when her face reddened. “With you, my precious Annie, I hate leaving you to go to work in the mornings. I’m dying to run home for a bite of lunch, and I really resent the thirty minutes it takes to come home. That’s half an hour I could be spending loving my family.”
“Oh, Josiah, I feel exactly the same.” She snuggled against his side. “When I was engaged to Mark, it felt scary and like I had to do what was required. But when I am with you, I feel safe and happy. It comes naturally to try and make you happy. I search for things that will please you.”
Josiah laughed joyfully. “Don’t look now, Annie, but I think we are in love.” He reached for the ring box and opened it. “Merry Christmas, my sweet Annie.”
She giggled and raised her face. “I love you, too, Josiah. I have for a long time, just was too afraid to admit it to myself and to you.”
All he had to do was lower his head and he could kiss her. Josiah did just that. His lips touched hers and he knew he’d finally found where he belonged. Kissing Anna Mae was as necessary as breathing.
He would have been perfectly content to sit and kiss her all day, but a tugging on his shirt interrupted him. “Tisses!” Rose demanded. “Div me tisses, Papa.”
“Me tisses, too.” Ruby joined in, pushing at her sister to get closer to their papa.
Reluctantly he released his wife. “In the very near future we have to teach them to wait their turn.”
Anna Mae laughed and slipped out of his arms. “I better check on the biscuits while you give these babies their kisses.”
Josiah grabbed her hand and slipped his gift upon it. The ring fit perfectly on her finger. He held her hand for several more seconds. Leaned over and kissed the back of it.
“Peases, tisses,” Ruby begged.
Josiah laughed. He looked up at Anna Mae. Her eyes, as she moved away, promised she wouldn’t be gone long. If she didn’t return soon enough to suit him, he’d just go after her. Simple.
Josiah turned to his girls and gave their little faces kisses. One of the Psalms suddenly came to mind and his heart blessed the Lord. Delight thyself also in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Josiah hadn’t even known what those desires were, but his Father had, and had given him his heart’s desire. His soul sang as he realized that he was loved not just by his little girls, but his Annie loved him, too.