Look, the thing is…have your eyes changed colour? Oh my god…how did they do that? Mine go slightly lighter in the summer as well actually. Anyway, the thing is…I’m just not sure that you’re right for me… it’s not your fault…hey I like my men like I like my food: Chinese with pork balls. (She laughs.)
I’m sorry, what can I say?
It’s not your fault.
All right, I’ll level with you: you remind me of my father. As I said, it’s not strictly your fault. At breakfast this morning you blanked me. I was standing by the cereals and I asked you if you wanted some juice and I smiled at you but you ignored me. And yet last night, you were happy to talk to me for hours; you were full of questions. I thought maybe we had a connection and then this morning – nothing. I feel like an idiot. And I thought…that’s just what my father would do: push/pull, pull/push. Which is, maybe, why I was attracted to you in the first place? I’m sorry – I know this is intense. But seeing as you asked…well, that’s the reason. You’re probably one of the best-looking people I’ve ever met but you’re inconsistent. I’m kinda sick of men like you and I’m sorry that you’re having to take ‘one for the team’ here but do you know what I think you are? A seductive withholder. You seduce and then you withhold. You’re like the 5:2 diet; it’s all feast then famine. Once we’ve thrown our heads back in submission, laughing at your shit jokes, and you know you’ve won, then you subtly footstep away off to find the next unhunted buffalo in the room.
In this instance, just so you know, when I say buffalo I’m referring to females.
In fact, I kinda feel that’s the only reason that we are having this conversation now: you can’t be used to being turned down when you look the way you look, I imagine.
And who knows maybe it’ll work out in the future. You’ll get some therapy. I’ll start doing meditation and learn to chill out and we shall meet again at a time when we have both become the best versions of ourselves. Who knows? Maybe we might even end up running seminars together for other couples and we coach them on how to achieve the same levels of intimacy and commitment as we have. Who knows? Hey, we could make a fortune.
But until such time, I wish you luck. It was nice meeting you and I look forward to meeting both of us in the future but until such time, goodbye.