An extremely nervous woman gets up.
Um…sorry, um, deep breath, (She laughs.) good afternoon…I just wondered (She clears her throat.) I just wondered what the… Oh I should say: it’s a two-part question…is that allowed. (She looks around.) Um, yes…I…sorry…I just wondered what the panel…well, I, sorry…just trying to work out which question to start with…because the lady said that time was limited…just trying to…because they’re both of equal importance.
Pause.
I’ve chosen…yes…sorry.
My first question is to do with moss. Um, we’ve had a moss explosion overnight and I was just wondering what the panel thought about it…sorry…the moss. There is some very anti-moss feeling on the internet but I think, well it’s green, what’s the problem really. It feels nice underfoot but it is messy. Messy moss. Mossy! (She laughs at her own joke.)
We have two bitches and the area where the bitches urinate is actually very lush and moss-free um…but the area beyond that where the bitches don’t tend to urinate is, actually, very, as I have previously said, mossy.
Yes…um…the second question…no…it’s gone. Oh, I’ve remembered. The second question, if there’s time… Oh I did leave the room briefly at the beginning because I had a coughing fit (yes that was me I’m afraid – guilty), so this may have already been covered when I went out because of the coughing, so apologies if this has been covered…I am lead to believe it’s a common problem, so statistically it may have come up. Um…good afternoon, sorry…I’ve said that. What is eating my spathiphyllum? Caterpillar or slug? The plant lives with me in my house but I do occasionally put it outside for a little holiday. It seems to do it the world of good. Having said that, I think this is when the insects take over. I have seen slugs in my house too, especially near the doors. I stood on one last week when I was having a wee in the night and I am not a screamer, I am not a screamer but well…as you can imagine…it was deeply disgusting. Can the panel help with all/any of the above, thank you. Sorry.