So, like, you know how you said that you could hold your breath for four minutes, well I looked it up and David Blaine actually held his for 17 minutes and 3 seconds and that was underwater so like, no offence but four minutes is kind of not that that big a deal, so if I were you I’d stop going on about it, is all, because it’s just not that impressive especially cause you’re not even doing it in water and you’ve mentioned it like seven times since we’ve been going out, and we’ve only been going out properly for like three months, well four if you count the first month when we were going out but I didn’t realise… so, you know, ‘you do the math’. It’s not a criticism, well it is, but…well there’s no but…it’s just a criticism.
And also, sorry to rant, but, that’s not the real reason I came over here, there was something else that I… (Suddenly noticing.) Oh your cold sore’s gone! Oh great, when did that clear up? Oh, good for you!
Yeah, I suppose that does mean we can start kissing again. Yep.
YEY! (Trying to seem pleased.)
Where was I? Right, yeah – the other thing. Well the other thing I had to say was, um…well…the thing is Steve…you eat with your hands!
Um, yeah, I don’t know if you even realise you’re doing it…but you do it all the time. It’s pretty gross. I mean have you got a problem with cutlery, like a fear or…or maybe you have taste buds in you fingers…that would be pretty cool actually, anyway, it doesn’t really matter, the point is, the point is…
I…just don’t think it’s gonna work out between us. I’m really sorry..um..but.. you know…
What?
Why? Well, what d’you mean, why?
Steve, you repeat yourself constantly, you’ve got facial herpes and you eat with your hands! Even Porridge! I mean it’s just weird!
There. I’ve said it.
God, I feel better already, don’t you? Wow, that feels so good to just get it all out there…you know?
Awkward pause.
Yeah, that’s what a cold sore is, herpes, but on the face and stuff. Yeah.
I don’t know if you’re still allowed to wank, Steve, you’d have to ask your doctor…
Look it up!
Well, look, I better go but, you know…good luck with the fun run on Saturday and um…let me know about the wanking thing, oh no actually, I don’t know why I said that, don’t, don’t let me know.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Exit.