I got home about seven o’clock, which is a bit later than usual. I usually get home about ten past six but I was running late that day because I’d got caught in a shower…I don’t mean as in rain, no, I work at Homebase and I’d been showing a customer our new bathroom range when I got stuck in the shower cubicle. Yeah.
Anyway, so I get in and I’m always bursting for a wee when I get in, right, I’ve got a famously small bladder. My Nan says I’ve always been the same – I was like that when I used to come home from school. Which is weird if you think that now, I’m surrounded by toilets all day at work…but they’re just for show – you can’t use the shop ones. There are normal toilets too though obviously, for the staff…or that would be illegal otherwise.
So, our toilet is downstairs behind the kitchen right. So I go in and that’s when I see it: the loo is full of something. At first I’m sort of rooted to the spot really, ’cause I mean I don’t know what it is but I think, well I’ve got a pretty good idea of what it is but, I look again and I notice it’s a really weird colour; a sort of pinky grey. Well the first thing I think is ‘Oh God is Steve ill?! Because whoever’s body that came out of… that is not a well body’ but I go a little bit closer and that’s when I realise…it’s sausages…raw sausages… down the loo.
And, well, I just started laughing really, really laughing like it’s sort of a release…it feels good. Why the hell are there sausages down our loo? Steve has heard me laughing from the other room and he’s come in now and says ‘what is that?’ and I say ‘it’s sausages’ and then he starts laughing too ’cause I’m still laughing as well.
And then I see the window and I work out exactly what had happened which I was almost sad about, you know, like it could have stayed as one of life’s little mysteries. I had left a note for the butcher saying that we would miss the delivery and could he just pop it through kitchen window – ’cause where we live, you can do that sort of thing. And then it all made sense – well he just obviously got the wrong window.
Still – they were really tasty.
The End.