So, if you’d all like to gather round…
Now, as you enter the village, the first thing you’ll notice is that it appears to be falling into the sea. You’ll know this because you’ll see the big signs everywhere saying ‘Danger, Danger’, ‘Enter at Own Risk’ and ‘This Village is Falling into the Sea’. So, how do we know this is actually happening? Well, in my case, I woke up one morning and usually upon waking all I ever get is… (She does seagull/bird noises.) But on this occasion it was more like… (She is silent for a moment.) Silence. No birds. I thought to myself, well the birds are quiet this morning…I’ll go and put some more bread out on the bird table. Opened the back door, no garden: it had fallen into the sea. It was that quick. Starting to get the picture now? Yeah, it’s not easy. It’s not easy to live with: the constant threat of falling into the sea. And rain? Oh, we dread raindrops – oh don’t get me started on rainfall. More rain means more soft mud which means more slip-sliding about. Now, what else can I tell you about…well for those of you that drove here, you’ll notice the big holes appearing in the road, yes? Well, that’s not the council that’s coastal erosion that! But we can’t do anything can we? You can’t fight the elements. Who can you blame? You can’t get a lawyer involved; you can’t be all like, (She mimes being on the phone.) “Oh hello? Is that Mother Nature? It is? Oh great. I’m suing you. Please can you put all other natural processes on hold and be in court first thing, thank you!” (She hangs up carefully.) You just can’t do it can you? Obviously you do feel that you’re in a very precarious position. In a bad storm, it can be extremely scary. Occasionally, you might hear a loud ‘plonk’ noise as another bit of cliff drops off into the sea. It’s like living with a horrible skin disease; I check the cliff edge every morning to see if another bit has flaked off.
I don’t have a particular large frame, right, and I never remember my dreams, but my god last week I had the most vivid nightmare…seemed so real. I dreamt I was walking Abracadabra, my beagle, right, this is a dream now, not real life…I was walking Abracadabra through the park when all of a sudden I fell through the ground, into the sea and I was captured by the big fat octopus witch from the little mermaid cartoon and poor Abracadabra was turned into a seahorse. Now if that’s not a sign of stress then I don’t know what is to be honest.