I’ve lived with Robert now…for about …three months. Going quite well…sorry, De Niro that is, obviously. Robert De Niro to use his full name. I assume some of you will have heard of him…um… perhaps some of you haven’t I dunno. If you haven’t… um…not quite sure what’s happened there. Don’t know what universe you’ve been inhabiting. He’s pretty famous – just go and rent one of his DVDs, you know, any of them – massive body of work. So we met…or just join Love Film, you know the online film-rental service. There’s lots of his films on there. It’s incredibly easy to join. I’m on the 2 DVDs a month for £2.99 deal. Which is just about right for me, you may require more films than that, or less…although I think that’s the minimum…2 a month.
Now, (Starts laughing.) sorry I’m just remembering… it’s such a funny story (Laughs some more.) how we met…so funny! So I’m working in this toy shop in Sudbury, when who should come in through the door but, you’ve guessed it…Bobby De Niro. He says he’s looking for a toy guitar for his nephew. So, I’m showing him all our musical instruments for years 5 and upwards and we’re chatting away, you know and I say, Robert I think you’re an astonishing actor you know…what are you doing in Sudbury? He says, well mainly buying a toy guitar and we both laugh. And then I say, no but seriously Robert, you’re such an astonishing actor, but I was wandering if you’ve ever thought of doing any Shakespeare?
And he goes, and I’m going to do the accent now, so you’ll have to excuse me, he says, ‘I’ve always thought my neck was too short for Shakespeare’.
Which was a slightly odd answer, so then I respond with,
‘But Robert, does the packaging always match the product? This plastic toy guitar here says on the box that it’ll make you the greatest guitar player ever…but you don’t actually believe it do you. It’s what’s inside the box that matters.
‘You’re neck may have thickened but, My God you’re still an astonishing actor, who could play any part they liked. And with that he asked me out for shellfish.
Her phone goes off.
Oh sorry that’s me…(Gets it out of pocket and looks.) It’s Robert.
Hi Robert, I was just saying that…what?
As exiting.
…well of course I’m talking to you. Yes, I’m talking to you. Well who else would I be talking to…there’s no one else here…yes I’m talking to you…
