Sometime between lunch yesterday and Good Morning Las Vegas blaring on my television this morning, something got screwed up. And by something, I mean me.
I mean, Chase and I left off on such a good note. He said he had feelings for me, which, let’s face it, melted my heart. It felt like maybe we’d see what could happen between us, but then all the best-case scenarios eventually bled into the worst. Now, I can’t get it out of my head that building a new relationship based on a lie isn’t the best place to start.
I didn’t plan on real...
While I throw on a simple black pantsuit and twist my locs up into an easy bun, I keep tossing around what course of action to take—I can’t not do anything. It’s Friday, and I won’t make it through the weekend with this on my chest. It’s now or never. Either I tell Spencer this whole relationship with Chase has been a lie and risk losing him or keep up the charade and never know if we could’ve had something.
After applying blush and mascara, I lock up and hop in my car with my stomach tied up in knots. Knowing what I have to do weighs on me. My integrity is at stake here. No matter what my heart is telling me, I have to come clean to Spencer now even if it means sabotaging my career—and my only chance with Chase.
As I veer into the road, I flip on the radio.
Mistletoe memories of just us two. Baby, no matter the season, I love you.
Turning up the volume, I let my favorite singer, Bianca, drown out my worries. I crack my neck, singing along as I ease off the gas, pulling to a stop at a red light just as my phone rings on Bluetooth, cutting off my jam.
“Hey, Ke,” I say to my little sister, Keira. “What’s going on?”
“Morning. Just checking in to see whether you’re going to the parental units’ on Christmas Eve or the actual day,” she says, sounding way too cheery for…7:50.
Damn. No time to stop for good coffee.
I crack my neck and sigh out my frustrations about the coffee. I’m ready for the holiday. I could use more jingle bells and white elephants in my life right now. “Probably Christmas Eve. You know I like to be lazy and watch movies on the day. Why? What were you thinking?”
“Well…”
She trails off, and immediately my shoulders tense. That breathy purr coupled with the fact she’s up before noon can only mean one thing.
“I met a guy!” She squeals into the line like she can barely keep it together long enough to get it out. “Oh my gosh. Riley, when I tell you he is fine, I mean, he is fine.” When she says it, it sounds more like foin. “He’s tall—like basketball player tall—but not scrawny with full lips, hair faded up, and rich, dark skin. He sounds even better than he looks—I mean, from what I can tell. We haven’t actually met in person yet.”
I take a deep breath because I want to be happy for her. I really do, but I’ve read so many studies about the risks of modern dating. Reports of rape linked to online dating increase exponentially each year. It’s not just women required to take so many extra precautions in their search for a soul mate, either. It’s exhausting, and frankly, scary.
“So…”
“And before you even ask how I met him, don’t. You have got to stop worrying about me and that one time, years ago. I’m okay, and I’m meeting him during the day. It’ll be out in the open, with a bunch of people around. I’ll be completely safe.”
That gives me zero comfort.
A billion safety questions pop into my head. Who are you keeping in the loop with all his info and the date plans? Are you driving your own car? How much are you planning to drink? If you do, will you remember not more than two and not to leave your drink unattended? Is there anyone else around for a group date? How about the mace and the pepper spray I gave you? At the very, very least, have you googled him? I know all of that will definitely make her shut down, so I start with the least ominous query.
“Which app was it?” I ask, aiming for breezy, but it comes out overbearing. As usual.
In typical Keira form, she heaves a loud sigh. “See? Ugh. I shouldn’t have even brought it up. This is why I didn’t want to tell you—”
“I’m sorry. I promise, I’m happy for you. You know, I just worry. “
She sucks her teeth loudly into the line. “Whatever. The point is, I’ll be at Mom and Dad’s on Christmas Eve, too. For our first date, Thomas and I are going to the Snowball Jam at the T-Mobile Arena on the holiday.”
“Dang. You got tickets?” I ask, genuinely jealous.
“Yep, and you know Bianca is headlining.”
For a few minutes, I let my sister rub it in my face before I remember all the possible dangers of being at a huge arena with a guy she doesn’t know from Adam.
After I beg her to at least take the lipstick-shaped taser I bought for her last birthday—and because I feel guilty as hell for hover-coptering her—I spend the last three minutes of my drive giving her the CliffsNotes version of my current cluster-fuck of a career and phony relationship.
By the time I pull into my usual space outside the Lovestruck building, I’m out of breath, and still not all the way awake. I need coffee in the worst way. “So, anyway, I’m basically screwed, but I can’t let Chase take the fall for me.”
Naturally, the first question out of her mouth is “Did you kiss him?”
Freaking hopeless romantic.
Why did I open this can of worms? I dart my eyes to the clock on the dashboard. At this point, if there’s any chance of salvaging my job, on top of lying to my boss, lateness is probably not going to help my case.
“Yes, but I don’t have time to get into the details,” I say, tapping the speakerphone widget and cutting the engine, but it’s too late. Keira is already geeked up for her chance to harass me about a guy. “Relax. Did you not hear me say ‘fake relationship?’ He’s just playing the part.”
I feel a tiny pang in my heart saying this given how Chase laid his feelings out on the table for me yesterday.
“Uh-uh. Riley, you kissed in the rain and cussed out a coworker. If anything is fake, it’s this little act you’re putting on for me. You like him. Is he foin?”
She can’t see me, but I roll my eyes because I. Do. Not. Have. Time. For. This. “See? Ugh. This is why I didn’t want to tell you anything,” I say, taking a cue from her book. “I have more important things to worry about right now.” Like my job.
I punch my code into the keypad and quietly shuffle down the hall toward the cubicle maze, stopping short of Spencer’s office. Keira’s still arguing her points—plural—as I peek around the corner through the glass.
Thank the lord, heaven, and stars, he’s not in yet.
A wave of relief washes over me, and I blow out a breath despite Keira’s relentless attempt to help me out of my own way in the dating department.
I’m a professional.
“The way I see it, he’s like the fiery ginger stallion to your fierce ice queen. And with Gremlins and the cookies and shit? It’s a freaking Christmas miracle match made in heaven. Please, I’m begging you not to be a Scrooge Grinch for once and give this dude a chance.”
“I’m about to hang up on—”
“All I’m saying is talk to Chase. See how you feel about him today and if the spark is still there. If not, fine. Go throw yourself under the bus on Monday. If your boss fires you, take the whole week off.”
As I walk out into the open every pair of eyes in the building snap to me. I freeze in place, flitting a glance to Nina whose unblinking brown ones are wide and round as she slowly stands and starts shuffling toward me.
Shit.
“Ke. I gotta go.”
“No one does crazy stuff on Fridays. I’m telling you, you’ll be worried all weekend—” she’s saying as I end the call, cutting her off. I jam the phone into my blazer pocket and brace myself.
When Nina reaches me, she practically shoves me into the lunchroom. The tight smile she flashes Darrell and Charlotte who are lingering near the crap coffee scares them off pretty quickly. Finally, we’re alone.
“What happened?” I ask.
“Are you kidding me? Apparently, Spencer James flew out to the San Diego office last night for some big division meeting. He’s gone until Monday.”
So much for coming clean to Spencer and accepting my ticket to the unemployment line.
Okay, so how does his weekend meeting relate to me?
My shoulders are up to my ears and my eyebrows are up to my hairline. Tell me why I should care.
“Let’s just say, when the cat’s away…” Nina crosses her arms over her chest and pierces me with a pointed stare. “Your girl, Jessica, has been running off at the mouth telling anyone who’ll listen—which basically means everyone—that Chase had you pinned against the side of the building in the rain Tuesday night. Kissing, rubbing, practically loving.” She wiggles her brows.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “What did he say?”
“Holy shit. It’s true. You guys totally hooked up—”
“We kissed. That was all…before I came to my senses. I was actually planning to talk to Spencer today to clear this all up, but I guess I’ll have to wait until Monday.”
Nina’s mouth falls open. “Nope. Don’t even try it. I saw how smitten you were after the whole lunch setup. You totally like him.”
“Oh my gosh. First Keira, now you? I’m too through with you guys. If you…” I break out into laughter, walking away, and raise my volume loud enough for the entire building to hear. “…or if anyone else who needs to get a life wants to know where I am, I’ll be minding my business listening to glorious Christmas songs on repeat at my desk.”
When I step into my cubicle, there’s coffee on my desk. Not the crappy lunchroom stuff. It’s the familiar blue and yellow cup from my favorite café with a neon green Post-it stuck to it.
I let my purse slide down my arm onto my chair and inch close enough to read the shorthand “pepp moch latte” on the cup. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and pick up the note.
Riley, I like you a latte. Meet you under the mistletoe.
Chase
As much as I try, I can’t bite back the shit-eating grin on my face.
“What was that you were saying?”
I peek over at Nina whose expression is one of smug delight. She knew this was waiting for me all along. I was supposed to tell Spencer everything today, but he isn’t here. Unfortunately, or fortunately—I haven’t decided which—Chase is.
The day drags by at a glacial pace to the tune of a wintry wonderland soundtrack. If I have to hear “All I Want for Christmas” one more time, I’m going to gauge my eardrums out with a fucking candy cane.
I get it, Spencer’s out of town, and everyone’s reveling in the holiday spirit and making plans for the weekend, but I’m not exactly in the mood. Yesterday, Riley and I had an amazing time at lunch. I brought her favorite coffee this morning and not a word. Since I haven’t been able to catch her alone, it’s self-quarantine at my desk.
To make matters worse, not only haven’t I been able to talk to Riley, but Jessica Faulkner decided to strike while the iron’s hot and tell everyone Riley and I are in the middle of a “lover’s quarrel.”
Give me a break.
Even with my headphones on, I pretend not to hear them talking or see them staring, but I guess the noise-canceling feature on these things isn’t the best.
“Dang, you got Renee? I’m stuck with Craig,” Darrell says to someone. His deep baritone climbs over the walls of my cubicle. “What’s the gift limit again?”
Not that I was intently listening, but I miss the answer as they walk away. My phone pings beside my computer.
Todd 4:59 pm
If you ever come up for air, let’s grab some beers at the bar next Sunday for the game.
Come up for air? Even my brother knows I’m drowning.
My eyes dart to the scrap of paper I crumpled up and pushed aside near the framed picture of Riley and me. I’ve never once participated in the Secret Santa gift exchange everyone does every year.
So why isn’t the paper in the trash bin?
I groan, just as Nina pops her head over the top of the wall. “Hey, lover boy,” she teases.
“Hey, Nina. How’s it going?” I sit up taller and swivel to face her.
“Better than you two sexually frustrated stubborn asses.” She laughs and darts her eyes to my desk before slowly snapping them back to me. “I see you’re both trying to flake out on Darrell’s Secret Santa party Saturday night.”
I flit a glance over to the wrinkled paper with Riley’s name on it. “Yeah. I’m probably just going to lay low this weekend and maybe get some Christmas shopping done,” I say, knowing good and well I’ve never purchased a gift before December twenty-fourth.
Then, I notice the music is off. It’s quiet. Nina is walking away.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“Home, like normal people do at five o’clock,” she calls over her shoulder. “It’s just you guys still burning the midnight oil.”
Right on cue, someone hits the overhead lights and the building goes dark except for the light from my cubicle…and the one directly across from where Nina sits. Nina is busily digging in her purse. I flip my wrist to check the time. There’s no way it’s…
When did it get so late?
“Damn, I must’ve gotten caught up in this app update.” I recline in my chair clasping my fingers behind my head. “Guess it’s time to pack it in.”
“That’s what she said…” Nina replies and waggles her brows. “I mean, if you guys decide to stay here all weekend, you can always do it on the conference table.”
Not that I wouldn’t mind living out fantasies with Riley, but I’m pretty sure she’s gotta speak to me first.
“Bye, Nina.” I wave her off as she backs away with an expression that can only be read as “make it happen.”
After I slip on my jacket, gather my things, and flip off the light, I take slow deliberate strides toward Riley’s desk. “Hey. Want some company walking out to your car?” I ask.
My voice startles her and she jerks back against her chair with her hand pressed to her chest. “Shoot! Chase. Hey.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, it’s just everyone’s already gone, and I didn’t want you to walk out by yourself.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. Nina just left a few minutes ago. I can probably still catch up to her if you have plans or something.” She swallows, and her tongue dips out to lick her lips. She’s breathless and breathtaking.
I can’t move.
We’re both frozen in the moment waiting for this to be less awkward. I’ve been pretty clear that I want her. After lunch, I thought she might be getting there, too. Then she went silent on me, so now I don’t know. Except, I see the heat in her hooded eyes, the rapid rise and fall of her chest, and the way she’s gripping the chair like she needs something to hold onto… She feels something. She looks…stricken?
Is she afraid?
She almost looks fragile.
Then something hits me like a lightning bolt. The app features. That day Spencer announced the marketing manager vacancy, she mentioned wanting to make it safe for women. Did something happen to her?
My throat feels tight. “Do you want me to leave?” I ask just in case I’ve misread everything, disregarded her boundaries when she’s saying no and I’m only thinking about what I want.
We’re a woman and a man alone at night with no one else around. Even her sitting and me standing, it’s a power shift. It’s off-putting, but somehow, I get the feeling it has nothing to do with me.
Instinctively, I take a step back.
Riley straightens like I’ve just given her the space to breathe. The tension in her shoulders drains slightly at my question. “I’m sorry. No.” She shakes her head like she’s knocking loose a thought, refocusing her surroundings. “No, I don’t want you to leave. You sorta caught me off guard, that’s all.”
This side of Riley is new to me. She’s always so buttoned-up—the tunnel-vision businessperson with her eyes focused on the ball, willing to do whatever she must to realize her goals. This side of her is so firmly on defense. But, against what or who? I don’t know how to reconcile the tentative posture and tight expression with the take-charge woman who kissed me in the rain.
“Do you have much more you need to do before you’re ready to leave?”
“No. I was about to log off anyway.” She starts tapping away at the keyboard, closing out windows, and clearing her calendar before she grabs her purse and keys.
For a second, I’m standing there drumming my fingers on the top of the cubicle wall, weighing how much to say when I notice the shape of her wine-stained lips on the brim of the coffee cup I bought this morning.
“Are you hungry? Maybe we can get a bite and you can tell me what happened today...”
Riley blinks up at me.
Her shoulders curve in slightly. “Pizza?” She flashes me a hopeful smile and I nod.
“Where’d you have in mind?”
She gets her coat on, flips the light switch, and now she’s at my side as we walk toward the exit. “Would you be okay if we ordered in?” Her smile is soft, coy, and her eyes sparkle with newfound amusement.
I toss her a surprised look then decide not to press my good luck.
“Okay. Your place or mine?”
Riley pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. “Do you have Flixshow? They just released the live action Final Tombs movie. We can talk between zombie attacks.”
“Isn’t that based on the video game? You’re a gamer?” I ask, failing to contain the shock in my tone.
A brush of cool air washes over us as we step outside. Our cars are the only two in the lot, but we’re not parked too far apart.
“Don’t sound so amazed. There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Chase Campbell.” So much I want to know. Riley bumps my shoulder and starts backing away toward her car. “Oh, before I forget, I don’t know if you heard Jessica telling everyone we’re having a ‘lover’s quarrel.’” She laughs then gives me a half-shrug, shaking her head. “Well, Nina shut her down and told her we’d be at Darrell’s Secret Santa thing tomorrow night.”
“Okay,” I say, even though seeing my coworkers outside of work sounds like hell.
Riley fishes her keys out from her purse and jingles them in the air. “I hope you didn’t get Craig.” She laughs, rolling her eyes. “Text me your address in case I lose you.”
You won’t.