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Jennifer sat half-awake on the cushy couch in her and Derek’s condominium living room as soft snow shifted out from the grey clouds above. Her eyes were only slits, her vision bleary. Derek stepped out of the kitchen in a pair of high socks, flannel pajama bottoms, and a white T. He passed a mug of coffee to Jen before he dropped a kiss on her cheek and whispered, “You’re just so kind to your friends. I aspire to your kindness.”
“Not overly kind,” Jen corrected. “I just love them to pieces is all and that poor woman...” She shook her head as she outlined more of what had happened with Hannah the previous evening. “Mila conned Camilla into getting us into her hospital room.”
“Sounds like Mila,” Derek replied with the slightest of smiles.
Jennifer sipped her coffee, which was almost as good as the coffee Joel had made her for years on end. Almost.
“You’re getting better about them, aren’t you?” she asked Derek now.
“What do you mean?”
“My best friends. You know them. You know their little intricacies and their senses of humor.”
Derek gave a little shrug before he collapsed on the couch beside her. “To know you and to love you is to love your friends. If I hadn’t caught on to all of that, I have a hunch you would have kicked me to the curb by now.”
Jennifer massaged his upper back lovingly. “You know what? I think you’re right about that,” she teased.
Derek burst into laughter at that. His smile echoed back all the love he felt for her. Just before he leaned in to kiss her, however, Nick jumped out of the guest room in a pair of basketball shorts and an old t-shirt from high school. His dark curls were untamed and mangy, and his eyes were blood-tinged.
“Honey, what’s wrong? What happened?” Jennifer demanded, half-panicked.
“Stacy agreed to go for a walk,” he explained, as though he’d just announced he planned to run for president. He stopped short at the end of the hallway and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know... I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t let me see her since it all happened.”
Jennifer placed her mug of coffee on the side table and stood up to hug her son. Even into his twenties, he still had these moments of deep, impenetrable fears. Jennifer knew well that those fears never really went away.
“Honey, you’ll just do what you’ve always done,” she whispered to him as she hugged him close. “You’ll love each other, and you’ll find a way through this— together.”
With Nick in the shower (his first in what seemed like many days), Jennifer draped her head over Derek’s chest and allowed her eyes to close. What seemed like a split-second later, she opened her eyes to the vision of a fully-cleaned-up, well-dressed Nick, the one reminiscent of the young man who’d just married the love of his life.
“Buy her flowers on the way,” Jennifer said sleepily.
“Oh. Great idea,” Nick affirmed.
“The Oak Bluffs flower shop. Claire...” Jennifer continued.
“Right. Of course. Of course.” Nick dropped down and kissed Jen on the cheek before he headed for the day. “See you later, Derek.”
“Good luck, man.”
After the door clicked closed, Jennifer rolled off of Derek and realized, with a funny jolt of her gut, that she’d drooled all over Derek’s white T. She scrunched her nose with embarrassment. Was she allowed to drool on this man so soon after the beginning of their still-new relationship?
Derek’s eyes glowed with happiness. He seemed to not notice nor care about the drool.
“I think those kids will be okay,” he said then as they shared a smile. After a long pause, he added, “Feels like I haven’t seen you one-on-one in a little while.”
“It’s been a busy time,” Jennifer agreed.
“What do you say we head out for a walk of our own? We can bundle up and grab some coffee and walk along the bay.”
“Sounds romantic,” Jennifer teased.
“That was the idea, yeah,” Derek teased right back.
Jennifer inspected herself in the mirror to find that her makeup job at the hospital was still pretty well intact. She suggested she shower before they headed out, but Derek insisted that they “shower later, together” after the walk. Jennifer’s heart ballooned. How had she gotten so lucky to have this second version of love?
They headed out into the flurries of snow with their gloved hands latched around each other. The snow-flecked across Derek’s hair and made him look more salt-and-pepper than he already was. Jennifer wondered if they’d one day grow old together— or if this was just a temporary thing, as fleeting as the snow that shimmered down and melted on the cement.
Oh, but it wasn’t time to ask such questions. It was time to enjoy the splendor of this day, just two days before Christmas.
“Emma should get in this evening,” Derek told her as they neared the crosswalk. “I hope that bracelet is enough for her present?”
“I picked up a journal and a few books as well,” Jennifer said. “I noticed she was a big reader last time she was here.”
“She’s really taken that on lately,” Derek said proudly. “But it’s amazing you noticed that.”
“I’m a woman. It’s our job to notice these things.”
“I’ve been lucky to be surrounded by beautiful, kind, and considerate women my whole life-long. I don’t know what I did right, but I’m grateful.”
They continued to walk: through downtown and then onward toward the docks, which were now cleared of most of the summer season’s boats. They grabbed two cups of coffee from a nearby vendor and stepped out onto the creaking boards. The Edgartown Lighthouse stood so domineering before them, a reminder of long-lost days of adventurous sailors and whalers, an era the island had lost.
Out on the edge of the dock, Derek kissed her tenderly, placing his hand across her cheek and his other across the small of her back. Jennifer’s knees threatened to give out, as though she was a young woman in a Regency novel and not the forty-two-year-old divorcee she actually was. How easy it was, sometimes, to fall into a daydream.
When they stepped off the dock a few minutes later, Jennifer stopped short at a familiar sight along the boardwalk.
There before them, dressed in a thick dark green winter coat she’d purchased on sale several years before, was her ex-husband, Joel. His eyes widened with surprise. Derek stepped up beside her, noticed Joel, and halted as well. It felt like a stand-off, like they were a car and Joel was a moose in their way.
“Hi!” Jennifer greeted him brightly.
“Hi there.”
Joel stepped toward her and Jennifer gave him a less-than-passionate hug, as she didn’t want to get too into it in front of Derek. It felt cold when compared to the life they’d lived together. Immediately afterward, Joel and Derek shook hands.
“What are you doing out here?” Jennifer asked, trying to keep the energy up.
“Just out for a walk. Wanted to see the snow,” Joel replied, hands shoved deep in his pockets.
“Same.” Jennifer twirled a strand of red hair around her ear and felt the weight of time between them. How many walks had she and Joel shared in the rain, sleet, snow, and sun? Hundreds, if not thousands, maybe. How strange that they probably wouldn’t walk together again, not in the same way. She also remembered the rumor that he and Renée had broken up recently. Was she rubbing her new relationship in his face?
“Nick’s with Stacy right now,” Jennifer finally added. “They’re going to try to patch things up.”
“Gosh, that’s good to hear,” Joel said. “Nick’s been so unresponsive to my text messages and calls this week.”
“He hasn’t been responsive to us, either, from inside the guest room,” Jennifer countered.
Joel’s eyes turned toward Derek, echoing the strangeness of the situation. Probably, it was difficult for Joel to know that Derek had had more access to his grieving son than he’d had.
“Well, I hope you’ll tell him I said hi,” Joel finally added.
Jennifer’s eyes filled with tears just then. “Of course. I’m sure he’ll call you.”
“Sure.” Joel adjusted his dark yellow winter cap. “By the way, maybe you heard, but me and Renée broke up.”
“That’s really too bad, Joel. I’m really sorry to hear that. I liked her.”
“Yeah. I did, too.” Joel shoved both hands into his pockets again. “Well, I’d better keep walking. Lots of Christmas cookies to eat over the next few days. My mom went a little wild with it this year.”
“Right. Well. Hope to see you around soon,” Jennifer said.
With Joel far down the boardwalk and Jennifer and Derek headed in the opposite direction, Jennifer felt a strange coldness stretch over her stomach. She squeezed harder on Derek’s hand without fully realizing it until he stopped short yet again and turned his eyes toward hers.
“Jennifer. Can I ask you a question?”
Jennifer’s lips parted in surprise. “Of course. Anything.”
Derek stuttered at first. “I’m sure this has all been a whirlwind for you. Selling the house, you had with him and Nick. Ending your marriage and moving in with me. And I just have to be sure because I’ve heard stories about you and Joel ever since I met you. You don’t want to get back together with him. Do you?”
Jennifer was surprised that Derek had sensed any hesitation within her at all. She’d expected that she’d hidden it well enough, in a dark, shadowy place within her soul.
But Derek was better than to be lied to.
“It’s been a whirlwind,” Jennifer agreed. “And to be honest with you, sometimes I feel very, very sad that my marriage fell apart.”
Derek’s face didn’t fidget. He seemed to have expected this somehow and prepared for the worst.
“But my sorrow over my marriage has nothing to do with you or with us,” she continued. “You’ve given me something to hope for. You’ve taught me that things can grow and change, that sometimes what life gives you isn’t what you expected. Sometimes, what life gives you is even better than what you planned for.”
Derek’s eyes watered with tears. “Thank you for being honest with me.”
“I love you, Derek. I really do. You’re beyond this island girl’s wildest dreams. I just wish— I wish sometimes you were linked to those other parts of my life that I loved so much.”
“Like your sister,” Derek murmured.
“Yes. But I know you’ve lost people you’ve loved— your wife. I can only imagine what you felt for her. I can only imagine what it was like to lose her. And I feel so grateful that you’ve allowed space in your heart for me.”
They held one another’s gaze for a long moment. Derek’s thumb traced a line over her cheek. He seemed captivated by her. But just before he dropped his head over hers for a kiss, he twitched his eyes over in such a way that Jennifer was forced to turn around to see what had grabbed him.
Two blocks away, seated on a bench as the snow floated down around them, were Nick and Stacy.
Stacy’s forehead was pressed against Nick’s chest as her little frame shook against him. His sturdy hand-stretched over her back as he held her tightly against him. He was her calm in the midst of a horrible storm. Now, he was allowed to do what he’d wanted to do since the miscarriage had happened.
“Look at them,” Jennifer whispered. “They have all they need.”
Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulder and held her tightly as they took in the view of the young married couple. Jennifer’s heart swelled with love for them.
“I hope you know I’ll be there for you through thick and thin, too,” Derek murmured. “Whatever life throws at us. We can handle it. Together.”