CHAPTER 2

Lucy and Gru sped through the water in their miniature submarines. Behind them in a miniature submarine, two of Gru’s Minions, Tony and Steve, cut through a patch of seaweed. They were doing surveillance for the Anti-Villain League, also known as the AVL. Now that Gru had changed his life for the better, he made his living capturing villains across the globe.

The radio crackled. They heard their boss from AVL, Silas Ramsbottom, speaking to someone. “Balthazar Bratt! Blast it! The Dupont Diamond is on that ship!” he said. “I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately.”

Lucy scanned the radar, realizing he was talking about a tanker ship nearby. They’d been patrolling the ocean in case something like this happened. Gru had gone up against Balthazar Bratt before, and he was ready to do it again.

“We’re already here!” Lucy said into her earpiece. “Agents Grucy are closing in fast.”

“Yes—wait, wha? What did you call us?” her husband, Gru, asked.

“Grucy. You know, Gru and Lucy mushed together. Try it,” Lucy urged.

“Haha. I like it, but not a lot,” Gru said. “I don’t like it.”

They rushed across the ocean, finally coming up when they were just yards from the massive ship. It was covered in Bratt’s signature gooey pink gum. It bubbled and oozed in places and was filled with a toxic gas that resembled helium, which caused the ship to float. The ship rose up out of the water, higher and higher in the air. Lucy and Gru could see Balthazar Bratt climbing the staircase on deck, the Dupont Diamond in his hands.

“He’s getting away!!” Gru cried.

“That’s what he thinks,” Lucy said. Their mini-subs transformed into high-tech rocket-powered hydra-cycles. Tony and Steve’s mini-submarine turned into a waterwheel bicycle.

“Wahooo!” Tony and Steve screamed. “Go, go, go!”

Lucy had her foot pressed down on the gas, pushing the engine as far as it would go. They were moving as fast as they could, but the giant ship was already out of the water. It floated higher with each passing second.

“Get ready!” she yelled as they approached.

Gru looked at his wife. “Get ready for whaaa—”

Lucy hit a button on the dash, blasting the water beneath their hydra-cycles. Gru, Tony, and Steve were ejected and were sent flying through the air toward the ship. Gru landed on the deck, but the Minions were so light they flew a hundred yards farther, crashing down on a tourist beach.

Gru had barely gotten up when he heard a familiar voice.

“Hello, Gru,” Balthazar sneered. “How’s your transition coming? You know, from world’s worst villain to world’s worst agent?”

“Oh, that’s hilarious!” Gru said, striking back. “You should be on TV! Oh, that’s right, you were—but then you got canceled.”

Balthazar pointed his huge gun at Gru, but Gru punched him before he could shoot. Then Gru pulled out an even bigger gun. Balthazar knocked that out of his hand and drew an even bigger gun.

Gru pushed it away from him. Then he reached into his pocket, pulling out… a green plastic water gun. Not quite what he was expecting.

“Oh! Girls…,” he said, realizing Agnes or Edith must’ve put it in there.

Gru squirted Bratt, but then he threw the gun at Bratt’s face. Gru went to punch Bratt, but Bratt managed to dodge his blows.

“Dance fight!” Bratt yelled.

The two danced and fought, and danced and fought some more. Then Gru saw his chance. He punched Bratt right in his nose, knocking him out cold. He laughed as he picked up the Dupont Diamond.

“Alpha team,” he said into his headset. “The diamond is secure. Come and pick up the package.”

Within minutes, Gru spotted helicopters in the distance, approaching the floating ship. The AVL team had gotten him support faster than he’d hoped. He was so happy that it took him a second to notice Bratt standing behind him. His Keytar was aimed at Gru’s chest. The weapon was a cross between a guitar and a keyboard, and it created sounds so powerful they could bring a man to his knees.

“Did you actually think I was unconscious?” Bratt asked. “It’s called acting, hoser! And clearly I’ve still got it!”

He laughed as he played his Keytar, which sent out a sonic blast at Gru. It was so intense Gru fell off the ship, and his clothes ripped off his body piece by piece. First his shirt… then his pants. His shoes… his socks. Even his underwear.

Let’s just say it was a teensy bit embarrassing.

He kept falling, naked as a baby, over the side of the ship. He bounced off a bubble-gum bubble on the way down. The gum stuck to his butt, which kept him from falling another hundred yards to his death. Gru hung from the ship by one gooey glob of gum.

Balthazar Bratt stared down at Gru. He laughed hysterically. “I’ve been a baaaaaaaad boy!” he yelled.

Just then the AVL helicopters descended on the ship deck. Agents surrounded Bratt. “Freeze! Don’t move!” one yelled.

But Bratt just leapt off the deck of the ship. He activated his wingsuit, flying out over the ocean. “This isn’t over, Gru!” he called out behind him. “You hear me? This is not over!”

“Well, I still have the diamond!” Gru yelled. He held it tight as the ship floated through the city. He was hanging, still secured by the sticky piece of gum. The ship floated on, passing a skyscraper. Inside it a dozen office workers were celebrating someone’s birthday. They pointed and laughed at Gru as he floated past their window.

“Happy birthday, dear Daaaaaan,” Gru sang quietly to himself as he tried to pretend he wasn’t naked. “Happy birthday to you.”