CHAPTER 16

During the next week, Abigail didn’t see Asa. Not that she expected to. He was busy working at Barton Plastics, and she was busy with her job at the store and weaving and knitting when she wasn’t working there. Sadie was happy to see that Abigail was taking the bookkeeping seriously. “I’m glad you decided to write down the items on the spreadsheet,” she said after Abigail had rung up a customer who bought one of Sol’s birdhouses.

“I know. I should have been doing it more consistently before now.” Which was true. But she had forgotten to do it before. Or more accurately, she couldn’t be bothered. But after seeing what Asa had done with her own receipts, she realized it would be a lot easier to keep up with everything if she focused on keeping good records.

It’s a start . . .

Her face reddened as she remembered his note, then remembered the kiss. It was nearly a week since he’d kissed her, and she was in her room working on a rag rug, this one a little more colorful than she’d made before. She’d ordered the fabric last week, and the light pinks, blues, greens, and yellows would be perfect for a baby or child’s room. As she wove she tried to focus on the rug and not on Asa, or his kiss, or the way she felt as he had showed her in the mirror what he liked about her.

She had a hard time believing he was serious, mostly because it didn’t make sense. It’s not like they were friends growing up. Or that they had spent enough time together for there to be a connection between them. But their kiss had proven there was.

After working on the rug for an hour, she glanced out the window. The sun was shining. It had been such a snowy, cold, and dreary winter, including this whole month of March, that she couldn’t resist standing by the window and basking in the sunlight. There was plenty of snow on the ground, but it was melting, and the icicles that hung from the roof were steadily dripping. She glanced at the small clock on her bedside table. Lunchtime.

She went to the kitchen and started preparing lunch for her, Sadie, and Aden. She wasn’t a good cook like Joanna. She was barely a passable one. But Sadie and Aden had been very busy this week and she had taken over the meal preparation. Today they were having leftover vegetable soup and cheese sandwiches.

She’d set the soup pot on the stove when she heard a knock on the back door. It was Sol. She opened the door and let him in. “Hi,” she said, then went back to the stove in the kitchen. She adjusted the heat underneath the pot.

“Hi.” He didn’t come far into the kitchen, as was Sol’s usual way. She glanced at him again. Was he waiting for an invitation? “Do you need something?”

“Sadie mentioned that Asa Bontrager was helping you with yer bookkeeping.”

Abigail paused, then nodded. “Ya.”

“How’s that working out for you?”

The kiss flashed in her mind and she almost let out a sigh. Checking herself, she said, “He knows what he’s doing.” He sure does . . .

Sol’s brow furrowed. “Think he’d mind giving me some advice? I haven’t had time to keep track of mei books—been too busy making the birdhouses.”

“Sure. I know for a fact he’d want to.”

“If you see him before me, could you let him know?”

Abigail didn’t plan to see him at all, but she nodded. “Ya. Do you want some lunch?”

He shook his head. “I just dropped off a few more birdhouses. I usually eat lunch with Mamm anyway.”

Abigail smiled. She appreciated Sol’s devotion to his mother. “If you ever change yer mind, you’re welcome anytime. Rhoda too.”

“Danki.” His mouth quirked in a small smile and there was a little life in his green eyes. He was nice-looking. But nothing compared to Asa.

She had to throw up a mental stop sign. And she had to figure out how to get Asa out of her mind.

Sol left, and Abigail continued preparing lunch. She was setting out bowls when she heard another knock on the back door and gripped the edge of a bowl midair. She set down the bowl, walked through the mudroom, and saw Asa. What was he doing here? He waved at her through the door’s window, but she couldn’t move. She also couldn’t let him stand outside. When she opened the door, a gust of cold wind blew in. It might be sunny outside and spring on the calendar, but winter wasn’t ready to let go. “Why aren’t you at work?”

“Hello to you too.” But he grinned as he said the words and shut the door behind him. “I took half a day off.” He peered around her shoulder. “Something smells delicious.”

“I’m making lunch—”

“Gut. I’m starving.”

“I don’t remember inviting you to stay.”

His grin widened. “You haven’t asked me to leave either.” Then his smile dimmed. “You’re not, are you?”

He looked so earnest and worried she forgot her nervousness. “Nee. You don’t have to leave.”

He walked inside and slipped off his coat. When she took it from him, he moved toward her and she instinctively backed up to the counter. Surely he wasn’t going to kiss her right here in the kitchen when Sadie could walk in on them at any time? And if she was so worried about that, then why was she licking her lips, preparing herself for his kiss?

But he didn’t. He kept a respectable distance between them, despite the fact that she could see he wanted the same thing she did.

“Maybe this isn’t such a gut idea,” she said.

“So you are avoiding me.”

She held on to his coat. “Nee. We’ve both been working. That’s not avoiding.”

“You haven’t been over to see Joanna this week.”

Usually she tried to visit Joanna at least once during the week. The bad weather this winter had kept her off that schedule, but that wasn’t the case this week. She’d kept her distance from her sister for a good reason. “How do you know I haven’t seen her?”

“Because I went by each evening to see if you were there.”

Her breath caught.

“Don’t worry. They didn’t know I was there for you. I have a standing invitation to supper over there. It’s nice not to have to eat alone.” He took one step forward. “But every night I hoped you would be there.”

Any other time she would appreciate such straightforwardness. But this was too overwhelming. “Asa,” she said, her voice sounding raspy and dry. She swallowed and tried again. “I think we should forget what happened the other day.”

“Did you want yer receipts organized another way?”

“I’m not talking about that and you know it.”

He nodded and took off his hat, then ran his fingers through his dark hair, which fluffed up the locks and made him look irresistible. Was he doing that on purpose? She turned away. “Sadie should be here any minute.”

“Is that yer way of warning me not to kiss you?”

She jerked her head toward him. “N-nee—”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to. I did want to talk to you about it, though.”

She folded his coat over her arm, hugging it tightly against her. “Why do we need to talk about it?”

“Why not?”

Because I want you to kiss me again. “Because it’s weird . . . talking about kissing. People don’t talk about stuff like that. It’s too . . . personal.”

He took another step toward her, and out of the corner of her eye she could see him lay his hat down on the counter. “I don’t want you to think I geh around kissing just anybody.”

That thought had crossed her mind. She was sure he’d had plenty of girlfriends in the past. Someone as kind and fun to be around as he was probably had every woman in Shipshewana after him.

“Actually,” he continued. “You’re the first maedel I’ve ever kissed.”

She rolled her eyes. Did he really expect her to believe that? When she and Joel first kissed, it had been awkward, mostly for her because she had no idea what she was doing. Kissing Asa had been different. There was more tenderness, more . . . everything. Which made her think he had a lot of experience. But when she looked at him, doubt crept in. Gone was the easy confidence he’d had when he first arrived. He seemed bashful. Even a little lost. She realized he was telling the truth. “I’m yer first kiss?”

“Ya.”

“But I thought . . .” She couldn’t admit she was thinking he was some kind of Amish ladies’ man. “I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“I’m glad it was with you. And I know you’re still getting over Joel and I don’t want to push you, but I can’t be anything but honest with you. I care about you. I want to spend time with you. I want to date you. I want to be yer boyfriend. I want . . .” He paused. “I want . . .”

The kitchen door opened and Sadie came inside. “Something smells gut.” She looked at Asa. “Hi,” she said, looking a little surprised. “I didn’t know you were here.”

Asa took a step back and smiled as if he hadn’t said some of the most amazing words she’d ever heard. “I wanted to ask Abigail if she needed any more help with her record keeping.” He looked at Abigail. “Right?”

Abigail slowly nodded. Apparently he didn’t mind telling a little white lie to Sadie. Which was good since Abigail’s mouth couldn’t form a single word.

“What a great idea,” Sadie replied. “Whatever you said to her last week is working. She’s recording all the sales now so we can keep better track of inventory, and she’s like a new person behind the cash register.”

Asa glanced at Abigail, a twinkle in his eye. “Is that so?”

“Ya.” Sadie sat at the table. “You’re staying for lunch, then?”

“If it’s all right with Abigail.”

“Ya.” At least she could say that. She left the kitchen to hang up Asa’s coat, still reeling from what he’d told her.

When she returned, Sadie and Asa sat at the table and started talking about accounting. It wasn’t long before the conversation went over her head and she focused on serving lunch, which was better than thinking about her confused emotions. She put Asa’s bowl in front of him, but he barely noticed.

“So you’re looking at outside investments?” he asked Sadie, who at least touched her spoon when she glanced at her bowl.

“Not necessarily. More like expansion, and allowing more cottage industries to be featured in the store. It’s not all about the money.”

“What system are you using to keep track of the different accounts?”

Abigail put the plate of sandwiches on the table and then sat down as Sadie explained some kind of accounting system that sounded complex and detailed. But Asa was listening with rapt attention. He was interested in what Sadie was saying, and she seemed eager to talk about it.

Abigail cleared her throat. “Lunch is ready. Soup’s probably getting cold.”

They both looked at her as if her words had brought them out of some accounting dreamland where everything was numbers and lists and balance sheets and dollar signs. She bowed her head in silent prayer. Then they began to eat.

Sadie and Asa continued their conversation during the meal until Abigail’s eyes glazed over. While Asa was talking about things she didn’t understand and, honestly, thought were as exciting as watching a mopped floor dry, she noted his enthusiasm. He really did have a passion for bookkeeping, and it didn’t matter that it didn’t make sense to her. She liked seeing him fully engaged, confident and knowledgeable. There was so much to admire about him. His intelligence, his ability to be there when she needed him, and his honesty. She had been on the receiving end of betrayal. She wouldn’t go through that again.

Perhaps with Asa, she wouldn’t have to. But it wouldn’t be wise to get involved with him. She had to follow her mind, not her emotions. She didn’t understand why he was interested in her. She didn’t have beauty or brains. Not that she was stupid, but she wasn’t as bright as him. Why, out of all the women in Birch Creek and Shipshewana, had he chosen her to kiss? To date? It didn’t make sense.

Sadie finished her soup and sandwich and stood. “I better get back to the store.” She looked at Abigail. “Do you mind if I take Aden’s lunch to him? He wants to redo the tool display again, and he’s been spending the morning taking measurements. When he gets like this I can’t get him to take a break to eat. I figure if I take the food to him there’s a fifty-fifty chance he’ll eat it.”

“Sure.” Abigail found a thick plastic bowl with a lid and poured soup into it, then set a cheese sandwich on top.

“Danki,” Sadie said. As she headed for the mudroom, she added, “I appreciate the ideas, Asa. I think it will really help make the accounting more streamlined.”

Asa beamed as Sadie left. He seemed genuinely flattered and more than a little surprised.

Then he turned to see her looking at him and got up from the chair. “We need to finish our conversation.”

“Ya, we do.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “Asa, we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

Every good emotion he’d felt at Sadie’s compliments disappeared with Abigail’s words. “What? That’s not what I meant at all.”

“I know. You said you wanted to be mei boyfriend. I don’t want a boyfriend.” She shrugged, as if what she said carried little weight.

But she wasn’t looking at him and he knew she wasn’t as casual as she was trying to be. “Why are you pushing me away?” Impatience entered his tone, but he was getting irritated. Before Sadie had interrupted him he was about to pour out his heart. He’d already given her half of it. He was about to tell her he loved her. That he wanted to marry her. It wasn’t logical because they hadn’t even had one date. But life wasn’t always predictable and orderly. He was learning that lesson fast.

She faced him, her mouth drawn tight. “You must not be used to being rejected,” she said, sounding snide and very much unlike herself.

“If you’re trying to hurt me, you’re doing a gut job.” That honesty thing again. This is getting old, Lord.

Her features softened. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Then don’t act like mei feelings aren’t important.” He turned away from her and gripped the side of the counter. He’d been taught all his life not to be prideful. And he really thought he hadn’t been. But chasing after Abigail Schrock was chipping away at his ego and he felt pain with each blow.

He felt her hand on his shoulder and he closed his eyes. He hadn’t lost her after all. He turned and faced her, putting his hand over hers. When he came over today, he vowed not to get too close. She was like fire to him, both magnetic and dangerous. The kiss they’d shared last week had been heady. Feeling her soft hand underneath his palm, he realized that no matter the blows to his ego, no matter how vulnerable he had to be, no matter how impulsive he was acting, he would do anything to spend the rest of his life with her.

“I don’t understand you,” she said, looking up at him with those chocolate-brown eyes he loved so much. “We don’t know each other very well. We don’t have anything in common.” She let out a bitter chuckle. “I had nee idea what you and Sadie were talking about during lunch.”

“I could teach you.”

She shook her head. “I’m not interested in learning. Don’t get me wrong. I respect yer knowledge. I know how smart you are.” She bit her bottom lip. “A lot smarter than me.”

His eyes widened. He’d never been called smart. Not by his parents, not by his teachers, not by his employers. He’d always done a good job and he’d been complimented on his work ethic. But Asa Bontrager and smart weren’t used in the same sentence. “Danki,” he said, her compliment touching him almost as much as her kiss had.

“For what?”

He removed her hand from his shoulder but didn’t release it. “Nee one has ever said I was smart before.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“It’s true.” He sighed, barely aware that he was rubbing his thumb over part of her hand and that she wasn’t pushing him away. “People always assume things come easy to me. They definitely don’t.” Like loving you. He gave her a rueful grin. “I’ve actually spent the past four years studying accounting. I read every book I could find on the subject. Back in Indiana I became friends with one of the bank officers and we would have lunch and talk about investments and . . . I know, you’re not interested.”

She squeezed his hand. “Geh on.”

“When I was in Shipshe I mentioned to mei parents that I wanted to quit the factory and open mei own bookkeeping business. That was met with very little enthusiasm. Mamm was worried I wouldn’t make enough money to support a family. Daed didn’t understand why I was interested in ‘all those numbers and stuff.’ He said that was for smart people, and I was better off at the factory.”

“That was insulting.”

He was pleased she was indignant on his behalf, but he had to set her straight. “He wasn’t insulting me. He was concerned about mei future. And to be honest, growing up it wasn’t like I had mei nose in a book all the time.”

“So school did come easy to you.”

“Up to eighth grade, anyway. So I stayed at the factory. Security is very important to mei parents. It’s why we went to Shipshe in the first place. Daed lost his job here. He had a gut job at the RV factory, and I had one too. He didn’t want me losing that.”

“Even though you don’t want to do factory work.”

“Sometimes what you want doesn’t matter. Other times . . .” He couldn’t finish the thought. He could only stare at her, lost in the beauty of her face, the way she made him feel as he told her something he’d never told anyone, not even Andrew. She made him feel safe. Respected. That she could look beyond his outer shell and see what was on the inside.

“Asa.” She pulled her hand out of his. “There’s nix keeping you from being an accountant. Sol was here earlier. He needs someone to keep his books. Maybe Andrew does too, and Joanna. Her baked goods have been selling very well, better than mei rugs and the birdhouses.” She smiled. “I’m sure you can find enough clients in Birch Creek to open yer own business.”

“You think so?” Was this another reason God had wanted him to come to Birch Creek? So he could find the courage to pursue his true passion? He’d never put that together before, but here was Abigail, gently pushing him in that direction.

“Absolutely. You should do what you want to do. What you’re called to do. Life is too short not to.” Her voice softened to a sweet, melancholy lilt. “You never know when you might lose the chance. Or never have the chance at all.”

He knew she was thinking about her parents. He reached out to touch her again, but when she tried to pull away, he held on to her hand and closed the space between them.

“What are you doing?” Her eyes grew round with surprise.

“Taking mei chances.” He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. He loved the softness of her face, her sweet roundness. “I was serious about what I said before. I want to be yer”—he almost messed up and said husband, but he caught himself in time—“boyfriend. And before you say we don’t know each other or we don’t have anything in common, I’m telling you we do. We can get to know each other better and we can start by me taking you home from church on Sunday.”

“I don’t want a boyfriend.” But she sounded less sure now. And she wasn’t moving away from him.

“You already told me that. Now tell me to mei face that you don’t feel anything when we’re together.” He lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “That the kiss we shared meant nix to you. Tell me that, and I’ll walk away right now.”

Asa was good. He was really good. Her heart was in her throat as he looked at her, still holding her hand, her cheek tingling from where he had touched her. His gray eyes were once again at half-mast, his smile confident without being cocky. She would have found all this endearing and amusing if she wasn’t scared to death.

“I . . .” He was right. She couldn’t lie and say there was nothing between them, that she hadn’t felt the connection even though it didn’t make any sense. “I can’t tell you that.”

His grin widened, but she didn’t feel any better. Six months ago she’d been ready and eager to marry Joel. Now she was kissing someone else, completely forgetting that Joel even existed. That had to be wrong.

“We’re meant to be together, Abigail,” Asa said.

“How do you know?”

“Because . . .” Something passed over his expression, something she couldn’t decipher. Then it cleared and he brought her hand to his chest, flattening her palm against his heart. “I feel it. Here.”

She felt it too. The thrumming of his heartbeat, as if he’d run a race. A person couldn’t fake that kind of reaction. She knew it because her heart was beating in the same frantic rhythm.

“We’ll take everything slow.” He moved her hand from his chest and stood back. “We can start with a ride home Sunday afternoon. Maybe a rematch of Dutch Blitz one evening next week.”

His promise made her relax a bit. Slow. She liked that idea. She also liked the idea of spending time with him doing something fun, like playing cards. “You’re ready to lose again?” she said, this time not bothering to mask her smile.

“Nee. I’m ready to win.”

There was a double meaning to his words. But before she could agree to anything, she had to be clear. “I can’t let mei heart get broken again.”

“Your heart is safe with me,” he said with absolute seriousness. “I promise.”

Joel had promised her too. But Asa wasn’t Joel. Asa made her feel more than Joel ever had, and she wanted to hold on to this feeling forever. Which was why she couldn’t bear it if he rejected her.

You never know when you might lose the chance.

She needed to take her own advice. “All right,” she said. “One ride home from church, and one rematch of Dutch Blitz. That’s all I’m agreeing to.”

He grinned and grabbed his hat. “That’s enough. I’ll see you Sunday.”

After he left she sat down at the table, hoping she had made the right decision.