CHAPTER 7

DANE

 

When Tex left me at the playground, I had Asia come scoop me up in, The Tin Man, an old Ford Escort Wagon that I only used when I ain’t have a choice. I bought it from a pipehead up the block for a hundred dollars when he was trying to get a rock. It cut off for no reason, smelled like an old man, and was the ugliest thing I ever saw in my life—but it was also all mine.

Me and Asia are riding around trying to find Tex, so that I can talk some sense into him. We been up and down the streets of DC, and every time I pass a nigga who looks like him, I get annoyed. Why he gotta act fucked up just ‘cause I wanna better life for myself? And then there’s the part of me that knows what we went through in that house, when Marvin left. I feel guilty. I’m starting to think that going to college now, is not the right time.

“I can’t believe your brother is doing this,” Asia says looking out of her window. “This is so juvenile. He knew he was going to upset you if he left like that, and that’s exactly what he did. Didn’t he? He made you mad right?”

Here she goes with the dumb shit.

“You know how Tex is. He wear his feelings on his sleeve but he’ll come around.” I pull up on some dude who is wearing a similar blue shirt. Once again it’s not him. “Tex will come ‘round.”

She looks at me. “So it really doesn’t matter that he does this kind of shit all of the time?”

“What you getting at?”

“Are you having second thoughts about leaving for college? Because if you are, you need to rethink this whole thing.” She brushes her long hair out of her face with her fingers. “Tex has been pulling this shit since the first day I got with you. Whenever he can’t get his way, he tries to make you feel guilty. Sooner or later you’re going to have to cut ties with him, baby. Maybe now is the time. And when you come back from school, hopefully by then he will have come to his senses.”

My jaw tightens. “Do I tell you to cut your aunt off, even though she steals out of your purse every payday, because she can’t stop the kleptomaniac voices from talking in her head?”

“Dane, that’s—”

“Do I tell you to stop visiting your cousin, JB, even though it’s obvious that he wants to fuck you? Did I tell you to drop your best friend, even though the bitch always got something to say about our relationship, even though she’s sharing her nigga with her own mother?” She doesn’t answer. “Do I, Asia?”

“No.” her head drops.

“And you know why I don’t do that?” I look over at her as I continue to drive the car. “I don’t do it because that’s your life and this is mine. So if I can respect you, why the fuck can’t you respect me?”

“Because I’m scared for you, Dane.”

“Scared of what?” I shrug. “I’m a grown as man.”

“I’m scared you’re not going to go.”

I look out ahead of me. I remember the dream my brother had about us getting a new house, and living a better life. If I left Tex right now, he would do this type of sporadic shit all of the time, except I wouldn’t be around to help him. “I can’t do this to him right now, Asia. He needs me.”

“What does he have over you?”

“It ain’t about that.” I pull the car over and park. “When that nigga who called himself our father left, it was me who took care of Tex. And he’s not ready to let me go.”

“You’re gonna give up everything. For a grown ass man?”

I’m done arguing with her. “Aye, Asia, what’s the rule on me waiting until later to go to college? Would the scholarship still be available, if I went next year or something?” I pull off to look for Tex again.

She looks at me with evil eyes. “You’re serious aren’t you?”

“I’m asking ain’t I?”

“Stop the car, Dane.”

I don’t. Asia does this shit all of the time. We’ll get into an argument, and when she can’t get her way, she threatens to jump out while I’m driving. I’m trying to find my brother, and I don’t have time for this shit right now either, so I keep it moving. She always talking about Tex giving me shit, but she the same way.

“Dane, I’m not fucking around. Either stop or I’m jumping out.”

“If I pull this car over I’m not kissing your ass this time. I’m not gonna be driving behind you, while you fast walk up the street. I’m done with that shit.”

“Nigga, you don’t have to do shit but leave me the fuck alone,” she yells, hitting me in the arm. “I ain’t asking you to kiss my ass.”

This bitch gonna make me kill her! Whenever she gets mad, she places her hands on me, and I’m sick of this shit. Now if I crack her jaw, I’d be wrong. But instead of laying hands on her, and being as ignorant as she is, I pull over in front of a liquor store.

Instead of getting out she looks at me. “Dane, you need to make a decision right here and right now.” She points down. “Either you gonna pick me and go to college, or it’s over between us tonight.” She points at me. “I’m not gonna spend the rest of my life trying to compete with your brother anymore. I’m done with them games. So what’s it gonna be?”

I look over at her. I don’t say anything at first, because I want to stare at her pretty face. And then I say, “Get out, bitch, it’s over.”

The tears that fill up in her eyes are immediate. Before long they’re rolling down her face. “You really want me to walk out of your life forever? Because if I do, I’m not coming back, Dane.”

I turn toward my window. I can’t look at her face anymore. “Bounce, Asia. I got more important things to do like find my brother. Blood is thicker than cum. Remember that shit.”

When she gets out, I pull off before she can change her mind. I can hear her cries halfway up the block, but I don’t stop. When I can’t see her anymore, I remember the nigga who has been on the news lately, for raping girls in this neighborhood. My heart tugs and I’m tempted to go back and look for her. But, Asia gotta stop with the ultimatums. She can’t come in the way of my brother, no matter what. And if I go back she always will.

I’m driving for an hour, and I still don’t see Tex. I figure he’ll come home when he’s ready. Since I don’t feel like going home, because I’m not trying to be around Ray-Ray who’s always at our house, or my mother, I call Memory, a girl I met at the shoe repair store, when I was getting my Timbs cleaned awhile back in Baltimore. It wasn’t long before I had her right where I wanted her. She got fired for cleaning my shoes for free, and ended up starting her side business, selling socks at the Baltimore flea market.

I take my phone out of my pocket and dial her number. When I hear her voice I say, “Memory…”

“Hey, sexy, I’m fucking you tonight?” she asks.

I smile. I got a fetish for women who say what’s on their minds, and she is famous for it. “That’s what I’m calling you for. What you over there doing?”

“Nothing that can’t be stopped for you.”

“You talk a lot of shit.”

“It’s true, plus I got a few steaks in the oven, some homemade mash potatoes on the stove, and I can throw some buttermilk biscuits in the oven if you really hungry.”

“And why you gonna do all of that for me? At this time of night?”

“Because I’m extra horny, and you gonna need your energy.”

I laugh, and turn my car around so I can catch the beltway. “I guess I’ll be in B-more in forty minutes then.”

“See you then sexy,” she hangs up.

I take the Baltimore-Washington Pkwy to get to her house, smoking a blunt the entire way. Everything that happened today plays out in my mind. I’m missing Asia already, even though I know it will never work between us. With her going to Texas, she’ll probably meet some lawyer type nigga, who’s just as smart as she is, and be done with me all together. I guess it’s for the best that we split up like this. We two different people.

When I make it to West Baltimore, to Memory’s house, I’m thrown off. I blink a few times to be sure I’m seeing things straight. When I open my eyes again I know my mind isn’t playing tricks on me. Asia is sitting on the steps of Memory’s brownstone. My heart drops in my boxers because I didn’t know she knew anything about Memory, let alone where she lived.

I park the bucket and get out to approach. “What you doing here?”

I can tell she has still been crying. “I thought about what you said about not going to college and all. So I made a decision too, Dane. And my decision goes like this, I can’t live without you.” She stands up and walks closer to me.

“Asia, what are you—”

“Shhhh”— she places her finger over my lips— “if getting an education means not having you in my life, it’s not the kind of life I want.” Suddenly she frowns. “But I’m not gonna give up my opportunity because I’m dumb enough not to see what a college degree can do for my future. No” — she shakes her head— “I’m going to give up my chance because I put so many bullet holes in that bitch upstairs, that it will be like she never existed.” She raises her shirt and shows me her gun, before letting her shirt drop down. “Because if I can’t have you, neither will she.”

“Asia, what the fuck are you doing?” I try to whisper since we are outside and she’s tripping. I look up the block to see who’s watching. Thankfully nobody.

“You know exactly what I’m doing, nigga. You brought me to this point.” She turns around to walk up the stairs, but I pull her back and hold her.

“Don’t do that,” I hug her tightly. I can feel the handle of the gun pushing into my thigh because she’s so much shorter than me. “You too smart for this kind of shit.”

“Get off me, Dane.” She tries to wiggle out of my arms but I don’t let her. “I’m serious. If you giving up your future, I’m giving up mine too, by way of first degree murder.”

“I’ll go, baby.”

“Get off of me,” she says, as she continues to move.

“Did you hear me?” I squeeze her arms and look down at her. “I said I’ll go.” She looks up at me. “You wild as shit for this move, Asia. How the fuck you even knew where I was going?”

“Because I let you have her, Dane. I figured if I didn’t shut this situation down, like I did the rest, that I’d be able to find you when I needed you. So I need you now and I’m here. But if you think I’m gonna let that bitch take you from me, you got another thing coming.”

I kiss her lips, grab her ass and pull her toward me again. I can smell the lemon scent of her hair. I love this bitch, so much. “Asia, if we gonna do this thing again, you gotta let me handle my family. It ain’t for you to manage that situation no more. It’s on me. And stop putting your hands on me, I’m not a child and you not my mother.”

“Okay, baby. Whatever you say.”

When my phone vibrates in my pocket, and I read the text, my heart drops. “What is it, Dane? Is everything okay?”

“We gotta go, Tex was just stabbed!”