Elise Bialylew is a coach, mindfulness meditation teacher and social entrepreneur who trained as a doctor and psychiatrist. After studying with some of the leading meditation teachers in the world, she started a global meditation movement and founded Mindful in May, a global mindfulness movement that has taught thousands of people to meditate, while raising money to build clean water wells in the developing world. She is the author of The Mindful Month and teaches mindfulness to corporates at The Mind Life Project.

Dear teenage me,

There are so many things I’ve learned over the past four decades and although I know you’re probably going to have to make some of the same mistakes that I made in order to discover the lessons and wisdom, I hope these words may land in your heart and somehow make the path to your greatest happiness a little more direct.

I know how school can be so challenging at times – not only the work but also the social side of things. I want you to know that ‘fitting in’ is overrated. Being open to people you don’t immediately feel drawn to at school and taking risks to have new conversations (even if you’re scared of being rejected) is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself. You might be surprised about the new and unexpected friendships you make – and of course just remember everyone is just as insecure as you feel – they’ll be grateful that you had the courage to take the risk and make the first move towards them. Many of the ‘cool people’ on the school oval often end up being the least interesting later on.

As for your life path and career, I know it’s a terrible cliché and you’ve probably heard it before but please follow your deepest passions and curiosities – even if they don’t seem like viable career paths. A person fuelled by passion can literally change the world (without a degree or PhD) and make the unimaginable happen. Pursuing security is overrated and often leads to a sick soul. Trust me, I’ve tried both paths and I want to save you the burden. Trust and passion make for a much more solid, fulfilling life than being driven by fear.

There will be many people who try and support you in making the ‘right’ or ‘best’ decisions. Your parents will likely be a dominant force in your life. However, as well-meaning as they mean to be, realise they don’t know the ‘right’ answer for you. Know that there are truly no ‘right’ answers or decisions – and most decisions you make in life are reversible anyway. Learn to trust your own likes, dislikes and callings early in life – they are your most reliable guide.

Reach out sooner rather than later to people who aren’t your family for advice and perspectives – maybe a counsellor or life coach or someone in the world you admire. Don’t be afraid to write to someone you don’t know – people are more than happy to share their wisdom.

Make mistakes and take risks in the face of uncertainty – it’s better to spend time getting back on track after discovering you’ve taken a wrong turn, than end up regretting decisions not made and risks not taken.

Don’t plan too far ahead as the world is changing way too quickly for long-term plans. But seriously consider empowering yourself for the future by learning the most powerful language on the planet – computer code.

Know that in order to experience your greatest happiness you’ll need to spend as much time doing the inner work of learning how to manage your mind and emotions, as the outer work required to pass your school and university exams.

Learn an inner skill like meditation which will help you to be less fearful and more courageous in the face of the inevitable stresses and challenges that will come your way. Just like you brush your teeth each day, practise gratitude and purposely notice what is good in your life as a way of maintaining your mental hygiene – it’s a simple but powerful practice to greater happiness.

Learn how to be your own best friend, rather than be your biggest critic – it could be the most important ingredient for your own wellbeing.

Finally, you will face so many questions and uncertainties as you move forward into your life. Know that the answers will arrive in time and, as frustrating as not knowing what to do is, remind yourself that patience is sometimes all that is required in order to get to the next place you are supposed to be. We’ve all been in that place of confusion, not knowing and frustration – you are not alone.

As Rainer Maria Rilke famously shared:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.