I steadied myself. Or at least I pretended to. When I looked him in the eyes, I wanted him to see a confident person and not the sniveling mess I had currently become.
“When I was here before and Chad got bit by the vampire, what happened?”
I knew this seemed like a pretty unimportant question considering all of the things that I had just learned. But, I needed to know if I could trust Isaac Icahn. This whole thing—even down to Chad’s so-called cloning—could be nonsense. I had to know if I could trust this man. The only way to do that was to get the complete story from him and listen to my gut to know the right answer.
Well, I hoped that was the case. I had a history of massively screwing up.
Still, when I turned around, I kept one hand on the glass structure holding Chad’s body inside. A part of me needed to feel connected with him, even if it was just a shell that looked like Chad.
“You kept trying to escape. Chad had actually settled in pretty nicely and was taking the reprogramming pretty well….”
“How exactly do you reprogram someone? You make us sound like computers.”
“It’s rather easy actually. A series of videos, suggestions, and an administration of a drug that makes the person susceptible to the suggestions.”
“Does anyone ever resist? Does it hurt them?”
“In the cryogenic chamber, everyone took to it with no problem. But sleep makes us susceptible. For the last three years, there have been people who need a little extra coaxing. You, for example, but eventually everyone takes to the memory alteration.”
Me, for example. I nodded because I was finally starting to understand. Chad had been made a vampire. And Icahn had altered my memory of it to make think I’d been in a vampire mine. The entire escape had been manufactured.
“Jason said he rescued me from the mine.”
“Yes, that’s what he told you. That’s what I told him to tell you when I handed you to him.”
Jason was so devious, I almost couldn’t stand it. He knew all of these things, probably that we even knew each other before Armageddon, and he’d never uttered one word to clue me in.
“You were resisting the treatment. You even challenged Noah—bet him—that you could get out of here, that we couldn’t restrain you.”
“What about my memory of the vampire worshiping humans?”
“That happened. Unfortunately. Those poor souls have been dealt with. You rescued Jason, too. All of that happened before we could get to you.”
So at least all of my memories from the last year hadn’t been fabricated.
“You got away and you managed to free Chad. In doing so, you set him entirely back. All of the work we’d done in bringing him to the fold was undone and the two of you headed for the exits together. Only he didn’t make it. A vampire that had escaped his chains bit him. He was infected but he still managed to escape. You, we recaptured.”
And gave me to Jason.
Now that he’d told me the story, I could remember it perfectly. We’d run down the hall holding hands. Chad had been confused, altered but coming back to his senses.
“I love you, Rachel. Thank you for saving me.” He’d squeezed my hand in his. His smile was huge and mine had been as well. As far as we could tell, we’d done it. No one knew we’d gotten out. We could get out of this mess together and tell everyone what we’d learned.
“I love you, too.”
We’d rounded the corner, and that was when we’d seen the vampire. It stood in the hall looking dazed, confused but still deadly. My vampire warnings hadn’t gone off. Maybe all of Icahns reconditioning had messed with my abilities. At that moment I’d never been more pissed off to not be the human vampire radar. What good did it do to be a freak if you couldn’t use the ability when it could actually come in handy?
We were weaponless. Hell, we were practically clothesless too, both of us dressed in white paper nightgowns that wouldn’t protect us from the cold. Chad dropped my hand, and before I could speak, ran at the vampire.
“Go, Rachel. Go.”
I didn’t. Instead, I stood frozen to the floor watching as Chad slammed his body into the vampire. Perhaps if I had moved then to help him, as I would have any other moment in any other circumstance, what happened next could have been prevented.
Wishes and would-haves filled up my palms and blew away every day of my life, but none more than that moment. The vampire leaned over and bit down on Chad’s arm, drawing blood seconds before Chad got away from him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me forward to run from the bloodsucker with still no word about what had happened to him.
An alarm sounded in the building. They knew we were gone. We picked up our speed and only wetness falling down on my neck alerted me to the fact that I cried. Finally, on exhausted feet, we made our way out of the compound and into the woods.
Chad doubled over. “We’re out.”
“Chad.” There weren’t words to say and tears slammed down my cheeks. I made no move to stop them.
“Promise me you won’t let me end up on his table as one of his test subjects, like those vampires in there. I’ll have your words as you love me that you’ll put a stake through my heart.”
“Chad.” I gulped for air. “I don’t have a stake. I have nothing.”
“I will find you. Go, Rachel. Get away from me before I die and change or whatever is going to happen. Please, go.”
I shook my head. “No, I won’t leave you.”
He pulled me into his arms. “You will.”
His mouth came down on mine and I knew it would be the last time, which made it both sweet and bitter. His light couldn’t be going out. Life couldn’t be that cruel.
Except, of course, it had been. But now it need not have been our last kiss, and I didn’t need to ever forget it again.
“What will you do to change the memory of every person in Genesis?”
Icahn nodded. “Good question. They’ll all be put in cryogenic sleep again until I can reset Genesis. Their memories will be changed and then they will wake up one morning at home, none the wiser.”
“Except for you and your family.”
“I’m actually thinking of leaving them here. They were not helpful the last time around. They could do more good doing research here.”
I turned around to look at Chad. His eyes were now closed, and he looked as if he might be asleep, floating comfortably in the water.
“Will any of them be hurt in any way?”
“No.”
I knew what Chad would do in my place. I knew what Keith would do, what Patrick would do. I was even certain what Deacon would do. They would save their loved ones.
So why did it feel as if I was about to do the wrong thing? If Icahn was fooling me, if this was all junk designed to get me to betray my people, I’d never be able to live with myself. I knew that Icahn lived knowing he helped to cause Armageddon. I didn’t think I could be that calm if I’d done the same. Or maybe he’d just gotten used to it over time. Either way, the idea made me sick.
“I’ll do it, but I have conditions of my own.”
Icahn shifted his weight. “What would those things be?”
“I want your word—for whatever its worth—that no one is to be harmed.”
He nodded. “That’s always been my intention.”
“I want your word that no one will ever tamper with my memory again.”
“If that’s what you want. It was always done for your own benefit.”
I wasn’t certain that was the case, but I wasn’t going to argue with him about it now.
“I want you to bring my mother back for my father. I want Chad returned home to his family with no idea that he’s cloned.”
“Very reasonable. We’ll need time to start your mother up but it should be done in time.”
“Great.” I took a step toward him. “I want every single one of them returned to Genesis in good condition with absolutely no memory of me.”
Icahn’s eyebrows rose so high I thought they might shoot out of his head. “What?”
“I want to stay here. I can’t go back there knowing what I know and I can’t stand the idea of your messing with my head again. I can’t. I’ve always known in my soul that I wasn’t who I was supposed to be. These last six months, I’ve been depressed. I think they’ll all be much better off without me. I don’t add anything but trouble. No memory of me. Take me out of their memories so I don’t pollute their lives anymore.”
I knew he didn’t understand. I barely did myself. But I knew if I went back knowing what I knew buried in my head, I would somehow end everything again. Genesis could be a wonderful life for those living in it. But I wasn’t meant to be a part of them anymore. I had too many ideas they didn’t want. The Turtle wanted to both have me killed and feel me up.
With my mother back, my father could be the man he was supposed to be. How could I look at him with anything but disgust?
I wasn’t made to live in Genesis even if I knew saying goodbye to the people who resided there would mean the end of what was left of my soul.
“Darren will be glad to have you here.”
I shook my head. “No he won’t.”
“Whatever you say.”
“I want a few minutes with a few people to say goodbye.”
“Of course.”
And just like that I’d not only altered my fate but that of every person I knew. I turned around and tapped on Chad’s tank. I hoped I hadn’t made the biggest possible mistake.
***
Icahn’s people left that morning with instructions on how to get around the Warriors, how to bring them down, and what to expect in resistance. The words had burned in my throat as I’d said them but I hadn’t faltered. Chad could feel pain today.
I stood staring at him when Noah casually strolled into the room. “You did the right thing, you know.”
“I know no such thing.” I leaned my head against Chad’s glass. “Any word?”
“It’s going perfectly. Almost all the resistance has fallen.”
“Who is left fighting?”
Noah shrugged. “Keith and his crew.”
“You don’t like Keith.” I could hear it in the way he said his name.
“He’s been a thorn in my side. He wasn’t supposed to be in Genesis but the people setting up his habitat didn’t want him there. He was a reporter, caused problems, always stirring the masses.”
That was funny considering Keith had told me not to be subversive. “You created the myth then, about him being brought over to teach.”
“Dad thought it lent a certain amount of flair to things.”
“Noah.”
“Yes?” He smiled and I wanted to slap it off his face. He smelled like scotch and it made me gag in my mouth.
“Go away.”
“You’ll learn to respect me.”
I shook my head. “I doubt it.”
***
They’d all been brought into the facility the night before but I hadn’t been allowed to see anyone yet. Most everyone had to be put under immediately. It had only been my request for two conversations that had prevented everyone going into stasis.
I leaned against the wall waiting for Chad to open his eyes. He’d been taken out of the water and declared fit. Icahn was unsure where his memories would pick up. DNA was funny, he’d said. Whatever that meant. Clones could remember their last moments. For a little while. Chad had always been an overachiever. I had no doubt he’d wake up in his own unique way.
Not that the person in front of me was really Chad. It was Chad’s clone. Except that he even smelled like Chad. Woodsy and male. My Chad was dead. This one would get to have a life. How could I doubt my decision?
His dark eyes flew open, and I stopped breathing for a moment. I thought I was prepared for this. Being in his presence moved me, a feeling that I hadn’t anticipated. It knocked the wind from my lungs and made my eyes blurry. He’d been dead, and now he wasn’t. I hadn’t asked for this strange power but it had been thrust onto me.
“Rachel?”
I made myself move to him. “Hi there.”
“Where am I?”
“In a place called Redemption.” It seemed best to be vague.
He sat up and groaned. “I’m so weak.”
“Your strength will return.”
Chad grasped his chest, placing his hand over his heart. “Something happened to me.”
“You were hurt.”
He reached out his hand to take mine. “You saved me. You ended it like you said you would.”
“Don’t be afraid.” I didn’t like how his voice shook. ‘You won’t remember any of that shortly.”
“Why not?” He pulled himself into a sitting up position as he reached out to stroke the side of my face.
“Icahn has ways. We made a deal, he and I. Bringing you here was one of the things he did.”
“Rachel.” His voice dropped an octave. “You shouldn’t make deals with that man. He’s evil.”
“I know but he found a bargaining chip I couldn’t resist.”
“Me.”
I didn’t argue. The real Chad had known me too well and this one, it seemed, did too.
“I won’t let this continue. I’ll find a way to get you out of whatever deal you’ve made with him.”
I shook my head and leaned down over him. “You won’t even remember me tomorrow, sweetheart.”
“What?” he shouted. “Rachel, what did you do?”
I pressed my lips to his, so glad for one more moment with him even if it was fabricated. He paused for a second before his lips met mine. Any objections he would have made died in those precious touches. I had never thought to see him again let alone get the chance to press my lips to his. Tears streamed down my face, and I did not wipe them away. Finally, I pulled back to look at him.
“You’re my best friend, the best of all of us. Without you, nothing was worth doing, seeing, thinking, or feeling. But I’m so changed now. I don’t belong around anyone. Especially not you. I’ve done things, Chad. Things I’m not proud of. The girl you loved died when you did. Please forgive me.”
Before he could answer, I turned on my heel and ran for the door. I knew it made me cowardly to escape him. I never thought of myself as very brave to begin with.
***
Deacon’s eyes opened, and he immediately pulled at his restraints. There was no way he was moving. They’d bolted him down. His head turned wildly, and he saw me. His face lit up and it made me want to weep again. When this was all over, I’d have no tears left for anything.
“Rachel. What is going on? We were attacked. You were taken. What is happening?”
“I could tell you. I really want to tell you but then you’d have to live with the same problem I had, and I won’t do that to you.”
“Untie me. You’re not making sense. We’ll get out of here.”
“There’s nowhere to go.” I walked to him and placed my hand in his. Deacon had strong capable hands. Someday he’d take care of his wife and family with them. I wondered if I would ever sneak back home to silently watch from afar. I wondered if I’d want to go drown myself in the lake afterwards.
“We have to make a run for it.”
I sat on the stool next to his bed. “Listen to me, because I don’t have the luxury of a lot of time.”
“What?”
“None of what I’m going to say is going to make any sense to you. I need to say it anyway. I know why I doubted you in the vampire lair. It was because to believe in you—in everything you are—is to admit that I have a partner in the world when I’ve always been so content to be alone.”
“You’re never alone, and this is feeling way too much like a goodbye. Knock it off.”
I ignored him and continued. “Jason was a fantasy. Something that shouldn’t have traveled over time with me. I love Chad. I always will but I’m not naïve enough to believe I can only love one person in my life. I’ve made decisions that I don’t think he could understand. You could. You see me as I am, and you love me.”
“I do.” He tugged at his arm restraints. “Rachel, let me out of here. I can help you. Whatever it is.”
“You would never have let me be in charge.”
“I would have.” He paused. “About half of the time. Don’t say goodbye to me.”
I moved even closer to him. “You won’t remember me, and I’ll never forget you.”
I pressed my lips down on his. Unlike the sweetness in Chad’s kiss, I felt heat radiate from Deacon even as he was strapped to a table and unable to touch me with his hands. I stroked my finger down the side of his cheek, feeling the slightest stubble beneath my tips.
“I love you, Deacon.”
The guards picked that moment to enter the room so I backed up. I had no other choice. If they were to get on with their lives, without me there making things bad, it was time for them to get started. Deacon hollered my name as I ran from him. If I lived a thousand years I’d never forget the rage in his tone.
Icahn had agreed with me. Genesis would return to the way it had been before I screwed it by turning sixteen and starting a revolution that hadn’t fixed anything. In one month’s time, they would all go home.
Without me.
The thought didn’t make me sad. I wasn’t the girl who had been born in Genesis anymore. Nothing I did solved anything, I only made things worse. This time I could be unselfish, even if no one would ever remember me to ever acknowledge my decision.
It was better that way.
***
My name is Rachel Clancy. Thirty years before I woke up from a cryogenic freeze, the world ended. Some of it was Icahn’s fault. I’m alive because my boyfriend dragged me to a science center and there had been space for us there.
I can’t go back. I can only go forward. But I have no idea what that means.