I waited for Chad, wandering around his rooms, touching his things. None of us had very much stuff.
But Chad had some things around. A piece of paper with a picture of him that one of his younger brothers had painted. Chad had a smile on his face. I grinned at the look. He was a good big brother, had been in both the Before and After Times.
He had a knife his father had given him. Too shallow to be of use in a fight, he stored it here as a memento . It had a white ceramic holder. I closed my eyes and touched it. So few things from the time Before remained in our lives. My mother had a collection of porcelain dolls in our living room from when I’d been a small girl. This didn’t feel as smooth against the pad of my finger but it was close.
These days, I’d take what I could get.
“You like that?”
I opened my eyes. Chad leaned against the doorframe. He smiled, but his eyes looked tired.
“Rough night at the Lyons household?”
“Mom wanted to know why you didn’t come. You’re family, as you know.” He slipped his black jacket off and left it on the side of the chair. For as dark-haired as he was, he played it up by dressing in black nearly all the time. If asked, he would say he did it to disguise himself more easily from the Vampires. Having brighter clothes didn’t make sense to him. But I think he knew how handsome he looked when he stayed that way, mysterious and dangerous at the same time.
“It’s different now that my mom is back.” She’d been dead for a while, as had Chad. “I can’t really justify spending time at your family’s house like we’re really family. It hurts her feelings.”
“Where is your stuff?” He looked around the room.
“My stuff?” I really had no idea what he thought I should have brought with me.
“You’re moving in.”
“Oh.” I shook my head. “Not tonight. It’s going to take a little bit of time.”
“Why?” I thought for a second his question was a joke, but he waited, and I realized he really did mean for me to answer.
“Because it is.” When I’d said I move in, it didn’t mean I needed to run over with my stuff immediately. I would move in. Eventually. “Baby steps, sweetheart.”
“Sweetheart?” He scrunched up his nose. “Not my favorite nickname.”
I knew how that went. I hated when they called me pixie-girl. These days my friends didn’t do it as much. Jason had been the first person to use the name. With him dead, the Warriors seemed to have retired the name as well. But the tattoo on my back remained.
The fact they’d chosen that symbol for me, and placed it on my back after my first mission Upward, had been a reference to the Before Time even though they—and I—hadn’t realized it then. We’d all remembered my nickname without realizing we had. So, for the remainder of my life, I would have part of my dead ex on my skin. At first, I’d thought it would bring me good luck, but now it felt like I had a tombstone attached to my body. It could read Jason Kenwood was here.
Only he’d never been where I pretty much thought Chad would go tonight.
“Were you really expecting me to move in right this second?” I walked toward him. “I mean, someone is going to need to bring it here. Unlike you, I don’t have three or four things I alternate wearing all the time. I have, you know, different kinds of pants for different kinds of occasions.”
He smiled. “Killing-Vampire occasions. Killing-Werewolves occasions. Killing-bad-guys occasions. Eating.”
I pinched his arm. “I’m a girl.”
“I’m aware.” He pulled me in his arms. “Very aware. And yes, I guess I hoped I’d come home and all your stuff would be here. Tonight.
“Because we may not have a lot of tomorrows. Part of my family is being hauled off, as we speak, to go hide out. War is on the horizon.” He kissed the side of my temple. “You’re mine. I want you here all the time.”
I drummed my fingers on his chest. “Well, I’m here right now. And if you want, I’ll be here in the morning.”
I should have been feeling nervous but the heat generating between the two of us only made me anxious to get it started. I’d made us both wait, a long time. When Chad had been dead, I’d obsessed over it. What would have happened if I’d not said no? But the past didn’t matter now. Whatever the circumstances, we’d managed to find each other again.
“You sure?”
I didn’t have to ask him what he meant. I nodded and he grinned.
“I’m not sure what I did in any life to deserve you, Rachel. You don’t see yourself as everyone else does. So smart, so pretty, so willing to throw yourself off a cliff to keep those you love safe. You’re the best person I know.”
“Chad.” I didn’t do emotion well. I’d had to learn to protect myself. The way he looked at me, what he’d just said, it stripped me of every defense I had left. He might not know it, but I stood completely vulnerable to him.
Chad sighed. “I love you. And if we get to live until we’re old, I’m going to love you then, too.”
I kissed him. Because I had to. Because I loved him. Just because.
***
I woke up the next morning to the sun streaming in through the window. It took me a moment to figure out where I was and then I felt Chad’s arm flung over my body. I didn’t think either of us had moved all night once we’d fallen asleep. I grinned at the thought.
Like with all things Chad, it had been absolutely perfect between us.
I moved slightly and he adjusted his arm until I could get out of the bed. He didn’t open his eyes as he spoke. “You’re not leaving. It’s still too early.”
“I’m not leaving.” I leaned over and kissed him. How could he think I’d sneak out after what we’d shared? Of course, he knew me pretty well. I’d once been so convinced I needed to be on my own, I’d had myself erased from his existence.
I walked into the kitchen and poured myself some water. It tasted good on my parched tongue. Realizing I wore only his T-shirt, I tugged it down a bit. I’d never been the kind of girl to walk around naked, or even half-naked, and I couldn’t imagine getting used to it anytime soon.
Chad stumbled out of the bed, rubbing at his eyes. I turned to smile at him.
“I told you I wasn’t leaving.”
He pulled me against his bare chest. “I missed you.”
“I’ve been away from you for less than half a minute.”
Smiling, he kissed me gently on the mouth. I sighed. Whatever teasing I was going to do about him suddenly being codependent fled. How many girls got to wake up like this? How many had to go home wondering if the man would even speak to her again? Chad wanted me and I felt nothing but gratitude, all the way to the depths of my soul.
My body alive, tingling like it had the night before, I grabbed his shirt. “I love you, Chad.”
“Every morning like this, for the rest of our lives.” He kissed my forehead. “And you’re going to be my wife. You’ll come around to the idea.”
A banging on his door silenced whatever response I would have given. Chad raised his head. “Go away, Micah.”
“How do you know it’s him?” The person on the other side hadn’t even said a word.
“The bang and the time of day.”
“I’m starving and Mom and Dad took all the food with them,” Micah whined. “Just pull your ass out of bed and let me in. I’ll eat and you can go back to sleep.”
Chad let go of me and walked to the door. I tugged at his shirt. It would be really pathetic to rush back into the room in search of my pants. I was covered. Chad would never let him in otherwise. So what if Micah had never seen my bare legs?
I didn’t have to feel like a little girl. I’d just spent the night with his brother. I would—soon—be moving in. Micah could get used to seeing me a little more casual.
Chad swung the door open and his brother stumbled into the room. I gasped. Had Micah gotten drunk? I’d never seen any of the Lyons inebriated. Drunkenness had usually been reserved for my family. He stank of old booze.
After staring at him for a second, Chad coughed. “Rough night?”
“Well.” Micah shrugged. “I guess if we’re all going to die, then I just wanted to let loose.”
He swayed and I grabbed his arm before he could fall. I had some experience holding up the intoxicated. As long as he didn’t puke on me, it would be a manageable experience.
Chad shook his head. “Give him to me, beautiful. You don’t have to take care of my brother.”
“Oh.” Micah finally became aware of my presence in the room. He grinned, pointing between us. “Rachel is here at five in the morning? Did you sleep here? You’re half-naked.”
Chad cursed, dragging him forward into the second bedroom. “She’s not half-naked, jackass. If she’d been any kind of nude, you wouldn’t be in here.”
“Rachel,” Micah called over his shoulder. “Did you finally give this loser your cherry? Good for you, hon. Don’t die holding onto it. I hope he got the job done. I can give him pointers.”
There was the sound of a bang, which I took to mean Chad had shoved his brother down on the mattress. I smiled and walked to the fridge. Did he have any food? Micah’s presence in the rooms meant we would not be having a repeat of last night. I thought of the way my body tingled. I would have loved another go.
***
Micah wore dark sunglasses too big for his face but they were the only ones we could find. Every once in a while he made a groaning sound.
“You deserve your pain. Why drink so much? Drink less, have more fun, and be okay the next day.”
Micah didn’t look at me. “Don’t lecture. Not yet, anyway.”
We moved together through the woods, looking for monsters. There weren’t any around. I would have felt their presence in my bones and, was Micah not totally out of it, so would he. But we patrolled anyway because that was what we did.
“Then what should we talk about?”
“Nothing.” Micah stopped moving. “Maybe we should be noting how quiet it is around here.”
“It’s a quiet morning. Nice for a change.”
Micah nodded. “Makes me feel…off.”
“I think the fact that you puked for an hour is causing your off.”
“Hush about it, or I’ll start asking you some questions you won’t want to answer.”
Fair enough. I did not want to talk to him about Chad. Not even a little bit.
“I do have a question, though.” He pulled his sunglasses off and stuck them in his pocket. His usually clear, dark eyes—so much like his brother’s—were red and tired. I’d spent enough time with Micah to know today marked an exception, not a problem. Even so, as the daughter of an alcoholic, who had more days than I could count staring at an alcohol-worn-out gaze, I had to force myself not to flinch while I stared at him.
“Micah, if it’s anything to do with—”
“It is not.”
“Then continue.”
“I was just wondering, when you ran away, when you left and erased yourself so you could handle things on your own. What was it like?”
I hadn’t expected his question. Not at all. It had been six months since my time away had ended. Micah had never expressed the slightest interest in it.
“What was it like in what way?” There had been a lot of facets to my experience.
“To be alone. Like that.” Micah stared out in the distance.
“In the beginning, I felt focused, strong, and able. After, those emotions changed to foolish, young, and lonely.” I took his hand. “I won’t do it again. Not the same way. We’re stronger together.”
“I know.” He squeezed our joined fingers. “But sometimes I’d like to go where no one knew me.”
“Temporarily might be okay, as long as I could come home again.” That had been part of the problem: the permanence of the time, the idea I would never see these people again, not even after I had done what I had to do.
I dropped Micah’s hand. None of it mattered. I’d not killed Icahn. Jason had died, not at my hand, but by actually saving my life. My adventures in independent Rachel had crashed and burned.
“Besides, why would you want to leave, Micah? The female population of Genesis would erupt into endless sobbing. Who would be around to service all their desires?”
Micah groaned. “There have been fewer girls than you think. Some of my reputation is rumor.”
I laughed. “Only some of it?”
We walked on together. I could hear voices ahead. With so little monster movement, the group must be taking it somewhat easy. Otherwise, there would be silence.
“When did you stop being in love with me?”
I jolted. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“Micah.” I grabbed his arm. “What is the matter with you? What is going on with these questions? When did I stop being in love with you? What the hell?”
“I need to know. I made certain decisions in my life and, now we’re all about to engage in the battle to end all battles, I’m starting to question them.” Micah stormed a few steps away. “So would you answer me, please?”
I think it was the “please” that got me. “I was never really in love with you. In the Before Time, I had a post-breakup crush on you. Who wouldn’t? You’re so cute, women of all ages melt in your presence. Then here, when we first woke up, you were safe to fantasize about. But, I think I would have fallen for Chad then, as I did this time around.”
“So, it’s not like I did something so horrible or wrong you decided I wasn’t worth loving?”
“No, Micah.” I shook my head, my heart breaking for him. “Has someone hurt you?”
“No.” He looked away. “I wish there was someone out there I cared that much about. I’m just not built like Chad. I guess it’s my biggest problem. I can’t see one person and know the girl is for me forever.”
“Well, you haven’t had it yet. You might still succumb.” I patted him on the arm. “And Chad didn’t just decide to fall in love. He met me. How could he resist?”
“Rachel, there you are.” My mother’s voice caught my attention. After nodding to Micah, I moved to her.
“You’re back.” I hugged her. “Did the deposit go okay?”
I didn’t want to be more specific. Icahn might know what we had done, he might not. But he wouldn’t be finding out from me.
“Not a glitch.” She smoothed the hair off my forehead. “Can we talk? Is now a good time?”
“Well seeing as there are no monsters today to speak of, I guess it’s as good a time as any.”
What did she want to talk about? I couldn’t think of anything I had done that would have gotten me into trouble with her or my father.
“So, I know we had the talk about the birds and the bees with you a long time ago.”
Oh no. I shook my head. “I don’t need this conversation.” I really didn’t require it anymore. “And I’d really rather not—”
“The thing is…as I was walking last night watching Tia and Glen, I felt the need to tell you what they did, the decision they made, to deliberately have a baby, was a rough course to take.”
“Mom.” I took her hands in my own. “Please. I’m not trying to have a baby. Okay? No baby. Not on purpose.”
“And Chad…?”
I covered my eyes. “Chad is doing what needs to be done. Please, no more. For the love of all things, no more.”
She took my hands off my eyes. “I’m your mother. I’m going to worry about you every day of your life until I’m dead. You have to put up with these conversations.”
“Right. Well. This one is over.”
Way over.
“I have something else for you.” My mother pulled a letter out of her pocket and handed me the closed envelope. “Keith asked me to give this to you. He said he didn’t get to say good-bye.”
I’d managed not to focus on that. But, yes. I hadn’t gotten to say a temporary farewell to my former teacher and close friend.
“He’s important to you, isn’t he?”
I stared at the envelope. “For a long time, I made it through every day because of Keith and others like him. You weren’t here.” She’d been dead. I couldn’t blame her. My father had gone off a deep end. Maybe Icahn was responsible. Maybe not. I blamed my dad. A little bit.
“Thanks for this.”
She smiled at me. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.”
I walked away, still holding the letter in my grasp. Finally, I leaned up against a tree, mentally prepared, sort of, to read it.
Good-byes were awful. From Keith it would have to be even worse.
Pulling out the paper, I read what words he’d put down on the page for me.
Hey, Rachel,
Sorry I didn’t get to do any of this in person. It’s insane tonight, as you know. But I wanted to just take a second to tell you something I would have liked to have said before I left. (When you see me again, you can give me a hard time about my sentimentality.)
Anyway, Happy Birthday, again. Are you sick of everyone saying that? I know you don’t like fuss.
This is what I wanted to say—and should have said when I saw you in the woods and you watched me melt down. Life is messy. If I hadn’t been cryogenically frozen, I never would have met Tiffani. We wouldn’t have our son. I’d have lived as I was, and it was a good life, as a reporter. Maybe, someday, I would have gotten married. Had children. But it wouldn’t be this family.
So, even though sometimes I can’t stand the horror of it all, I can’t imagine any other future I would have wanted. Because, of course, I had to be here, to have this life, to know you.
Take on the mess. Roll around in it. You might like who are when you come out.
And your fighting skills are getting lousy. Toughen up. I didn’t train you to be such a wimp. Stop freaking out, or I’m going to have to stick you in the medical center for a while.
See you soon.
Keith.
My fighting skills were getting lousy? What the hell was the matter with him? They were not. And I wasn’t a robot. In all the years we’d been together fighting, I’d had the least number of freak-outs of anyone.
Screw that. When I saw him again, I was going to give him all kinds of trouble about it.