This is what Grandpa Byron tells me:

The Sri Kalpana was – is – a very little-known book of ancient Hindu scripture and dates back to maybe 1500 BC, which makes it one of the earliest of all written things. That’s over 3,500 years old.

In it are written the secrets that Indian gurus kept to themselves for centuries – among them, the methods used to memorise vast amounts of songs, poetry, family trees and historical tales. Grandpa Byron pours more chai and relaxes a bit when he sees that I am listening.

“Back then,” he continues, “that was pretty much all there was to remember. Hardly anyone could write or read, mind, and there were no football scores. But stories of battles, and who was related to who – these were dead important, and if you couldn’t read or write then someone had to remember it all, and if you wanted to remember so much stuff, you’d need special techniques, and if you knew them then you’d be really important.”

“Techniques like what?”

“Well, rhymes help, and rhythm. Do you know the kings and queens of England in order?”

I look at him, puzzled. “No! There’s loads!”

But then Grandpa Byron begins to sing, to the tune of “The Blaydon Races”.

(You might not know how “The Blaydon Races” goes, but I think everyone in the north-east does. It’s kind of the Geordie national anthem, the one with, “Oh me lads, you should have seen us gannin’…” No? Oh well, it’s a sort of bouncy tune, a dum-de-dum-de-dum tune. Look it up if you want.)

Anyway, Grandpa Byron sings it:

“Willie, Willie, Harry, Steve,

Harry, Dick, John, Harry Three,

One, two three Eds, Richard two,

Harrys four, five, six, then who?”

I interrupt him then by saying, “But there’s no King Harry, or Dick!”

“Harry’s a nickname for Henry, Dick’s short for Richard – so you’ve got William the Conqueror, William the second, Henry the First, King Stephen, Henry the second, Richard the first, King John, Henry the third, Edward the first, second and third, Richard the second, Henry the fourth, fifth and sixth, and so it goes on all the way to the present day.”

He sings it again, all the way through, and by the third time I’m joining in. Grandpa Byron starts giggling.

“See! Hee hee! It’s easy! I even taught that to your dad.”

I give him a sceptical look. “Please tell me that’s not all there is to it. Rhyming stuff.”

“Ah. No. But it’s the start. Rhyme and rhythm make things easier to remember. The ancient Greeks called it mnemonics, and made it world famous, but it was we Indians who invented it all!”

“Hang on – world famous?”

He nods. “Memory systems were taught in schools and universities across Europe. But somehow it was abandoned. Now, no one bothers remembering anything.” Grandpa Byron gets up from the floor where he’s been sitting – “Google will do it all for you. Now – I think there’s some fudge left from your birthday,” and he goes into the kitchen. “Next time, I’ll tell you about Memory Palaces.”

“And how come Dad didn’t do any of this? Didn’t you teach him?”

Grandpa Byron’s eyes move left and right as he chooses his words. “I tried to. But I think I left it a bit late with your dad. He preferred computers to his own imagination.” He looks at me, a bit sadly, I think. “A lot of people do these days.”

On the way home, I sing the Kings and Queens song to myself, all the way to the present day. I can’t forget it now, even if I tried. It has stuck in my head like chewing gum to my shoe.

‘Willie, Willie, Harry, Steve

Harry, Dick, John, Harry three

One, two, three Eds, Richard Two

Harrys four, five, six, then who?

Edwards four, five, Dick the bad,

Harrys twain (that means two) and Ed the Lad (Edward VI was only nine!)

Mary, Bessie, James the vain,

Charlie, Charlie, James again

William and Mary, Anna Gloria,

Geordie, Geordie, Geordie, Geordie, William and Victoria’

(‘Geordie’ is a nickname for people called George, although the only George I know at school – George Pelling, brother of Katie, she of the sick-down-the-back fame – was just called George. It’s probably an old-fashioned thing.)

‘Edward seven’s next, and then

George the fifth in 1910

Ed the eighth, then George, Liz Second

Charlie, Wills and George, it’s reckoned!’

I like it, knowing the order of the kings and queens like this. Not that it’ll ever come in useful for anything, apart from maybe the odd test at school.