CHAPTER 30

On the night of her engagement party, Virginia sat ramrod straight in the front seat of Basil’s automobile. He had chosen to take her home himself instead of using his driver, perhaps hoping to have a moment alone before the busyness of the next few days overtook them.

The party had been a combination of a congratulations on their engagement and a bon voyage before the family left for Europe. Though the Flemings were nice enough, Virginia still felt out of place in their home. Basil’s sister, Bettina, who would be her maid of honor, was a somber girl, who tended to regard Virginia as an interloper. His much older brother, Martin, was a staid fellow with a mousy wife and three rather irritating children. Virginia wished Grace could have been there, but realized it wouldn’t have been appropriate. At least her friend had agreed to see her off at the train station in the morning.

Virginia couldn’t believe that tomorrow she’d be taking a train to Halifax, and from there boarding a steamship to Britain. Then they would spend the next two and a half months traveling all over Europe. What would her world look like when she returned?

Andrew would be married to Cecilia, and he and Christian would be living in Ottawa. It hurt Virginia’s heart just to think about not seeing that darling boy every day. She would have to make a point of visiting them often so he wouldn’t forget his Aunt Ginny.

And without Christian, Grace would be gone as well. Virginia had no idea if Grace would stay in Canada or return to England to care for her mother. Very likely, Virginia would lose the closest thing she’d ever had to a sister.

The car jostled her as Basil drove up the driveway toward Fairlawn. He stopped in front of the house and set the brake. “Well, my dear, this is the last time I will drive you home for quite some time.”

“So it is.” Her heart pinched. The thought of leaving Fairlawn, even for a few months, released a flood of nostalgia and regret—along with a large measure of unease, traveling so far from home with a man she didn’t really know. No better time to change that and hopefully clarify a few things between them.

She turned in her seat to face him. “Basil, there’s something I wish to discuss, if you don’t mind.”

“What is it?” His expression became wary.

“We haven’t really talked about . . . children.” Each time she’d tried to broach the topic, he found a way to change the subject. “You do want a family, don’t you?” The question hung in the air as Virginia awaited his reaction.

His brows drew together. “This isn’t about your nephew again, I hope.”

“No. I’ve resigned myself to that situation. But Basil”—she leaned over to place a hand on his arm—“once we’re married, I would like to start a family right away. After all, I am almost twenty-five, and—”

“I’m afraid that’s out of the question. For the next year or two, my work will require extensive traveling, and I will need you by my side.”

Her mouth fell open, her heart thumping hard.

He must have noticed her distress for he patted her knee. “Once things settle down in a couple of years, we can revisit the idea of having children.”

Virginia’s insides clenched. She knew that condescending tone, the one he used when he wanted to placate her. She had the dreadful premonition that when the time came, Basil would find yet another excuse why children would not be convenient.

“Come now, darling, don’t pout. The future will take care of itself. You’ll see.” He pulled her closer and kissed her.

Virginia closed her eyes, trying to relax into his embrace. She’d have to learn to enjoy his kisses—and more—if they were to have children.

He broke away with a laugh and trailed a finger down her bare arm. “You’d better go inside before I forget myself.”

A chill invaded her body at his possessive manner. What would he be like when they were legally joined?

When he made no move to accompany her to the house, she opened her door. “Good-night, Basil.”

“Sweet dreams, darling. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.”

She hurried up the stairs and inside the front door, waving briefly before closing it and leaning back against the solid wood surface. Her erratic breathing bore testimony to her unsettled emotions.

Lord, am I doing the right thing? Is this trip, this marriage, your will for my life?

In the silence of the foyer, the loud ticking of the grandfather clock was her only answer. She pushed away from the door and headed toward the stairs, but before she reached them, the sound of raised voices from the direction of the library waylaid her.

Surely Daddy and Andrew weren’t having a row? Virginia marched down the hall to find out. As she reached the library, the door flew open.

Collin strode out, a deep scowl etching his features.

Her heart flopped in her chest. “Collin, what’s the matter?”

“Not a bloomin’ thing.” He jammed his cap on his head and continued toward the rear of the house.

Rarely had Virginia seen him so upset about . . . anything. She bit her lip, indecision wreaking havoc. She couldn’t go after him now—it wouldn’t be seemly. But she could find out from her father what they’d been arguing about.

Virginia entered the library and quietly closed the door. Her father sat in one of his armchairs, staring into the fire. The overpowering smell of his cigar hung in the air.

She took a seat beside him. “What was that about? Collin looked ready to punch someone.”

A nerve jumped in her father’s jaw. He took a drink from the glass of amber liquid in his hand but said nothing.

“Well? Why were you two arguing?”

“If you must know,” he bit out, “Mr. Lafferty just tendered his resignation.”

Virginia went rigid. Her lungs squeezed, as though a vice had gripped them. “He quit?”

“I believe that’s what I said.”

“Why would he do such a thing? He loves it here.”

“He claims his sister is ill and needs his help. But I don’t believe that’s the real reason.” Her father turned to level her with a pointed stare.

Virginia gripped the wooden armrest, her mind whirling. “His sister lives in Scotland. Is he going back there?”

“It appears so. He’s agreed to stay until Andrew’s wedding and do the flowers as promised. After that, he’ll be gone.”

The air in the room closed in on her, suffocating and dense.

Daddy drained the glass and set it on the side table. “I’m going to bed. I’d advise you to do the same. You’ll want to be well rested for tomorrow.” He trudged off, appearing suddenly older than his years.

Virginia remained in the chair until the squeak of the stairs told her he’d gone up.

Her heart felt trapped in her chest, as if the simple act of beating had become too burdensome a task.

Collin was leaving. In a few weeks, he’d be on a ship bound for Scotland.

And she’d be away on a trip with a man she didn’t love. A man who gave little regard to her wants or needs. A man who might never give her the children she craved.

This was not how her life was supposed to be. Not one thing about it felt right.

Nervous energy propelled her out of her chair.

She had to do something to fix it before it was too late.

The cool August night air bit at Virginia’s arms as she crossed the lawn toward the garage where Collin and Toby shared the upper apartment. What would they think of her knocking on their door at this hour? A wave of shame threatened to stall her feet, but she pushed on, her mission too important to worry about her reputation.

As she passed the greenhouse, her heart lurched. She couldn’t imagine another man tending the plants Collin had nurtured from mere seeds. She remembered all the beautiful roses he’d created for her, the first inkling she’d had that he cared for her in a romantic way. Until their recent kiss, he’d never done anything forward, always the perfect gentleman. But his simple act of making sure she had her favorite flowers in her room each day had filled her with warmth and had made her take note of the humble gardener.

She blinked at the low light coming from the rear of the greenhouse, realization dawning. Of course Collin would go there. If anything could soothe his mood, it would be his beloved plants.

Changing direction, she strode to the greenhouse and slipped inside. She needed to see him, needed to convince him not to leave the country.

For as long as he remained at Fairlawn, there existed hope.

On silent feet, she made her way to the rear work area. She could already picture him, sleeves rolled up, hands in the dirt.

He hadn’t turned on the overhead lights. Only the glow of a single lantern lit the interior. He stood with his back to her, working.

She entered his sanctuary, inhaling the smell of earth and greenery, a scent she always associated with him.

“Is it true?” she asked quietly. “Are you really going back to Scotland?”

Collin jerked around, knocking over a clay pot and spilling dirt onto the table. He scowled, his brow wreathed in furrows. “You shouldn’t be here, Virginia. Go back to the house.”

“Not until you take back your resignation.”

He crossed his arms, nostrils flaring. “That’s not going to happen.”

She moved closer. “You can’t leave, Collin,” she whispered. “You can’t.”

“You know why I have to go.” His eyes bore into hers.

“But I’ll be gone. You can continue doing what you love without me here to bother you.”

A harsh laugh escaped. “And what about the times you come home with your husband? Or bring your children to play in the yard? How am I supposed to feel then?”

Virginia winced. “I didn’t think of that.”

“No, I guess you didn’t.” He turned back to scoop up the spilled dirt. “You’re doing what you have to, and so am I. Though even with an ocean between us, I’m certain the pain will be every bit as great.” His fingers stilled. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch you with another man? I can’t keep torturing myself this way.”

A shaft of agony sliced through her. She hadn’t considered his pain, only thinking of her own. Now, the magnitude of his suffering created a wall around him, one she would never be able to breach. Tears blurred her vision, spilling down her face unchecked.

This really was good-bye. He was walking out of her life forever.

He flicked a glance at her, and the pain in his eyes mirrored her own.

“There’s nothing I can do to change your mind?” she whispered.

“You know what would make me stay, but I doubt you have the courage to do it.”

His bold stare challenged her, dared her to prove him wrong.

Her gaze dropped to the ground, hope leaking out of her like air out of a punctured tire. He was right. Deep down, she was a coward, too afraid to risk her father’s wrath to claim Collin’s heart. Too afraid to be cut off from the family she loved, as Frank had been.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out. “I wish things could be different.” She brushed the tears from her face and forced herself to meet the agony in his hazel eyes. “Good-bye, Collin. I pray that one day you’ll find happiness.”

Because at least one of us should be happy.

She took in his beloved face one last time, then turned and walked away.