Prologue

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile.

Romans 1:16

The shadow of death seemed to suck the life out of Vanessa Jessup as she pushed open the glass door at Planned Parenthood and staggered across College Boulevard. She slid behind the wheel of her old Honda Accord and locked the door as if that would somehow keep out the stark reality that threatened to rewrite her future.

Abortion would be the easy way out, though everything in her screamed in defiance. How was she going to take care of a baby? Did she even want to? What about getting her teaching degree? Backpacking across Europe after graduation? Spring break! By then she would look as if she’d swallowed a basketball.

This just couldn’t be happening. Not now. Not when she was halfway through her sophomore year in college and had a clear direction for her life. The words of Psalm 139 reverberated in her mind.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Not this child. According to the Bible, it was conceived in sin. But the chemistry between Ty and her was so magnetic and overpowering that making love to him didn’t seem wrong. They were soul mates—a perfect match. How could she have foreseen this? They had been so careful. It wasn’t fair.

Did she even have the courage to tell her parents that she had redefined her Christian ideals and slept with her psychology professor—and not because she wanted a good grade? Would they understand that her relationship with Ty was electric, and that she loved him more than she ever dreamed she could love anyone?

She laid her head on the back of the seat and sighed. So much for the white dress and church wedding her parents always dreamed of. She dreaded their tears of disappointment and the lecture that would follow. But right now, it mattered more to her what Ty thought.

She sat for a minute and tried to relax, then opened her cell phone and pressed auto dial. She listened as it rang three times. Come on. Pick up. I know you’re finished lecturing for the day.

“Professor Nicholson.”

“Ty, I need to see you. It’s really important.”

“I’m with someone at the moment. Is this concerning your grade?”

“Look, I get it,” Vanessa said. “You can’t talk. But I know you have a faculty meeting tonight, and this can’t wait till tomorrow.”

“I could meet you in my office in forty-five minutes.”

“I’d rather meet at Chelsea Park at our usual spot.”

“That should work fine. I’ll be glad to discuss whatever details are concerning you then.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Vanessa disconnected the call, another verse of Psalm 139 barging into her thoughts.

Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

She groaned. How was she supposed to think of this “positive pregnancy test” as a human being whose steps had been preordained by God? This pregnancy was a mistake—an incredible inconvenience that would ruin her chance to get her teaching degree.

Perhaps allowing the child to be adopted was the best course of action. But if she carried this baby to term, could she bear to part with it? Could Ty? And if they decided to keep the baby and take on the rigors of parenting, were they ready for marriage? As much as she loved Ty, the thought of having the rest of her life nailed down was both suffocating and terrifying. But choosing just to live together and raise the baby would alienate her parents. Caring for a baby alone was unthinkable. How was she supposed to make all these decisions? She needed time to process.

She blinked away the raw disappointment she knew she would see in her parents’ eyes. They expected better from her. Hadn’t she promised herself and the Lord that she would save her virginity for her husband? How would they react when they realized she had broken her promise unashamedly—and with an unbeliever?

Then again, wasn’t she the child who always seemed to disappoint? How was she supposed to compete with a pre-law scholar like her older brother, Ryan? Or a gifted and talented math whiz like her little sister, Emily? It wasn’t as though her grades weren’t satisfactory. And she was working diligently toward her elementary teaching degree—a worthy, achievable goal if she didn’t lose her momentum. A baby would change everything. How could she find time to study if she was caring for an infant?

Her mind flashed back to when Emily was born. So tiny. So perfect. So demanding. Each person in the family took turns holding her, feeding her, changing her, rocking her, and it seemed never ending.

Vanessa felt as if her lungs were in a vise and she couldn’t breathe. She rolled down the windows and let the crisp January breeze flood her face. She took a slow, deep breath. And then another. And another.

She started the car, pulled onto College, and drove toward Chelsea Park. At least she had just been home for Christmas break, and her parents wouldn’t be expecting to see her again for a while. That would give her time to think through her situation and make a decision.

999

Vanessa sat under a gigantic oak tree on the wrought-iron bench closest to the bandstand in Chelsea Park. Despite the biting north wind, she was uncomfortably warm and sticky under her wool peacoat.

She looked up just as Professor Tyson Nicholson got out of his yellow Corvette and strolled across the brown, crunchy lawn toward her. He waved, looking handsome in his tan London Fog and black trousers, his thick, dark hair a striking contrast to his reddish beard.

He hurried over to her and pressed his warm lips to her cheek, then sat next to her on the bench and warmed her hand with both of his.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “I was with Professor Roberts. The man doesn’t know how to end a conversation. What’s up? You look stressed.”

Vanessa felt robotic, almost as if someone had pushed a button to make her speak. “I’ve tried to think of an easy way to tell you this, but there isn’t one … I’m pregnant.” She stopped breathing.

The silence that followed seemed charged, like those seconds between a flash of lightning and the boom of thunder.

Ty leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and combed his fingers through his hair. “How could this happen when we always used protection? Are you absolutely sure?”

“I just left Planned Parenthood. There’s no question. I’m about eight weeks along. I’m as shocked as you are.”

Ty’s silence sent a chill crawling up her spine.

Finally he said, “Okay. What’s done is done. Set up the abortion, and I’ll pay for it. Let’s get this out of the way.”

Vanessa felt as if her tongue was a lead weight and her stomach was falling down an elevator shaft. That’s it? Couldn’t he at least think about it? Consider the options? Ask to hear her thoughts on the matter?

Ty slipped his arm around her. “You’ll hardly skip a beat. Set it up for a Thursday or Friday and give yourself the weekend to recuperate.” He put his lips to her ear. “It’s the best solution, honey. You’ve got your education to think about. And I have to guard my reputation.”

“Are you ashamed people will find out we’re together?”

“This isn’t about shame. You know how I feel about us. But we agreed to keep our relationship a secret as long as you’re my student. That’s one issue. The other is I have zero interest in being a dad, now or in the future. You know that. Why do you look surprised?”

Tears welled, and Vanessa couldn’t see anything. “I-I don’t know. I guess I was hoping you might change your mind.”

“I’ve been completely honest with you from day one. I live from day to day. I’m just not into permanent.”

“Does this mean you’re breaking up with me?”

“What it means”—Ty cupped her cheek in his hand—“is that a baby would require a permanent commitment that I have no interest in and that you shouldn’t even consider until you get your teaching degree.”

Vanessa realized she was shivering. “I’m not … I don’t think … I-I’m just not sure I can handle getting an abortion.”

“Of course you can. You’re an intelligent young woman. It’s the best option.”

“It’s the convenient option.” Vanessa fiddled with the button on her coat. “But it’s not the only option. We have others.”

“No, we don’t. I’m sorry this happened, but under no circumstances am I taking on the role of dad. And you’re not equipped to be a single mom.”

“Abortion just seems wrong, especially when there are couples waiting to adopt babies.”

“Vanessa, honey, look at me.” He tilted her chin, his evocative brown eyes reaching to her very soul. “What’s wrong is letting all that religious nonsense you grew up with strong-arm you into carrying this baby to term and then giving it up. I refuse to be a party to that. There can’t be any doubt in your mind how I feel about you. But if you want us to be together, there’s only one option.”

Ty’s pronouncement came like the clanging of cymbals and reverberated in her heart with stark finality.

Vanessa wiped the runaway tear that trickled down her cheek. She couldn’t lose Ty. She just couldn’t. She glanced up through the bare branches that swayed in the wind like bony hands applauding her demise and noticed that gray winter clouds had hidden the sun. A sense of utter desolation came over her, and she thought it fitting for one who was about to sell her soul to the devil.