CHAPTER SIX

The outlet store resembled a warehouse with a glass front. A display board with colorful tank tops stood in one window and a corkboard with hooks holding purses and bags in the other. Suzie’s skin tingled as she swung open the door. Here she might find something she could afford. The scent of dyed cotton wafted from the clothes jammed on racks in the middle of the large room. The smell of leather tickled her nose as she passed by the accessories in the front of the building. Home goods and kitchenware sat on shelves in the back.

She joined three ladies flipping through the selections on an aisle labeled “New Arrivals.” The colorful choices jumped out at her and ignited the joy of shopping she hadn’t known since she grew ill. She spotted a pair of blue jean capri pants jammed in the pants section and forced the coat hanger back with all her strength. It scraped across the metal pole and she yanked out the prize. Even better than she imagined, the garment featured an embroidered floral pattern on one leg. Her heart danced. She loved them. If only they’d fit.

She took a few strides and reached a nearby dressing room which protruded from the right wall as though it’d been added to the structure after it was built. She tugged on the pants, then turned every which way in front of a mirror affixed to a flat white surface. Perfect. But how much did they cost? A sinking sensation hit her. Treatments came first. This illness stuck to her like a leach sapping her happiness wherever she went. She grasped the small price tag hanging on a string at the waist. This time she won. Bliss skipped across her skin as she changed.

Clutching her new find, she thumbed through the t-shirts. She shouldn’t buy anything else, but she could look. She found a pink top that matched a flower on the capris. A lady with long blond hair standing beside her held up black shorts, studying them with intense green eyes. Suzie smiled at her as she reached for a pair. Then she picked up the blue jean Bermuda shorts hanging next to them. She should save her money to pay Dr. Granger. Her job only lasted through the summer. She had enough cash in her purse, but how foolish it would be to spend it now. She swooped up the bargains, strolled to the cash register with light, bouncy steps, and checked out.

Twenty minutes later, she parked in front of her unit and marched straight to the utility closet where she washed and dried the new clothes. She held them to her chest. Visions of wearing them for Matt filled her head.

* * *

The alarm buzzed and woke Suzie from her nap. She glimpsed sun streaming through the sides of the blinds on to the white wicker chair. The weakness swooped over her like an ill wind. Her insides raced as fast as a blender, and her entire body shook. She rolled over and grasped her stomach. Agony ripped through her soul. Why her? Go away. Please go away.

Finally the onslaught subsided. She snuggled underneath the blue and white comforter while small doses of energy recharged her body. Then she stood and stumbled into the bathroom.

Cold water splashing on her face woke her completely. Dinner with Matt. She twirled around like a dancer, grabbed the white towel, and patted her cheeks dry. Matt and the kids on the swim team were the only good things in her life right now. That was two more than the day before yesterday. She stepped lightly to the louvered bifold closet doors then slipped into the new threads and applied cover-up to hide the dark circles under her eyes.

Should she tell Matt about her illness? Not yet. He was still her boss, although their budding relationship might morph into more. Then again, if he knew all about her, he might turn on her as Carson had.

With her mouth open, she smoothed on pink lipstick that matched the new shirt. Hoping like crazy and praying hard her digestive issues wouldn’t disgrace her in front of Matt, she trekked outside, slipped into the driver’s seat of her car, and backed out.

Within fifteen minutes, she arrived at The Open Window. The entryway of the gray rustic building overlooked the emerald ocean washing onto white sand.

“Hi. One?” a hostess in a blue shirt greeted her.

“No. I’m meeting someone.” A puff of wind whipped into the room and blew Suzie’s hair across her face. She pushed it back, pulling strands from her mouth. “I see him.”

The hostess smiled and waved her hand toward the aisle leading to the dining area.

Matt sat beside a Bermuda shade and gazed at the shore. Suzie scraped a chair across the floor as she pulled it up to the wooden table, and he turned around.

“Hi. You look great.”

Suzie gasped. It’d been so long since anyone said those words to her, they almost sounded like Chinese. Could she believe them? Odd. Matt treated her as though nothing was wrong. To hear Carson tell it, she was repulsive. If she told Matt about the illness, would it ease her loneliness? How stupid would that be? Having him oblivious to the symptoms was a blessing almost too good to be true. This burden must remain locked in her heart. “Thank you.”

The late afternoon sun glistened on Matt’s muscular, tan arm as he placed a saltshaker on the napkins to keep a stiff wind from ruffling them. “Some days, you gotta tie everything down in here.” He chuckled. “Not really. They’d shut the Bermuda shades before they let that happen.”

Suzie laughed at his joke, but then an awkward silence fell. What was Matt thinking? That she appeared pale or thin? He looked as though he pumped iron every day. “I imagine you have great benefits working for the county full-time. Do you use the weight room for free?”

“I could, but I joined a private facility before I started this job. I guess I’m a creature of habit. I’m still a member there. Are you looking for a place?”

She shouldn’t have brought up that subject. She could barely get through work. “No, thank you. I’m going to return to a strenuous swimming regimen soon.”

That’s what she would’ve said before this illness struck her. Strange how words flew out of her mouth as though she were the same person she used to be. She wanted to break down and sob at the harsh reality, but that would signify defeat, and possibly end her new job. God was on her side. Anything that fought with God, including this malady, lost.

The waitress strolled to the table, a pen and pad in hand. “What would you guys like?”

“If I could have a big dish of broccoli with butter that would be great,” Suzie spoke up immediately.

The waitress blinked. “Is that all, ma’am?”

Matt tilted his head and frowned. “That’s not enough, is it?”

Heat crawled up Suzie’s neck. Why couldn’t she eat at will like everyone else? Sometimes, she explained to a server that she was on a special diet, but she didn’t want to do that in front of Matt. She yearned to appear healthy.

He cocked an eyebrow. “I just don’t want you to leave hungry.”

“I’m fine.” Suzie wished she could crawl into a wormhole. “Yes, that’s all, thank you.”

Matt shifted his gaze from Suzie to the waitress. “I’ll have the shrimp basket.”

Her nerves shivered inside the way they did when people scraped their fingernails over a blackboard. Why did others care what she ate? It was only a meal and a tip to the server. The waitress strolled casually toward the opening to the kitchen, such a happy-looking entryway with blue and pink tuna, starfish, and grouper images hanging above it on a net. Suzie’s pulse raced because she couldn’t ask for anything she wanted on the menu, especially in front of Matt. That reality falling on her like a huge wrecking ball crushed the brightness the interior design and this evening held.

Matt placed his palms on the wooden, picnic table. “Tell me about magazine editing. I imagine it’s difficult to land a job in that field. How’d you manage it?”

Suzie’s pulse slowed, and she sat up straight. Matt made her sound special. “Most periodicals have a specific audience. Many editors are authorities in their fields.” Suzie rolled the corner of her napkin. “I enjoy interviewing people about their accomplishments.”

“How’d you develop the craft?”

“After college, I wrote press releases in a public relations department. My boss, an experienced, retired newspaper guy, taught me a lot. I stayed there two years then accepted a position with the Western Insider to learn about magazines.” How hard she’d worked to become a professional. Knowing she couldn’t use the skills struck her heart like a swift, sharp arrow, and she slumped.

Matt leaned forward, his dark eyes intense as though her profession really interested him. “That’s great. If you want to pick up a little extra money, Cammie O’Shea, the feature editor at our brand new newspaper, The Sun Dial, might accept freelance articles.”

Suddenly, the fog hovering over Suzie lifted. Had Matt planned this since he asked so many questions about her job at the Western Insider that first night they sat together on The Wharf? Hope raced up her spine, but being new in Destin, she knew no one. Except Matt, of course. “I could interview you. Have they featured you?”

Matt’s cheeks turned red. “I hardly think I’m newsworthy.”

“Here ya go.” The waitress set a large bowl of broccoli in front of her. “We gave you plenty.”

“Thank you. It looks wonderful.” Suzie appreciated such a generous portion of the fresh, green vegetable, steamed just the way she wanted it. Apparently, this waitress and cook cared about pleasing customers, and that’s why this server had questioned her. Suzie would return here.

Matt picked up the ketchup and poured it over his shrimp and French fries. “I eat a little food with my ketchup.” He grinned.

“Whatever tastes good to you.” She was more tolerant of others’ eating habits than he could ever imagine. Most people had no idea how lucky they were when they sat down and shoveled whatever they wanted to in their mouths.

He cut off a bite of shrimp. “Why don’t you write about our new swim team and sell that to Cammie?”

Suzie scooped up a bite of her vegetable. “I’d be surprised if Cammie doesn’t have an announcement about the team. Most government offices and companies have public relations departments to handle that type of publicity. To sell an article as a freelance writer, I have to find something out of the ordinary Cammie wouldn’t see in her press release file. At least that’s the way it worked at home.”

Matt sipped his tea. “I’ll see if I can come up with something.”

“Now, if you would wrestle an alligator...”

Matt snorted as he swallowed and nearly turned over his shrimp basket laughing. “Don’t think that’s gonna happen. If I hear of anyone wrestling one, I’ll let you know.”

“Seriously, I appreciate the opportunity. When I worked at the Western Insider, I often heard great stories by listening to people’s everyday conversations. I’ll keep my ears open.”

Matt’s dark eyes still held a spark of laughter. “I will too.”

How kind of him to think of a way to supplement her income. “I’d love to write about the Okaloosa Dolphins. I just don’t think the editor would pay for the article if she received information from your public relations department. Do you have one?”

“Sort of. Sandra Jones works for the Chamber of Commerce, but she puts out a quarterly newspaper for us. Now that you mention it, I imagine she will send something to Cammie, even though the team members live in outlying areas.”

Surprise ran through Suzie. “They don’t live in Destin?”

“No. Their parents are the cooks, waiters, waitresses, and other service personnel who make our tourist seasons work. Some of them commute an hour or more from here. This winter, they asked if we could offer childcare for the summer. It made sense to have the kids here, where their parents would need a minimum amount of time to deal with an illness or emergency.”

This team was like a loosely woven tapestry that could fray with one wrong pull. “I see why the moms and dads can’t bring them in age groups.”

Matt raised his eyebrows. “After they drop the kids off at the activity center early in the mornings, lots of the children go back to sleep for an hour or so.”

Suzie swallowed the last of her tea, and Matt laid down his napkin.

“The families pay a small fee, but it doesn’t cover the cost of the program. The county’s making up the difference.” Matt pushed the paper food basket away.

“I’m surprised more aren’t participating.”

“They qualified for the program. If they had access to any other care, the county rejected them. We accepted thirty applicants who chose not to join the swim program. Some are into gymnastics. Others are learning crafts.”

“Thanks for giving me background on the children.”

“Sure. In a way I relate to them. That’s probably why I favored the program as soon as I met with their delegation. Even though my mom was around when I was a kid, my dad worked late hours and most weekends. I didn’t see much of him.”

Matt shrugged. “Maybe it was for the best that I wasn’t close to him. He believed in keeping life simple by rocking along. At the first sign of rough water, he’d either straighten out the problem immediately or bow out. So many times I heard him say, ‘Keep a distance that allows you to back off in a hurry.’ I think he must have carried an awful hurt to adopt that attitude. I couldn’t understand it until all hope I had of playing professional football blew up. Then I knew. I never wanted to care about something that much again.”

Did Matt mean he didn’t ever want to care about a person, either? “None of us want pain in our lives, but if we put ourselves in a shell, we miss so much.” Did he invite her to dinner to explain the swim team in more detail? Did he unintentionally digress? Perhaps. Lots of people opened up to her. It wasn’t unusual for her to hear about a stranger’s family while going down the same aisle with him or her in the grocery. “I enjoyed my dinner.”

Matt’s eyes snapped open as though her words surprised him. “How about a stroll on the beach before you leave?”