| |
The alarm kicked in, and before I knew it, I was ready and packed for work, and getting my mountain bike out of the shed. It only took ten minutes to get to work. If it was raining, or if we had ice or snow, I would opt for a taxi.
I arrived at work, slid my bike into one of the cycle shelters, secured my helmet while passing the chain through the holes, and locked it up.
I always entered through A&E. You could tell if you were going to have a busy shift or not by the number of ambulances parked up in front of the Accident & Emergency department. If there were a lot, and by a lot, I mean more than eight, this meant a couple of things, either there had been a major incident, which was very rare in our small town, or the hospital was full. Capacity was at maximum, so ambulance teams were waiting in the A&E car park to hand over a patient to the nursing and medical team. It was like a conveyor belt, either waiting for a patient to die on one of the wards, or self-discharge, or transfer to another hospital, or just be discharged. In doing so, this would then free up a bed on the ward, allowing an ambulance to discharge a patient to the A&E department.
Today was going to be a good day; there was only one ambulance outside as I entered the automatic sliding doors. It was just pulling out onto the main road with its crew ready to save more lives.
“Morning,” I said to Jeanette on reception, as I whisked past.
“Morning love,” she said, putting the phone down and then greeting the next patient in line.
As porters, we had our own changing rooms. I still had my original locker, even though I was now agency, they let me keep it. I took off my tracksuit top and pulled out my royal blue polo neck uniform, freshly ironed, and slipped it on. I opened my locker and got out my ID badge. It was neon yellow with the NHS Trust’s name across the bottom. At the top, it read 'Hello, my name is' and then my name 'Aaron Abbey' across the middle. I should wear my 'A-LEX SERVICES' ID badge, but I still choose to wear my original name badge. No one says anything, not even my boss.
I saw some of the other lads just entering the changing room as I was just about to clock in.
“Morning Az.”
“Morning Shep,” I replied, followed by a bit of pleasant banter. The lads carried on talking about the football match that played out last night. Clocking in was a lot easier than it used to be. We used mini-iPads. We simply collected an iPad from the charging doc and logged in. I would log in to the A-Lex App; this would time stamp my shift starting. The iPad would be yours for the entire shift. The jobs would come up in time order onto all of our iPads throughout the day. There were usually ten porters on duty during the day shift, in reality, there should be fourteen, but it was uncommon that the portering department was ever fully staffed.
Our iPads would alert us to a new job. There could be up to thirty five jobs waiting at any one time during the busiest part of the day. Priority jobs were in red, and this mainly involved moving a patient from one area to another, or equipment that was needed urgently. These priority jobs had to be done, obviously, as a priority, and the blue jobs would get done as soon as possible, these were the jobs that stacked up. It was all automated, gone were the days when a supervisor would sit in the office and co-ordinate us throughout the shift using a bleep system. Anyone who needed a porter would go to their computer screen and book a job without using a coordinator, this job would then go to all our iPads. Whoever was booking a porter would code it 'urgent' or 'non-urgent', and a short description of what was required.
Leigh worked on 'Ward 29'. It was a medical assessment unit, we got a lot of jobs from Ward 29. It was either taking patients to other departments as part of their medical diagnostics, x-ray, phlebotomy, and discharge lounge. Sometimes, we'd get the call to take a patient to 'Rose Cottage'. Rose Cottage was the code name for the hospital morgue. “Hopefully no visits for Rose Cottage today,” I thought to myself.
I'd just signed in and clocked on, and my first job popped up on my iPad.
Dept: Ward 29
Sender: RGN Clark
Requirement: Take blood samples to labs (air pod broken).
It was from Leigh, and she had used our code (air pod broken). Even if the pod was working, this was her way of letting me know she wanted me to pick this job regardless of the other non-priority jobs. She knew I was on duty, and she needed to speak to me.
I accepted the job. Leigh will have the kettle already on the boil in the staff room.
I took the stairs, it was only two levels up from our changing room. The entrance read ‘Welcome to Ward 29’ in big letters above the double doors. Before I even got the chance to open them, she was there. She wore a blue coloured nurses' uniform, with two pockets on either side at the hips, and one on her chest's right side. She had a pair of scissors, a black biro pen, a red biro pen, and a highlighter poking out from the top. Her photo ID name badge turned around so you could not see her picture, you could just see a barcode. She hated that photo. She stood there, hair tied up in a messy knot on top of her head, her eyelashes were heavily dosed in mascara, often with big clumps on the ends flicking up and down as she blinked.
“I say,” she said in a kind of ‘come here I've got some gossip for you’ way. “Don’t think I have gone mad, will you? Because if you do, then I probably have gone mad.” She said, “Look, I know this is going to sound weird, and I mean weird, but bear with me, and hear me out.”
“So,” she continued, “yesterday, I was taking a patient’s blood pressure in bed 23 and...”
She stopped mid-sentence, she could see the colour draining from my face, I leaned on the handrail on the wall, which is usually for the elderly to use. I knew what she was going to say. I didn't want to know, I didn't want her to carry on. I composed myself.
“Are you ok, pal?” she asked.
“Yeah, I'm good. I just didn't sleep well last night, and I missed breakfast this morning.” This was a complete lie as I had slept like a baby and I don't usually make breakfasts anyway. Leigh knew this but didn't say anything; she carried on.
“Anyway, I'm taking this fella's blood pressure, and I just happen to look out of the window and, no word of a lie, I saw this man outside the window looking straight in at me.”
“And?” I said, as if to say what's this got to do with me.
She says, “We're on Level 4, pal.” She looks around to check no one else can hear our conversation. She repeats, holding four fingers up to me. “Four, you think that's weird?” She carried on, and lowered her voice even more, “The man that was floating outside the window. It was you Az, I swear to god it was you. He didn't look like you though. He had longer hair than you, and to be fair, it was a lighter brown than yours. Oh, and his nose wasn't yours, I guess he had your eyes and mouth.”
“Ok,” she released, “So he didn't look like you, but I just know it was you. I just had this feeling, pal, it freaked me out!” She stood there, waiting for my reaction, hands on her hips. I didn't say anything.
“Oh, and he had this luminous gold light shining out of him.”
I didn't know what to say; I didn't know what to do. I cracked a smile, and this turned into a chuckle, then into a belly laugh. Leigh joined in, and her raucous laughter boomed out. “Pal,” she said. “I'm serious. I know what I saw.”
I gave her a look as if to say without words, “Come on! Really?”
She looked at her fob watch and took note of the time. “I've lost it, pal. The lid has finally flipped, I have finally gone and lost it. Text me when you get your lunch notification, and I'll see if I can break off at the same time. I'll meet you in the canteen later.”
And with that, she hurried off down the ward heading to one of the cubicle rooms with a red light above the door. A patient had used the nurse call buzzer and required assistance.
I could not quite catch my breath. My throat and mouth had gone dry, and I did feel as if my knees had gone weak. Leigh had just confirmed what I was telling myself was a dream. She made it apparent that what happened was not a dream. How can she have shared the same vision as me? She was awake, she was at work, and was busy, and she saw what I experienced.
It happened. It was real. I headed straight back to the porter's locker room and straight to the toilet. I tried to be sick, but nothing would come up. I tried to spit but nothing. I was so dry-mouthed, it felt like I'd woken up after a night on the beer. I took a plastic cup from the drink water dispenser and drunk it, then a second, and then a third.
My iPad was bleeping as the jobs were coming in. I had to sit down. I cradled my head in my hands and ruffled my hair. I guess if anyone saw me, they would think I had just seen my favourite football team lose. Not that I followed football much, I would support my local football team, Redgrand's red and whites, but I wasn't a fan. We were bottom of the league, but whenever we played, it was the talk of the porters’ staff room, so I joined in with the lad's banter and comments. I was more a tennis fan. I'd religiously record it if I was working and watch the game when I got home.
”Oh my god,” I said to myself out loud, “Did this happen?”
I went back to Leigh's conversation in my head. She described me, but not me. The description she gave of the 'not me' person floating, the more I thought about it, matched what I looked like in my dream when I was with Metatron. This discussion we had had was making me anxious, and I started to take shallow breaths, nearly going into a panic attack. Part of me wished that Barkley had been awake to see and experience the same thing so that I could share what I was going through. Instead, the only witness was Leigh, who happened to have been miles away at the time. I put my head into my hands again, ruffled my hair, and took a deep breath.
I had laughed it off with Leigh, maybe she might never mention it again. I thought about what Leigh had said, and how she does not know that I experienced the same. I decided to do some more digging at lunch-time, and see exactly what she knew. I looked at my mini-iPad, which had been bleeping consistently throughout my mini break down. It read...
Dept: X-ray
Sender: RGN Kent
Requirement: Return the patient to Ward 30.
I clicked accept and set off to the x-ray department.
I kept myself busy during the first half of my shift. The Accident & Emergency department was getting busier, so there were many transfers of patients from A&E to Ward 29. I didn't see Leigh again to chat to. We were both busy with our jobs. I tried not to think about any of the events or what Leigh had said to me this morning. I just got on with my daily routine, remaining as pleasant as I could be as I transferred patients and equipment to and fro. I kept a smile on my face. No one wanted to be in the hospital, most of all the staff that worked there. But being a patient, being unwell, having to stay away from their loved ones until they recovered, or having their illness diagnosed wasn't a pleasant experience for anyone. I always tried to put a smile on their face as well, no matter what. It was just the way I was. Today was different though, I went around and did my job, but I was quiet. Very quiet.
When my iPad alert went off, it was 13:00. It made a different sound. This time, it was a long beep, different from the sound it makes when a job gets posted. It was the notification message to say it was my turn to take my lunch break. I messaged Leigh to tell her I was going on my lunch break. She didn't reply. Sometimes she could make it, others not, it all depended on how busy her shift was, how many admissions she had, how many discharges she had. If she had a critically ill patient that she could not leave. The variables changed depending on how the ward was. As she didn't reply, I didn't expect to see her when I got to the canteen, but I did. There she was.
I sat down beside her with my pre-prepared packed lunch from yesterday. I placed it out on a paper napkin and unscrewed my flask of coffee.
Leigh had been to the counter and was tucking into a full English breakfast. Even though it was gone one pm. Leigh dipped a piece of toast into the yolk of one of her two fried eggs.
“Got to keep the carbs up, pal. It's gonna be a long shift,” she said as she delicately placed the yolk ladened piece of toast into her mouth.
“I thought you wouldn't be able to make it,” I said as I took a bite into my dry ham and cheese sandwich.
“I've got a student nurse on with me, she's shit hot. I'm working alongside Sister Lana today so between them both, the ward is in good hands. I feel like I can take a step back, so I have! I'm treating myself to a decent breakfast for my lunch.”
We both sat there for a few minutes in silence as we ate our lunch. I didn't know how to bring up the conversation we’d had this morning. I wanted to ask in more detail what the man looked like to her? What was he wearing? What was this luminous gold light? I wanted to compare notes to see if what Leigh saw out of the window was what I experienced during my dream. Did she see the other version of me? It sounded like it, but I needed more proof.
She tore into three sachets of sugar from the side of her saucer all at the same time and poured them into her tea, and she used a wooden stick stirrer to stir it in.
“About this floating or flying person that was me but wasn't me that you saw outside the window yesterday...”
I barely finished my sentence before she bit my head off and snapped right back at me. “Pal, I don't want to talk about it, ever again. I was having some kind of a senior moment. God knows what I saw, but I don't want to talk about it. I wish I never told you about it now; I feel daft as it is. Let's just leave it.”
She took a big slurp from her teacup, put it down, looked at me, and said in a barely audible voice, “Whoever, or whatever, he was, he had some sort of a crown on his head with different coloured jewels going across it. He looked like a king.”
I wanted to go into more detail, asking her about the colours on this crown but we just sat there in silence finishing off our lunch.
I felt that what happened yesterday was real. What Leigh said to me this morning, and what she said to me just now - no one else could have known this. It couldn’t have been a coincidence.
I changed the subject and asked her how the house move was going. She was getting a place with her boyfriend, it was getting serious now. They were moving in together into a penthouse apartment. It was a top-floor apartment with an outdoor garden and balcony, with views right across the whole of Redgrand. It wasn't as tall as the hospital, but it did make part of the Redgrand skyline.
“I'll never move again,” she said. “It nearly killed me, don't ever move Az. Stay where you are, you won't cope with the stress.”
I wanted to tell her the stress I was feeling right now, but I didn't. I couldn't. I needed more proof before I told anyone about this, even Leigh.
“But we're all settled in now, nice and cosy. I'm just waiting on my garden furniture to be delivered then I'm kind of all moved in.”
“House warming party?” I asked.
“Oh aye,” she said as she munched off a piece of sausage from her fork.
Her boyfriend was a theatre manager, and he would often get us free or cheap tickets for shows. We loved nothing more than to sit in the back row of the theatre for free, watching whatever we could. We would then proceed to critique the show we had just watched as if it was us that had directed it or had starred in it, not that we were actors or anything, that wasn't our thing. We just loved to bitch and laugh at something in the show, and to also give credit when credit was due.
Leigh finished off her full English breakfast and proceeded to pull out a tube of Pringles from her oversized handbag.
“Pring?” She said as she flicked off the lid with her thumb and offered them out to me.
“No, thanks,” I said.
“No Pringles for this boy? Oh, Pringle-Boy doesn't want any, hey? Poor Pringle-boy you don't know what you're missing.” She popped four pringles in her mouth at the same time.
My iPad beeped telling me my break was over and having heard this we had 3 minutes to click onto the next job.
Dept: Ward 29
Sender: Sister Lana
Requirement: Transfer the patient to the chemo unit.
I clicked accept.
“Ward 29,” I said.
“I'll walk with you,” she said as she clicked the lid back on her Pringles and took the last swig of her tea. “I just need to nip to the toilet, wait on.”
I waited outside the ladies' toilets; two young student nurses walked past me, they both looked at me and went into a quick walk whilst giggling. I don't know if they were laughing at me because I was standing outside the ladies' toilets or because perhaps one of them fancied me. Either way, I went red with embarrassment and started to move on. Leigh soon caught up with me.
“Hey you've still got it, pal,” she said. “Those two student nurses were all over you.”
“Ooh did you see his eyes,” she mimicked them. “I like an older man,” she continued to mock flying straight into her unmistakable belly laugh. We laughed our way back to the ward.
If we were at my house or vice versa and we went into what we call belly laughs, that was it. We would not be able to stop laughing. It could go on for hours. At times, I have been in pain and been unable to breathe because of the laughter. We have this chemistry that only me and Leigh understand. Other people would think we were completely bonkers, and they would be right. As soon as we entered the ward the laughter stopped. We were professional. Leigh went to her locker room, and I went to the nurse's station to look for Sister Lana.
“Hi, Aaron,” she said. “There's a little girl in the waiting room with her mum, she only looks about five bless her. Someone's directed her here to Ward 29 for her chemotherapy. She's not going to get it here. Be a darling Aaron, would you take them to the chemo unit?”
“Sure thing,” I said as I gave her a wink and a smile.
I walked around the corner towards the waiting room and sat out of view behind the fake plastic plants was this thin, emaciated child. She looked to be about three years old, but you could tell she was older. She had no hair, and her skin was so pale you could see the veins in her head. She had a nasogastric tube fastened to her pale skin on the right side of her face.
My heart broke as I saw her with knee-high white socks and ruby red Mary-Jane shoes, swinging her legs from the plastic bucket chair in the waiting room. She was looking around and taking in her new surroundings. Her mum was sitting next to her reading one of the hospital leaflets. She looked tired and worn, and you could see the worry, stress, and sleepless nights she’s had all over her face.
“Hello,” I said as I approached her. “My name’s Aaron, would you like me to get you a taxi to the chemotherapy unit?”
She looked up and gave me the biggest smile, “Taxi?” she said. And before I could say anything else, Sister Lana beat me to it and whizzed around the corner with a wheelchair.
“Come on, hop into Aaron’s Taxi, he doesn't charge much. If you’re good, he likes to give rides for free!”
Her mum broke a smile, and the little girl jumped into the oversized adult wheelchair, she looked so lost sat in the middle of the chair. She placed her doll next to her and said, “Come on - we go adventure.”
“What's your name then?” I asked.
“Caroline” she replied.
I quickly broke out into song, singing the lyrics to Sweet Caroline.
“That's the only part I know,” I said to her mum.
“Same here,” she said.
“And what do they call your doll?”
“Today she's called Jane”.
“Don't ask?” her mum said as soon as Caroline stopped speaking.
“First time at Redgrand Hospital then?” I said to the mother.
“Yeah, the chemo unit at SR has closed due to an outbreak, some kind of infection. It's taken us two hours to get here, but she needs her treatment. I'd travel twenty four hours if I had to.”
I'd do the same if it was my own kid.
We got to the lifts. “Halfway there,” I said, as the mum started patting her pockets and panic struck across her face.
“Oh no,” she said in a high-pitched voice. “I've left my purse on the chairs in the waiting room.”
“Don't worry, it will still be there. I'm sure. Do you want me to go get it for you?”
“No no”, she said. “It's my fault, I'll run back and get it.”
She knelt and lowered herself to Caroline's level, “Are you ok waiting here with...” She looked up at me as if to read my name badge.
“Aaron,” I said.
“With Aaron?” She continued, “While mummy goes back to fetch her purse?”
“It's ok, Mummy,” she said.
“I'll be as quick as I can. I'm so sorry!” She apologised to me and off she flew down the corridor.
My mini-iPad pinged and made the noise. It was an urgent job, but it was at the other end of the hospital, and I knew Shep would pick it up. The little girl saw my iPad and held her hands out.
“Peppa Pig,” she squealed, reaching out as if she thought she would be able to watch Peppa Pig from it.
“No, not on this one I'm afraid,” I said as I lowered myself to her level and showed her my screen. ”This iPad tells my taxi where to go next, you see.” I pointed out the lists of jobs waiting to be accepted by porters, and as I showed it to her, Shep picked up the urgent call. The next job was from the Chemo Unit. As I was heading there, I would be taking that next job.
“Do you see that blue box there?” I showed her my screen and said, “That’s where I’m going next. Do you want to click it?”
She smiled. She raised her right hand, and I took hold of it to guide her to the correct button on the screen. I didn't want her to click one of the other jobs, which would have meant me having to walk right to the other side of the hospital. The moment my skin made a connection with hers, BOOM.
The wave of energy that overcame me was unexpected. I had experienced this feeling before. All of my senses became activated. The vibrations that went through my chest wall were, again, like being stood in front of the most prominent speaker in a festival. Only this time, my eyes were open. I was awake, and so was the little girl.
She looked at me in awe and wonderment. I looked into her eyes, and I could see the pain and torment she was going through. Her body glowed with an aura around it. I don't know if anyone else could see it, but I could. She had beautiful colours swirling around her. I could still see her physical body, but built in was this mist-like, extra, see-through reality layered on top. I looked more closely at the colours swirling and misting around her body. Then I saw it. A darkness that I can only describe as negative energy. It was around her kidneys like dark smoke choking the life out of them. The little girl, Caroline, was transfixed on me; she could not take her eyes off me.
I looked at my hands, arms, and chest, my entire body was emanating a luminous glow of gold and yellow, just like in the dream. Precisely as Leigh had described. At that moment, I don't know how, and I don't know why, but I knew I could remove the negative energy swirling around on either side of her kidneys. The gloomy swirls of smoke began to move from either side of her kidneys. It rose above the areas where her kidneys would be, met in the middle, and joined as one. Then it continued up her chest wall and descended her right arm. Onto her hand and then the tips of her fingers. It transferred itself into me. As it exited Caroline, and entered into my hand, it sparkled refracting light around us like reflections from a moonlit ocean. As soon as the energy was inside me, I pulled away. The little girl was still looking at me, mesmerised. I looked at my hand. I was still glowing like a luminous light bulb.
“iLUMiNO,” she said in an excited tone, pointing at me and giving me the biggest happiest smile that I had seen in a long time.
“iLUMiNO, iLUMiNO, iLUMiNO,” she repeated, as her bottom was jumping up and down in the oversized wheelchair with excitement. She then went into giggles of laughter and sat her doll beside her who had fallen to one side.
I smiled at her. The luminous gold glow that I'd had was gone. I knew something else was gone as well. I couldn't say for sure, but right there, right then, as soon as we broke contact, I knew she was now cancer-free.
Just then, her mum came around the corner, a little out of breath with her purse in her hand.
“You got it,” I said knowing, of course, she had, as I could see it clutched so tight her fingernails were digging into the leather.
“Yeah,” she said, “the ward Sister found it and put it in a safe place for me, thankfully”. I pressed the button for the lift, and the doors opened. Dr Shuster came flying out of the lift doors not giving them time to open fully. He brushed my shoulder with his and nearly knocked me over.
“He wanted out,” I said. “Obviously attending an emergency,” I said to the mum as we entered the lift.
A few seconds passed as we stood there in silence and Caroline sat in her wheelchair playing with her doll.
I looked over at the mum and said, “You know?” Then I paused to create the illusion I was contemplating what to say next, “While you're here at a different hospital, why don't you ask the new doctors for a progression report. You know, to see how's she's doing, see if they want to run any more tests or something?”
“You know, I might just do that.”
Caroline smiled at me, a huge smile. She knew.