Chapter Eleven

Jake

I hated being afraid. I hated it, and right now, I was terrified.

It wasn’t the press, though I was sitting in the pregame press area and being grilled about last night. I’d predicted the questions with 99 percent accuracy and had my answers ready. I just kept repeating that I did what I had to do in the fire, and could we talk about baseball now? I didn’t mention Ellie at all. Just did my best to deflect their attention away from her.

It worked for the most part, and eventually questions shifted back to the upcoming game. And that allowed me to finally leave the briefing, even though my stomach was still in knots.

I wasn’t afraid of Connor, either, though he slammed me against the wall in the locker room. He didn’t say a word. Just drilled me with narrowed brown eyes while his jaw muscle worked. He was a man of few words, but damn, his silence made the pain in my stomach spike enough to make me sweat. I stammered out, “I’m not going to hurt her. I swear.”

It was a lie. I’d already hurt her when I seduced her up to that balcony last night. And now—forever on the internet—there were all sorts of ugly stories about her. I hated it, but I was doing everything I could to change it, and both Connor and I knew that. But Connor’s question was about the future. Was I going to hurt her any worse?

“I swear, I think she’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t what I’d intended to say. “I want her to be safe as much as you do.”

“I don’t want her safe,” Connor said, his voice thick. “I want her loved. And I don’t think you can do that.”

I flinched. He was right. I didn’t do that, and everyone knew it. Even Ellie. My gaze slipped away until I was staring at the stained locker room carpet. “I can,” I murmured.

“No. You did. Sometime before. But now you can’t—you don’t.”

Fury built inside me, hot and dark, a spark that became a bonfire in the space of one breath. Suddenly I was shoving him off me though it made my ribs burn with pain. “It’s my love life, Connor. And hers. You can butt the hell out.”

I was ready for him to come at me again. With words. Or fists. Whatever. I was ready for him.

He didn’t. He just shook his head. “You kids think it’s so easy. You’re fast on the field, fast with women, but nothing’s as fast as that mouth. You can talk your way out of anything.” He snorted. “Enjoy it, asshole. Because someday soon, your luck is going to run out.”

My eyes widened. I hadn’t expected to get such an old man speech out of him. Connor wasn’t that much older than me. He was hardly in the old guy category. But as much as I wanted to be pissed about what he’d said, part of me was quickly calculating probabilities. Sure, Connor was afraid for his cousin, but he’d already warned both her and me. There wasn’t much more he could do except let us go as we chose. Which meant…

This little speech was more about him than me.

“What’s going on?” I asked. “Why do you think your luck’s run out?”

Connor jerked in surprise, and then his eyes abruptly narrowed. Faster than I expected, his fist connected hard with my jaw. My head whipped around and I barely caught myself before I was slammed against the wall.

He had his chance then. While I was holding on to the wall for dear life, he could have followed up the first punch with any number of body blows. But he didn’t. Instead, he loomed over me.

“Keep my cousin off the fucking internet, asshole. And don’t you ever touch her again.”

I nodded, even though that was ridiculous. Ellie and I would be dating for the next few months. Of course I would touch her. But I didn’t need to say that. In fact, I figured a docile response was the best way to get out of this situation and move on to the real problem. My growing fear. What would Ellie do when she saw me today? Yeah, she’d agreed to the charade over the phone, but girls like her tended to show their true feelings no matter what they promised. One look at her face would tell the tale.

And that had me terrified. What would I see when I looked at her? Anger? Disgust? Turns out I had zero predictions in that area. Or rather a zillion, all with equal probabilities.

Fortunately, Connor stomped away and I took the time to disappear into the doc’s room. He had a cold pack for my jaw, some painkillers for my ribs, and a long, cold, uncomfortable stare. He didn’t say anything, though. And for that, I was eternally grateful.

Then it was time for batting practice before the game. I was on the disabled list until the ribs healed, so according to league rules, I couldn’t dress with the team or sit in the dugout. But Gia had arranged one of the open-air boxes for me, Ben and his family, and Ellie and hers. We’d be one big happy photogenic group waving to the cameras during the game.

That’s where I was headed with my jaw still throbbing and my heart beating in my throat. And with every step, the dread mixed with anticipation into a gut-churning disaster. What the hell was wrong with me? I hadn’t been this keyed up since my first minor league game. Even my debut in the majors hadn’t made me this nauseous. And yet every time I stopped to sign an autograph, every pause on the stairs as I waved to a group cheering my name, it felt like another acid bomb had exploded in my stomach.

Finally, I arrived. This was it.

I stepped through the back of the box into a carpeted area before the seats. Cameras flashed and applause went up. I had my press face on—bland smiling with a hand wave—as I looked for Ellie. I didn’t see her behind Ben’s family. He came running up to me, talking nonstop, while dragging his father over.

I forced my gaze down to Ben as he introduced me to his family—the whole crew. Dad had apparently hopped the first flight to Chicago after the fire. Ben’s aunt, uncle, and cousins crowded in, all longtime White Sox fans though they were sporting Bobcats jerseys today. His grandma and grandpa were tearful. They all wanted to thank me personally for saving Ben, and I took the time required to shake every hand and allow my cheek to be kissed. Camera flashes continued, and I couldn’t help wondering just how many reporters Gia had dragged in here.

Where the hell was Ellie?

Eventually, I finished meeting all of Ben’s family. The game was starting, thank God. The announcer was introducing the players, and the crowd was cheering. It was a welcome distraction. So as Ben’s family turned to look down at the field, I finally got a chance to see the other people in the box.

The McDonalds were there, smiling warmly at me, but only one face stood out to me.

Ellie.

Freckles. Dimples. Soft cherry lips. Pert nose. And smoky brown eyes perfect for a movie set.

Wait. What?

Rachel must have done Ellie’s makeup. She didn’t look bad, but she wasn’t the Ellie I wanted to see. I was looking for the hometown girl with clear eyes and a smile just for me.

Except she wasn’t smiling. She was biting her lower lip in nervousness and twisting her fingers around the charm bracelet I’d given her. I stepped forward, but hesitated two steps later. She didn’t look glad to see me. She looked terrified.

Oh shit. What had I done?

Then Rachel bumped her from behind in a not-so-subtle push. Ellie lurched forward awkwardly, and I closed the distance between us because I didn’t want her to stumble. She didn’t. She stopped a couple inches from me. And then I was looking down at her, studying every nuance in her expression, trying to guess what they meant.

“Ellie,” I said. “I’m so sorry ab—”

She stopped me with a kiss. Pushing up on her toes, she slammed her mouth against mine. The kiss was awkward and abrupt, but hell, I didn’t mind. I caught her around the waist and pulled her tight.

She settled, her mouth softening, her body easing. I teased the seam of her mouth, and soon her lips relaxed and separated. I angled my head as she tilted just right. Then I slipped between her teeth. A stroke. A tease. And suddenly, she was dueling with me, tongue to tongue, while I deepened the kiss.

She didn’t hate me. She wasn’t angry. She was soft and sweet in my arms. And her kiss was making me think of a dozen different places we could go in the stadium to be alone.

“Okay, you two. Let’s not go overboard. There are kids here.”

It was Rachel as she tugged on my arm. Ellie stiffened and abruptly drew back, her face burning. I could feel the heat from where I held her close. I was sure photos of that kiss would be hitting the internet within seconds, and I couldn’t help but grin. No one could call her cruel names now. She was too flushed with embarrassment, and I was too obviously smitten. If anyone had any doubts about the wholesomeness of our relationship, all they had to do was expand the lens to take in Ellie’s parents as they looked on with doting expressions.

Score one for media management.

After that, things settled down pretty quick. It was time to watch the game, so after greeting Ellie’s parents (a hard handshake from her dad, a peck on the cheek from her mom), I turned to Rachel, who gave me the death stare. Wow. She and Connor could be twins with that look. But I’d already taken a cut to the jaw from her cousin. No way was I going to let Ellie’s sister make me feel small. Not after that kiss.

“It’s under control,” I murmured to her as I gave her a brotherly hug.

“It better be,” she said as she used her hug to squeeze my neck harder than a vise.

Well, okay. Connor had slugged me in the jaw. I supposed Rachel was due her pound of flesh as well. I took it like a man, then turned to focus on Ellie. This close, I could see that her burning flush of embarrassment was gone. In truth, if it weren’t for the artfully applied makeup, she’d probably look pale. Her hand was cool in mine, and her smile was looking a little forced.

“Let’s sit down,” I suggested.

Ellie tried to pull her hand from mine. I let her go reluctantly, but couldn’t stand not touching her. I set my hand on her lower back as she moved to her seat. Then I dropped down beside her. She twisted uncomfortably, looking at my arm where it stretched behind her.

“Too close?” I murmured as quietly as I could.

“Um. No. Just…um…weird.”

“I don’t want you to feel weird,” I whispered. So I drew back, pulling my hand away, and dropped it on my lap. But I stayed close enough that our arms touched, and we could hold hands if she wanted to. I didn’t understand my sudden need to touch her. The kiss should have reassured me that everything between us was okay, but it didn’t. Because after that scorching greeting, she was now acting shy and reserved.

So how did she really feel? Hot and happy in my arms? Or awkward and unsure?

I leaned to murmur into her ear. “I know this is strange, but if we can get through the game, we can go somewhere and talk. Then we’ll work out all the details however you want. You can hit me, scream at me, whatever you need.” And if there were more of those kisses, I wouldn’t object. “I know you’re pissed.”

“Not at you,” she whispered back.

Well, that was good.

“I’m furious with myself.”

Make that not good.

“But I’ll deal.”

I winced. I didn’t want her “dealing” with me or our time together. I wanted… Graphic images flashed through my brain. Well, yeah, of course I wanted that. But was there something else I wanted? With Ellie?

Maybe.

I looked at her through my peripheral vision. I saw the curve of her cheek and the ski slope of her nose. I thought about her carrying the fruit salad at the barbecue, surrounded by family. I remembered the way she laughed, warm and free. She hadn’t even been drinking, and yet everything about her had been relaxed and open. I thought about her scent and remembered how she’d tasted just before orgasm. And again, I was right back into Little Jake territory. Was it all about sex for me? Was that all I wanted?

I was too frightened of the answer to look deeper. After all, it was natural to want everything she represented—a good girl, a loving family, a house in the suburbs—especially since my upbringing had been nothing like that. The need I was feeling had nothing to do with Ellie and everything to do with my own crappy childhood.

So I settled for holding Ellie’s hand and watching the Bobcats win. Except, as the time ticked away, I knew this quiet space to think was nearly over. Ellie was not a woman who would tolerate being in limbo for long. Sure enough, five minutes after the game ended, she dropped a bombshell.

“It was great seeing you all,” she said to her family as she kissed them each in turn. “I’m going to go back to Indy with Jake now, but I’ll be sure to keep in touch.” Then she turned to look me in the eye. “Unless you have to ride on the team bus or something?”

What could I say? She wanted to talk, and I needed to listen. “Of course not. Let’s drive together.”