Chapter Twenty-Three

Ellie

It was too early to go anywhere but home, and yet I found myself driving to Jake’s apartment instead. The bellman offered to let me in, but he warned me that Jake wasn’t there. I didn’t have to ask where he’d gone. There was only one place he’d be this late on a weeknight.

So I drove to Pops’s place. I’d never gone there before, but it was easy to find the address. It would have been smarter to go home and sleep off my pain, then see Jake after I settled into a better frame of mind. But I didn’t want to face the prospect of losing my job alone. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that it would be okay. And then I wanted mind-blowing sex. I couldn’t think of a better way to obliterate panic than with an all-consuming orgasm. And that could only be found with Jake.

I texted him on the way over but wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer. He was probably asleep or deep in a battle with Pops. Either way, he wouldn’t answer. And I felt guilty for needing to be with him. But not enough to turn around.

And then I was at Pops’s dilapidated house. Someone had mowed the lawn and made a cursory attempt at the weeds. I was pretty sure that it hadn’t been Pops, but didn’t know if had been Jake who’d done it, or his brother. The porch light was on and I knocked on the door. When no one answered, I called Jake’s phone.

He answered with a hiss of pain, mixed with a muddled, “Yeah?”

“It’s me,” I said, my voice choking. “Are you at Pops’s place?”

“Um, yeah.” I could hear the concern in his voice. “What happened?”

“I’m standing at the front door. Can you open it for me?”

“What? Hold on.” I heard more muffled sounds from the inside of the house. A minute later, I heard the locks, and then the door opened. Jake was standing there all rumpled and flushed, looking at me with blinking eyes as he set down his phone.

“I’m sorry to bother you this late,” I said, my voice choking.

He didn’t say a word but just pulled me into his arms. I held on to him, and it was the best feeling in the world. Or it was, until I noticed the heat coming off his body and the way he tensed when I squeezed. So I released him enough to look in his eyes and touch his face.

“You’ve got a fever,” I said.

“What? No. It’s just hot.” Then he looked into my eyes. “You’ve been crying.”

“I said something I shouldn’t have to a patient. I’m probably getting fired.”

He blinked. “What?”

I shrugged. “Everyone can have a bad day.” He gave me a quick hug as he pulled me into the house. But he quickly released me, then headed into the kitchen. I watched him closely as he moved. I saw the way his breath hitched and how he protected his side. They were subtle motions, things that most people wouldn’t see because Jake was hiding them. But I’d been watching this man for a long time, and I knew there was a problem.

“Are your ribs hurting?”

“The bed here sucks.”

Maybe, but it wouldn’t make that much of a difference. “They should have healed by now.”

“I just need some aspirin.” As he spoke, he popped open the top of a bottle, flashed me a rueful smile, then threw a few pills into his mouth.

“That’s not the way to take medicine, and you know it.”

He didn’t answer as he filled a glass with water and drank deeply. When he was done, he rubbed his face and looked at me. “Tell me what happened at work.”

I shook my head slowly as I looked at him, and all the frustration I’d felt over the past few weeks started churning again. Jake was an amazing athlete, a loving son, and a generally considerate boyfriend. After all, here he was, in the middle of the night, trying to comfort me after he’d obviously spent most of the night dealing with his father. It would be ungrateful of me to start fighting with him. And truly bitchy.

But when I looked at him and at this house, all I could see was layer upon layer of denial. I didn’t know if it was because of Pops’s drinking or something that had happened before that. Had he had other hard knocks before his wife abandoned him? Who the hell knew? I certainly didn’t, because no one talked about it. They just cut the grass and pretended it wasn’t killing them.

It was bad enough that Pops lived that way, but now Jake was falling into the same pattern. Sure, he’d ask me to bare my soul, but when it was his turn to let me see the real him, he just deflected my attention. He didn’t drink, but he sure as hell didn’t talk, either.

“I’ll tell you, if you tell me,” I challenged.

He rubbed his eyes and walked to the couch. “Tell you what?”

“On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?”

“It’s nothing.” He sat down on the couch, moving his body carefully.

“Bullshit. Take a deep breath.”

He looked up at me. “What?”

“Take a deep breath.”

“Ellie, I know you’re upset about your job, but I’m sure it’ll be okay. Anyone can have a bad day. It’s just that Darth Vader boss you have. This is her fault.”

No, it was mine, but I wasn’t going to get sucked into an argument about that. I was too primed for this one.

“Have you told the team doctors about the pain?”

“Ellie, it’s nothing.”

“Is it nothing…or are you afraid that it’s something and you’ll get kicked off the team for it?”

He glared at me. “That’s ridiculous.”

It was, and yet hospitals were filled with people—athletes included—who denied a problem until it was too late. I crossed the room and pressed my hand to his forehead. He tried to duck away, but I was insistent. Fever. Clear as day.

“Just how bad does it hurt, Jake?”

I reached down to press on his ribs, but he grabbed my hand. “The bruise is gone, Ellie. I don’t need you mothering me.”

“I’m not mothering. I’m girlfriending.”

“Well, stop it.”

His grip was strong as he held me away, trying to steer me to sit on the couch. And any other day, I would have gone. I would have taken his dismissal in silence and not rocked the boat. But I was angry and hurt, and it was mainly because of this distance between us. I hated this thing where I’d stopped talking about what was important to me, and he’d never started.

Seeing that I wasn’t bending to his will, he let me go with a deep sigh. “I’m tired, Ellie. It’s way too early in the morning. What do you want?”

I want you to love me.

Those were the words that I wanted to say. But even now, hurt and aching because of the silence between us, I couldn’t voice them.

And then, suddenly, it hit me.

It was easy as hell for me to stand in my truth when I didn’t give a damn, but hard as hell to stand firm when I was risking something. Just keep quiet, my cowardice whispered. Sit on the couch and let him hold you. You can even tell him all about what happened at work. At least he’ll still be in your life. You can still hold on to a piece of him.

So those were my choices.

I could demand that he listen to me. Odds were strong that he’d react the same way he’d done when I told him I loved him. He’d run. He’d walk out on me or throw me out, and then it would be over. Even if we remained a “couple” until the end of the season, it would be unbearable. We’d end up hating each other.

Or I could sit on the couch and let him comfort me. And we’d go on in the same way we had been, with our eyes closed and hearts protected.

I headed for the couch, because that’s what a coward would do. Until they don’t.

Because when I went to bend my knees, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let my cowardice possibly ruin Jake’s life. Because looking at him this close, I could see the sheen to his eyes and the flush to his skin. He even pulled the couch blanket around him, which meant his fever was climbing.

“Listen to me closely,” I said, my voice low. “You need to get into my car and go to the emergency room with me.”

He frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“If we go now, it’ll be before practice. The team doesn’t need to know about it until you want to tell them.”

He shook his head, his expression incredulous. “What—?”

“You haven’t taken a deep breath since I got here.”

“So? I told you. The bed—”

“How much pain are you in, Jake? How bad does it hurt to breathe?”

He pushed up from the couch. His eyes were cold, his expression hard. “I can breathe just fine. I sure as hell don’t need to go to the ER.”

“I’m telling you as a nurse that you do.” This was it. This was the moment when I stood firm despite the consequences. Despite possibly losing him forever. At this moment, I was not going to take a step back. “Do you trust me, Jake? Do you respect my education? My training?”

“Of course I do—”

“Then listen to me now.” I held out my hand. And while he stared at me in shock, his hand started to raise. He didn’t want to listen to me. I could tell that. But I was determined.

And then Pops came into the room. His eyes were bloodshot, his hands shook, and he was clearly at the bad end of a bender. “What’s all the yammering about? Decent people should be asleep.”

I spoke quickly, trying to head off the argument. “Jake needs to go to the hospital. I’m taking him.”

Pops jerked upright and stared owlishly at his son. “You sick?”

“Ellie thinks so.”

“You don’t look sick.”

“I—”

“You can’t go tearing off to the hospital. What if there’s a reporter there? You know they hang out at the ER, just in case. Then the Bobcats’ll drop you for sure.”

Denial layered with justification. God, I saw it so clearly right then. “What happened, Jake? Did he punch you in the ribs? Maybe when you were trying to get his keys from him so he wouldn’t drive. Or did you have to pick him up and carry him from the car into the house?” I winced in memory at the number of times I’d let him carry me. But he hadn’t said he was hurting. And now, he clearly was.

Meanwhile, Pops was moving hard into attack mode. “My boy is strong as an ox! You don’t know a damn thing about him. You left him at the All-Star Game. He was moping about the whole time because you up and left. Just like a woman. Nagging when you don’t need ’em. Gone when you do.”

“Stop it!” Jake interrupted, moving to stand between his father and me. “Don’t you dare blame Ellie for the All-Star Game. That was your fault.”

“My fault!” Pops was livid now. Normally he was a congenial drunk, but this was the morning after and he was angry as hell. His bloodshot eyes narrowed and his hands fisted. I had to do something quickly or this was going to end badly for all of us. So I laid it all on the line, in as shocking a manner as possible.

“I love you, Jake!” I bellowed. “I love you!”

That was clearly unexpected. They both drew up short and stared at me as if I’d lost my mind. And maybe I had, but at least they’d shut up.

“I love you,” I repeated in a more normal tone of voice. “I don’t love a bottle. I certainly don’t love your career or your fame. I love you. And I’m sorry I said it before you were ready, but that’s the way it is. So now you have a choice, Jake. You can listen to the woman who loves you. You can climb into my car and let me do what I know is right. Or you can hang out here, in this house with your father, popping aspirin and naltrexone until one of you dies.”

Pops hooted. “What a fat load of—”

“Shut up,” Jake growled. And when his father firmed his chin in defiance, Jake turned his back on him. His eyes were steady, his cheeks flushed, and his breath shallow. But he still spoke with strength as he looked at me. “You really think it’s serious?”

“I do. I’ll do my best to keep the press and the team away until we know for sure. I’ve got friends at the ER—”

He took my hand. “Doesn’t matter. I trust you.”

“What a load of bull!” Pops exploded. “She’s turned you into a sucker, boy—”

Pops continued on his rant, spewing more hateful venom than I’d ever heard from the man. But I recognized the fear underneath his words. Fear for his son, for his life, for God only knew what. I was sure that the man would turn to the nearest bottle right after we left. But I couldn’t let Jake worry about that. So I held on to his hand and didn’t let go until he was in my car.

And while I belted myself into the driver’s seat, Jake looked at the house with wary eyes. “It’s going to be bad when I come back. Pops doesn’t forgive—”

“Pops will make his own way, good or bad. We’re taking care of you now.”

Then I put my car into drive and quickly headed to the hospital.