Please sit down, she thought, but was made uncertain enough by his terseness that she left the word unspoken. She looked over her shoulder to judge his feeling, but he was standing by his desk with his back to her, waiting to seat himself as soon as she sat.
She regarded his back as though there were some message written on it, but it was nothing more than stiff, broad shoulders covered by dark wool with the hint of a starched white cravat at the back of his neck.
She waited. Still he did not turn back to her, which edged up her annoyance, so she moved away from the window and around the desk. She could see his face and it was no more revealing than his back had been.
Ignoring the chair, she remained standing, unwilling to give him any more command over her than he naturally had.
Again he spoke before she could ask about their engagement.
“I am called to Portsmouth.”
“Called to Portsmouth?” Anxiety swept all other feeling aside. “For another consultation?”
He shook his head slowly and spoke deliberately. “To take command of the Splendid.”
She tried to appear happy for him while her mind shouted an instinctive, “no!” She almost screamed it, but forced a calm that bottled the anxiety inside her, making her stomach knot.
“I am to report in three weeks. I should go sooner, but I have an excellent first lieutenant who can supervise.”
The window was behind him and the light cast an aura that made it hard to read his face. If it ever was easy.
“If you wish to delay our wedding you have only to say so,” she said.
“What?”
The word was almost as annoying as his “indeed,” and the irritation it generated gave her the courage to press her point. “If you prefer, I will cry off and leave you free...” her words faded as he leaned across his desk. She could see that he was more puzzled than relieved.
“I have no desire to end our engagement,” he spoke with some urgency. He opened his desk drawer, glanced down, and then closed the drawer without taking anything from it. “In fact, I was going to ask you if you would consider a license from the bishop. Under the circumstances I could arrange for one.”
He spoke in such a businesslike way that she was only a little convinced. “Then you do wish to marry me?”
“Yes.” He came around the desk as he spoke. She turned toward him as he came closer. “Of course I do, Lavinia.”
Hardly a declaration of anything, or at least nothing more than that he would honor his obligation.
“It is only that you have been so distant lately.” They were both in front of his desk. She saw that he was watching her with equal intensity.
“We have spent no time together except at meals when everyone is present.” She let her eyes fall to her hands. “I thought that you had lost interest once I said yes.”
He lifted her chin so that she had to look at him. There was nothing distant about him now. The touch of his finger on her face was like a crumb of bread for someone starving.
Hunger made her raise her mouth to his and the spiral of arousal made the kiss a feast. She put her lips on his and the feel of him, the taste of him, was so satisfying that she gave him all of herself, full and unguarded.
He did not even pretend to resist but pulled her to him, held her as though she would try to escape. He took her with him beyond passion to some darker place where he demanded surrender.
William was the one who ended the kiss. “Lost interest? Not want you?” He put her from him firmly as though she had been the one gripping him tight enough to bruise. “Damn that interfering woman!” He raised a hand to his forehead. “Mrs. Newcomb would go on and on about propriety until I was afraid that even being in the same room with you would cause gossip.”
Only Mrs. Newcomb, Lavinia thought with such relief that she could actually forgive the woman.
The captain took one step nearer. His words were laced with frustration, even anger. “But no matter whether I am here or a hundred miles away, you haunt my nights and tempt me every day. Not want you? I can barely sleep for thinking of you beside me.”
He kissed her again and this time it was short—so quick and tantalizing it was almost brutal. “To think I would have to leave without making you mine is the worst nightmare I could imagine.” He had his hands on her arms again. “I lied, Lavinia. I hardly care if you want me to go for a license or not. I have already scheduled an appointment with the bishop.”
She was stunned and a little shaken by his intensity. If this was not love, then it must be something close to it or so far-removed that she should run from it as from a nightmare.
“You have? I’m not sure, Captain.” She hesitated, but she did not have to say another word.
He moved away from her and rubbed his forehead with three fingers again. “Lavinia, I apologize. I do not mean to frighten you.” He came back, took her hand, and kissed it very gently.
She did no more than nod and smile a little at his embarrassment. He must be upset, she thought. And, oddly enough, that calmed her.
He was not angry. No, this distress was a cover for another emotion. Disappointment? Frustration? And she was sure he had a headache starting. That would happen whenever he was seething with feelings he was doing his best to hide.
“It is only that I had hoped that for once the Admiralty’s timing would be a little better,” he said. “To test me by making me choose between two things that are important to me is more challenge than I want.”
“But there is no choice in this, William. I will be here when you come back.” She realized she had left one important question unasked and turned practical. It was what he needed most from her. Not temper or tears. “How long will you be away? Do you even know?”
“It’s only escort duty,” he said with evident relief. “I’m to meet three ships coming from the East Indies when they come into port for supplies.”
She noted that he did not say precisely what port.
“Splendid will escort them the rest of the way. Very prosaic.”
“It is a routine assignment?” she asked, holding her hands tight, one within the other. “Not like your previous one?”
He nodded and she sank into the nearest chair relieved, very relieved.
“I should not even tell you this much, but I think no more than five months.”
“Five months is not even half a year.”
“I thought I would be the one comforting you.”
“I suppose that if this were a love match there would be temper and tears, but our marriage is more conventional than that, is it not?” She did not look away.
“Conventional, yes. Based on needs,” he agreed.
“I need the security of your name, you need a mistress for this home and a maternal eye on Angus.” She spoke the words giving up the last little wish that his passion was about something more.
“You have the license?” She folded her hands in her lap.
“I will within a sennight.”
Lavinia took a deep breath. “I think we should be married as soon as it is granted. That way we will have two weeks together.”
“I know I sound desperate, but I will bow to your wishes, Lavinia,” he said, as in control as she was.
“Marriage is the only way I can remain here, William. The vicar has been very understanding but that will not last forever.”
“We can wait until I return to sleep together.”
He had closed his eyes as he spoke and she knew it was as generous an offer as he had ever made. She laughed and stood up.
“William.” She said his name with some asperity. “Do you think this is a contest? Which one of us can make the most generous offer?”
His expression was all confusion.
“If so, then you win.” Bridging the distance between them, she tucked her hands inside his jacket. Slowly, slowly, slowly she moved her hands along the fine thin linen of his shirt, feeling his heartbeat, his breathing. She pressed her body to him so he could feel hers. “Wait until you return?” Before she kissed him she whispered, “I think not.”