Establish Boundaries

“We love to overlook the boundaries which we do not wish to pass.”

—SAMUEL JOHNSON

And He made from one [common origin, one source, one blood] all nations of men to settle on the face of the earth, having definitely determined [their] allotted periods of time and the fixed boundaries of their habitation (their settlements, lands, and abodes).

—Acts 17:26

We see from the scripture above that God sets boundaries and we should set them also. When you have no boundaries in your life, you have no protection. Boundaries are like fences; they keep people and things out of your life that are undesirable. They make things definite rather than vague. Many people are afraid to set boundaries because they think they will offend or anger someone. We must remember we are called by God to follow Him and walk in wisdom. We are not called or required to let other people dictate to us what we must do to keep them happy. There is no doubt we want to make people happy. The Bible even says we should make sacrifices to do good and share with others (see Hebrews 13:16), but this is not to be taken out of context or applied in an out-of-balance way.

My youngest daughter is strict about her privacy. It means a lot to her, so she asks people, including me, not to come to her house without calling first. I admit, at first I had to have a small attitude adjustment, but her request was not wrong at all. I needed to respect her boundaries without having a bad attitude.

No one is exactly alike and all of us have different needs. My oldest daughter is just the opposite of the younger one. She says, “Come over anytime and don’t bother to call.” However, she has other areas in her life where she has tighter boundaries than my youngest daughter. We not only need to have boundaries of our own, but we also need to respect the boundaries of others. That is one way to get them to respect ours. We may not always understand why people are the way they are, but we need to respect their right to be themselves.

Without boundaries, life gets very complicated, becoming a mixed-up brew of no restraints and no guidelines when it comes to how we do life with others. We will often find ourselves feeling taken advantage of or feel we are in a place we don’t want to be, doing something we don’t want to do. Saying no is placing a boundary.

We even need boundaries for ourselves. For example, setting high standards we endeavor to live by is setting boundaries. We are saying what we will do and what we won’t. If we always say yes to ourselves and other people, then we have no boundaries and life will become extremely frustrating and complicated.

If you have no boundaries and have never learned to respect those of other people, you are not only being foolish, but you are missing the simplicity you could be enjoying. Ask yourself what you need in order to be happy and then set your boundaries accordingly. It is not wrong to do so; in fact, it is very wise.