Don’t Try to Take Care of Everybody

“I was so good at caretaking that I once found a piece of petrified wood and spent the next year trying to make it not be so afraid.”

—TERRY KELLOGG

But let every person carefully scrutinize and examine and test his own conduct and his own work.

—Galatians 6:4

Are you a caretaker? Some people actually get their worth and value from taking care of everyone else. It becomes their identity and they are proud of it. However, most of them ultimately become martyrs. They take care of everyone and constantly complain about having to do it. They sacrifice themselves and make everyone feel guilty because they do.

The interesting thing about these types of people is you cannot keep them from doing what they do. They don’t want help or an answer; they want to complain. I know a woman who talks about how she has sacrificed her entire life doing for others and how unfair it is, but she still latches on to anyone she can care for.

Some people, however, do feel they are in a trap they want to get out of but simply don’t know how. If that is you, I suggest you locate your true responsibility and give up the rest. Of course, there will be people who won’t understand. They will get angry and may even say unkind things about you, but at least you may get a life and save your sanity.

I tried to help someone for four years who was a wounded individual reared in a very dysfunctional home. I wanted very much to see this individual have a chance at a good life. We spent time, money, and effort, and as long as we did everything for him, things moved in a good direction. Then the time came for him to get out on his own and take care of himself. He had a job, an apartment, a car, friends, and no reason not to succeed in life; however, as soon as we were no longer taking care of everything, he went back to all of his old ways. He would get into trouble and someone would call us to come get him. After the third time, we finally realized we wanted his healing and restoration more than he did and we had to let go.

If you have tried to help someone for years and they are still not “helped,” you might want to consider whether or not they really want help. You may like to see change in their life, but maybe they don’t want to change. If you want a simple life, then by all means help all the people you can, but don’t become a professional caretaker who feels used up and burned out.