1 December 2010
He has started crying regularly now; mostly in front of Mamma and no one else. And this sobbing period usually happens early in the morning. How helpless a man becomes?
When I asked Mamma does he say anything, she nodded, ‘He says, “I am no more a human being now. I have lost everything, my mind is no more. I don’t think I will live for long, we should call our children.”’
My heart fills with pain and the ache is so deep, it hurts but I too am helpless. It is getting difficult to explain things to him. Normality is losing itself in the folds of this disease. Oh, when will this transitional phase be over – the stage in which an intelligent man gets converted to an incapable one. How crude this sounds but isn’t it a fact? Many times I wonder how very agonizing it must be for him as he sees himself slipping away.
It is natural for him to be angry, irritable and not to focus on any materialistic thing or what we call means to stay busy – TV, books, newspapers, yoga, music, films, etc. He cares a damn because there is something so strong which keeps him busy analyzing his mind. Sometimes he asks questions, he wants to know what is happening inside his brain but alas we have no answers.