Notes

Dedication

1 David Whyte, ‘The Well of Grief’, from River Flow: New and selected poems (Langley, WA: Many Rivers Press, 2012).

4 Loss

1 Genesis 21.16.

5 Bottom line — 1

1 T. S. Eliot, ‘Four Quartets’, from Collected Poems (London: Faber and Faber, 1963).

2 See especially Primo Levi, If This is a Man (London: Abacus, 1987).

3 1 Corinthians 13.8, ‘Love never fails’, NIV; ‘Love never ends’, NRSV.

4 Romans 8.38–39.

5 Song of Solomon 8.6–7, author’s own translation.

6 Visit

1 Philip Larkin, ‘An Arundel Tomb’, from Collected Poems (London: Faber and Faber, 1990).

2 Baroness Sheila Hollins, Desert Island Discs, 2012.

7 Help

1 Job 2.10, NRSV, adapted.

2 Mark 14.32–42.

3 Isaiah 53.

4 Michael Mayne, The Enduring Melody (London: Darton, Longman & Todd, 2005).

9 End

1 John 12.1–8.

2 Luke 24.

10 Farewell

1 TV series starring Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson. Someone who knows them gets them to send Tom a signed photo of themselves in Bottom. They write on it: ‘Get well, you bastard.’ Tom loves it.

2 © Ateliers et Presses de Taizé. Reprinted with permission.

11 KBO

1 Michael Leunig, A Common Prayer Collection (North Blackburn, Australia: Dove Collins, 1993).

2 Charles Dickens, Great Expectations (London: Penguin Classics, 1994).

3 Annie Hargrave, unpublished poem.

12 Back to work

1 Primo Levi, If This is a Man (London: Abacus, 1987).

13 Moving on

1 Genesis 32.22–32.

2 The Collect for the Fourth Sunday before Lent.

14 New life

1 Dr Evelyn Sharp, consultant psychiatrist, Oxleas NHS Foundation Trust and InterHealth Worldwide.

2 Psalm 139.14.

3 Pat Barker, Regeneration (London: Penguin, 1992).

4 Ewan MacColl, from Black and Whiter (London: Cooking Vinyl, 1990).

15 Leaving

1 Alan Boyd, unpublished poem.

16 The Grand Round

1 For full text, see Appendix.

17 Bottom line — 2

1 Philip Larkin, ‘Churchgoing’, from The Less Deceived (Hessle, East Yorkshire: Marvell Press, 1977).

2 George Herbert, ‘Bitter Sweet’, from The English Poems of George Herbert (Littlehampton Book Services, Worthing/Everyman, 1974).

3 Hebrews 12.1–2.

4 John 20.24–28.

5 Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son (London: SPCK, 1997).

6 Mara means ‘bitter’. See Ruth 1.20.

7 Lo-ruhamah means ‘not pitied’. See Hosea 1.6.

8 Annie Hargrave, unpublished poem.

9 Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal? (London: Vintage, 2012).

18 Blessed

1 C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (London: Faber and Faber, 1966).

2 Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son (London: SPCK, 1997).

3 R. S. Thomas, ‘Folk Tale’, from Collected Poems (London: Phoenix, 1993).

4 The Sacrament of the Present Moment is a Christian concept first expounded by Jean-Pierre de Caussade, similar to mindfulness in Buddhism.

5 William Shakespeare, Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3.

6 For the importance of ‘stability’, see Alan Hargrave, Living Well (London: SPCK, 2010) and the Rule of Benedict. Benedictine vows include a vow of ‘stability’, which in practice means remaining in the same community for life.

7 Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning (London: Rider, 1959).

8 George Herbert, ‘Gratefulnesse’, from The English Poems of George Herbert (Littlehampton Book Services, Worthing/Everyman, 1974).

9 Edward the Confessor, as he was dying, was reported to have said, ‘Weep not, I shall not die. And as I leave the land of the dying I trust to see the blessings of the Lord in the land of the living.’