Mariquita, November 15, 1992
THE DAY THE MEN disappeared started as a typical Sunday morning in Mariquita: the roosters forgot to announce dawn, the sexton overslept, the church bell didn’t summon the faithful to attend the early service, and (as on every Sunday for the past ten years) only one person showed up for six o’clock mass: Doña Victoria viuda de Morales, the Morales widow. The widow was accustomed to this routine, and so was el padre Rafael. The first few times it had been uncomfortable for both of them: the small priest almost invisible behind the pulpit, delivering his homily, the widow sitting alone in the first row, tall and buxom, quite still, her head covered with a black veil that dropped over her shoulders. Eventually they decided to ignore the ceremony and often sat together in a corner drinking coffee and gossiping. On the day the men disappeared, el padre Rafael complained to the widow about the severe decrease in the church’s revenue, and they discussed ways to revive the tithe among the faithful. After their chat, they agreed to skip confession, but the widow received communion nonetheless. Then she said a few prayers before returning to her house.
Through the open window of her living room, the Morales widow heard the street vendors trying to interest early risers in their delicacies: “Morcillas!” “Empanadas!” “Chicharrones!” She closed the window, more bothered by the unpleasant smell of blood sausages and fried food than by the strident voices announcing them. She woke up her three daughters and her only son, then went back to the kitchen, where she whistled a hymn while she made breakfast for her family.
By eight in the morning most doors and windows in Mariquita were open. Men played tangos and boleros on old phonographs, or listened to the news on the radio. On the main street, the town’s magistrate, Jacinto Jiménez, and the police sergeant, Napoleón Patiño, dragged a big round table and six folding chairs outside under a tall mango tree to play Parcheesi with a few selected neighbors. Ten minutes later, in the southwest corner of the plaza, Don Marco Tulio Cifuentes, the tallest man in Mariquita and owner of El Rincón de Gardel, the town’s bar, carried out his last two drunk customers, one on each shoulder. He laid them on the ground, side by side, then closed his business and went home. At eight thirty, inside the Barbería Gómez, a small building across from Mariquita’s municipal building, Don Vicente Gómez began to sharpen razors and sterilize combs and brushes with alcohol, while his wife, Francisca, cleaned the mirrors and windows with damp newspaper. In the meantime, two streets down at the marketplace, the police sergeant’s wife, Rosalba Patiño, bargained with a red-faced farmer for half a dozen ears of corn, while older women under green awnings sold everything from calf’s foot jelly to bootleg cassettes of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. At eight thirty-five, in the open field in front of the Morales widow’s house, the Restrepo brothers (all seven of them) began to warm up before their weekly soccer game while waiting for David Pérez, the butcher’s grandson, who owned the only ball. Five minutes later, two old maids with long hair and slightly square bodies walked arm in arm around the plaza, cursing their spinsterhood and kicking aside the stray dogs that crossed their way. At eight fifty, three blocks down from the plaza, in the house with the green facade located in the middle of the block, Ángel Alberto Tamacá, the schoolteacher, tossed in bed sweating and dreaming of Amorosa, the woman he loved. At three minutes before nine, on the outskirts of Mariquita, inside La Casa de Emilia (the town’s brothel), Doña Emilia (herself) passed from room to room. She woke up her last customers, warned them that they were going to be in serious trouble with their wives if they didn’t leave that minute, and yelled at one of the girls for not keeping her room tidy.
IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE ninth stroke of the church bell, while its echo was still resounding in the sexton’s ears, three dozen men in worn-out greenish uniforms appeared from every corner of Mariquita shooting their rifles and shouting, “Viva la Revolución!” They walked slowly along the narrow streets, their sunburned faces painted black and their shirts sticking to their slender bodies with sweat. “We’re the people’s army,” one of them declared through a megaphone. “We’re fighting so that all Colombians can work and be paid according to their needs, but we can’t do it without your support!” The streets had emptied; even the stray animals had fled when they heard the first shots. “Please,” the man continued, “help us with anything you can spare.”
INSIDE THEIR HOUSE, the Morales widow, her three daughters and her son, were clearing the dining table. “Just what we needed,” the widow grumbled. “Another damn guerrilla group. I’m so tired of these bands of godless beggars coming through here every year.”
Her two younger daughters, Gardenia and Magnolia, rushed to the window hoping to catch a glimpse of the rebels, while the widow’s only son, Julio César, clutched his mother fearfully. Orquidea, the oldest, looked at her two sisters and shook her head in disapproval.
Orquidea Morales had lost interest in men some five years before. She knew they didn’t find her attractive, and at her age—thirty-one—she wasn’t about to expose herself to rejection. She had pointy ears, a hook nose and a mouth too small for her big, crooked teeth. She also had three warts on her chin that looked like golden raisins. When Orquidea was born, these unpleasant protuberances had been on her cheeks, but as she grew up, they’d migrated down to her chin. She hoped the warts would keep moving and eventually settle in a less visible part of her body. Orquidea claimed to be a virgin, a statement that had been confirmed repeatedly by the unkind men of Mariquita with remarks like, “If all virgins had bodies like hers, they’d remain untouched forever.” She had inherited her late father’s breasts: two dark little nipples side by side on her flat chest. But despite her sisters’ recommendation to stuff oversized brassieres with corn husks, she decided to wear nothing underneath her immaculate white blouses. Orquidea didn’t have a waistline or any curves. She was a walking rectangle with a very charming personality. She was capable of engaging in long conversations about Napoleon Bonaparte or Simón Bolivar, Shakespeare or Cervantes, Iceland or Patagonia, but also humorous topics like Colombian politics. She had educated herself by devouring most of the books available in the small library of Mariquita’s school. But despite her erudition and broad views, she was a devout Catholic. She believed with all her heart that the pope was the emissary of the Lord, and her fondest dream was to have him sign her Bible, “To Orquidea Morales, my most devoted follower. Yours, John Paul II.”
When she was younger, Orquidea had had a suitor: a farm worker named Rodolfo who thought he could improve his living conditions if he married her. But in 1986, when the first Marxist guerrilla group had come to Mariquita looking for recruits, Rodolfo surprised Orquidea by joining the rebels. It upset her so much she had diarrhea for two months. Finally, one day after using the toilet, she came out of the outhouse and said loudly and confidently, “I just finished shitting out my love for Rodolfo!”
Since then Orquidea had had neither boyfriend nor diarrhea.
“PLEASE COME OUT and join us at the plaza for a short talk,” the guerrilla went on shouting through the megaphone. “We’re not going to hurt anyone. We’re fighting for your rights, and for the rights of every Colombian citizen.” He repeated the same lines over and over, louder each time, but aside from the schoolteacher, two drunkards, an insomniac prostitute and three stray dogs, no one accepted the rebel’s invitation.
“Can I go, Mamá?” Gardenia Morales said to her mother, who was washing the dishes with the help of Julio César.
“You have no business attending Communist meetings.”
“But I have nothing else to do.”
“Go find your sewing case and finish the quilt for the magistrate’s wife. We’re going to need the money soon.”
“It’s Sunday, Mamá. I want to go out.”
“You heard me, Gardenia,” the widow said, raising her voice as well as her eyes.
Gardenia strode away angrily, leaving behind a nasty smell. Julio César covered his nose and mouth with both hands and mumbled through his fingers, “Please, Mamá, don’t get her upset.”
Like her two sisters, Gardenia had been named after a fragrant blossom. When she was irritated, sad, or disturbed, however, her body gave off a smell quite different from the one emitted by that delicate flower. No matter how many times she bathed in warm water scented with roses, honeysuckle and jasmine, or how many times she sprayed her body with sweet-smelling perfumes, when she was agitated, her pores gave off a carrion-like stench. Dr. Ramírez—the only doctor in town—had been unable to cure the odor, and the witch doctors her mother had taken her to said Gardenia was possessed by an evil spirit. Nothing could be done, so the Morales family had learned to live with the recurrent stink. Even so, Gardenia was a handsome woman. She was twenty-seven, and she constantly challenged her sisters to find a single spot or wrinkle on her face. She had big black eyes and full lips that concealed two perfect rows of white teeth. Her eyebrows were thick, and she never plucked them, though she did curl her eyelashes on special occasions. Her long, delicate neck was permanently adorned with an aromatic necklace of dry cloves, cardamom seeds and cinnamon sticks on an invisible nylon thread. Behind her left ear she tucked fresh-cut flowers, angel’s trumpets or lilies of the valley, whichever smelled best that day. She stuck out her tongue, almost involuntarily, every few seconds to wet her lips, a habit that the pious women of Mariquita took for a hint of lust. But like her older sister, Gardenia was a virgin. She’d had three suitors from nearby towns, all of whom ran away as soon as they figured out the source of the stench. Even when the second guerrilla group had come to Mariquita looking for recruits in 1988, Gardenia was one of the few women that the lascivious, girl-chasing revolutionaries didn’t bother to court.
SINCE THE VILLAGERS chose not to come out of their houses to attend the guerrillas’ meeting, the insurgents opted to go from door to door asking for voluntary contributions, hoping to interest any young, healthy man in joining their movement. But only a small number of families answered their doors. The people of Mariquita had grown weary of being harassed by the many groups of rebels who went up and down the mountains asking for money, chickens, pigs and beer; enchanting the most ingenuous women with their macho attitude and their olive-drab uniforms, winning their hearts and their maidenheads and finally, after a week or two, leaving them behind with bad reputations, swelling bellies and few possibilities of marriage.
When Magnolia Morales, who hadn’t moved away from the window since the rebels arrived, informed her mother that the guerrillas were knocking on all doors, the widow quickly wrapped the leftovers of their breakfast in plantain leaves and left the small bundle outside on their doorstep.
“We should at least hand them the food, Mamá,” Magnolia said. “They’re Communists, not dogs.”
“Oh, no,” said the widow emphatically. “If I open that door, they’ll start lecturing us about communism and flirting with you girls. Absolutely not.”
“I just want to talk to them, Mamá. I’m not going to run away with some guerrilla.”
“Talk to them through the window,” her mother said. She pushed a heavy wooden chair against the door.
Magnolia Morales, the youngest of the three sisters, was twenty-two but looked much older. Her breasts were flaccid through the almost transparent blouses she liked to wear, and her hips were wide and nearly flat. She had the legs of a man, hairy and muscular, which she disguised with dark-colored stockings. Her face wasn’t missing anything: she had two dark eyes with their respective eyelashes and brows, a mouth, a nose and plenty of undesired hair. In the past she had plucked out bristles and the excessive mustache, but the obstinate hair—like the guerrillas—always came back. Finally, she decided to let it grow as fast and long as it pleased, and so it did. The hair on her head fell freely to her waist, black and shiny.
Magnolia definitely wasn’t a virgin. “If she charged every man for her favors, she’d be a millionaire,” the old maids used to say. The girl had such a bad reputation in town that she might as well have sold herself. In truth, she had not slept with many men, just the wrong ones: the ones who told. When she first heard the rumors, she locked herself in her bedroom for over six months, thinking people would forget about her damaged reputation. In 1990, however, when the third guerrilla group arrived in town, Magnolia came out of her seclusion, hoping to meet someone new. That’s when she realized that her reputation was the least of her problems; the rebels had persuaded most of Mariquita’s single men to join the revolution. Suddenly, Magnolia’s dearest dream of getting married to a handsome, wealthy man was unrealizable. Even her second dearest dream, getting married to any man, seemed remote. Devastated, she’d lingered awhile by the window of her bedroom, watching the large group of bachelors march out of town with the guerrillas, slowly waving her hand in the air, weeping as the last man disappeared from sight.
THE GUERRILLAS, FORTY of them, gathered once again at the plaza at noon. They sat down on the ground in the shade of a mango tree and made an inventory of the items they’d collected: two live, bony chickens, four pounds of rice, three liters of Diet Coca-Cola, six panelas, three small bundles of leftovers and a handful of rusty coins. They also had a new recruit, Ángel Alberto Tamacá, Mariquita’s twenty-three-year-old schoolteacher. He was the only son of a legendary rebel killed when Ángel was only a few months old. Ángel had been raised by his mother, Cecilia Guaraya, and her second husband, Don Misael Vidales, a wise man who had moved to Mariquita many years before with nothing but his goiter and three large boxes full of books, and who three months later had become Mariquita’s first teacher ever. From his mother Ángel had learned good manners, discipline and perseverance. From his stepfather he learned mathematics, geography, science and communism.
Unlike most young men in town, Ángel Alberto had never served in the military. Don Misael had called someone who owed him a favor, who in turn called someone else, and after an endless number of someones reminding others of their unpaid favors, Ángel’s name finally reached an influential person who freed him from his obligations to the country. Don Misael then began training Ángel as his successor in Mariquita’s elementary school. Having taught two entire generations to read and write, add and subtract, multiply and divide, the old man had grown tired. His eyes were becoming weak, and so were his arms and legs. He could easily count the strands of hair left on his shiny head, and his goiter was now so big he had given it a name, Pepe, and had considered claiming it as a dependent on his income tax form.
Before turning eighteen, Ángel Alberto Tamacá became Mariquita’s youngest teacher as well as the town’s agitator. He publicly despised the two traditional political parties and shouted slogans against the government of the moment: “Capitalist pigs, exploiters!” To his students he became “El Profe,” to the magistrate and the sergeant “El Loco.” The priest called him “El Diablo,” and most men called him “El Comunista.” The women, on the other hand, called him by different coquettish diminutives: “Papacito,” “Bomboncito,” “Bizcochito,” and so on.
Ángel’s new job gave him confidence and sharpened his leadership skills. In his spare time, he started going from house to house teaching from the Communist Manifesto. Soon afterward he created what he called “The Moment of Truth,” a Sunday afternoon meeting at the plaza—inside the school if it was raining—where he talked about the doctrines of Marx and Lenin, read the most famous speeches of Fidel Castro and Che Guevara, recited Neruda’s poetry and sang the most controversial songs of Mercedes Sosa, Silvio Rodríguez and Violeta Parra.
The Moment of Truth only attracted a handful of people at the beginning, but after Don Misael started serving beer, it became the most popular event of the week. Within a few months, people began to repeat socialist poems and Communist speeches. They memorized “La Maza,” “Si Se Calla El Cantor,” and other revolutionary songs, for which they invented lively steps and poses, creating a unique dance that was a mix of tango, salsa and sanjuanero. Five newborns were christened after legendary Communist philosophers, rebels and places: Hochiminh Ospina, Che López, Vietnam Calderón and Trotsky and Cuba Sánchez. Communism, once a foreign term for most villagers, became synonymous with Sunday-afternoon entertainment.
Ángel was aware that the villagers didn’t take his doctrines seriously, but he was proud of having raised their political consciousness. Nothing pleased him more than hearing a couple of older men talk about Karl Marx as if the philosopher were their next-door neighbor and they fully understood and agreed with his ideas, and weren’t just two old drunk men. Ángel, however, couldn’t help being disappointed when on election day, after a couple of years of indoctrination, the majority of the villagers temporarily forgot about Marx and Lenin, Castro and Che Guevara, and voted for the candidates of the two traditional parties.
Despite his Communist leanings, the news about Ángel joining the rebels came as a surprise to everyone in town, because he’d had several opportunities to join in the past and never done so. No one in Mariquita thought that El Profe, El Loco, El Diablo, El Comunista and El Bomboncito would be courageous enough to take such a bold step. What they didn’t know was that this time, Ángel had a reason to leave town. He’d fallen in love with Amorosa, a prostitute from La Casa de Emilia who’d recently left Mariquita without so much as an adios. Ángel was suffering the pangs of her departure. He couldn’t eat, sleep or think about anything else but her. He needed to go away with the guerrillas, or with the traveling circus, or with the Capuchin friars, or simply vanish with the torrential rains of November before he went mad.
THE GUERRILLAS BEGAN to eat the food and drink the sodas they had collected. When they were finished, Commander Pedro, a tall, brown-faced man with a scar that ran down the side of his neck, parallel to his jugular, walked slowly among his troops, staring at each rebel without saying a word. “Matamoros,” he finally called out. “Let me have a word with you. In private.” The two men left the group and walked across the plaza, stopping in the center by a half-mutilated statue of an anonymous hero. They spoke in whispers. It was clear that the matter they were discussing was serious, even dangerous, because both men looked tense. They shook hands solemnly and went back to the troops. Commander Pedro handpicked six rebels, including Ángel Tamacá, and ordered them to prepare to leave. “The rest of you follow orders from Matamoros,” he said. Five minutes later, Commander Pedro, Ángel and five other men made their military farewells and headed toward the mountains.
Matamoros was a tall man in his twenties, handsome except for his missing right eye, which he had lost three years before after being shot in the face in a military confrontation with the Colombian army. His four upper front teeth were lined with gold, as if to compensate for the lack of expression on his face. With so much gold in his mouth, each order he gave seemed to carry additional weight. Matamoros waited ten or fifteen minutes before instructing his anxious men, then grabbed the megaphone and began shouting:
“We’re very disappointed with the people of this town—”
The guerrillas got to their feet.
“We asked for food, and you gave us your leftovers—”
They adjusted their rucksacks on their backs.
“We asked for money to continue fighting for you, and all we got were your worthless coins—”
They checked their old rifles for bullets.
“We asked for young men to join us, to help us free our country from imperialism, and except for your teacher everyone scurried like roaches into their houses—”
They broke into squads of five.
“You’re selfish cowards who don’t deserve our willingness to die for you—”
They lined up and pointed their guns at the sunless sky.
“Listen carefully, people, because I’m only going to say this once: if you’re older than twelve and have a pair of balls between your legs, you must join the revolution today. Come to the plaza right now, or you’ll be found and executed!”
And, finally, they waited for Matamoros’s last command:
“Comrades: in the name of the Colombian revolution, take what’s yours!”
The rebels fired several shots into the air, then went around the village kicking doors open, stuffing their rucksacks with food and money, dragging young and older men out of their dwellings, pulling them from under their beds, from inside their wardrobes or trunks, and shooting those who resisted. The first man struck by a bullet was Don Marco Tulio Cifuentes, the owner of the town’s bar, who got shot in the leg when he tried to escape by way of the roof of his house. In her distress, Eloísa, the wounded man’s wife, pounced on the aggressor and hit him repeatedly with her bare hands. This so infuriated the rebel that as soon as he managed to free himself from the madwoman, he shot Don Marco Tulio twice through the head. Two streets down, Police Sergeant Patiño and his two officers rushed out of the magistrate’s house (where they were hiding) with their guns. When they saw the many guerrillas, the two officers dropped their guns on the ground and threw up their hands. The sergeant, however, managed to kill a rebel with a single discharge of his revolver. His heroic action was reciprocated by nineteen shots that pierced his body from all different directions. Before collapsing, the sergeant’s body froze like a statue in a fountain with jets of blood showering the ground. Soon after, the remaining men—including el padre Rafael—timidly came out of hiding and began marching, heads down, hands in the air, toward the plaza.
THE MORALES WIDOW circled her living room. With her eyes half closed and her hands locked behind her back, she thought about how to prevent the rebels from taking her thirteen-year-old son Julio César. Orquidea, Gardenia and Magnolia stood in a corner holding hands, waiting for their mother to calm down. Suddenly, the widow had an idea. She gave specific instructions to her three daughters and started searching for the old first-communion dress that her girls had worn on three separate occasions. She found it wrinkled in a trunk under her bed. It will serve the purpose, she said to herself. At that moment, the widow remembered that there was a God and a group of saints to whom she could turn in difficult situations, and though time was pressing, she lit candles in front of the numerous images scattered around the house. Then she began saying her prayers while looking for her frightened son. “Padre nuestro que estás en el cielo…Julio César! Santificado sea tu nombre…Julio César! Venga a nosotros tu reino, hágase tu voluntad…Julio César! Where the hell are you?” She found the slender little boy hidden under his bed, his body shaking in terror. “Hurry, put this on,” she ordered, throwing the fluffy white dress on his bed. “Dádnos hoy nuestro pan de cada día…” The widow repeated the words mechanically, interrupting herself every few moments to hurry Julio César. She helped him zip up the back of the dress, wrapped his little head in a white silk kerchief and secured it with a plastic tiara. The speechless boy pointed at his bare feet. “Don’t worry about the shoes,” she said, then pushed him out into the living room.
When Matamoros and four of his men strode into the Morales’s house, they found Orquidea, Gardenia and Magnolia knitting peacefully in the living room, their mother making guava preserves in the kitchen, and Julio César sitting in the wooden rocking chair like a small Virgin Mary, a Bible in his hands and his heart in his mouth. Matamoros stood by the door, a long rifle in his hands. The other four guerrillas went around the house, disturbing the quietness of the rooms with the tread of their soiled boots, searching every corner for men old enough to fire a gun.
“The only man in this house was Jacobo, my husband,” the widow said to Matamoros, pointing at a large, framed picture of a man who could pass for Winston Churchill, which hung on the wall. “He died of cancer ten years ago.” She covered her face with both hands and cried out loud through her fingers.
“Don’t you have any sons, señora?” Matamoros asked, looking at Julio César out of the corner of his eye.
“No, sir,” she sobbed. “God blessed me with four beautiful girls.”
“I see,” he said, and started walking back and forth, now staring at the boy. The three girls became increasingly distressed, and, as was to be expected, Gardenia began to sweat out her rank fumes. “What’s your name, little girl?” Matamoros finally said, addressing Julio César. The boy grew pale and his mouth hung open. At that moment, the four guerrillas joined their superior in the living room.
“Negativo, Comandante,” one of them shouted. “Not a single man in this house.”
“Let’s go, then,” Matamoros said, motioning to all of them to go out.
“Comandante,” said one of the rebels, a leer on his small face, “may we fuck the girls?”
“Afirmativo, Comrade,” the commandant replied. “That is, if you don’t mind the smell of shit in this house.” He spat on the floor. Suddenly the rebels noticed the stench and quickly went outside; all except the youngest one, who untied the red bandanna from around his biceps, covered his nose and mouth with it and walked toward the three girls. He looked no older than fifteen, a dark-skinned Indian boy missing one of his upper front teeth. He stood next to Orquidea, squeezing her nipples with one hand while holding his ancient rifle with the other.
“Please don’t,” begged Orquidea, pulling away from the boy. “I’m a virgin.”
“So much the better,” sneered the boy, bringing his hand down to her crotch. Gardenia shut her eyes and lowered her head. Magnolia smiled at the boy and placed her sewing instruments to the side, hoping she would be next. But the guerrilla had already turned his lustful eyes on Julio César, who was rocking the chair much faster. “She must be a virgin too,” said the young rebel, and approached the boy. The three sisters jumped up, screaming, and their mother, who had been silently praying, cried out, “Don’t touch my little girl!” She ran to her son’s side. “Do whatever you want with the other three. Take me, if you wish, but please not Julia.”
“And why not?” the boy asked cynically.
“She’s just a little girl. She hasn’t even received her first Holy Communion.”
The boy laughed loudly through the cloth that covered his mouth. “Well, she will now,” he said, grabbing his own crotch.
The widow had a sudden impulse to smack the insolent boy across his face. Feeling empowered by this urge, she stood between him and her son. “I won’t let you have your evil way,” she said purposefully.
“Señora, I’m warning you: get out of the way.”
“You’re supposed to be fighting for our rights, not violating them,” she said accusingly, her hands on her hips. “We women have rights, too, and my daughters and I will do whatever it takes to protect ourselves from wretches like you.”
“You women don’t have nothing,” the guerrilla boy said disdainfully. “This is and will always be a land of men.” He struck her down with a single punch to the face, shouting, “Come near me again and I’ll shoot you!” He let his belt out, unbuttoned his dirty pants and began to pull them down slowly. Julio César rocked his chair rapidly, weeping, while Orquidea and Magnolia bit their nails in a corner. Gardenia, visibly agitated, sat down and fanned herself with the bottom of her long skirt, fouling the air in the room with her perspiration. The stench was now insufferable. The guerrilla fell on his knees and threw up. While he was still retching, Doña Victoria got up off the floor, opened the door and pushed and kicked the half-naked boy out with her bare foot. She watched him and his rifle roll down the step and hit the ground, then shut the door with a slam.
As Gardenia’s fears diminished, the smell went away. The widow went around with a bottle of rubbing alcohol, making her daughters and son sniff it until they recovered from the shock and the disgust. All five sat together around the dining table, holding hands, the old matron saying a few prayers between tears and nervous giggles.
Outside, the firing in the streets went on, punctuated from time to time by the heartbreaking cry of a new widow, and the weeping of another fatherless child.
WHEN THE SHOOTING stopped an hour later, the Morales widow went outside. The left side of her face was already swollen. The women of Mariquita had gathered on both sides of the main street, leaving just enough room for the line of men and boys being taken away by the guerrillas. These men were the Morales widow’s neighbors and friends: the ones who’d welcomed her, her husband and their two older daughters when they first arrived in Mariquita in 1970; the ones who’d brought her handpicked flowers after she gave birth to each of her two youngest children; and years later, the ones who’d consoled her when her husband passed away. These were the only men she had known in twenty-two years. And those young boys marching next to them, their younger sons, were the ones who stopped by her house every afternoon to do homework with Julio César, the ones who helped her carry her basket of groceries from the market, and the ones who played soccer every Sunday morning in the open field in front of her house.
The widow saw the women weep as their men filed past them with their heads down. She saw Cecilia Guaraya give her old husband a pair of spectacles, and Justina Pérez give hers a set of dentures. She saw Ubaldina Restrepo give her youngest stepson, Campo Elías Jr., her own rosary. She saw others hand their men family photos, food wrapped in banana leaves, toothbrushes, alarm clocks, love letters, cash. She saw the women cry as they held their men tight against their bodies, sobbing as they kissed them for the last time. They knew they would never see them again; that those husbands, sons, cousins, nephews and friends were dying right there, at that very instant, before their eyes.
In sad moments, the widow always felt nostalgic for her late husband. This time, however, she didn’t cry. She thanked God in her head for giving Jacobo the cancer that had allowed him to die at home, in her arms. She felt very sorry for the rest of the women in town, and couldn’t help letting out a long sigh when she saw the last two men vanish amid the clouds of dust raised by their marching feet.
The Morales widow turned around slowly. Just as slowly, she walked toward her house, followed by a long echo of wails. She stepped inside, held the doorknob with both hands and pushed the door closed with her forehead. She stayed like that, weeping, for a long time.
Her dearest Mariquita had turned into a town of widows in a land of men.
Gordon Smith, 28
American reporter
“John R.,” 13
Guerrilla soldier
It was Sunday afternoon. I was sitting in a clearing next to the guerrilla camp waiting for John. He had agreed to meet me there for an interview.
The guerrilla camp was a small settlement located in the highlands of the country, about three days away on foot from the closest town.
Suddenly John emerged from the woods, a little boy wrapped in an oversize olive-drab uniform with a rifle slung over his shoulder. His face was small and shiny with sweat, splashed with freckles. A shadow of soft hair above his upper lip suggested a future mustache. His hair, what I could see underneath his hat, was black. He looked no more than twelve, maybe thirteen. We shook hands and exchanged smiles.
“Sit down, kid,” I said, making room for him on the tree trunk where I was sitting.
“No, gracias,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’m good here. And by the way, I’m no kid. I’m fifteen.”
His voice hadn’t broken yet, and he spoke loudly, as if to compensate for it.
I’d first seen John during a soccer game that had taken place only two hours earlier in the same clearing. John seemed to be the youngest of both teams—a child playing jokes on his comrades. “The Boy Soldier,” I thought, would make a good title for the story.
But the boy I had in front of me now wasn’t the same John I’d seen earlier. This one pretended to be older and taller than he actually was. He lifted one of his legs and pulled out a pack of Marlboros from his sock. He smacked it three times on the palm of his free hand before offering me one. I’d given up smoking about a year ago, but I figured a cigarette might help break the ice between us, so I took one. Next, he produced a lighter shaped like a small replica of a cellular telephone.
“This is a good lighter,” he said, handing it to me. “It was made in Estados Unidos.”
“How do you know that?” I asked. On the lighter I read “Made in China.”
“A gringo gave it to me. He came here to interview our comandante.”
I wasn’t the first foreign reporter to brave the dangers of Colombia in search of a good story. In the two years I lived there, I met a lot of guys from different parts of the world who were interviewing guerrillas, paramilitaries, army soldiers, coca growers, or, like me, all of them.
“And how do you know he was from Estados Unidos?”
“He looked like you, pale and blond, with blue eyes. And he talked funny like you.”
John and I each took drags on our cigarettes, but I choked on the smoke and began to cough.
He burst into laughter, “Haha-haha-haha-haha…”
This was the John I’d seen earlier, the mischievous laughing boy; his “hahas” made him unique. I put out the cigarette and watched him laugh until I got my breath back.
Then, abruptly, he said, “I’m only thirteen.” He looked down, as though ashamed of being a child. “I don’t tell nobody, though. There’s this guy who said he was fourteen and they don’t respect him no more. Like you need to be full-grown to kill people.”
When I’d chosen John as the subject for my interview, the commandant had given me the boy’s file. According to it, John hadn’t yet been in battle. I doubted that. I knew commandants doctored their recruits’ files, especially if they were underage.
“How many people have you killed?” I asked him.
“Haha-haha. Like you keep count,” he said. “I just close my eyes and fire until I don’t hear no fire back.” His effortless answers made me think he was telling me the truth. “What about you?” he asked. “Have you killed someone?”
I shook my head.
“Really?” John seemed genuinely surprised. He laid the rifle on the grass and sat next to it, his knees pressed together against his chest and his arms wrapped around them. The message was clear: he no longer needed to feel any older or taller. He’d killed people. I hadn’t.
“What do you think about when you’re in combat?” I went on.
“Most of the time I don’t think nothing, but sometimes I think I’m saving my own life, you know? It’s either my life or theirs, and God doesn’t want me yet.”
“Oh, so you believe in God.”
“I sure do. I say my prayers almost every night, and always before a battle.”
“And do you think God approves of you killing others?”
He considered my question for a while before declaring, “I think God doesn’t want me killing them anymore than he wants them killing us.”
Next, I asked him questions about the daily life of a guerrilla and learned that they get up at four and fall in at five; that daily duties are assigned at five thirty. A party of two cooks all three meals, two parties of three go hunting, two parties of four scout the area for possible invasion forces, and the rest do guard duty. In the afternoon, they exercise and do target practice.
“This camp’s nothing compared to training camp,” John assured me. “There, you learn to shoot pistols, rifles and machine guns, and how to spot aircraft, and where on the fuselage to aim. It’s awesome!” He said all this in his child’s voice, and I thought again about the file that the commandant had given me. I pulled it from my backpack and reread the page. It said John’s real name was Juan Carlos Ceballos Vargas and that he was sixteen; that his parents had died in a car accident when he was a baby; that the boy had spent his entire childhood in an orphanage, from which he’d been dismissed when he turned fifteen; and that he’d voluntarily joined the guerrillas in November of 2000. I decided to find out how much of the information on his file was true.
“Is John your real name?”
He shook his head.
“What is it then?”
“I don’t tell nobody my name.”
“That’s fair,” I said. “I like John. It’s a nice name.”
“It’s not just John,” he replied. “It’s John R.”
“I still think it’s a fine name. Did you choose it yourself?”
He nodded. “You seen Rambo?” He asked this as though Rambo had just been released.
“All three of them,” I admitted.
“Me too. He’s awesome! Remember his name? Rambo’s name?”
I had to think for a moment. It had been years since I watched Rambo III. I knew it was a common name. Michael? Robert? John?
“John!” I announced. “Oh, I get it. John R.”
He smiled. “My grandmother had a TV. She let me watch sometimes, till she sold it. She started selling everything she had to get us food till there was nothing else to sell in that house.”
“Where is your grandmother now?”
He shrugged.
“What about your father? Where is he?”
“In jail. He got twenty years for killing a neighbor who stole a pig from us.”
“And your mother?”
“She got shot in the head,” he replied, matter-of-factly, as if that were the only way someone’s life could end. “That man my father killed, he had a son who was a policeman. He put my father in jail, then he killed my mother.”
“Did someone turn the policeman in?”
“Haha-haha,” he answered.
“How old were you when this happened?”
He pushed his left hand outward in front of my face, the way little boys tell their age. Five fingers.
“And how old where you when you joined the guerrillas?”
“Eleven.”
“Do you know what this is?” I asked him, flashing the file in front of his eyes.
He glanced at it and shook his head. “I can’t read. I never went to school.”
“Here, I’ll read it for you,” I offered, and began to read each line slowly. He listened attentively, but the expression on his face didn’t change.
“I wish that was true,” he said after I was finished. “It sounds a lot better than my life.” His eyes, black and sad, fixed on mine. I looked into them and saw a little boy learning how to shoot a pistol, hunting birds in the forest, saying prayers on his knees before going to war, opening fire on someone else’s enemy with his eyes tightly closed. I scrunched the file into a ball and threw it away.
“Just one more question,” I said, noticing he was now looking at his watch. “Tell me what made you join the guerrillas.”
“I was hungry.”
John R. grabbed his rifle and stood up. It was almost four in the afternoon, and he was scheduled for guard duty from four to eight.
“Promise you won’t twist what I told you to make me look like a bad guy,” he said.
“I promise,” I assured him. To prove it, I kissed a cross made with my thumb and index finger, a gesture widely used by Colombians to indicate they’ll honor their word.
Then he asked me for a present. “Anything,” he said.
I looked inside my backpack. There was a change of underwear, a toothbrush, a travel-size toothpaste, two sets of batteries, aspirins, antibiotics, a roll of toilet paper and a beat-up copy of One Hundred Years of Solitude, which I’d just started reading. Nothing John R. would want. But then, in the side pocket, I found a Christmas floatie pen I’d gotten the last time I visited New York.
“Feliz Navidad, John R.,” I said, handing him the pen.
“Navidad? But it’s only April.”
“Any time’s good for Christmas.”
I gave him the pen and told him to tilt it back and forth, and saw him watch Santa and his reindeer float smoothly over a miniature snowy village.
“Haha-haha.” His face lit up. “Is it made in Estados Unidos?”
“I’m not sure,” I confessed.
His lower lip dropped in disappointment.
I took the pen back from him and carefully checked it. At last I found, on the little silver ring that divided the upper part of the pen from the lower one, engraved in very small print, the three words John R. wanted to hear.
“Sí,” I said. “Made in USA.”
He thanked me four or five times, turned around and headed for the camp, tilting the pen back and forth as he walked, saying “Haha-haha,” again and again until his little body disappeared into the woods.