Kyle
Lying in bed, Kyle wondered why she couldn’t stop crying. She hadn’t cried like this since she was four, when she forgot her pink, blue, and lavender kiki that Grandma Romero had made for her at Disneyland. Her father had driven back there, alone, after closing, and talked a security guard into letting him onto the grounds. He’d finally found the baby blanket near the Mad Hatter’s Tea Cups, covered in someone’s red slushie, and brought it home.
Kyle sniffed and blew her nose. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she pull herself together? She wondered if she still had a small stash of Xanax hidden in her underwear drawer, which had been Ash and Priscilla’s birthday present to her last year . . .
There was a knock on her door. Benjy poked his head in. “Can I come in?”
Kyle sat up abruptly and drew her kiki around her. “Why, so you can yell at me some more?”
Benjy walked into the room and sat down cross-legged on her bed. He gazed intently at her face.
“What?” Kyle snapped. “Why are you staring me?”
“You’ve got a giant booger hanging down—right there,” he said, pointing.
“Gee, thanks.” Kyle grabbed a tissue and blew her nose again.
“You okay?”
“No, I’m not okay. I feel like shit.”
“Bree’s downstairs eating an enormous bowl of mint chocolate-chip ice cream, if that makes you feel any better. With chocolate syrup and a mountain of that fake whipped cream.”
“Really?” Kyle was relieved. But only slightly. “I’ve like totally fucked her up for life,” she rambled on miserably. “She’s like this sweet, innocent kid, and now she thinks it’s cool to drink vodka, like me. Like her goddamned ‘hero.’ ” She added, “Plus, Mom’s kicking me out of the house.”
“What? Tell me.”
“She said I have to go live with Kamille for a while, or something. I guess she hates me and she doesn’t want me around anymore.”
Benjy regarded her. “Look. Kyle. Nobody hates you. And you haven’t ruined Bree for life; she’ll recover. As for her thinking that drinking’s cool . . . it’s probably the opposite. The stuff made her sick. Maybe it’s even a good thing that she knows how gross booze is, this young, so she won’t end up like . . .” He hesitated.
“Like me?”
“I was actually thinking about our mom. But yeah, like you, too. ’Cause you did screw up, big-time. I don’t know what you were thinking. Frankly, I don’t know what you’ve been thinking for months, now. You were acting like a human being for a while, and then after the whole Kamille-and-Chase thing, you kind of lost it again.”
“Yeah, I know.” Kyle buried her face in her hands. “It’s just that . . . everything got so fucked up with this family, and stressful, and I just don’t know how to deal with that.”
“So you thought that going into self-destruct mode was a good idea?”
Kyle shook her head. “No! Well, yes! Maybe! I don’t know.” She took a deep breath, trying to express all the complicated, jumbled-up feelings she’d kept buried for so long. “See, it’s like when my dad died,” she began. “I never told anyone this, but when he . . . when that happened, something happened to me, too. I kinda just went cold inside. And I didn’t want anything to do with this family, especially my mom. She . . . they all . . . reminded me too much of my dad. So I just distanced myself. But at the same time I was so furious. I don’t know why, but I was. So I figured I’d take it out on my mom . . . on people . . . or whoever . . . by getting wasted and flunking out of school and all that other stupid crap.”
Kyle began sobbing again.
“Kyle, Kyle.” Benjy scooted over and hugged her tightly. “Shhh, it’s okay.”
“No . . . it’s . . . not!” Kyle sobbed.
“No, I guess it’s not. But it will be, someday. Listen—I can’t pretend to know what it’s like to lose your dad. I can’t imagine losing mine. But for whatever it’s worth, you have this huge family, our family, who loves you and will always be there for you. You’re not alone.”
“Whatever,” Kyle sniffed.
“You know, you really should sit down and talk to your mom about this stuff,” Benjy said softly.
Kyle jerked back. “No!”
“Or Kass, or Kamille, or me, or whoever. You need to talk to somebody.”
“What are you, my shrink now?”
Benjy pushed back a lock of her hair. “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta make sure you don’t go off the deep end again. It’s pretty lame, how you keep doing that over and over again.”
Kyle swiped at her eyes and laughed weakly. “I guess?”
There was a sudden commotion out in the hallway. Footsteps, yelling . . . then her mother rushed into the room.
Kyle sat up. “Mom? Is everything okay?” she said worriedly. “Is Bree—”
“Kass is about to have her baby!” Kat cried out. She looked happy and hysterical at the same time. “We’ve got to get down to the hospital, now! Where are my car keys? Has anyone seen my car keys? And my shoes, where are my shoes?”
Ohmigod, Kass’s baby! “Can I go, too?” Kyle said meekly. “Even though I’m, uh, grounded for the next hundred years?”
Kat put her hands on her hips and glared at her. “No! Okay, yes. Just this once. But stay close. And don’t get into any trouble, or I’m sending you away to live with your great-aunt Beatrice instead.”
Ouch. “O-kay, I won’t make a peep,” Kyle said. “Thanks, Mom.”
Kat’s expression softened. She came over and gave Kyle a quick, fierce hug. “I could kill you for what you did, you know that,” she said quietly. “But I love you. I will always love you, no matter what. You’re my baby girl.”
It was all Kyle could do not to start crying again.
Where in the hell was that Xanax, anyway?