APPENDIX 3

STRUCTURE IN
LARGER ELEMENTS:
THE SCENE

This appendix contains one excerpt. Commentary follows it.

Excerpt is from chapter 2 of Tiebreaker, by Jack M. Bickham. Tor Books, © 1989 by Jack M. Bickham. In this excerpt, the novel’s central viewpoint character, Brad Smith, has just returned to his condominium late at night to find an intruder inside. Smith slips in, armed, and finds that the intruder is a longtime associate from his CIA days, Collie Davis.

Commentary

Lines 1–16. This opening dialogue exchange functions primarily to show Smith’s emotional reaction to the shock of finding his old associate hiding in his condominium in the middle of the night. It also describes Davis a bit, and establishes the kind of sarcastic, sardonic relationship the two men have. Although they are in action here, however, a scene cannot be said to have started because neither man has yet stated a goal.

Line 17. Although presumably Davis had some goal for this meeting first—he having initiated it—it is the viewpoint character, Smith, who states a goal first: He wants to know what Collie Davis wants from him. (Scene question: Will Smith learn what Davis wants?)

Lines 20–22. Davis does not respond directly to Smith’s question. The reader will experience such nonresponsive behavior as conflictful.

Lines 23–27. Smith responds first in an internalization to Davis’s un-informative reply. In this internalization, he decides to press his goal.

Line 28. Smith repeats his goal.

Line 29. Davis gives a direct response to the stimulus-question, but is vague. (If he were to blurt out everything at once, there would be no scene tension and he would make a multiple-page speech. For drama, Smith must drag the information out of him, bit by bit.)

Lines 38–39. Davis becomes more specific.

Line 45. Now having some information, Smith changes the ground on which the scene is being fought. He is still seeking information on Davis’s mission here, but now asks “Why me?”

Line 46. Davis replies directly.

Lines 47–48. Smith begins trying to get out of taking the job, while fishing for further details.

Line 54. Davis begins bringing out more information, but in the form of a question.

Lines 80–84. Very tightly woven moment-by-moment stimulus-response dialogue.

Lines 85–86. Davis further defines his mission, what he wants.

Line 91. A brief internalization is hinted at but not presented. Smith shifts ground again, voicing a new suspicion.

Line 120. Smith is still pressing for what he believes Davis is holding back from him.

Line 127. Davis gives more information—all bad news.

Lines 146–152. Smith knows a lot by now, but his suspicions have only deepened. He has made good progress from the start of the scene, where he merely wanted to know in general what Davis wanted. But many new questions have arisen in his mind.

Lines 153–186. Always be alert for the opportunity to introduce new angles in the conflict. Here Davis’s casual mention of extra pay for the assignment angers Smith, who protests that he is not a mercenary. (Of course this functions to characterize Smith, as well as to complicate the conflict.)

Lines 209–211. Smith repeats what he has come to know, to review for the reader.

Line 212. Davis agrees totally.

Lines 213–220. Smith’s internalization to show what he is thinking in response to the stimulus of Davis’s apparent lie.

Lines 221–224. Although it’s a rule that one never should summarize in a scene, here is summary! Why? Because the argument has gotten to the brink of repetitiveness, and to string it out further might lose the reader’s attention. However, since all the needed development has already been done, and this should be a very difficult decision for Smith, a bit of summary is inserted to indicate to the reader that Smith did not get to a decision in the time span of a few minutes.

Line 225. Smith agrees to Davis’s unstated but clearly implied scene goal, to get him on board.

Line 232. Smith needs a bit more information.

Lines 235–246. Smith reverts to one of Davis’s earliest scene lies with information about Ted Sherman. This furthers the characterization of both characters, as well as setting up more aura of danger around the mission.

Lines 247–250. Davis, in a final brief bit of conflict, insists Smith’s report is not true, implying that any danger in this mission could not be so great.

Line 251. In the briefest of internalizations, Smith calls Davis a liar – showing the reader that yes, Smith got his information, but he is now moving into an adventure which could result in his death. In other words, the brief internalization serves to help the reader realize that Smith has indeed had a scene disaster.