twenty
Abe was going mad. Bringing Zoe to the hot spring had seemed like such a good idea. He’d thought he was doing something nice, attempting to be kind and sacrificial like Christ. But now that they were in the pool, he knew he’d made a big mistake. The merest sight of her in her chemise and drawers was much too enticing.
Of course, he was trying his hardest not to let his gaze stray to her body, which was mostly shielded by the water. But he couldn’t stop himself, especially every time her attention drifted to his chest.
Her curiosity only added fuel to his already overheated insides and burned through the wall of reserve he’d tried to build. Especially now that she was thoroughly soaked after their water fight.
He’d hoped the splashing would distract him and cool him off. But now with water dribbling from her hair, off her nose, and down her lips, she was even more beautiful than before, and he could think of little else but the fact that they were alone.
“Are you giving up?” she asked as she threatened to send another wave at him.
“I must.” He wiped away the water that cascaded from his face. “I’m not nearly as fast and admit my defeat.”
“Very well. Then as the winner, I should get a prize, shouldn’t I?” She stretched back into the water, floating so that he caught a glimpse of her legs—exquisitely lovely legs, pale and slender with delicate feet.
With great difficulty, he tried to focus on what she was saying. “A prize? Of course. You may ask for anything you wish.”
She sat up, her upper body surfacing. “Anything? Are you sure?”
“Anything.”
She pushed away from the ledge and floated, growing more daring, clearly enjoying herself in the water. And clearly having no inkling of the effect she was having on him. “Then I make you responsible for changing Violet’s napkin the next time she’s smelly.”
He glimpsed her feet again and her bare arms. Her skin was pale and smooth, and all he wanted to do was touch her. It was sweet torture to realize she might be his wife, and yet she wasn’t his in heart and soul—the things that really mattered.
“Do you agree to my reward?” She reached the area diagonal from him and dipped back down, submerging her body.
He wrenched his attention back to his hands and began swishing water back and forth in front of him.
“Do you?” she persisted.
“Do I what?”
“Agree to changing Violet’s napkin?”
“What?” His gaze was drawn back to her, irresistibly. She was smiling, the dimples in her cheeks making an appearance as they did whenever she jested.
“You weren’t listening to me, were you?”
“I admit to being distracted. I’m not accustomed to soaking in the hot spring with a beautiful woman.”
Her smile turned more impish. “Flattery won’t work.”
“It won’t?” He still had no idea what she was talking about.
“Flattery only works if it’s true.”
“It is true. You’re beautiful. More than anyone else.” His voice came out more earnest than he’d intended.
She paused in the middle of kicking her feet to examine his face.
Embarrassment rushed through him, and he wanted to sink down into the water and hide himself. Why was he speaking to her so freely? Was he so enamored that he was losing all self-control?
It wasn’t right that he should focus on her appearance and the wanting that came with it. Dwelling on those kinds of thoughts only led to lust. He knew that well enough from the lust he’d experienced with Wanda.
He swam to the opposite side of the pool, putting a safe distance between them, and attempted to shift the conversation. For a while, he told her of the legends that came with the hot spring, the stories of healing, and even the tales of people supposedly coming back from the dead. They talked about how such a natural wonder had formed and speculated over why God had created it, and he was amazed as he always was by how easy she was to talk to about such matters.
She released a contented sigh. “As much as I’d love to stay here all night, I promised Will we wouldn’t be gone long.”
The boy had eagerly agreed to watch Violet during the outing. But even though he was responsible enough at twelve years of age and had been practically living on his own the past couple of years, he didn’t need to shoulder the care of the baby longer than necessary.
Using the last of his reserves of self-control, Abe kept himself turned around while Zoe got out, dried off, and changed back into her clothing. When she was done, she gave him the same courtesy, attempting to towel dry her hair while he dressed, although her efforts distracted and slowed him down so that she finally glanced at him over her shoulder.
He’d already yanked up the dry pair of underdrawers and was in the process of tugging up his trousers. He jerked at the corduroy, but it stuck to his still-damp legs. “You’re peeking.”
“Just checking to see if you need my help.”
The very notion of having her assistance sent a sizzle of anticipation skittering over his wet skin.
She smiled at him too innocently. “Especially since sometimes you get your trousers and shirts mixed up.”
He looked down to double-check his attire and was relieved he wasn’t making a fool of himself. “It appears I’m doing fine this time.”
She twisted around and faced the cave wall again. “Just make sure to put your socks on before your shoes.”
At the humor in her voice, he chuckled. “I can’t help it. Your beauty distracts me.” As soon as the words were out, he was tempted to pound his head with his hand. Why had he taken to gushing over her appearance? Again.
“Oh, I see. So your inability to dress yourself is my fault?”
Was she teasing him? He hoped so. “I could never blame you for anything.”
“Not even for our marriage?” she asked lightly, but something in her tone told him she meant the question.
He finished tugging up his trousers and then reached for his shirt. Yes, even though he’d never anticipated that he’d return from Victoria with a wife and child, he didn’t blame Zoe. If anything, he blamed himself. “I take full responsibility. I reacted to the letter from Lizzy telling me she’d gotten married. I suppose I wanted to prove to myself that it didn’t matter.”
“But it did. And it still does.” She’d turned again and was watching him with solemn eyes.
He paused, one arm in his shirt. “I’m trying to forgive her. But I admit, it’s not easy.”
He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about Lizzy. Even if his wounds were healing, the rejection stung and made him feel inadequate, as if somehow he hadn’t been enough, maybe still wasn’t enough. And yet, Zoe deserved to know the truth about his past, didn’t she?
As he finished dressing, he told her about his loneliness growing up, how his siblings had been so much older, how his parents had spared him little time, how Lizzy’s father had been the rector and lived nearby. Her family had welcomed him into their midst, and Lizzy had become his closest friend. Her father and his sincere faith had influenced Abe’s decision to become a rector himself.
“What about you?” Abe said as they left the cave and headed down the path. “Surely you had a sweetheart back home.”
Darkness had settled and shrouded the woods, faintly lit by the lantern he used to guide their way. The beams of light touched Zoe bundled in the blankets on the sled but didn’t reveal her expression.
“Jeremiah wanted to marry me,” she admitted.
“Jeremiah?” Just hearing the name turned his insides. “What kind of fellow was he?”
“He was a good man, a hard worker, and he loved me.”
Abe winced at the revelation that another man had loved Zoe. He shouldn’t be surprised by the news. In fact, he wouldn’t be surprised if a dozen men had loved her. Nevertheless, he didn’t like the idea of her being with someone else, specifically a good man like Jeremiah. “Did you love him too?”
“I never gave him a chance.”
Did her voice hold regret? “Do you wish you’d stayed to marry him?”
“No. I needed to leave. Needed to get away from Meg before she dragged me into her ways. And needed to get away from my father.”
“Then you didn’t get along with him?”
She was silent, and the swish of the sled in the snow along with the crunch of his footsteps echoed in the quiet of the night.
“I think he partly blamed me for Mum’s death.”
“How so?”
“One time he told me if I’d taken her place in the mill earlier, she wouldn’t have gotten mill fever.”
Abe had heard of the illness that afflicted mill workers. Some blamed the poor ventilation in the factories. Others believed the disease came about because of the long work hours. Many claimed it was just another form of consumption and could be cured with proper rest.
“Your father was wrong to put that burden on you.”
“Aye. After Mum’s death, he lost every ounce of kindness, and his drinking took a turn for the worse. And once he no longer had Zeke around to punish, he decided to take out his anger on me and Meg.”
Abe stumbled to a halt in the snow and pivoted to give Zoe his full attention, his heart suddenly pounding hard. “Did he hurt you?”
“Not often. But I got tired of his bullying.”
“So you decided to leave?”
“With my wee niece gone, I had no more reason to stay.”
He nodded, finally beginning to understand the heartache lurking within her as well as her desire to protect Violet from Herman’s neglect.
“I’m glad you came.” He resumed his pulling, which was easier on the way back since they were moving gradually downhill.
“You don’t have to say that. I know Violet and me are a burden you didn’t ask for.”
“I mean it. I’m glad you got away from your father.” He was more than glad. In fact, he was surprised by the depth of his relief. “And maybe I didn’t ask for all this, but I think we’re getting along, don’t you?”
“Aye. You’re a good and kind man, Abe. I doubt there’s anyone who wouldn’t be able to get along with you.”
When they reached the cabin, she stumbled in her effort to stand, the blankets tangling her legs. With a new courage he hadn’t known he possessed, he scooped her up and carried her to the door. When she didn’t protest his hold, he gathered more courage.
Her warm breath hovered near his neck, making him all too aware of her closeness and the softness of her body. His mind returned to the hot spring, to the picture of her dripping wet. And his pulse reacted by sputtering forward at double speed.
As he reached the door, he hesitated.
“Thank you for taking me to the hot spring,” she whispered.
He was suddenly sharply aware of her mouth near his cheek, only inches away. All he had to do was turn his head just a little and he could kiss her.
Did he want to kiss her? He’d tried not to think about sharing such intimacies with her. Doing so only undermined his self-control. But at the moment, with her lips so near, he could think of little else but bending in and tasting her. Just one tiny taste. Surely it wouldn’t hurt him. Or them.
Before he could make up his mind, she stretched up and pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek. Her lips were every bit as warm and soft as he’d imagined, but the briefness of the kiss was amiable and sweet, certainly not at all passionate or inviting of more.
Not that he wanted her to invite more—did he?
He hesitated a moment longer and was spared from answering his own question by Will’s throwing the door open wide and greeting them with Violet cooing happily in his arms.