twenty-four

An avalanche of emotions crashed through Abe so that he couldn’t think or talk on the way back to the cabin. He was confused over why Zoe kissed him in the first place. He was embarrassed he’d so hungrily kissed her back in front of everyone. And he was completely mortified Wanda had hinted at his indiscretion.

Zoe walked beside him without saying a word. Their footsteps crunched against the crusty snow, and Violet’s baby talk filled the awkward silence that hovered between them.

Why had Zoe kissed him?

His mind replayed the moment she’d stalked up to him, her eyes blazing and her chin lifted with determination. He’d assumed something had happened, that someone had perhaps offended her. He’d never imagined she’d kiss him.

Then again, his relationship with Zoe had been full of surprises from the moment they’d met. She was unlike any woman he’d ever known. Just when he thought he was beginning to know and understand her, she did something to surprise him.

He shot her a sideways glance, his sights snagging on her mouth. Fire kindled in his blood and blazed through his veins. Lord have mercy. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted it so much that he had to look away lest she see the power of his ardor and be frightened by it.

After the past two weeks of lying next to her in bed and denying his flesh, his desires had been building to a dangerous level. And now he couldn’t think of anything but kissing her again. Will was at work at the livery. They’d have the cabin to themselves. Could he do it when they stepped inside? Would that be too soon?

Although his mind warned him that doing so would only break the wall he’d built to help him focus on his ministry, his body protested waiting even that long. If he was bolder and more spontaneous like Zoe, he’d pull her into a nearby copse of trees and kiss her again until they were both breathless. But the fact was, he’d always been shy with women, never certain how to behave.

And besides, he couldn’t kiss her again, not without admitting to her what had happened between him and Wanda. He owed her the truth.

A few minutes later as he followed her into the cabin, he closed the door and stood against it, watching her slip out of her cloak, set Violet on the bed, and then begin preparing a bottle.

Part of him wanted to ignore the nudge to share about Wanda. But the other part of him needed to finally confess. He cleared his throat and tried to formulate an admission. “Zoe, I apologize—” His voice broke, and he cleared his throat again.

She stopped abruptly and faced him with all the honesty and openness he’d come to expect from her. “Why did Wanda say you’re a good kisser?”

He could feel a flush moving into his face and heating his ears. “We kissed once—and only once.”

Zoe cocked her head, her expression more curious than angry. “She apparently isn’t satisfied with just once.”

Abe stuffed his hands into his pockets. “No, that’s how she interacts with all men. Sadly she doesn’t know how to behave any other way.”

“With the way she flaunts her body, I’m not surprised you kissed her.”

He focused on his dirty boots. “After I received news of Mr. Washington’s death, she asked me to call, said she needed me. So I visited to offer my condolences and to pray with her.”

“Like you did at the hospital after Jane died?” She turned and continued readying Violet’s bottle.

“Yes. But I should have known better than to call on Wanda alone. I should have brought someone along as a chaperone or visited with her in a more public place. As it was, we ended up in her sitting room, on her settee.” He swallowed hard, his mortification slapping him full in the face again as it did whenever he thought about what had happened. “She was crying. In my effort to provide solace, I hugged her. Before I knew what was happening, she was kissing me. I should have stopped her. But I didn’t.”

“How could she even consider kissing another man right after her husband died?”

“Wanda married her husbands for their wealth. Not love.”

Zoe was silent as though weighing his words.

He shuffled his feet, unable to meet her gaze and see her reaction. Even if Wanda had initiated the kiss, he could have cut her off the moment he’d realized what was happening. Not only did he have his integrity as a minister to uphold, but he’d been beholden to Lizzy and should have remained faithful.

Instead, he’d allowed the kiss with Wanda to become quite impassioned, until she’d started to unbutton his shirt. Her move had been a splash of cold water against his inflamed desires, dousing him and jolting him up from the settee.

He thanked the Lord every day for giving him the strength to walk away from the temptation. Even so, the kiss had awakened his desires before the time was right. And he’d had to struggle with his lust ever since.

Zoe finished preparing the bottle and gave it to Violet, who grasped it eagerly and began to feed herself. When Zoe straightened and faced him, he tried to meet her gaze directly.

“I never meant for it to happen and am ashamed that it did.”

“Have you wanted to kiss her again?”

“I wouldn’t be honest if I told you I’ve never struggled with my thoughts.”

Zoe frowned and crossed her arms. “Then you still think about her?”

“Of course not. Not since I married you.”

“Not even when she displays herself so wantonly?”

“No. You’re the only one I think about.” At his admission, the flush returned to his face, and he had the urge to slink outside to hide and cool off.

Zoe’s frown faded, but the uncertainty remained. “What kinds of thoughts do you have about me?”

“All kinds.”

“Good kinds or bad kinds?”

“Definitely good.” Suddenly hot and near to perspiring, he shrugged out of his coat and tossed it over the chair. He was too embarrassed to admit even to himself some of the fantasies about her that filled his dreams.

Her brow furrowed as she moved toward his coat, lifted it from the chair, and then stepped next to him to hang it on the peg on the back of the door.

“Zoe, don’t worry.” He was tempted to reach for her but held himself at bay. “You’re a kind and loving woman. And I hold you in the highest esteem.”

She pressed her hands against her hips. “Are you more attracted to me than Wanda?”

Her hands emphasized her slender waist, which only served to draw his attention first there, then up to her gentle curves, her graceful neck, and her determined chin, and finally her deep rose–colored lips. Lips he wanted to feel again.

When his eyes met hers, he hoped she could read the answer there. But just in case she couldn’t, he pushed past his bashfulness and swallowed his reservations. “She can’t compare to you, Zoe.”

“You’re sure?”

“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.” He couldn’t keep from admiring her features again.

Her lips pulled into the beginning of a smile. “And my kiss? Was it better than Wanda’s?”

“By far,” he whispered, his voice turning low and reflecting his desire.

Her smile rose and gave way to dimples. “You should have said you think it was better but that you need to try it again just to be sure.”

At her suggestion, his insides tumbled wildly together. Did she want to kiss again?

She didn’t move or take the initiative as she’d done outside. Instead, she peered up at him expectantly.

“You’re right.” He tried to make his voice light and teasing, when all he wanted to do was gather her up in his arms and kiss her the rest of the day. “I do think I need to try again. As long as you’re agreeable.”

She took a step closer. “Aye, perhaps a little practice will help make it better?”

He couldn’t contain himself a moment longer. He reached for her waist and drew her toward him.

She didn’t resist, her attention drawn to his mouth. The desire that flared in her eyes set his blood afire.

“Only a little practice?” He bent in and pressed his cheek to hers, relishing the softness of her skin, the warmth of her body, and the catch of her breath, which told him she was feeling every nuance of their encounter as much as he was.

“Perhaps we do need a good deal of practice.” She brushed her lips along his jaw.

The touch was enough to drive him to insanity. He angled down and found her mouth, covering her and fusing them together with such force that he lost himself. For an endless moment, he kissed her, driven forward by her answering kisses, kisses filled with as much fervor as his own.

She didn’t protest when he finally drew her body against his. At the sweet pressure, he would have moaned except he was too consumed with meeting her passionate kisses with his own.

All he could think about was heaven, that having Zoe in his arms and kissing her this way was as if he’d been given a piece of heaven on earth. He’d never imagined, not even in his dreams, that he’d experience such passion with his wife, such enjoyment, such pleasure. And this was only kissing. What would the rest be like?

He had a sudden pulsing need to sweep her off her feet, carry her to their bed, and let this passion take them where it would. But another part of him hesitated, reminding him of all the reasons he needed to wait. It was too soon, and he couldn’t let himself be distracted by his physical desires. He couldn’t chance having a baby. He couldn’t compromise his ministry. He couldn’t get distracted by other things, not after vowing to the bishop nothing would change.

He slid his hands up her arms to her neck, moving freely and boldly. Already he was locked away in the cabin kissing her when he should be out with his hockey team, ministering to them.

A knocking at the door made him jump and release her at the same time. She let go of him too and backed away, her chest rising and falling rapidly, her face flushed, her lips swollen.

He wanted to ignore whoever was on the other side of the door, reach out and draw her back into his embrace, and continue kissing her. If they were quiet for a minute, whoever had come would eventually go away and they’d be left alone, except for Violet, who was content at the moment with her bottle.

He met Zoe’s gaze. As if having the same idea, she pressed a finger against her lips, cautioning him to be quiet and wait for the visitor to depart. The knock sounded again, louder.

He shook his head, hoping Zoe would forgive him for this interruption. He couldn’t pretend he wasn’t home. What if someone was in dire need? What if he lost an opportunity to share the gospel?

He quickly combed his fingers through his hair and then lifted the handle. As he swung the door wide, Zoe started toward the bed and Violet.

“Mr. Merivale.” At the sight of Bishop Hills’s rotund figure and terse smile, Abe’s heart dropped. The bishop was the last person Abe wanted to see. With the imminent approach of spring and the plans to start the construction of the church, Abe had hoped to get the project well underway before the bishop made a visit.

Apparently he was to have no such luck. The bishop must have been aboard one of the steamships that docked today.

The bishop peered past him into the cabin, taking in Zoe, who’d picked up Violet and was helping her drink the last of the milk in her bottle.

The bishop’s attention returned to Abe, his eyes narrowing on Abe’s shirt, which had somehow come untucked. Perhaps during the hockey game? Certainly not while he was kissing Zoe.

Heat saturated Abe’s face, and he fumbled to stuff his shirttail back into his trousers.

“I do hope I’m not disturbing you, Mr. Merivale. With the late afternoon hour, I was rather surprised to hear you’d been engaged in a game of hockey. And I was even more surprised to learn that after the shenanigans you went directly home rather than attending to your duties as minister.”

A fresh wave of guilt buffeted Abe. “The hockey is simply a way to build relationships with the men. And, of course, the healthy activity keeps them out of the taverns and out of trouble.”

“Yes, Mr. Merivale.” The bishop walked past Abe into the cabin. “So you’ve told me many times. But your methods are highly questionable as are the results.”

Zoe cradled Violet. With her rosy cheeks and mussed hair, she looked as though she’d just been kissed. And Abe squirmed at the realization of how this all appeared to the bishop.

“Your Grace, may I introduce you to my wife, Zoe?” His mind scrambled to find a reasonable way to explain what he and Zoe had been doing before the bishop’s arrival, but the more he thought about the passionate kissing, the more he squirmed.

“Perhaps you could have introduced me sooner, before you ran out of town.”

“I’m sorry, Your Grace. Under the circumstances, I thought it best to leave Victoria as quickly as possible.”

“Under the circumstances indeed.” The bishop pursed his lips, letting Abe know he was well aware of his brawl with Dexter Dawson.

“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Zoe interjected. “Would you like some tea?”

The bishop squinted at Zoe, scrutinizing her as though he was deciding whether she deserved the title of minister’s wife. “Very well, Mrs. Merivale. I do require a generous dollop of honey in my tea, if you would.”

The bishop pulled out a chair and sat down, giving Abe no choice but to close the door and face whatever might come his way.