“Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” – Neil Sedaka
The dead silence during Kevin’s ride back from the campus to the house in Donna’s car was only broken when Donna could no longer resist asking, “What the hell is that horrible odor?”
“My cat . . . I have it double wrapped in a plastic bag, but that only helps so much.”
“God, I see now why everyone hates your major.”
Kevin reached over and grabbed Donna’s knee and began stroking it, then let his hand slide up her thigh. She subconsciously moved her leg away from him, but the car was too small to be totally out of reach.
“You mad at me?” Kevin cautiously asked, not really wanting to hear the probable answer.
“We need to talk.”
At that point, they reached the house and she turned into the fraternity driveway and drove quickly to the rear. Donna parked the car, exited and walked into the house with Kevin trailing behind.
Kevin glanced around the corner and saw the house mother’s door closed. “Let’s go upstairs, babe,” which was shorthand that there should be nobody in the dorm in the middle of the afternoon, and they could be alone. Kevin opened the refrigerator and tossed his cat into the meat keeper where it would stay cold.
“Sure,” she said and walked up the rear stairway to the second floor and then down the hall to his room. She glanced around and, seeing no one, said, “Good. We’re alone.”
Kevin could barely contain his excitement. This was an unexpected mid-week treat. “We should have a few hours before anyone gets back from class.”
They walked over to his bed, located near the window. She sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, and he looked down at her nervously. Donna was quiet. Too quiet, he thought.
He sat on his single wood-framed bed next to her and carefully placed his hand back on her knee again. He was hopeful that she would relax so they could get on with it.
“When I walked away from someone in the past . . .,” she began, but he interrupted.
“You’re walking away?”
“I’ve been talking with some of the girls and had a long weekend home to think.”
Uh, oh. This wasn’t starting out well.
“You and I . . . we’ve been together and broken up and together more times than I can count . . . and . . . well, I can’t see wasting the rest of my senior year giving you another second or third or fourth chance, when there is someone better out there waiting for their first chance.”
Near tears, Kevin struggled to frame a question. “Someone better?” He was stunned. “How do you know there’s someone better? I might be the best man you’ll ever have.”
“God, that’s a depressing thought.” Donna’s expression was genuinely horrified.
“I don’t understand what’s wrong with me . . . with us . . . what it is you want me to do? I’ll do it, Donna . . . I really will,” Kevin pleaded. His hand griped her knee tighter as if that would keep her from leaving him.
“I need someone who can at least describe his future and where he sees me fitting in. I can’t figure out my role in your life because you don’t even have a vision for yourself. I need someone who can take control and make me feel good about our future. I just don’t get that from you.”
“That’s it? You don’t feel good about my future and how you fit in it?” Kevin’s emotions alternated between confused and hurt. How could she not understand that he was doing the best he could. He simply didn’t have all the answers. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he knew all the questions. He stood up and stared down at her.
“Actually, yes. Listen, I know you’re disappointed. But I think it’s time we both moved on.” She looked up, smiled and bit her lip as she waited for his response. When he didn’t speak or move away, Donna reached out and unfastened Kevin’s belt buckle and then unzipped his pants. “It wasn’t how you made me feel physically . . . we always had great sex.” She stared at the bulge in his pants as the zipper hit the end of its track. She reached around his waist and began to slowly push his pants down.
Kevin couldn’t decide what was more awkward, his heart breaking while she gave him one last blow job or setting her straight on how he really felt. Both options carried equal weight . . . one short term and one long term. His mind made up, he grabbed her wrists and firmly pushed her arms apart and away from his hips in one violent jerking motion. “This wasn’t just about sex for me. I thought we had something special. You know every relationship has its flaws . . . but what makes it perfect is if you still want to be there when things really suck.” Kevin took a step backward, grabbed his zipper and pulled it up. He turned toward the stairway, buckling his belt as he walked down the stairway. His vision blurred, but he refused to let her see how much she had hurt him.
Finally on the first floor, Kevin walked to the living room. He could hear her walk down the rear stairway, followed by the slam of the rear screen door as she left him . . . he feared for the last time.