38. Brother Finn Tenders Hope In A Bleak World

 

When the kaptein of the Giptumathr came on shore with his purser to deliver special dispatches and speak with the stallare, he had not been pleased to see Brother Finn standing there. The monk's previous passage on his ship was fresh in his memory. Stallare Vilhoaettir and Athrkrigsprest Gregorsson did much to smooth over any problems, but the bitterness about Brother Finn remained. New orders had been written out by the Ragnarites, seconded by the acting abbot of the Havarians, and then sealed with agreement by the new stallare. There was little anyone could say to disagree with the orders which still left Brother Finn's final destination in Kynligrspiejl.

 

Dinner concluded, and Reimar went up on deck to find Brother Finn. The Giptumathr sailed out of port, as the last of the sunset vanished. Ever vigilant, the pilot changed course by the winking constellations to avoid danger from Ogimaak Mikwam Island which lay just beyond the now invisible horizon. The stars twinkled sharply in the frosty night, and the bright yellow crescent of the waxing moon had begun to rise off the port stern. Reimar found Brother Finn standing on the tall aftcastle. The boy’s winter clothes kept the cool wind of their passage at bay. As he approached, Bergamot turned to face him, ears alert, collar jingling as the monk absently scratched her neck.

"Brother Finn?" he asked cautiously.

The monk turned and silently regarded Reimar with a distant look.

"What happens next?" Reimar asked softly.

Brother Finn raised his eyebrows and sighed deeply as he considered the question, half whistling a melody as he pondered it. Bergamot stepped over to Reimar and insisted he scratch her ears. He gladly obeyed.

"It is hard to say. I told you about school, the Trivium and the Quadrivium."

Reimar smiled as he massaged the big dog’s ears and looked up at Brother Finn. Both enjoyed the low happy grunts of Bergamot as he found the perfect spot. Brother Finn chuckled as she tipped her head into Reimar so hard she almost knocked the boy down.

"Jah," he said remembering what Brother Finn had told them on the train, "but that is not really what I mean. I do not know how to say it."

"So this is not about school?" Brother Finn asked.

"No," Reimar said, struggling with the question he wished to ask.

"Is it about what Tungloddr is like?" Brother Finn guessed.

"No," though secretly he did want to know that, too.

"What is it then?"

Reimar scrubbed both of Bergamot's ears, then patted her sleek gray flanks of loose fatty skin and fur.

"I guess us is what I mean,” the boy explained.

A confused look crossed Brother Finn's face as he reclined against the aft rail. He waited patiently, lips praying silently for discernment. Reimar knelt next to Bergamot's huge panting maw, now scratching under her throat.

"What happens next with us?" Reimar clarified.

"Us?" Brother Finn was still at a loss.

"You and me. What is next?"

"Ahh!" he breathed finally comprehending. Brother Finn knelt down, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Reimar," his voice tender, "our time together is nearly over."

"But what if it comes back?" the boy’s voice was like a taut wire.

“You fear that if the demon returned, no one would be there to defend you?”

Reimar nodded, slow and unsure.

“The Azhikwe cannot harm you unless you invite it back. Before, you were unclaimed. Unprotected. Innocent. All of us start life that way and it is a dangerous, wondrous time. In Latin it is called tabula rasa. A blank slate. Now you are no longer a blank slate, for God has claimed you. All you have to do is accept and follow Him. Be on guard for those who try to fool you and say you are untouchable for you are saved. Salvation will not prevent devils from tormenting you. Father Vidkunn should be proof of that. Nor should you presume innocence protects you, for that did not save Eve when the serpent tempted her to sin. Satan respects and obeys only Jesus Christ, and through His name and His blood are we protected, have authority and are saved."

Reimar was not reassured, but comprehended these spiritual truths better now having experienced many of them. Brother Finn took Father Vidkunn's diary out of his bag.

"Whatever alphabet or language this is in, I cannot decipher. There are people who can, and I will bring it to them, and, hopefully, in time we will be able to understand what is on these pages."

The leather cover was now multiple shades of brown, thanks to the oil Finn had poured on it. The cross Brother Finn had drawn plainly visible even in the fluttering light of the deck pitchpots.

"You do not have to worry about this book. It was sealed and that is a sign in the spirit as well as the temporal that God watches over this book and devils can no longer harm anyone through it. The demon's curse and claim on the book is broken and they cannot transfer to you. That is what the seal does." He re-wrapped the diary and put it back in his bag.

"Who knows who God will choose to work with this? I know it is not me. Of course, reading that book without the will of God guiding and protecting you is dangerous. Its words are not disarmed by the seal and may let loose many dangers once translated. The enemy can use any evil thoughts that may be written inside its pages and try to transcribe them onto your heart. That is why it is still so dangerous. Beware of what you take into your mind or hands, for they may come to rule your heart."

Reimar's understanding was good enough to follow that teaching.

Brother Finn continued, "Father Vidkunn was a very spiritually sick man. I spent a long time afterward talking to Herr Aske about the Azhikwe Ozheginguay. It is an incredibly powerful spirit. That is why those seven angels were with us. We were very fortunate it did not, or could not, manifest itself fully, for we did not have a Ragnarite with us."

Reimar swallowed hard and fell backwards tipping over from a gentle roll of the ship and Bergamot's constant pressure. Brother Finn sat down too, crossed his legs with loud pops from each knee. They laughed.

"You will get this way, too, someday. Believe me! I never thought the day would come either."

"That answers some questions, Brother, but I still have a hole in my understanding." Reimar half expected Brother Finn to become exasperated.

"What do you wonder now?"

"Well," Reimar thought for a moment, "when we get to Tungloddr, where do you go?" Brother Finn was taken aback at the question.

"Where will I go? Do you mean will I stay at the school with you?"

Reimar finally realized that was the question he really wanted answered and nodded, afraid to say the words again. Brother Finn's face became sad.

"No. I am still a niding and remain bound to go to Kynligrspiejl. In fact, I do not know if we will ever see each other again after I turn you over to the school’s authority."

Reimar was distraught. He did not want Brother Finn to leave! He had not even left yet and the sensation of loss already grew painful in his heart. The hot burning in his eyes started again and tears began to form.

"You cannot go, I do not want it," he choked out, head hung in grief. Brother Finn had become a surrogate father to him. A father like he had always wanted. He was strong, protecting, guiding, trusting and provided so many examples on how to be a man. Many things his real father never showed toward him until just before he left home, and that was only because he had stopped the fire shaman. Brother Finn’s care for him did not seem to come with a string or a price. He cared in spite of all of the boy’s failings or the troubles that liked to follow after him.

Now he was going to lose him! The pressure in Reimar’s heart was so powerful he could not look up, focusing instead on his hand stroking Bergamot.

As if understanding his grief, Bergamot flopped down on the boy, half climbing into his lap and pinning his legs under her bulk. All Reimar could do was lean into her warm body and try not to sob.

With an unsure hand, Brother Finn stroked Reimar's hair. Just above the wind, he sang in a soft voice:

 

Tolite hostias et adorate,

Dominum in atrio sancto ejus,

Laetentur coeli et exultat terra,

A facie domini quoniam venit,

Allelujah.

 

Although Brother Finn's voice was not grand or terrible, it was soothing. Like pus from a lanced boil, the poison of grief grew less and less in Reimar as he listened to the song. His weeping ceased, and considered his circumstances with a strange new clarity. He had borne up so strongly against adversity and loss under which grown men would crumble, yet he had survived and triumphed. It became clear that God had protected him during those struggles. All Reimar could do was follow the path God laid before him to the best of his trust and knowledge. Through weakness, he had become strong, or rather he had allowed God to be strong through him.

He lifted his head a little, buoyed by these thoughts.

"Reimar, did you not realize this day would come?" Brother Finn asked, unsure.

Reimar shook his head in denial, never looking up, as if the act would cause Brother Finn to vanish.

"We have been through a lot these few weeks. It was probably the most dynamic experience I have had in many years! Since the apparition in the pinery we saw from the train platform till Sigrid's salvation, I saw more spiritual manifestations than I have in the last two decades of my life! You must realize, Reimar, we are on the mountain top looking down at the world from God's high place! We are not meant to live this way all our life!" he pleaded with joy in his voice, even while contemplating Sigrid! The good news of his words finally allowed Reimar to look at him.

"Reimar," he said as he cradled the boy's chin, "life in this world is like walking a long road with God. The lower you go into the valleys, the farther you will feel from God. It is easy to walk down into the valleys too. And when you get to your lowest point, you will find the refreshing water of the stream though all about you seems dark and scary, and you cannot find your way out. But at the bottom you can discover a clarity you cannot have any other place. In the clearness of the open water you can see God's peak is off in the distance, and the shadows cannot hide it, and that is hope, Reimar! Real hope for the faith you will need to plunge back into the dark pinery on the other side and ascend to God's high places again. Once you get back into the pinery of the struggle, you have a gift working for you and that is the climb!

"The direction toward God is easy to find, for you always climb higher. If you lose your way, you will go back downhill into the clear water of God's provision and see clearly again. That allows you to turn back to Him and start over. The higher you climb, the less your vision of Him is obstructed by the trees of our troubles as they fall behind, till, finally, there are no trees left to block your view or your path. But the steepest climb on His road remains.

"You have been given an abundant measure of faith after these times of testing where He proved Himself to you. Even when you could not sense Him, He was still there, watching and calling you to Him through your struggle. If you look down the path you climbed, you can see what you overcame and maybe what is yet to be completed before the next mountain top!"

The ship's bell rang six times. Second vespers. Brother Finn sat back against the ship’s rail.

"In two days, we will be in Tungloddr and must go our own ways," Brother Finn said solemnly. "I am niding and must obey my own fate, as you must obey yours. For me to refuse is a death sentence. If I ever leave the shores of Lake Wanishinabinoogi, I violate my skoggang and my life becomes forfeit.”

Reimar knew about fredlause. Many attained great honor hunting down and slaying those who were thrown outside of the law. A thrall might have a better life, even if it could be brutal, for they had a place in society and some protections under the law as owned property. A fredlause had no assurances and every hand was turned against him.”

"Therefore, I must continue to Kynligrspiejl, my new home, where I am to live out my days in repentance and service to the few who live in those frozen, Skaerslinger infested wastes."

It was clear to Reimar that God had set their paths and there was no refusing.

"I suppose the cardinal hopes I am killed by the same Skaerslinger that I desire to see brought to salvation. Perhaps Sigrid taught me more about how to talk to them, if I ever get the chance. That may have been part of God's gift to me through her. I still wish she would have lived to join me and be a missionary with me." Brother Finn threw up his arms in frustration letting them slap back to his lap. The sound startled Bergamot who jerked her head up and almost knocked Reimar flat.

"Oh, I am sorry for startling you, Bergie. Jah, jah," he said in a comforting voice, petting her massive flanks. "I am sorry that you are being forced away from your friends, too, but this is God's destiny, manifest for us," he finished crooning to her in a soft loving voice. She settled her head on Reimar's lap again with a placated grunt followed by a loud snort and sigh. They both considered her inscrutable nature and chuckled.

"There are times," Brother Finn said as he shook his finger with knowing humor at her, "that I am convinced she understands me better than people."

The wind whistled around the two travelers. The deepening chill of the autumn night began making it uncomfortable even through winter clothes.

"Will I really never see you again?" Reimar asked.

Brother Finn gazed at him a long moment.

"I do not know. I really wish I did, but no one knows what the next minute will bring, let alone tomorrow, or the next week, or year."

Reimar felt empty with the thought, but the sadness had lost its power over him. Part of him still hoped that Brother Finn would come back and visit.

"I do not think the cardinal will take away my ability to correspond, so someday I will send you a letter if I am able. Once you become vested in a sect, your duties might bring us together again. We shall see,” Brother Finn said. The realization that he would miss Reimar grew in his heart too.

This thought gave both of them a sliver of hope. All was not lost. It might only be delayed.

"I hope that we meet each other again soon. Till then, let us take this time as the gift it is meant to be,” Brother Finn suggested.

"I like that thought. My mother likes to say ‘Every piece of ground your foot sets upon was given to you by God.’ What do you think of that?" Reimar asked.

Brother Finn smiled at the thought.

"I guess that means that this time and this piece of deck was bequeathed to us by the All-Mighty for us to talk. How do you like your piece of deck, young Reimar?" he joked.

"I like it fine! How do you find yours?"

"I find it the best piece of planking the world has to offer, for God gives His children only the best gifts!"

He slid a little to adjust his stiff legs. His face twisted in pain and he gave a surprised grunt, eyes open wide. "And, of course, He also provides the best splinters for my bottom!" He rolled slightly to his side and deftly put his hand under him and pulled out what might have been a splinter. Reimar laughed.

"Now, young Reimar," Brother Finn declared as he rose with another groan, "it is time to say prayers and go to bed."

"Brother Finn," Reimar said as he stood up.

"Jah?"

"Thank you." Solemn gratitude filled Reimar’s plain words. "Thank you for your honesty. I miss you already, but at least I have hope. That is more than what I had before."

"You are welcome. Now come, time to pray and then sleep."