Logan’s head snapped back as Jackson’s fist hit his jaw. He stumbled against the metal lockers.
Jackson rubbed the back of his knuckles. He hadn’t meant to do that, but he’d hadn’t been prepared for Logan’s suggestion.
Logan rubbed his jaw and grinned. “You know you still want my wife. I’m just giving you that chance.”
“You are seriously demented.” Jackson needed to put some distance between the two of them and walked to the other end of the locker room.
“I don’t think so.” Logan smiled, wiping a dab of blood from the corner of his mouth. “I think it has killed you this last year knowing she was in my bed, not yours.”
“She made a choice. So did you.” Jackson shook his head. “So did I. That’s something we all have to live with.” Just because living with it fucking killed him, didn’t mean he was going to take Logan up on his ridiculous offer.
“You are such a stupid fuck, Jack. You know, I really thought you’d come after us.”
“She’s wearing your ring on her finger. I think that makes it clear who she wanted.” He pointed at Logan. “You wanted her. You got her. I don’t know what you said to her to make her leave. I don’t know what I did to scare her…but the end is the same. She is with you.”
“Yes. She’s with me.” Logan grabbed a towel and walked over to the ice machine. He filled the towel with ice and held it to his jaw. “And next week, someone is going to join us in that dungeon. I thought you would rather it be you than someone else.”
“I won’t let you hurt her.”
“Hurt her?” Loganwalked up to Jack. “This isn’t to hurt her. It’s to hurt you.”
“Because I didn’t run after the two of you.”
“Because you gave up everything we dreamed of to run home. We had a future planned.”
“You had a future planned. My family needed me, Logan.”
“We were family.” He turned away and spit some blood from his mouth. “And you were quick to run home to St. Augustin. Especially after you found some prime pussy to keep you there.”
Jackson swallowed hard. He knew Logan was saying this to provoke him. He wanted Jackson to fight him, as if that would prove he’d made a mistake in letting them leave. The only mistake he’d made was introducing the two of them in the first place.
“Don’t you dare talk about her like that.” Jack warned, his fists curling beside him.
“I cantalk about my wife any way I want to.”
“Yeah, you can.” Jack spat, as he slammed his fist into the locker next to Logan. “You set up your little party, but I won’t be a part of it.”
“Then you won’t know who is.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Jackson shook his head. “As you said, she’s your wife.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The memory of that fight still ate at Jackson. It was the first time he felt he had truly accepted that Cait didn’t belong to him, and never would again. Except fate had given them another chance. As he sat down at his usual dockside table at the Laughing Monkey Pub, the one shaded by the horse chestnut tree, he wondered what he’d done to deserve it.
“So how are we going toplay this,” Ben asked, passing his notes to Jack and pulling out the chair across from him.
Jackson quickly scanned through the rough estimates, unsurprised. He had already known it would be a lot of work. He took a long swallow of his beer. “We play it straight.”
“Straight?” Ben asked incredulously. “That roof is going to need structural repair as well as new shingles. And we have some mold going on up there.”
“I know. It’s going to be damn expensive,” he agreed. But he knew better than anyone if they tried to undersell the work that needed to be done, she’d call him on it, and he wouldn’t have a chance of helping her out.
Ben narrowed his eyes at his boss, and Jackson sighed. Ben wasn’t just another employee, he was a friend, and right now Jack knew he was wondering what angle he was playing.
“So what gives?” Ben asked. “I was happy to wait outside while you had some naughty phone time, but I thought that you two were over the hump now.”
“Getting over the hump with Cait isn’t going to happen just because I give her tone, or an orgasm or two.”
“Just two? Seriously, I expected better than that of you.”
Jackson rolled his eyes in exasperation. “I am trying really hard not to run roughshod over her independence,” Jackson admitted. “She will know if we give her a cut on the pricing. Just write up the quote as if she were anyoneelse.”
“But she’s not anyoneelse.” Benjamin continued to argue. “She’s Logan’s wife.”
Jackson knew what Ben was tryinghard not to say. Jackson was his mentor, on the job and off, and had been the one to sponsor him to one of the more exclusive clubs in the city.
Even if Ben hadn’t recognized her from Eros, he would have recognized her as a submissive. It was not something Cait had ever been able to hide, if one knew what to look for, that is.
“She is Cait McKenzie and she belongs to me now,” he warned Benjamin. “Whether she knows it or not.”
“You are a lucky bastard.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” he confided. “She’s skittish. I am learning her all over again.”
“She will be worth it though,” Ben told him. He wanted to say something else but was thinking better of it.
Jackson, however, had caught his friend’s look and quirked an eyebrow at him in question.
“I know Logan was a friend.” Ben hesitated.
“Was being the operative word.” Logan was gone. Jack couldn’t change the past.
“It’s just, one of the times I went to Eros, I saw him punishing with her.” Ben shook his head. “Punishing her, not playing. I didn’t like it.”
That didn’t surprise Jackson. Logan was reckless all over the place. That included his relationships. But in order to understand Cait, and where her fear might be coming from, he had to ask. “What did you see?”
“He said she had questioned his authority.” Ben sighed heavily. “He had her head shaved. In public.” Ben stared down into his glass as he quickly and emotionlessly described the scene. Cait crying silently, as another sub moved the electric razor back and forth over her scalp. Her long hair falling to the floor around her, as she never once wavered from her position on her knees. When it was done, Logan had ordered her to kiss the feet of the one who had wielded the razor. She did so, some silent understanding passing between them. Then she looked up at Logan with a look of sadness Ben said he would never forget.
Jackson stood up quietly, tension coiling in his back and shoulders as Ben had relayed the story to him. He walked over to the bar and ordered another beer, bringing it back to the table.
“How long ago?”
“About four years.” Ben stared down into his beer. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “for not telling you sooner.
Jackson shook his head. “She was his wife. Their relationship was their own.” He had played with a lot of subs and very little surprised him. But he also knew where his limits were. He was glad to hear his protégé had as much trouble with that scene as he would have had.
“And you have no opinion?”
“Humiliation works with some subs. Some crave it as much as others crave the pain of the whip,” Jackson said finally, rubbing at the tension in his forehead. His Cait might like naughty words in the bedroom, but to be punished and humiliated in a room full of spectators by someone other than her Master. No. He knew Cait would rebel against that.
“Are you sure you still know her?”
Jack looked at Ben, feeling the weight of the question that Ben seemed to have plucked from his own thoughts. It was a valid question. He and Logan had very different styles and it had been more than ten years. Had Cait gotten used to and begun to crave the excesses that Logan preferred? He didn’t think so. If she had, she wouldn’t have moved back here to make it on her own. “Yes. I do.”
“She was very dignified through it all. Sad, but peaceful,” Ben said absently, almost to himself, before he shook his head.
“She would be.” Jackson took a long swallow of Red Racer. “I trained her well.”
“So I’ll write up the quote like she was anyone else?”
“Yes. Just like she was anyone else.”
* * * * *
Jack pulled the file from the pile on his desk and leaned against the edge of the weathered oak top. Ben had left it for him this morning and he had been planning to call her once he had time to review it. But she had beaten him to it. He glanced at it quickly now and frowned. “There’s no easy way to say this.”
“It’s going to take a lot of money?” Cait guessed, crossing her denim clad legs.
“Well, that’s one way to say it.” He sighed. He had told Ben to pull no punches, and he hadn’t. The prices were correctly based on current market availability, and the labor estimates weren’t overly generous. “The good news is that not everything needs to be done at once.”
“What sort of costs am I looking at?” He handed her the estimate sheets. She wasn’t stupid, and had worked in construction. She could read them for herself.
“The most important item is still the roof. The cost of that isn’t so bad. We know there are some structural repairs to be made at the same time, but I think based on the size of the roof and its pitch, we would be able to squeeze it into our project schedule whenever you are ready to proceed.”
“If I don’t do the roof?”
He let out a sigh and frowned at her. “You know what happens if you don’t do the roof.” He spread his arms out to the side, leaning back on his desk. “Mold, rot, more structural damage, potential electrical hazards… Should I go on?”
“No,” she said glumly. “You are right. I already knew that.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Due diligence.” She stuck out her bottom lip in a mild pout.
“Brattiness, more like.”
She shrugged, but a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
“Of course, you are free to go elsewhere. Get other quotes. Speak to some of the independent contractors around.”
“But you are the best.”
“Yes, we are.” Steele Construction had an impeccable reputation. He had made sure of it. “And we are bonded and insured. But it’s up to you whether you want us or not.”
“I want you,” she grumbled.
He quirked his brow at her. She rolled her eyes, uncrossing her legs and standing up. With him leaning against the desk, she was almost his height. She stepped between his thighs. “I want Steele Construction.” She pushed the estimate sheets against his chest.
He slid a hand around her waist, capturing her in his hold.
“Are you sure that’s all you want, Caitie.”
“No. I’m really not.” She bit her bottom lip between her teeth as their eyes met. “It won’t do me any good to warn you off, will it?” She held her back rigid. “To say I’m too tired for you and your games. I don’t want to play anymore.”
“Only if you want me to laugh.” He rubbed his knuckles over her cheekbone. “I don’t want to rush you, Cait, but you know that I want you.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
She held the estimate file still between them. “Of losing me.” She looked at him, her eyes full of defiance but shadowed by fear. “Of not being able to live up to your expectations.”
“Tell me, Cait,” he coaxed. “What he did to you?”
She shook her head. “It’s not what he did, but what I let him do.” She ran her hands through her hair, tucking it behind her ears before looking up at him. “It doesn’t matter. It’s over now.”
“It’s not over if it’s still there, hovering between you and me.”
“If I say no to something between us, what happens?”
He read the fear in her eyes. “You say your safe word and all play stops, sweetheart, always.”
“But what if it’s not play. What if it’s just life? What if it’s outside the club or the scene? Life doesn’t have a safe word.”
“I don’t want a slave, Cait. I never have. If you need 24/7…” He let the silence finish the question. Is that what she needed?
“I don’t.” She shook her head. “I never did. But sometimes you get more than you need.”
“Then what is it baby?” he asked.
She stepped away from him, folding the estimate in her hands. “I needto talkto the bank, but I will get back to you on this soon.”
He didn’t stop her as she pulled away. “We are going to talk about this, Cait,” he said, watching her run from him again.
* * * * *
To say that Cait ran from the Jackson’s officeto the bank was only a mild exaggeration.
She needed toget out of there. When his hand had touched her hip, her mind had raced ahead to an image of her naked in his office. Him fucking her on top of his desk. It was what she wanted, what her body was craving. She needed to put space between herself and him.
“I don’t know what to do,” Cait confessed anxiously.
She tossed the estimate on Sophie’s desk. She knew the quote was fair but it was still steep. The most urgent project was the roof. But there was also some damage around the bathroom window that needed to be fixed, sooner rather than later. And the exhaust fan should be replaced at the same time, and maybe some vents added to the roof too.
Sophiesat back in her chair. “Sweetie, you are going to believe me one day when I tell you that you are doing fine.”
Cait wanted to believe her, but the memory was too fresh in her mind. How overwhelmed she’d been when Logan died. She had no one else to turn to so she had called Sophie. They had known each other at the club, but she wouldn’t have said at the time they were friends. By the time they had finished going through the financial mess Logan had left, they were BFFs.
Cait smiled as she remembered them staying up all night, drinking wine with the bills, the loans papers and the insurance information spread over the dining room table. Sophie had methodically gone through all of it with her. The more she dug into Logan’s finances the more quickly she realized what a disaster he had left her with.
Cait was embarrassed to admit that she had known nothing about their finances or lack thereof. Logan lived big and he spent big. He also died leaving her with next to nothing. Actually less than nothing. Sophie had slammed down a tissue box on the table and told her to cry, to get it out. She didn’t. She had set her jaw, grinding her back teeth together so hard it caused a hell of a headache and asked, “What do I do now?”
Sophie had stood by her as she sold everything she could and invested what little that was left, and helped her determine what the future held.
Cait breathed deeply. She was thankful for all Sophie had done for her. Cait was happier now, in her little cottage, than she ever had in the city, going to gallery openings and serving on boards and committees.
“I do believe you.” Sophie had never lied to her.
Sophie closed the file in front of her. “Then get your roof fixed, and the window and the vents. It’ll add to the property value. Steele Construction is a good outfit. They did a great job at the studio.”
“Yes, I know they are good.” She stopped. She narrowed her eyes, tilting her head as she did. “The studio? Sophie, what did you do?”
“Who else would I hire? But at the time, Jackson had no idea who he was renovating it for.”
Cait scowled at her best friend.
“You said it yourself; they are the best.”
“If I had been thinking at the time, instead of following you with this mad scheme, I probably would have realized who would be doing the work.”
The mad scheme had been concocted after several cocktails at Sophie’s city condo. And she hadn’t regretted it. It had benefitted them both. The planning kept Sophie occupied during her recovery and had given Cait a future to focus on.
“Yes, you should have,” Sophie agreed as her cell phone rang. She hit ignore.
Cait frowned. “Wait, was that Dr. Huebadi calling?” Concern knit her brow. “There’s been no change, has there? I mean, they didn’t find anything. We celebrated your cancer-free anniversary last month.”
A little more than two years before Sophie’s doctor had found a lesion in her uterus. After a hysterectomy and pelvic radiation, she had been declared cancer free. She hadn’t even had chemo.
“No, nothing like that,” Sophie promised. “His concern is more personal. After all, I can’t let you have all the fun,” she teased.
“I don’t know that I am having all the fun.” Cait sighed.
“Is it hard seeing him again?” Sophie asked. “We knew this would happen.”
“Yeah, we knew,” Cait agreed. They had stayed up late many nights talking about it. She hadn’t intended to come back to St. Augustin, but Sophie had been persistent. Sophie wasn’t going to let her stay in the city or go off alone. This was as close to a home as Cait had.
Sophie also persisted that Cait would never find peace unless she faced the past and the place where it all started.
“He’s not going to let it go,” Cait said finally, taking a sip of water. “And I think hiring Steele Construction was a signal to him that I’m all right with that.”
“I think you letting him punish you with multiple orgasms was the signal, honey.” Sophie grinned.
“Haha.” Cait stuck out her tongue. “Sophe, I’m really scared to let him—let anyone—back in my life like that.”
Sophie reached over and pushed Cait’s long bangs away from her face. Cait raised her gaze. “It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to say you need time. But if you never stopped loving him, it’s not okay to deny it to yourself.”
“You are a pain in the arse, you know that?”
“Because I see the truth in your eyes.” Sophie grinned.
“Because you are relentless.” Cait laughed back.
“You can’t run from what you need, what you want. You did that before,” Sophie reassured her. “He’s not like Logan.”
“No one is like Logan.”
“I never envied you, loving them both.” Sophie shook her head.
“That’s because you only got to see the worst of Logan and the best of Jackson.” Sophie was the one person Cait trusted with all her secrets. “But they both had their virtues along with their faults.”
Anger briefly flared in Sophie’s eyes as she too remembered. “But I have also seen how desperately both of them loved you.” Sophie clasped her hand. “If you don’t see the love and pride in Jackson’s eyes each time he glances in your direction, then you, my dear, are blind.”
“I see it.” Cait nodded again, squeezing her friend’s hand. “But what if it’s not enough. What if I’m not enough?”
“You are going to stop that foolishness right now. Not enough?” Sophie scoffed. “Please. Half the men in town are waiting impatiently for you to join the fray. You could have any man you want licking your boots tomorrow, if that was your thing.” Sophie gave her an appraising look. “You are sexy, independent and desirable. Jackson is no fool.”
“You are still number one with the pep talk, but you’re right. He’s no fool,” Cait agreed. “But he is forceful and impatient. And I want him so bad I was ready to jump him in his office.” She growled with frustration and rolled her eyes at Sophie’s grin.
“So what’s stopping you?”
“Because it’s him, and he doesn’t want a fuck buddy.” Cait sighed. “If I do this, I’m diving head-first into the deep end.”
Sophie’s grin turned into a laugh. “Then show him you’ve learned to swim.”
“And if I drown?”
“You won’t. Not if you don’t want to.”
Cait shook her head and her bangs fell back into her eyes. That was the problem—she wanted to.