August 2019
Minneapolis
Sofia tried to focus on the red hazy numbers on the bedside clock. 4:23 a.m. Her head was throbbing and her mouth felt like it was full of moths.
She needed water. Stat. She felt nauseous, too.
It had been years, possibly since college, since she’d let herself drink so much she was hung-over the next day. Now she remembered why.
Even so, her tender breasts and the sore spot between her legs reminded her that the night had been amazing. She hadn’t had sex that great since before Kate was born. Maybe the night Kate was conceived.
Sofia’s body had rejected the first three pregnancies. She’d given up by the time they moved into this house, a few years into their marriage. But something happened that first night. She and Jason had made love on a mattress thrown in the middle of the floor, beige boxes stacked in walls around them, and a low flying airplane rumbling the windows as they climaxed.
“Wow,” Jason said, lying back. “That was intense. The whole house was shaking.”
“I think that was a 747,” Sofia said and lightly slapped his arm, laughing. “Do you think we’ll get used to airplanes flying overhead all the time?”
“We’re going to have to.” Jason pulled her close and put her head on his chest, stroking her hair. “Don’t you love our new house?”
Sofia answered by kissing his neck and chest, making her way down his body. “I do. We need to make sure we break it in properly, though. I’m not sure that was enough.”
Jason groaned in agreement as her lips went lower.
That was the night they conceived Kate.
After she was born, it became harder to have marathon sex with a baby crying in the next room or a toddler who would stumble into their room after a nightmare or later, having a teenager on the other side of a thin wall.
Maybe this empty nest stuff wouldn’t be so bad after all if they could do this every night. They’d been loud—extremely loud—and very rambunctious. At one point, after all the covers had been thrown off the bed, they’d not only knocked the light off the nightstand, but also sent a picture above the bed crashing to the floor behind the headboard.
Now, beside her, Jason slept so peacefully, so soundly. She reached over and gently brushed his hair back from his eyes. He made a happy sound and grinned in his sleep. She gave him a small kiss on his forehead and then leaned over, looking for the silky nightgown she’d thrown on the floor. The motion made her stomach heave. She paused a moment fighting down a wave of nausea.
After tugging on her nightgown, Sofia made her way toward the hall, which was dimly lit from the bathroom’s nightlight. Walking made her stomach churn. She was going to barf. As she stumbled toward the bathroom, Sofia suddenly stopped stock-still.
Kate.
They’d fallen asleep around two and Kate hadn’t been home yet. Had she even heard her daughter come home after that? Kate usually poked her head in their bedroom door and said, “I’m home, mama.” Sofia usually mumbled a sleepy reply. But in all the years of Kate being old enough to go out on her own at night, Sofia had never once slept through her daughter coming home. Not once. Never.
Kate’s bedroom door was ajar a few inches. Sofia pushed it all the way open. Kate’s bed was made. And empty.
Before she could cry out for Jason, Sofia’s turbulent stomach heaved and she rushed to the bathroom, throwing up a massive wave of liquid that barely made it into the toilet. After, spitting long streams of bile until her stomach had fully emptied itself, she rested her forehead on the cold tile wall and tried to calm the dark thoughts racing through her head.
Kate might have stayed over at Lily or Julia’s house. The three girls had planned to meet up with other friends, too. Maybe they were there. Kate had probably texted and Sofia had slept right through it. Sofia had always told Kate if she were too tired to drive, she should stay over at a friend’s house. Kate had done so before. She was a responsible kid and always texted to let Sofia know if she wasn’t coming home. The text message had to be on her phone. Her phone was on the nightstand. She’d see the text in just a few seconds when she returned to the bedroom.
Sofia grabbed a washcloth and with trembling fingers quickly swiped at her face and then brushed her teeth halfheartedly, all the while telling herself to remain calm. There was a logical and good explanation for her daughter’s empty bed. There had to be. She’d check her phone on the nightstand and the answer would be right there.
It’s fine. Kate’s fine. Even as she told herself this, waves of panic rolled off her.
As she walked back to her room, Sofia stopped at the long hall window and glanced out to make sure the old Volvo wasn’t in the driveway and that Kate hadn’t fallen asleep downstairs on the couch watching TV. But the driveway where Kate parked was empty. Across from it, Sofia saw movement in the neighbor’s yard.
Over the years, Sofia had only seen him outside a few times. One year he came to the annual block party, but didn’t stay long. He stooped to say hi to a six-year-old Kate. He smiled at her daughter and Sofia made her way over to talk to him. Another neighbor distracted her and by the time that conversation was done, he’d left.
If she’d been asked to describe him, Sofia wasn’t sure she could. He was short, balding and had a round pale face. He looked like the average apple-shaped middle-aged man. Just someone who would blend into a crowd. One of the neighbors said he worked as a security guard at an old run down mall across town.
Now, in the dark, she watched his yard, eyes straining, wondering what had caught her peripheral vision. Then she saw it: a black and white cat. It emerged from the shadows, crouched and concentrating on some small unsuspecting prey.
Back in the bedroom, Jason’s heavy breathing was comforting for a few seconds until Sofia lifted her phone and saw there weren’t any text messages. She dialed Kate’s number, glancing over at Jason. If Kate didn’t answer, she’d wake him.
A shudder that was nearly a dry heave made her clamp a palm over her mouth. Her head was swimming in pain but her fear cut through all that when Kate’s phone went directly to voice mail. Terror skittered through her. Calm down. It’s okay. She’s fine. She’s asleep at Lily’s house. Her phone battery died.
She took several deep breaths. If something bad had happened, say a car accident, the hospital or police would have contacted them by now. Everything was fine. Kate was going a little wild on her last weekend home. Maybe she’d even met a boy. Maybe she was asserting herself and hanging out with a boy in an apartment, drinking wine and listening to music by candlelight. Something that Sofia would have done at her age.
But Kate wasn’t Sofia. Thank God. That’s why Sofia had come to Minneapolis—to leave Sofia Castellucci behind. Not even Jason knew her real name.
Sofia had met Jason shortly after she’d fled Connecticut and settled into her classes at St. Thomas in Minnesota where not a single soul knew who she really was. The first thing she’d done when the scholarship money came through was pay for a legal name change. As far as she was concerned Sofia Castellucci was dead. She’d introduced herself to Jason as Sofia Castle.
Now, in the dark bedroom with her head throbbing and her stomach’s sour contents threatening to climb up her throat again, Sofia couldn’t fight the voice that was always there, always lingering just below the surface. Something is terribly wrong and you deserve it, the voice said. This is your fault.
Shut up! She hissed the two words. Jason stirred and Sofia realized she had said them out loud.
Kate was just fine. Sofia knew she was silly to argue with the voice but still she did. Kate’s out being a typical teenager. She’s not like me. She’s good. She’s wholesome.
Staring at her cell phone, Sofia tried to calm herself down. As long as her daughter was safe, she’d deal with any other situation that had come up. As soon as she hung up, Sofia quickly texted Dan, Gretchen, Lily, Cecile, Alex, and Julia in a group message: “Is Kate at your house?”
Then she sent a text to Kate: “Where are you? It’s four in the morning.”
Staring at her phone, it remained blank and silent.
Panic welled up into her throat. She clutched at her stomach for a second, feeling as if she might have to vomit again. She reached over to wake Jason as she dialed 911.