August 2019
Minneapolis
The thrum and rattle of a jetliner flying low above the South Minneapolis house was background noise to Sofia. She’d grown used to it over the years, but the two police officers exchanged glances. The roar had cut off the words of one officer completely.
Sofia perched on the edge of her black leather couch, folding and unfolding her hands on her lap. She stared at the two strangers on the loveseat across from her, trying not to barf all over the marble coffee table between them. Jason sat beside her, but he sat back against the cushions. It took all Sofia’s willpower to sit still. Terror skittered through her, making her want to open her front door and run down the street screaming Kate’s name.
One officer, a kid barely out of school with a military crew cut and a name she couldn’t recall, cleared his throat as soon as the airplane’s growling vibration grew distant. She squinted but couldn’t read the little brass nameplate on his uniform.
He shot a glance at his partner, an older cop sitting with his arms crossed. The older officer gave the rookie a nod. “How has Kate been acting lately,” the younger officer said. “Have things seemed normal?”
They were wasting time when they should be out trying to find Kate. “She’s a teenager,” Sofia said, her voice clipped and sharp. “I don’t know what normal is anymore.”
She turned to Jason. He was white faced. “She’s been a little difficult lately.”
The officer leaned forward. “Lately?”
Jason cleared his throat but didn’t say anything.
Sofia’s stomach heaved and she grimaced. The younger officer shot her a look. Finally, she spoke. “Well, she’s been acting different for the past six months, I’d say.”
Jason nodded.
“But,” Sofia said, sitting up straighter. “She still has always followed our house rules. She calls when she’s late. She doesn’t just not come home.”
Panic laced with rage and fear surged through her. Quit wasting our fucking time and go find our daughter. Her right knee bounced up and down uncontrollably. She noticed the older officer glance at it.
“Well, in most missing person cases...” Sofia tuned out the rest of what the officer said— “most missing person cases” didn’t apply in this situation.
This was Kate who was missing.
Sofia could barely breathe. She was hyperventilating and dizzy and nauseous and wanted to run as hard as she could and not stop until she found Kate. At the same time, she felt glued to the couch. The older officer was staring at her. She tuned back in.
“What about ‘find your phone?’ Does she have that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so,” Sofia said.
Jason shook his head. “I tried that. Nothing.”
The cops exchanged another glance.
“If this is a missing person’s case, we could get the FBI to track down her phone. They have a lot more ways to do that than we do. Why don’t you give us Kate’s number just in case?”
Sofia rattled off the phone number but then thought about what the officer had said “If” Kate was missing.
Right after Sofia had called 911, Lily had called, voice thick with sleep. Kate was not at her house. Lily said that the last time she’d seen Kate was at a Dinkytown bar called Lucky’s.
“You guys were drinking? At a bar?” Sofia felt so stupid.
Lily said that she and Kate had gotten fake ID’s a while ago “to have at college.”
“This was the first time we used them, Mrs. Kennedy. I promise” Her voice rose. “Oh my God. Where is she? You swear she’s not at home?”
“What about Julia?”
“She took off with Joseph early on in the night. I think they went to his place.”
Sofia knew from Kate that Julia and Joseph were sexually active and that’s why they often ditched their other friends—to go have sex.
Sofia had rushed off the phone to go dry heave in the bathroom saying she’d call Lily back.
Now, sitting in her living room, Sofia was infuriated at the police officer’s insinuation that Kate was staying away from home on purpose.
“Her friends said she left the bar alone and now she’s gone, not answering her phone, not with any of her friends. We’ve called them all.” Sofia’s voice rose in anger.
The older cop straightened up. “We’re still not ruling out other scenarios right now, ma’am.”
Jason, who was sitting beside her, squeezed her bouncing knee in warning, in a silent message. They needed these officers on their side, to help them find Kate. Sofia brushed his hand away.
She knew the only reason the police officers were even in her house right then was because Kate was still a minor—she didn’t turn eighteen for two weeks.
“Something is wrong. There is no way she wouldn’t come home. She’s a very responsible teenager. She’s never done anything like this before. You are wasting time asking all these questions when you need to be out looking for her. We all need to be out looking for her. Not sitting here doing nothing.” Sofia’s eyes bored into the younger officer, who looked just past her as he spoke.
“We’re just trying to ascertain whether there is any chance she might have run away or fallen asleep somewhere.”
“And we’ve gone over that,” Jason said, scooting closer to the edge of the couch and draping his arm across Sofia’s back. She squirmed out from under his arm. She couldn’t stand to be touched right now.
The younger officer consulted his notepad, which, from where Sofia sat, seemed full of scribbles. “So, you were able to reach her friend, Lily, who said that your daughter …” he paused flipping to the front of the notepad.
“Kate.” Sofia grit her teeth.
“Right, that she was with your daughter Kate,” he gave her a grateful smile. “At Lucky’s in Dinkytown. Kate said she was going to the bathroom and never came back.”
“Yes,” Jason said.
Sofia was already dialing Lily.
“Lily, sweetie, I know we asked this already.” Sofia eyed the officers, “But we have some police officers here now so I want to ask you again, do you have any idea where Kate might have gone after Lucky’s?”
It was silent for a second.
“Lily, this is very important.”
She heard the girl take a deep breath. “Maybe she walked to Ali’s. They were … kissing at his house earlier.”
She heard Lily’s fingers tapping on a keyboard.
“Walked? Ali? Where does he live?”
In the earlier call, Lily had said she’d driven them to the bar. Sofia’s old Volvo was still parked in the driveway at Lily’s house.
“In Dinkytown. Like, near the bar.” Lily let out a loud sob. “Oh my God. I just messaged him. Ali says he hasn’t seen Kate since before we went to the bar. Oh my God. Where is she? How could I have let her go off by herself? It’s my fault. Oh my God, it’s all my fault.”
“Sssssh,” Sofia said. “It’s okay. We’ll find her. I’ve got to go.”
But even as she said it, she felt a flicker of anger at Lily, Kate’s best friend since kindergarten. The two had always seemed like unlikely friends: While Kate was outgoing, independent, and confident, Lily was hesitant, needy, insecure.
Hanging up the phone, Sofia was flooded with guilt about her feelings toward Lily.
Although Sofia hated it, she knew that somewhere deep down inside she disdained people who were obviously so weak. It was a part of herself that she tried to deny, but sometimes, like right now, when she was hung over and scared shitless about her daughter, it was clear as day.
When Sofia was in first grade, she’d gotten in trouble for making fun of a boy who cried all the time over nothing. She told him the whole class was sick of him being “such a big baby” all the time. She’d had to go to the principal’s office. When her father picked her up, she braced for his anger, but he took her out for ice cream.
“It’s not your fault, Sofia,” he said handing her a double-scoop of pistachio gelato. “We Castelluccis, we go after weakness like a heat-seeking missile. It’s in our blood. We have no tolerance for the weak.”
Now, in her living room, Sofia wondered if her dad had been right. Maybe she couldn’t fight her DNA no matter how hard she tried.
The sun was rising to the east, coating the living room in a soft yellow glow that made Sofia scrunch her face in confusion. The light hurt her eyes. How could the sun be up like normal? How could her living room be so cheerful when her baby—her life—was missing?
Jason squeezed her leg again in warning. She wanted to punch him and scream Quit Fucking Touching Me! but instead gave him a look that made him draw back.
The police officer cleared his throat. He continued to ask questions. He wanted to know everything. Did Kate have any enemies? Good God, no. Where did she work? Until last week, the bookstore. Does she have a steady boyfriend? No. Is there a chance she was at a friend or family member’s house?
“We don’t have any other family.”
It seemed the older officer shot her a look of pity. Sofia swallowed down her guilt. Her parents didn’t count. Something in the back of her mind was clawing to get out and she wouldn’t let it. She wouldn’t allow herself to think of it. It was impossible. She concentrated on the police officer’s questions.
Finally, they seemed to be done. The younger officer opened the front door.
“Wait,” Sofia touched his sleeve. “What now?”
“We file a report and—” He shot a desperate look at the older cop.
“And we try to find her,” the older cop said.
In other words, nothing.