Minneapolis
It was the warmest September the state had seen in more than a decade.
People were swimming and kayaking in the lake. In the ninety-degree heat wave, winter seemed far away. Golfers flocked to the lush green courses and confused flowers still sporadically bloomed.
When Dan called, Sofia had been lacing up her running shoes.
“Will you please meet with me? I feel just awful about the dinner.
“I’m going running.” Her voice was cold. She knew Dan wasn’t responsible for Gretchen’s behavior, but a small part of her blamed him for bringing that evil woman into her home.
“I’ll come too. You say the word. I’ll meet you anywhere”
“Lake Harriet.”
She hung up.
It had been exactly a month since Sofia had buried her daughter. She hadn’t found Kate’s killer yet. The detectives were at a loss.
Ali’s alibi seemed to stick. But there was still the troubling fact that he’d fled the country. More than once, Sofia had looked at flights to Somalia.
The neighbor had put his house up for sale.
When Sofia saw the for sale sign she had called Marley. He said the neighbor was holed up in some cabin in Wisconsin. Marley said not to worry, they were still keeping tabs on him.
Sofia knew she should hunt the man down and confront him, but she was exhausted. It took all her energy just to make it from the time she woke up until she could crawl into bed at night.
Plus, she didn’t know for sure it was the neighbor.
Marley had said again that nobody was officially “cleared” except her and Jason.
Sofia still checked Instagram several times a day, hoping that she’d see a post that Ali had returned. Every day she paced, trying to think of something that would help her find Kate’s killer. Sometimes she’d sneak off during the afternoon and park outside Lucky’s. Other times, she’d park across the street from Ali’s house, keeping one eye on the closed curtains and the other on the paved path near where Kate’s body was found.
One day last week she’d mustered up the energy to go to Kate’s grave. She had laid down in the fresh dirt and cried and told her daughter she still hadn’t given up on finding the killer. But deep down inside, she was worried she was lying. That she might never find Kate’s killer. She would die without avenging her daughter’s death. The thought was unbearable.
Jason was working twelve-hour days and most often fell asleep on the couch in the living room.
Now, she gave her laces a firm tug. It was time. Running had been her therapy for years and when she woke up this morning feeling the anxiety stifling her, rising up in her throat, making it hard to breathe, she almost automatically reached for her yoga pants and a snug tee-shirt. Other than shoes, she didn’t believe in having special gear to run in.
Now, as she walked around Lake Harriett with Dan, they had to step aside for all the other people out jogging, walking, and pushing strollers. The lake was smooth and reflected the green trees. Above, giant puffy white clouds floated past in the cobalt sky.
For a few seconds, Sofia was overcome—and immediately ashamed—by the beauty of a world that could still look like this without Kate in it.
They were nearly halfway around the lake before Dan spoke.
“First, can you ever forgive me for Gretchen’s behavior?”
Sofia exhaled and all her resentment went with it.
“You aren’t responsible for her,” she said.
“Oh thank God you feel that way.”
A crease still furrowed his brow.
“What’s up, Dan. Spill it.”
“I’m worried,” he said, huffing a little. Sofia had kept up a brisk pace. Since she couldn’t run with Dan along, she walked as fast as she could.
“About?” she said without looking over at Dan, who was at her right elbow.
“Gretchen.”
Sofia didn’t answer.
“I mean that behavior you saw. It’s getting worse. And I’m leaving town, to Chicago. I’m worried about leaving her and Lily home. But I have to go. I’m a featured speaker. I’ve already cashed the damn check. It’s my annual conference where I get to talk about all those nerdy psychiatry theories that bore the rest of you.”
Sofia nodded.
“I’m afraid she’ll do something rash while I’m gone.”
“Lily?” Sofia remembered Lily saying she wanted to die.
“No. Gretchen.”
Sofia stopped, leaning down to massage her calf, which had a slightly knotted muscle. When she looked up, Dan’s face was scrunched. Sweat was pouring down his temples. He shot her a sideways glance.
“You think she might try to hurt herself?” Sofia was never the kind to pull punches or beat around the bush.
He pressed his lips tightly together. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or do or say something crazy.”
“Like what?”
He ran a hand over his near balding pate. “God, I don’t know.” His eyes looked past her to the lake as a bright red kayak floated past. “She’s been talking nonsense the past few weeks. Just like at your house. Accusing me of some outlandish things. She’s even questioned whether she’s done something or not.”
“Like what?”
“The other night she came home and was hysterical. She said she wasn’t sure but she thought she’d hit a deer. We went out to look at the car but there wasn’t any dent and no fur or blood or anything. She says she can’t remember if she did or not.”
“Was she drunk?”
“No, nothing like that,” Dan said looking down at the walking path. “And we got her meds straightened out. It’s something else. It’s an OCD thing. Sometimes with those obsessive thoughts we can’t tell what we’ve done or what we haven’t done.”
Sofia bit her lip and didn’t say anything.
“She spent all night on her knees praying for forgiveness for something she didn’t even do.”
“Good God.”
Dan closed his eyes. “It’s been hell at our house lately.”
There was nothing to say to that. Her entire existence had been hell since the day she woke up and Kate’s bedroom was empty.
Dan stopped and put his hands on his knees.
“Dan?”
He looked up and his eyes looked pained. “I think I want out.”
“Of your marriage?”
He nodded.
“I thought you couldn’t do that. Didn’t you say it would destroy Lily?”
“You’re right,” he shook his head. “I don’t know what to do. Everything is so screwed up.”
Sofia didn’t know how to answer that. She figured her life would be fucked from here on out, until the day she died. At least his only daughter was still walking the earth.
“How’s Lily?”
“She lies in bed and stares at the wall all day. I keep trying to get her to get up and do something. I’m so worried about her and this thing with Gretchen is making it worse. Lily’s not dumb. She senses the tension. I also think she’s afraid. That whomever did this to Kate is still out there.” Dan looked away. “Are you still intent on … hurting the person who did this?”
Sofia stared at the big white clouds above the green trees. “Yes.”
As they walked, Sofia decided she would call Lily. Maybe the girl needed an ear. Someone outside her feuding parents.
“Maybe I can talk to her,” Sofia said.
“That’s probably not a good idea,” Dan said.
Sofia scrunched her face. That didn’t make sense. She’d call Lily if Dan liked it or not. Just because he was a therapist didn’t mean he was the perfect parent.
A group of runners came up on them just then. Sofia grabbed Dan and pulled him off the path to a bench. “Sit. You’re pale. You look ill. Are you okay?”
He guffawed. “You’re worried I’m having a heart attack?”
“Maybe.” She looked past him at the lake.
“Trust me. It’s not that. I’m just out of shape.” He put his hands on his hips. “I guess I’m asking a favor. Will you call me if she contacts you? If she says anything weird or crazy?”
“Why would she call me?”
“I don’t know.” He looked away for a second and then turned back, meeting Sofia’s eyes.
“That’s not true. I do know. I’m just embarrassed to tell you.”
“Spill it, Dan.”
“Remember how I said that Gretchen thought I was having an affair? Well, I was embarrassed so I left an important part out—she thinks I’m in love with Cecile. That’s why she said that at your house.”
“What?” Cecile? Crazy. But in the back of her mind she felt a little guilty judging Gretchen.
“That’s ridiculous,” she said.
“You know Gretchen—she’s jealous of every single woman I talk to—my friends, my patients, the little old neighbor lady—you name it. Now her focus is on Cecile. Don’t worry, she’s jealous of you, too. She’s made cracks that I spend too much time with you, consoling you. She said that you should be over it by now.”
Sofia’s eyes flashed with anger. “What the fuck?”
Dan reached out and tried to touch Sofia’s arm. “I know,” he said. “It’s irrational. That’s what I mean. Promise you’ll call me immediately if she tries to get in touch with you?”
“Fine.” Sofia glared off into the distance. Every nerve vibrated with anger. It was like the fury was shooting off her in waves. How dare Gretchen suggest she get over her daughter’s murder?
Dan dipped his head to look her in the face. “Oh, Sofia. I’m sorry if I upset you. You have too much to deal with already. I should have never turned to you.”
“That’s not it.” She balled her hands into fists.
He sighed, blowing the air out in a big puff. “You never took those pills I gave you?”
“Yes, I did.”
“I’m not talking about the ones I gave you that first night. I mean the second bottle.”
Sofia wished everyone would just leave her the fuck alone.
“Listen, Dan, you don’t look so hot. Why don’t you turn around, head back to your car and I’ll squeeze in a run? I think I need to burn off this anger before I punch someone.”
He looked abashed. “I’m sorry. I needed you to know. I needed to warn you.”
Sofia took off at a run without looking back.