Minneapolis
Sofia languidly stretched. She was tangled in her soft, warm down covers. She pushed back the fluffy white duvet as the sunrise outside the windows made the bedroom glow golden.
It had been good to have sex. Necessary even. She felt closer to Jason than ever.
And for the first time since Kate’s death she didn’t feel struck with horrific guilt when she noticed the beauty of the morning sunshine seeping into the room. It was a step. A small one, but still.
Everything would be okay. All right, maybe not okay, but they would survive.
But then Sofia rose from bed and walked by Kate’s empty bedroom on her way to the bathroom. A large stone lodged in her gut, making her want to claw it out of her insides. But it wasn’t something she could make go away. Who was she fooling? Life could never be good again. Never.
One thing she could do is vow not to destroy Jason’s life even further. While killing Dan would give her some semblance of relief—or at least that’s what she believed—it could destroy Jason if he ever found out what she had done. Making Jason happy, sparing him from more pain would give her a goal. Something to work toward that was constructive instead of destructive. Who knows, maybe it would even bring some tiny bit of peace. Or whatever sort of peace the mother of a murdered child could find.
Jason was already at work. But as soon as she poured a cup of coffee the phone rang.
“Hey.” His voice was low and sexy.
“Hey.” She felt like a blushing schoolgirl.
“You still got it, Sof.”
“You, too.” Sofia took a sip of coffee and realized her stomach was grumbling.
Jason cleared his throat. “So, something interesting came up today.”
“Oh yeah,” Sofia scrounged through the refrigerator looking for something to eat for breakfast. Another sign of normalcy—her appetite was slowly returning.
“They have an opening for a job in Oceanside. They’ve offered me the position.”
“Oceanside? As in California? As in the beach town with the best climate ever?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Wow.” Sofia shut the refrigerator door and sat down on the floor. “What did you say?”
“I told them I’d have to think about it, talk to you, of course.”
“Right.”
They both sat there in silence for a few seconds.
“So?” He said.
“What do you think?” She closed her eyes waiting for his answer, holding her breath, hoping.
“We should consider it.”
“Okay.” Relief flooded through her.
“Listen, just wanted to tell you that really quick. I’ve got to run, but let’s talk about it more tonight. Love you.”
She hung up the phone and sat there for a minute staring into space.
They’d visited Oceanside once when Kate was little. Jason was writing for GQ and had been assigned a cover story on Ryan Gosling. They’d rented an apartment near the beach for three weeks and while Jason visited the actor every day, Sofia and Kate spent long days at the beach, splashing in the waves, playing in the sand, lying in the sun. It had been heaven.
At night, they’d left Kate with a babysitter and hit the town, ordering fish tacos at a beachside restaurant, sipping beer as the sun set behind them.
A move. A brand-new start. It might be just what they needed.
Sofia felt a surge of excitement as she padded around her big empty house. She remembered that before Kate was murdered, she’d had plans. All summer she had planned ways to fill her days once Kate had gone away to college. She’d find a new job or do more freelance graphic design work from home. Something to keep her busy.
It was time to do that now. She couldn’t sit around the house all day plotting murder. She had to stay busy. She could find a new job in California, have a fresh start. Maybe apply to do graphic design at a firm. It would be good to be around people every day. In a real office. Oceanside!
Such a big decision. For the first time since Kate’s murder, Sofia felt a tiny bit grateful to still be alive.
Looking at the giant silver cross on her wall, Sofia reached for her keys.
The Basilica was empty. Father Genovese was out. Sofia stuffed five dollars in the offering box and lit a candle. She knelt before the Virgin Mary statue, praying to another mother who had lost her only child to violence, as well. For more than an hour she knelt there and tried to forgive Dan. She prayed—with tears dripping down her face—for the ability to forgive him. Finally, she realized she couldn’t. At least not now. Maybe in the future. Right now, the decision to not kill him would have to be enough.