August 2019
Dinkytown
I was wrong.
Lily is pissed off at me. She was lying in the bookstore when she said she wasn’t.
But after two Mojitos, the truth came out.
We were sitting at the bar when Ali called to tell me he couldn’t meet me at the bar because he was dealing with Jenna.
Lily had gone to the bathroom and returned just as I was ending the call.
“That was Ali. He’s not coming.”
“You are so dumb.”
“What?” It took a few seconds for the words to register. “What are you talking about?”
“If you think Ali really likes you, you are dumber than I thought.” Her words were slightly slurred but they still packed a punch. My stomach hurt.
I whipped my head around to hide my cheeks. I could feel they were growing red with both embarrassment and anger. The movement of my head made me realize I was buzzed. The alcohol had hit me hard.
She kept talking. “I saw him. With that girl.”
Jenna.
“We aren’t exclusive.” I said. I tried to sound nonchalant. But it hurt. Was he seeing her again?
“They looked pretty cozy too.”
I shrugged. But I wouldn’t look at her. I didn’t want her to know how much her words hurt.
“You don’t care?” she said. Her voice growing shrill. “What happened to you this summer, Kate? Are you too cool now? Now that you aren’t a virgin anymore, it’s all fun and games for you?”
I looked around wildly. One boy at a nearby table met my eyes and winked. Shit. Had he heard Lily say I wasn’t a virgin anymore?
I took a big slug of my drink and turned to her, feeling emboldened by the alcohol.
“What’s your problem, Lily? Are you pissed at me because you’re a virgin and I’m not?”
I arched my eyebrow. This time she looked around to see if anybody had heard.
But she quickly regained her composure.
“I’m pissed because you don’t know how to keep your hands off what’s not yours,” she hissed the words.
My heart stopped for a minute. Was she still talking about her liking my old boyfriend first? Or did she know about her dad’s sick crush on me?
But she kept talking. “If I remember correctly, Jenna and Ali were a thing when you met him, right? So, what do you expect? If he cheated on her with you, you really think he wasn’t going to cheat on you, too?”
I glared at her. I knew she was right. “It’s none of your business, Lily.”
“I just feel bad for you,” she said. “You gave your virginity to some player who couldn’t give a shit about you. He’s using you. He has a girlfriend. You’re an idiot.”
“Fuck you.” I slammed down my drink, grabbed my bag, and raced for the bathroom before she could see my tears. How lame that I was crying. Totally lame! But once I was back there I found the door locked. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I wanted to hide. I saw Lily leaning over and talking to a boy laughing.
I hitched my bag on my shoulder and took off through the kitchen and out the back door.
Fuck her.
I’d go to Ali’s. She was wrong. He cared about me. He hadn’t been using me. He’d always been extremely honest with me. Almost to a fault.
I stormed down the alley and turned onto the street.
I’d go see him and have sex again if I could. Screw Lily.
But a small part of me wondered if when I showed up, he wouldn’t be alone.
Lily’s words echoed: “He’s using you. He has a girlfriend. You are an idiot.”