Maggie stared at the flier that Hendricks had given her the day before. She was filled with guilt. She, of all people, should go buy dinner at Peterson’s Restaurant tonight. Every meal they sold tonight would benefit Special Olympics. One hundred percent. Which was incredibly generous. But it would mean dining alone. And spending money she couldn’t afford to spend. And running into all the other officers from the police department. And maybe that fat fuck, Earl.
She was exhausted from spending the day at the hospital with Melody and then later at the care home getting her settled in. The doctors had said the antibiotics would make quick work of the infection. The nurse at the care home said she’d sit with Melody all night and that Maggie should go home.
So now Maggie had no plans for the night and no excuse not to go.
Hendricks already had tickets to some play in Apple Valley, or she would’ve asked him to go with her. Although, now she had her guard up around him a little. Damn hormones.
She wasn’t sure she was brave enough to walk into the restaurant alone.
Maggie held the flier in one hand and the remote in the other. She debated which was the lesser of two evils for her mood: Sitting alone at the Special Olympics fundraiser and chancing a run in with Earl and his cronies, or drinking herself into oblivion watching reality TV and showing up to work hung over tomorrow?
She ran a brush through her hair and grabbed her jacket and car keys.
There were good cops in the department. Not just Hendricks. There had to be others. She would have to seek them out and get to know them better if she were going to survive.
It was late by the time Maggie had steeled herself up enough to stand in the doorway of Peterson’s restaurant, which probably should’ve been named Peterson’s Bar.
There was a giant bar in the middle surrounding three bartenders, a few booths lining the walls and a giant plank table filled with cops she recognized. She heard Earl’s booming voice and then a smattering of raucous laughter followed it.
She backed out.
She couldn’t do it.
Walking back to her car, Maggie hung her head.
For a few seconds, she sat in her car, keys in the ignition and watched the figures move around through the restaurant windows. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t walk in there.
Back in the parking lot, Maggie’s ancient Ford Taurus wouldn’t start.
She’d had alternator problems before. This was bad. This was the type of financial emergency that could send her over the deep end. Peering underneath her Ford’s hood, she tugged at her hair. Damn. She knew nothing about engines.
An older man with gray hair and a parka came out. His big American sedan was parked directly across from her vehicle.
“You need a jump?”
“Yes, sir.”
He hooked some cables from his battery to hers and then told her to sit in her seat and listen to his directions. He had her turn over the ignition and keep her foot on the gas.
After a while, her engine was purring along.
“Don’t turn her off for at least fifteen minutes,” the man said, scratching his hair under his cap. “Good chance your alternator is shot and good chance once you stop again, it’s going to need another jump.”
Maggie thanked him and waited for him to drive away before she punched the steering wheel with her fist.
It was ten o’clock at night.
She didn’t have any extra money for a new alternator or the labor it would entail.
And, in the morning, when she had to start her car again to get to work, she’d need a jump. Her closest neighbor was an elderly lady. She was fucked. Nobody was going to fix her car tonight. And she couldn’t call in sick or late to work again. She’d already taken time off work this week to be with Melody at the hospital. She didn’t need anything that might make her look bad and give them an excuse to create that job opening Earl had talked about.
Driving past the road to the police station she did a U-turn.
Although nobody ever drove a squad home, she’d never been told she couldn’t. She let herself into the dark department lobby, casting a glance down the hall to the light falling out of a doorway to the dispatch center and snagged the keys to squad 320 off the hook.
She’d get up early and be here before anyone was any wiser.
After parking her car in a far corner of the lot, Maggie made a note to call a local garage first thing in the morning and see if she could have her vehicle towed and repaired during her shift. Motherfuck.
Or maybe she’d go in and beg Lt. Kramer to let her use the squad until she had money saved. She’d read about other departments allowing this. It was supposed to help keep crime down. A burglar might think twice if he saw a police car parked in a driveway and knew a cop lived in the neighborhood. And it also made the cops a part of the neighborhood. The kids on the street grew up with a positive view of cops, as people in their neighborhood they could trust.
Heading up the winding road to the Pines, she saw movement out of the corner of her eye as she approached the dam over Sanctuary Lake. It looked like a person climbing over the edge of the dam where it dropped some eighty feet below. Right after the dam, tucked into some bushes on the side of the road, she saw a small two-door hatchback.
Pulling onto the shoulder near the car, Maggie grabbed a flashlight and headed back toward the dam. If someone wanted to kill himself jumping off the walkway on the side of the dam would be one sure way to do it.
Moonlight lit up the area so she tucked the small flashlight in her jacket pocket and made her way down the path leading to the dam. A metal walkway for workers was built along the steep wall of the dam about six feet below the road and eighty feet above the quarry below. In the moonlight, it seemed like liquid silver, shimmering. About halfway across, a teenage boy sat on the walkway facing the quarry. He didn’t startle when she came up and crouched beside him. He didn’t even look over at her.
He had his legs dangling over the edge. Maggie swallowed, imagining him going limp and sliding the rest of his body off the edge and tumbling down to the rock quarry below.
“Hi.”
“Hey,” he said, still not looking.
“What you doing?”
“Thinking.”
Maggie studied his profile. In the dim glow of a street lamp on the bridge, she could see the muscle in his jaw clench.
“Everything okay?”
He didn’t answer. After a second, Maggie saw him swipe at his face with a hand.
Maggie hated that her thoughts automatically went to suicide, but that was life.
She decided to get comfortable and brushed off a spot before sitting, dangling her legs over the edge as well. The walkway’s cold seeped through her jeans. She clanked as she sat, her gun belt scraping on the metal.
He glanced over at her. He looked surprised. He studied her for a second, his gaze finally resting on the gun and holster that stuck out of her jacket now that she was sitting.
“You’re a cop?” He frowned.
“Off duty.”
“That why you’re here?”
Maggie shook her head but then realized he wasn’t looking.
“No. I just saw you and was worried.”
“Why? You don’t know me.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“You worried I’m going to jump?”
This time Maggie looked away before answering. “Maybe.”
“What if the world was better off without me?”
“I doubt that.” She kept her voice steady.
“What if I’d done something awful and lots of people would be glad I was dead?”
Maggie held her breath. This time she leaned over until she could see his eyes before speaking. “Did you?” She said it matter-of-factly.
“No.” He let out a big breath of air. “I didn’t do nothing. Except like the wrong girl.”
“That happens.” Maggie leaned back and relaxed against the concrete behind her. The kid wasn’t going to jump.
The boy followed suit, scooting until he was also leaning back on the concrete dam.
His feet were now the only thing dangling over the precipice. A cloud had drifted over the moon, making the sky pop with stars.
“I just got a lot on my mind,” he said after a few minutes of them sitting there in silence. “Things seem so fucked up in this world.” He glanced over to see if she reacted to the curse word.
“You’re a teenager. Goes with the territory,” Maggie said, a pang of anguish going through her as she realized this was a conversation she’d never have with Melody.
“I can’t wait to get out of this town.” He said, leaning back, gazing at the star-filled black sky. “As soon as I graduate, I’m out of here. That’s another thing screwed up. College apps are a pain in the ass.” Again, he quickly looked up to see if she would react to his swear word. When she didn’t he continued. “I don’t want to go to all these places my Dad wants me to go. I want to go to San Diego State.”
“Hell, yes. Go there. Fight for that. They’ve got a good school. Plus— beaches.”
“Yeah, the beaches are cool. But the real reason I want to go is this one professor. I’ve been following his computer research for years. He’s like, the next Steve Jobs, or something, right? And he just wants to teach at San Diego State because he’s a total surfer dude at heart. He’s totally overqualified for his job. He could be at Yale or Harvard for sure. He’s so smart. I want to take all his classes and study everything he does, man.”
“Wow, he sounds amazing,” Maggie said. The cloud blew away and the boy’s face was lit with moonlight again. He was smiling.
“Yeah.” The boy was quiet for a few seconds, and then he shook his head. “But there’s no way I’m going to be able to go there. I can’t stand up to my dad. I mean, he’s paying for college and everything. I can only do what he says and go where he says.”
Maggie paused for a minute and then said. “Okay. So, it’s not about standing up to your dad, right? It’s about proving you are mature and an adult and capable of making such an important decision.”
The boy shrugged.
“No, listen,” Maggie said, reaching out to touch his arm. “It’s really hard for parents to realize their children are capable of making these decisions so you need to help him see that you are. You are a smart kid. That’s obvious. You think deep thoughts and about things a lot of kids your age just brush off. Did you ever think maybe if you came up with a really good argument why you should attend San Diego State, not the beaches, although God knows I think that’s reason enough, but something more substantial, like what you said earlier, about how you want to study under that one computer programmer you’ve admired for years. You’ve got to show him you’re serious and you have thought about this and have good reasons for your decision.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“Well, I can’t say it will work for sure, but it’s worth a try.”
“Yeah,” the boy stood up. “You’re right. There was a Time Magazine article about him and his success and I think my dad reads Time and would take it seriously. That’s a great idea.”
“There you go.” Maggie stood, as well.
The boy reached over and hugged her, which surprised Maggie almost as much as it did him. She wasn’t much of a hugger, but had to admit it was a sweet gesture.
“Thanks. Thanks a lot,” the boy said.
“My pleasure,” Maggie looked away, embarrassed, even though she knew he couldn’t see her blush. “Listen, I have to work early in the morning.” She rummaged in her jacket pocket. “Here’s my card. You ever need to talk or even need a cop to give you a referral for being a good citizen or something for college applications, you give me a call.” Then she remembered whom she was talking to. “Or text or email or whatever.”
She had taken a few steps toward the road when she stopped. “You sure you’re okay?”
He stood. “Yeah. I’m going to head home, too.”
They walked to the dirt shoulder where their cars were parked. As she put her key in the lock, she heard the teenager say softly. “Hey, thanks.”
“No problem.” Without turning around, she nodded.
She waited until she saw the taillights of the boy’s car round the bend until she pulled onto the road. As she drove home she was smiling.