London, 1948–51
JULIAN AND LETITIA Morell settled into life in London with a kind of joyous relief, falling hungrily on its pleasures and feeling they were both for the first time in their proper habitat. They bought a pretty little terrace house in First Street, just off Walton Street (‘I can smell Harrods,’ said Letitia contentedly), four tiny floors, one above the other. Property prices were just setting off on their dizzy postwar course and they got it just in time; it cost two thousand pounds and they were lucky. It was charmingly shabby, but quite unspoilt; it had belonged to an old lady, who had resolutely refused to leave it until the very last All Clear sounded, when she had finally agreed to join her family in the depths of Somerset and promptly died. They acquired much of her furniture along with the house, some of it treasures, including some extremely valuable Indian and Persian carpets, but for the most part rather too heavily Victorian for the light sunny little house. Almost everything at Maltings was too big and although James was guiltily generous, urging them to take anything they wanted, neither of them felt they should bring too many remnants of their old life into the new. Letitia brought the Sheraton escritoire and four exquisite eighteenth-century drawing room chairs left to her by her grandmother and Julian salvaged a Regency card table which had belonged to his father before his marriage and an ornate seventeenth-century bracket clock which had always looked rather overdressed on the fireplace at Maltings. ‘It’s a towny clock,’ he said to Letitia, ‘we should take it where it will feel more at home.’ Apart from that, he left everything, except a set of first-edition prints of the Just So Stories which had been a present from his godfather, and which he said reminded him of one of the happier episodes in the war.
They managed to find a few pretty things – a brass-headed bed for Letitia, who said she had always longed for one, a small Hepplewhite-style sideboard, and an enchanting love seat for the drawing room – all at country-house sales. The London shops were beginning to look a little less stark, but there was nothing either Julian or Letitia really felt right for their playhouse, as Letitia called it, so they hunted for curtains and fabrics as well. Letitia rescued her old Singer machine from Maltings and set to work, cutting down and adapting huge dusty brocades they acquired at a sale, and hanging them at her new drawing room windows.
They were altogether perfectly happy: it was Royal Wedding Year and Princess Elizabeth was planning her wedding to the dashing Prince Philip; London was in party mood, and very busy in every way; bombed theatres (most notably the Old Vic) were being rebuilt, and galleries and museums reopened, holding out their treasures proudly for inspection again, after years of fearful concealment. The social scene was frantic, as people struggled to re-create a normal pleasurable life; Julian and Letitia lunched, shopped and gossiped, went to the theatre (Letitia daringly bought seats for A Streetcar Named Desire, but actually confessed to preferring Brigadoon), and the cinema (Julian’s own special favourite being The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, which he saw three times), and listened to concerts. Julian also launched himself on a lifetime passion for cars, and bought himself a prewar Wolseley saloon, scorning the Utility-style modern models, and feeling, as he settled into its soft deep leather seat, and behind its huge steering wheel, that this was for him precisely what First Street and the proximity of Harrods was for Letitia: a wholly desirable place to be.
And they entertained and were entertained tirelessly, a charming if slightly eccentric couple, providing in one deliciously simple package a single man and the perfect excuse to invite him anywhere. No hostess need fear she might appear herself to be pursuing Julian Morell, so charming, so handsome, so delightfully available, but still not quite yet a properly known commodity, or to be hurling him rather precipitately at her single women friends, when he could so easily and without any embarrassment be invited to dinner with his mother. And then such was Mrs Morell’s grace, wit and beauty that no dinner table could be other than adorned by her, no young people could consider her an assault on their fun.
It became a game in the early days, before the Morells were properly well known in London, for a hostess to tell her guests that she had invited a charming, single man to dinner, but that she had been obliged to ask his mother as well, as she was all alone in London; and then to watch the faces of her guests – particularly the men – braced with bright smiles, soften into pleasure, admiration and undisguised relief as Letitia came into the room. Another version of the same game, and one Letitia and Julian tacitly joined in, was for them to be introduced as Letitia and Julian Morell and to leave the rest of the gathering to try to fathom quite what their relationship was. Sometimes when the stakes were high, and there was a particularly pretty girl or attractive man at the table (for Letitia was enjoying her new social success quite as much as Julian), they would draw the thing out until well into the second or third course, waiting for precisely the right moment to drop the words ‘my mother’ or ‘my son’ into the conversation, and then savouring the various degrees of amusement, pleasure and irritation that followed. It was hard to say which of them was enjoying themselves more.
Letitia, looking back at the long, lonely years at Maltings, the stiff country dinner parties, the boring conversations about cattle and yield, land and horses, stock prices and servants, the red-faced men, stuffy when sober, lecherous when drunk, and their loyal, large braying wives, wondered how she had borne it. Suddenly the world was full of charming, amusing people and gossip; she would sit at supper, quite unable to swallow sometimes for pleasure and excitement and fear of missing a gem, or better still the opportunity to pass one on. She had a genius for gossip herself, she filed things away neatly in her head, cross-referenced under people and places, a treasure trove of meetings, conversations, glances, jokes, and she would produce a piece of it at exactly the right moment, knowing precisely how to silence a table with a wicked announcement, or how to intrigue a group with a perfectly innocent observation. She did it not only cleverly, but with great charm; she flattered those whose reputation she was shredding, bestowing virtues and beauty upon people who possessed neither and giving her conversations a deceptively benign air.
‘That little Serena Motcombe,’ she would say, ‘such a lovely girl, you know she paints quite beautifully, I saw her at lunch last week with Toby Ferranti, he was looking quite marvellous and did you know that Lady Brigstocke is learning to ride, she looks wonderful, I saw her in the Park on Tuesday with David Berner, I believe he’s trying to get back into polo, and of course William Brigstocke is the most marvellous player . . .’ and so it went on and on, a glittering wicked chronicle. But it was not malicious; Letitia had a shrewd eye and a tender heart and where she saw true love, real pain, she was friend, confidante, ally and counsel; she would provide alibis, divert suspicion, and even provide venues for meetings that could take place absolutely nowhere else.
She was having a glorious time.
So was Julian. He was now twenty-seven, with that ability to disturb that truly sexually accomplished men possess; another dimension beyond good looks, attractiveness or even ordinary sexuality. His entry to a room caused women to fall suddenly into confusion, to lose the place in their conversation, to glance at their reflections, to smooth their hair; and men to feel threatened and aggressive, to look sharply at their wives, to form a closer group, while greeting him at the same time most warmly, shaking his hand and inquiring after his health and his business.
With good reason; Julian was a most adroit adulterer, seducing quite ruthlessly wherever he chose with a careless skill, and he greatly preferred the company and attentions of married women, not only because of their greater experience in bed but because of the excitement and danger of getting them there. There was more than one marriage in London in the savage winter and glorious spring of 1948 ripped apart as a wife found herself propelled by a force she was quite unable to resist into first the arms and then the bed of Julian Morell.
There was nothing original about Julian’s approach; but he was simply and pleasurably aware of the fact that women became suddenly and uncomfortably sexually tautened by the most mundane conversation with him, and that by the end of a dinner party at his side or even an encounter at a cocktail party, or a theatre interval, would feel an extraordinarily strong urge to take their husbands home to bed and screw them relentlessly. (Indeed, husbands in the early stages of their wives’ affairs with Julian Morell had rather more reason to be grateful to him than they would ever know.) This made his progression into lunch and from there into long afternoons in bed extraordinarily easy. He knew exactly how to distract and discomfort women, how to throw them into a passion of emotional desire; long before he turned his attention to their physical needs, he would talk to them, and more than talk, listen, laugh at their jokes, look seriously on their concerns, encourage their thinking. He would send flowers with funny, quirky messages, make outrageous phone calls pretending to be someone else should their husbands answer the phone, hand-deliver silly notes, and give small thoughtful presents: a record of some song or piece of music they had heard together, a tiny antique pill box with a love letter folded up tightly inside it, a book of poetry with some particularly poignant piece carefully marked – the kind of things, in fact, that most women eating out their hearts in the sweet agony of an illicit love affair yearn for and which most men entirely fail to give them or even consider.
He was a brilliant lover in precisely the same way: it was not just his sexual skills, his capacity to arouse, to deepen, to sharpen sexual pleasure, to bring the most tearful, the most reticent women to shatteringly triumphant orgasm; it was his tenderness, his appreciation, his patience that earned him their gratitude, and their love.
The gratitude and the acquiescence were one thing, the love quite another; in his early days Julian found himself in quite extraordinarily delicate situations as poised cool mistresses suddenly metamorphosed into feverish, would-be wives, ready to confess, to pack, to leave husband, children and home and follow him to whichever end of the earth he might choose to lead them. It took all Julian’s skills to handle these situations; gently, patiently, through long fearful afternoons in slowly darkening bedrooms (it was another factor in Julian’s success that he was at this point in his life partially unemployed) he would persuade them that they would be losing infinitely more than they would gain, that he was making a sacrifice just as big as their own, and he would leave them feeling just sufficiently warmly towards him to prevent them speaking too harshly of him, and just humiliated enough to be unwilling to reveal the extent of their involvement to any of their friends.
For his first six months or so in London this was the high wire he walked, permanently exhilarated by his success, his only safety net his own deviousness. After that, he grew not only more cautious but busier, involved in the birth of his business and the development of his talents in rather more conventional and fruitful directions. It was a perfect time for him; the boom he had prophesied had finally arrived, and there was a bullish attitude in the country. Investment was available for sound propositions, ideas were the top-selling commodity.
Perhaps most happily for Julian, fashion was being reborn. Not just clothes, not foolish frivolity, nor even a burgeoning industry, it was a serious matter, one worthy of sober consideration and artistic merit. The Royal College of Art had opened its school of fashion design in 1948 with Madge Garland, an ex-editor of Vogue, as its professor. People talked about fashion and the design of clothes as something seriously important. Moreover, it was big business. The effect of M. Dior’s New Look had been staggering. Not only was it revolutionary in look, but in attitude. In three dizzy hours in the February of 1947 it spelt the end of economy as a virtue and of fashion as a sin; after six years of skimpy skirts and square shoulders, here were clothes that caressed the body, clung to the waist and swirled around the ankles in glorious extravagance. Women didn’t just like it, or even want it, they yearned for it, they demanded it, they had to have it. The rich flocked to Paris; the ready-to-wear houses copied it within days and it sold and sold and sold.
It was considered unpatriotic, which only lent it more glamour; questions were not quite asked in the House, but Sir Stafford Cripps called a meeting of the major British designers to try to persuade them to keep the short skirt popular, and another of fashion editors to tell them to instruct women to ignore the long; and Mrs Bessie Braddock, the stout and aggressively unfashionable Labour MP, took women to task for caring so passionately about something so frivolous. Princess Margaret promptly negated any impression Mrs Braddock might have made by appearing constantly in the New Look. It all added up to a defiant, almost reckless approach to anything to do with clothes and looks; and made it an excellent time to be involved in cosmetics.
The Morell empire began life as a cough mixture. It was a perfectly ordinary cough mixture (called unimaginatively, if graphically, Morell’s Cough Linctus), in three flavours: lemon, cherry, and blackcurrant, but it had two important selling points. The first was that it tasted extraordinarily good, and children therefore loved it; the second was that it worked. Given to tired children in the night by tireder parents, it had them asleep again in ten minutes, their coughing silenced, their throats soothed. The reason for both factors was in the formulation, for which the parents and the children had to thank an old man working in the back room of a pharmacie in a small town near Deauville, but this was long before a Trades Description Act could prevent anybody from saying anything very much, and Julian had an ingenious and laterally thinking mind. Thus the linctus bore the legend ‘specially formulated for night-time coughs’.
There was no question of there being any money for advertising, and the labels stuck on the bottles by the hands of the bored housewives of West Ealing, where Morell Pharmaceuticals had its headquarters in an ex-WRVS canteen, were simply printed in white on red, with no embellishments of any kind except a border of medicine spoons twisted together, which was to become the Morell company logo. Nevertheless, the simple message was successfully and powerfully conveyed.
Julian sold the product into the chemists’ shops himself, driving huge distances in his Wolseley saloon, its big boot and passenger seats crammed with samples. The pharmacists, used to being fobbed off by crass young salesmen, were charmed by the intelligent, courteous man who could discuss formulae with them and who would always meet orders, even if it meant him personally driving hundreds of miles overnight to do so; originally reluctant to stock the medicine, those who did so invariably came back for more, and because of the conversations they had had with Julian about formulae, would recommend it to distracted mothers and worried grandmothers and anxious nannies with rather more confidence than usual.
The worried mothers, having experienced its considerable effectiveness and coughs being a constantly recurring problem in the pre-antibiotic era, came back for more and still more, recommended it to their friends, and took to keeping a spare bottle permanently in their medicine cupboard, a suggestion added to the original label as a result of one of Julian’s overnight delivery drives, the time he always had his best ideas.
They trod a delicate path, he and Letitia; their capital had all gone and they lived very much from hand to mouth. The pharmacists were slow to pay, and he had difficulty getting credit for his raw materials. They fortunately had paid cash for their factory building, and had First Street on a mortgage; but for two months they were unable to meet the payment on that. ‘It’s too ridiculous,’ said Letitia cheerfully, over breakfast one morning, looking up from a pained letter from the building society, ‘here we are, dining out every night with the very best people in London – just as well or we’d be quite hungry a lot of the time – and we are threatened with having the roof removed from over our heads.’
Julian looked at her warily. ‘What do you mean?’
‘What I say, darling. The building society are threatening to repossess the house.’
‘Oh God,’ he said. ‘What on earth do we do now?’
‘You don’t do anything,’ said Letitia firmly, ‘just get on with delivering today’s orders and pressing them all for payment. I’m the financial director, I’ll go and see the bank.’
Which she did; Julian never quite knew what she said to the manager, but he saw her leaving the house, a suddenly much smaller and drabber figure in her oldest clothes, her face devoid of make-up, a plentiful supply of lace-trimmed handkerchiefs in her shabbiest handbag, and returned to his duties as sales manager feeling the future of the company and the home of its directors were in very safe hands.
Before going out to dine with the Countess of Lincoln that night, they drank to their modestly generous new overdraft facility in gin and tonic minus the gin, and Letitia assured him they had a breathing space of precisely two months and one week before their cash-flow situation became critical once more.
‘And now I am going to go and get ready; I’ve bought a most lovely new dress, with a hundred yards of material in it and a pair of those marvellous platform soles exactly like Princess Margaret’s, just wait till you see them.’
‘Mother, how can you possibly afford new clothes when we can’t buy gin or pay the mortgage?’ said Julian, laughing.
‘Oh, darling, I have my account at Harrods and they are dreadfully patient about payment, and we certainly can’t afford to go round looking as if we haven’t got any money.’
‘Mother,’ said Julian, ‘I don’t know what you’re doing working for this company. I’m surprised you’re not chairman, or whatever a woman would be, of the Bank of England.’
‘Oh,’ said Letitia, ‘I very likely will be one day. I’m just doing my apprenticeship. Now, what you have to do, Julian, is take a very hard look at those customers of yours and which ones aren’t paying you quickly enough. We can’t afford charity.’
Julian was certainly not over charitable with his customers, nor was he yet in a position to refuse delivery to slow payers (although he had learnt which of his customers warranted more time and attention than others); but he was learning pragmatism in places other than the bedroom. One of his very first orders came from an old man called Bill Gibson in a small chemist shop in North London; he had taken two cases of the cough linctus and paid Julian on the spot; moreover he had told other friends in the business to see him and take some of his wares as well. Julian owed him a lot and he knew it. Bill had a struggle to keep his shop going, but it was the only living he had, or knew how to manage, and he had no pension to look forward to, it was literally his lifeblood. Besides he loved it, and was proud of it, it gave him a footing of immense respectability and responsibility in the neighbourhood and since the death of his wife it was literally all he had. He lived in permanent dread of his landlord realizing the asset he had and selling his premises over his head.
Six months after launching his company, Julian had still not managed to break into any of the big or even even medium-sized chemist chains; he knew that not only would it make all the difference to his cash flow as well as his order books, it would give him a stature in the industry that so far he lacked.
One night over dinner he met a man called Paul Learmount, who was building up a nice line of business in outer London, buying run-down shops at cheap prices and converting them into cut-price chemist shops; he was looking for another in Bill Gibson’s area, did Julian know of any? Julian said he did, that he happened to know a place that exactly fitted Paul’s description, and moreover he could put him in touch with the landlord. Four weeks later, Bill Gibson was served notice on his premises, a brash young manager arrived to refurbish the shop, and Julian got a huge order from Learmount’s central buying office.
He took Bill Gibson out to lunch, commiserated with him over his bad luck and insisted on giving him a cheque for fifty pounds to keep him going ‘until you find your feet again. I’ll never forget what I owe you, after all, Bill.’ To his dying day, Bill Gibson spoke glowingly of Mr Morell and the way he never forgot to send him a card at Christmas time.
Within another three months demand was exceeding supply to an almost worrying extent; Julian failed to meet a couple of orders, nearly lost a crucial account, and realized he had to double both his manufacturing staff and his sales force.
This meant hiring two people: a salesman, to cover the half of the country he couldn’t efficiently reach himself, and a second pharmacist. His original pharmacist, a laconic Scotsman called Jim Macdougall, worked tirelessly, twice round the clock if necessary, performing the extremely repetitive task of filling up to five hundred bottles of linctus a day without complaint on the most primitive equipment imaginable, as well as working in his spare time on Morell Pharmaceuticals’ second product, an indigestion tablet.
The assistant Julian presented him with was a pretty young war widow called Susan Johns.
Corporal Brian Johns had been parachuted into the woods near Lyons late one night while Julian had still been living at the chateau. He had been involved in the pick-up and was responsible for arranging Johns’ transport to a nearby farm, and his liaison with another agent. Johns was only twenty, nearly two years younger than Julian, married with two little girls, and a brilliant radio operator; he was bringing forged papers from London with him for French agents.
Julian was looking forward to his arrival; he had been feeling particularly lonely and homesick, his work had grown increasingly tedious and futile-seeming, and the thought of some English company was very pleasant.
He waited where Johns was to come down; it was a horribly bright night, but the drop had been postponed three times, and the need for the forged papers was desperate. Fortunately a bombing raid just south of Lyons had distracted the patrolling Germans for most of the night; Corporal Johns reached the ground unobserved by anyone except Julian. That was, however, the last of his good fortune. He landed awkwardly and fell heavily on some rocks; Julian heard him swear, then groan, and then nothing. He had broken both his legs; he was, for a while, mercifully unconscious. He came to in agony to see Julian bending over him.
‘Johns?’
‘Yes.’
‘Sorry, but I have to do this. Is your aunt still alive?’
‘She is, and has moved down to Nantes,’ said Johns, answering the coded question, and promptly passed out again.
Julian managed to get him to the farm. It was a mile and a half away, half carrying and half dragging him, and it took a nightmare three hours. He had never seen anyone in such pain, never personally felt such fear; the woods were frequently patrolled and he knew if they were caught they would face, at the very best, death. Johns was unbelievably brave, but from time to time a groan escaped him and once, when Julian tripped into a rabbit hole and let him fall to the ground, he screamed. They lay in the undergrowth for what seemed like hours, sweating, listening, shuddering with fear; Julian, glancing at Johns’ face in the moonlight, saw tears of pain on it, and blood on his lip where he had bitten it almost through in an effort to control himself, and for the thousandth time since he had arrived in France marvelled at the power of human courage and will.
He found more of it at the farm, which was already under surveillance; they took Johns in without a moment’s hesitation, hid him in a barn, poured a bottle of brandy into him, and did what they could with his poor, shattered legs. They dared not get a doctor, but the farmer’s wife had some nursing skills; she made some splints and set them as best she could. Julian, forcing himself to watch as Johns endured this fresh agony, reflected that if his horse had been in such hopeless pain, he would have shot her without hesitation.
For two days Johns lay in the barn; Julian spent a lot of time with him. Plans were being made, an escape route being established, for his safe removal from the farm, and from France, but it meant danger for a lot of people, and Johns knew it. The Gestapo had already searched the farm twice in the past week and every peaceful hour that passed merely led them inexorably towards the next time.
Johns was plagued by guilt as much as by pain. ‘I’m so fucking bloody stupid,’ he kept saying, ‘so fucking, fucking stupid.’
Julian, unable to offer any relief from either the guilt or the pain, except ceaseless administration of the rough French brandy which only succeeded in the end in making Johns violently ill, encouraged him to talk, listening for long hours to rambling stories of Johns’ childhood (not long behind him), of his marriage to his childhood sweetheart, Susan, and the birth of their two little girls. In the three years since the beginning of the war, they had spent six weeks together. He gave Julian her address and made him promise to go and find her ‘in case I don’t get back.’
‘Oh, don’t be so bloody stupid,’ said Julian, ‘of course you’ll get back. They’re working on the final details now. Another day or two and you’ll be back in a British hospital with an endless supply of morphine.’
‘Sure,’ said Johns, and Julian knew he didn’t believe him.
He was silent for a bit, and then he said, ‘Do you know what I’d really like, sir?’
‘A bit of crumpet?’ said Julian in what he knew was a horribly inappropriate bit of flippancy.
‘Well, that too, sir. Don’t think I’d do anyone much justice, though. But even more than that, sir, I’d like a cup of tea. Strong, and lots of sugar. Could you manage that for me, do you think? I’d be very grateful.’
‘Of course,’ said Julian, relieved to be able to do anything so constructive.
He came back to find Johns looking calm and composed, almost peaceful. ‘Feeling better?’
‘Yes, sir, yes I am. In a way. You’ve been very good to me, sir. I do appreciate it. I’m a bit of a liability, aren’t I?’
‘Well,’ said Julian, smiling at him, ‘I can’t pretend you’re an enormous help at the moment. But don’t worry, Johns, you will be. We’ll get our pound of flesh. And I expect one hell of a bender at your expense when we finally get back home.’
‘Right you are, sir. You’re on.’
He looked at Julian, and Julian looked at him, and they both could see with awesome clarity what the other was thinking.
‘I think I might have a nap,’ said Johns, suddenly brisk. ‘I think I’d like to be alone for a bit, sir, if you don’t mind.’
‘Sure,’ said Julian. ‘Sorry to keep rabbiting on.’
‘Oh, no, don’t apologize, I’ve enjoyed this evening.’
Jesus God, thought Julian, the poor sod’s in absolute fucking agony, shitting himself with pain, and he manages to tell me he’s enjoyed himself.
‘Good,’ he said, ‘anything else I can get you?’
‘Well, yes, sir, there is. My rucksack. There’s just a few things in it I’d like to go through. Pictures of Susie, and the little ones. Odds and ends. Would you mind? It’d help me to settle.’
‘Of course. I buried it at the back of the barn. Won’t be a tick.’
He gave it to Johns; he knew what was in it, what Johns really wanted, and Johns knew that he knew. ‘Good night, Johns. God bless you.’ He was surprised to hear those particular words come out; it was not a phrase he was in the habit of using. But it meant comfort and home; it was childhood and happiness; it was safety and courage.
Johns smiled. ‘I hope so, sir.’
Julian heard the pistol go off before he reached the house; he stumbled as if he had been hit himself, and felt hot tears in his eyes. ‘Stupid fuckers,’ was all he could say, ‘stupid, stupid fuckers.’ And he said it over and over again in a kind of blind, hopeless fury as he dug a grave and buried Johns. When he had finished he sat and looked at the sky for a long time, and promised himself that the very first thing he would do when the war was over was find Susan Johns and tell her that her husband had been the bravest man in the whole of France. He wrote when he returned to England and told her that her husband had been shot by the Germans and hadn’t known anything at all about it; it seemed the only way he could salvage any comfort for her, and indeed even when he knew her quite well, he never told her the truth.
He had quite a lot of trouble finding her when he came home. The street she had lived in, the address Johns had given him, had been completely levelled, but he doggedly followed a trail which the woman at the corner shop gave him, and finally found her living in Acton with her two little girls, doing shift work at a soap factory. He kept in close contact with her; he liked her, she was pretty and immensely brave. She was also very bright. When he first found her she was deeply depressed, due as much, he thought, to her enforced cohabitation with an appalling mother as the loss of a husband she had hardly known; he would take her out to tea at Lyons’ Corner House where she ate hugely and unselfconsciously (‘You would too,’ she said when he first commented on her enormous appetite, ‘if you had to live on what my mum produces. A hundred and one ways with dried egg, and they’re all the same’), and encouraged her to talk about her life, about her two little girls and the hopelessness of her situation, and what she would have liked to do if things had been different; surprisingly it was not to live in domestic bliss with her Brian (or another Brian) for evermore, but to get a job working as a pharmacist.
‘I liked chemistry at school, and I always fancied playing around with all those bottles, and mixing medicines.’
‘Well, why don’t you try to do it now?’ he said, watching her with a mixture of admiration and amusement as she spread jam on her fourth toasted teacake.
‘Because I couldn’t cope with all the drama,’ she said. ‘Mum would go on and on, saying I’d got a perfectly good job already, and what did I want to change it for, and moan because it would mean more work and worry for her while I was getting it together, and anyway I might not be any good at it, and then where would I be? On the National Assistance. No, ’fraid it’s not to be. But I would have liked it. Can I have one of those cream cakes, please?’
‘Of course. Well, I promise you one thing, Mrs Johns. I may have just the job for you myself one day, when my company gets off the ground, and then I shall come and offer you riches beyond the dreams of avarice to do it for me.’
‘Oh, yeah?’ she said, grinning at him, and pausing momentarily in her task of choosing precisely which of the four cakes before her was the jammiest and the sickliest. ‘Pull the other one.’
Julian was surprised by how hurt he felt. ‘I mean it. Just you wait and see.’
‘OK. I’ll have the doughnut, please.’
It was with a degree of self-satisfaction therefore, and a strong temptation to say that he had told her so, when he took her out (to the Kardomah this time) and offered her the job as laboratory assistant in Morell Pharmaceuticals. But if he was expecting her to be impressed and grateful, he was disappointed.
‘Thank you for asking me,’ she said, spreading her teacake with honey and tipping half the sugar bowl into her cup (her mother’s cooking had not improved along with the raw ingredients available to her), ‘but I really don’t think so. I don’t think I could.’
‘Oh, nonsense, of course you could. It’s not difficult and it’s a lot more interesting than putting soap into boxes –’
‘Cartons,’ said Susan pedantically.
‘– and you’d enjoy it.’
‘Oh, I don’t mean I couldn’t do it, of course I could, and I daresay yes, I would enjoy it, but how would I ever get there every day? And how do I know you won’t go bust and leave me out of a job? And what would I tell Mum? She wouldn’t like it.’
‘Tell Mum she isn’t going to get it,’ said Julian lightly, and was vaguely surprised and pleased when she laughed. ‘You can get there on a bus, it’s not far, and whenever I can I’ll give you a lift, I can easily come your way. You don’t know I won’t go bust, but if you work your backside off and help me, I probably won’t. Come on, Susan, it’ll cheer you up and it’s a terrific opportunity for you. You could end up as managing director of Morell Pharmaceuticals.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ said Susan, ‘and pigs might fly. Girls don’t get to be managing directors, Mr Morell, at least not if they went to secondary mods and have two kids to worry about.’
‘Well, that’s just where you might be wrong. I believe in women. I think they’re terrific.’
‘Yeah, I bet you do. Between the sheets.’
‘No, Susan.’ Julian was angry suddenly. He pushed his hair back and stirred his tea so hard it slopped into the saucer. ‘That’s very unfair. If I thought women were only good for sex, I wouldn’t be offering you a job, would I? I’d be looking for a man. And trying to seduce you instead of employing you.’
Susan looked him very straight in the eyes. ‘You wouldn’t bother seducing me,’ she said. ‘Girls like me don’t belong in your world.’
‘Susan,’ said Julian, ‘I would very much like to bother seducing you. I think you’re lovely. I think you’re brave and pretty and clever. But I wouldn’t insult you, that’s the point. I want you to do something much more important than going to bed with me. I want you to work for me. How do I make you understand?’
Susan smiled suddenly. ‘You just have. And thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me. Ever. Except for Brian when he first asked me to marry him. All right, let’s get down to business.’
‘Does that mean you’ll come?’
‘I don’t know. How much are you going to pay me?’
‘Four pounds a week.’
‘Not enough.’
Julian was impressed.
‘It’s the going rate.’
‘Yes, but it’s a risk.’
‘All right. Five pounds. But that’s bloody good and you’ll have to earn it.’
‘I will. Don’t worry.’ She was silent for a bit, thinking. ‘OK. I’d like to come very much. Thanks. Now I must go and collect Jenny and Sheila. They’re with the child minder.’
‘Is she good?’
‘She’s OK. I don’t have much choice. She’s kind enough. You can’t hope for much more.’
‘And how are they?’
‘All right. Jenny’s a bit delicate. She’s got a cough. It keeps both of them awake at night. And Sheila has a lot of tummy upsets.’
Julian handed her two bottles of Morell’s Cherry Linctus. ‘Try this. I think you’ll find it’ll help.’
‘Thanks. When do I start?’
‘Monday week. That’ll give you time to give in your notice. Honestly, Susan, you are doing the right thing. Shall we drink to our association?’
‘Not with alcohol, I hate what it does to people. So let’s stick to tea.’
‘All right,’ said Julian. ‘I don’t think the Kardomah has a very good wine list, as a matter of fact.’ He smiled at her and raised his cup. ‘To you. And me. And Morell Pharmaceuticals. Long may we all prosper.’
Susan clinked her cup against his. ‘Cheers. And thank you. Especially for saying you’d rather I worked for you than went to bed with you. That’s really nice.’
‘That’s all right,’ said Julian, slightly surprised by the pleasure she took in what she might well have considered a rather dubious compliment. ‘I promise you, Mrs Johns, that I will always maintain our relationship on that basis.’ He wondered if it was a promise that he would regret making.
Susan Johns proved to be a moderately good chemist and a brilliant administrator. From the day she arrived at the lab, everything fell into a state of perfect order. Jim Macdougall, who had gone into paroxysms of anxiety at the news that Julian had hired a woman, and a young one at that, was by the end of the first week grudgingly acknowledging that she had her uses, and by the end of the second totally, and by his own admission, dependent on her.
‘The lass is a marvel,’ he said, ‘she has a complete inventory of all our stock, she has tabs on what we need to replace; she has a new ordering system, she has every invoice cross-referenced under product and outlet – she worked out that system with your mother, by the way – she seems to understand exactly what our priorities should be, and she works unbelievably hard. And doesn’t even stop for a lunch break.’
‘What a paragon,’ said Julian, laughing, careful not to remind Jim that he had given Susan a week and prophesied endless disasters as a direct result of her arrival, including the botching of formulations, loss of customers, and the clear possibility of the whole place being burnt down. ‘Does she have any vices at all? Don’t you think she might be making off with the tea money, or smuggling out cases of cough linctus to sell on the black market?’
‘Oh, aye, she has her faults,’ said Jim, quite unmoved by this attack. ‘She’s a clock watcher for one, which is one thing I can’t abide. Off on the stroke of five, no matter what has to be done.’
‘Yes, but she has to collect her children from their child minder,’ said Julian, ‘and you just said yourself she worked through the lunch hour. So you can’t really complain about that.’
‘I’m not complaining,’ said Macdougall indignantly, ‘just telling you how the lassie works. And then she does eat a lot of the time. She may not take a lunch hour, but she’s always picking at something. If it’s not sandwiches, it’s crisps, and if it’s not crisps, it’s sweets. It’s a marvel she’s not the size of a house. Little slip of a thing, you’d imagine she lived on air.’
‘Well, neither of those things sounds very serious to me,’ said Julian. ‘And I’m delighted she’s working out so well. Do you like her? Is she nice to work with?’
‘Oh, aye, she’s very nice. Not much of a talker, keeps herself to herself, but then that’s rare enough in a woman, and something on the whole to be thankful for. No, I’ll admit I was against the idea, but I was wrong and I’m delighted to say so.’
‘Good,’ said Julian, ‘she likes you too. She says you’re a good bloke. Which is high praise, I can tell you. She certainly wouldn’t say that about me. Now, Jim, I want to talk to you about something else. How’s the indigestion tablet coming along?’
‘It’s fine. Real fine. I have the prototype ready now, and we could start selling it into the pharmacies in a month or two, I reckon.’
‘How are we on the packaging? Are those boxes really going to be adequate, or should we go into bottles?’
‘Well, bottles will be safer, and will keep the tablets in better condition. But they’ll cost twice as much.’
‘We’re up to our necks in debt already. Can’t we get away with paying those wretched women a bit less to pack the stuff?’
‘No, you bloody well can’t.’ It was Susan’s voice; she had come back, to collect some order books she had promised Jim to go through that night, and which he’d been unable to give her earlier; she had one child in her arms, and was trailing the other by the hand. All three looked half asleep.
‘Susan,’ said Julian, ‘what on earth are you doing here with those children at this time of night? It’s nearly seven.’
‘I know, and I was going to do it tomorrow, but then I thought the orders were so important, and Mum’s out tonight, so I’ll have a bit of peace and quiet and I could really make a big impression on them.’
‘Have you trekked all the way back here from Acton? On the bus?’
‘Yeah, well, it didn’t take that long. I saw the bus coming, so I thought what the hell, might as well. Sheila was asleep anyway. And I’m glad I did come back, otherwise I wouldn’t have heard you plotting to do those poor bloody cows out of their money.’
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Susan,’ said Julian in exasperation. ‘Nobody’s planning to do anybody out of anything.’
‘Planning to try, though.’
‘Not at all. Simply trying to make the company a little more cost effective. And Susan, this really is none of your business. I don’t think you should get involved in wage negotiations. You can’t begin to understand any of it.’
Susan eyed him contemptuously. ‘Don’t lie to me, Mr Morell. And don’t insult me either. I understand all about it and I think it’s disgusting. There you sit, you and your mother, in your charming little house in your posh little street, driving around in your smart cars, complaining that you can’t get any decent champagne, and that Harrods won’t deliver before nine o’clock in the morning, and you begrudge a few women the chance to get their kids a new pair of shoes before the last ones actually fall to pieces. Some of those bloody women, as you call them, haven’t had a decent meal in months; some of them are doing two jobs, filling your rotten bottles in the day, and doing factory cleaning at night, just so they can stay in their homes and not get turned out for not paying the rent. Some of them have got three kids and no husband, they either didn’t come home because they’d been killed, or they went off with some popsie they met while they were away, while the poor stupid loyal wives stayed at home, minding the baby and saving themselves for the hero’s return. Just do me a favour, Mr Morell, and find out what life’s really like. Try living on a quarter, an eighth of what you’ve got, and see how you get on. You wouldn’t last a day. Come on, Jenny, we’re going home.’
She turned and walked out; Julian looked after her appalled, and then turned to Jim, who had a strange expression of admiration and trepidation on his face. ‘What the hell do I do with her now? Fire her?’
‘I don’t think you’ll get a chance to fire her,’ said Jim. ‘Your problem will be persuading her to stay.’
‘I don’t want her to stay,’ said Julian, scowling. ‘That was bloody, outrageous, rude, inexcusable behaviour. How dare she talk to me like that?’
‘She’d dare talk to anybody like that,’ said Jim. ‘She’s got guts, that girl. And besides, it was true. All of it. Those women do have a dreadful life, some of them. And you don’t even begin to know what it’s like for them.’
‘Oh, rubbish,’ said Julian wearily. ‘Who created the opportunity for them to work in the first place? Me. Who risked everything, to get the company going? Me. Who works all night whenever it’s necessary? I do. Who drives the length of the country, until I’m practically dead at the wheel? Don’t you take up all that pinko claptrap, Jim. Someone should give people like me some credit for a change.’
‘Why?’ said Jim. ‘Why should they? You enjoy it. Every bloody moment of it. And she’s right, that girl, you may work very hard, but you enjoy a standard of living most people can’t even begin to imagine. And you have the satisfaction of knowing all the work you put in is building up your own company. You don’t need any credit. You have plenty of other things. Now if you’ve got any sense you’ll go after the lass and apologize. Or you’ll lose one of the two best people you’ve got in your company.’
He grinned suddenly. Julian scowled at him again.
‘Oh, all right. But she can’t go on talking to me like that. Well, not in public anyway. She’s got to learn to draw the line. I won’t have it.’
‘Oh, stop being so pompous, man, and get a move on. She’ll be on her bus by now and you’ll never see her again.’
Susan was indeed on the bus, but Julian’s car was waiting for her outside the shabby little house in Acton when she struggled wearily along with the children an hour later. He got out and walked towards her.
‘Piss off.’
‘Look,’ said Julian, ‘I came to apologize, to say I’m sorry I offended you. There’s no need for that.’
‘There’s every need. I don’t want to talk to you.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I don’t want to have any more to do with you. I should never have got involved in the first place. I don’t like your sort and I never will. So just go away and leave me alone. And pay me for the work I’ve done this week.’
‘Susan,’ said Julian, surprising himself with his own patience, ‘my sort, as you put it, is giving you the chance of a lifetime. To get out of this miserable dump and make something of yourself.’
‘Don’t you call my home a dump.’
‘It’s not your home, and it is a dump. Working for me, you can have your own home, and lots of other things too. A career. A life of your own, that you can be proud of. Think of Jenny and Sheila. A good education.’
‘If you’re suggesting I’d want to send them to some bloody private school you can forget it. I wouldn’t have them associating with those sorts of kids.’
‘No, of course I don’t,’ said Julian, encouraged that she had moved outside her outrage and into a more abstract argument. ‘But you can live in the sort of area where the schools are better. You can buy them books. Send them abroad in due course. Let them choose their own destinies. And,’ he added with a dash of inspired deviousness, ‘show them what women can do. On their own. Make them proud of you. Set them an example.’
Susan looked at him and smiled grudgingly. ‘You’re a clever bastard. All right. I’ll stay. But only if you give the outworkers a rise.’
‘Can’t afford it.’
‘Of course you can.’
‘Susan, I can’t. Ask my mother.’
‘OK. But as soon as you can then.’
Julian sighed. ‘All right. It’s a deal. But I certainly didn’t think I’d find a trade union in my own company at this stage.’
‘Well, you didn’t think you’d be working with someone like me. Do you want to come in and have a cup of tea?’
‘No thanks. I’m –’ He had been about to say ‘going out to dinner’ but stopped himself. ‘Going home. I’m late already, and I’ve got a very early start. Good night Susan. See you tomorrow.’
‘Good night. And –’
‘Yes?’
‘Well, thanks. Sorry I was rude.’
‘That’s all right. You’d better get those children to bed.’
He drove away feeling curiously disturbed. It wasn’t until he was getting into bed after an excellent dinner with Letitia and an old school friend that he realized that the intense outrage and anger Susan had caused him had been mingled with another sensation altogether. It was sexual desire.
Morell’s Indigestion Treatment, as Julian finally called it (the name implying something more medically ethical and ongoing in its benefits than simply an antacid tablet), was a huge success. All the chemists who already stocked the cough linctus took it immediately, recommended it to their customers, and ordered more. Printed on the cardboard pill boxes, under the name, was the message ‘Keeps the misery of indigestion away’ and on the bottom of the box was a helpful little paragraph instructing sufferers to take the tablets before the pain struck, not to wait until afterwards, as it doubled the efficiency of the medication that way.
Within weeks orders had doubled, trebled, quadrupled; Julian was physically unable to deal with the deliveries, and hired two salesmen/drivers (in whom he invested sufficient time and money to enable them to talk to the chemists with at least a modicum of authority), and Jim and Susan were equally unable to cope with the manufacture, and to oversee the filling and packaging arrangements. The company acquired a second building in Ealing, twice the size of the first, and invested the whole of the year’s profits paying builders and laboratory outfitters double time to get it operational in a month. Over half the women outworkers were taken on full time in the new factory and Susan Johns became, at the end of her first year, factory manager. It meant she no longer did much of the laboratory work, but Jim had two other assistants working almost full time on research and manufacture, and Susan’s real talent was for administration, not formulation.
She and Letitia were a formidable team; Letitia found Susan not only interesting but challenging to work with, she had a mind like a razor, a great capacity for hard work and, even more unusually, an ability to exact a similar dedication from other people. Letitia liked her, too; she found her honesty, her courage, and her absolute refusal to accept anything without questioning it, interesting and engaging, and she was slightly surprised to find herself amused, rather than irritated by the way Susan regarded Julian with just a very slight degree of contempt. This was entirely missing from the attitude Susan had towards her. She liked Letitia enormously, and rather to her own surprise found her blatant snobbery amusing and unimportant; probably, she told herself, because it was so blatant. ‘She’s honest about it,’ she said once to Julian when he teased her about it, ‘she’s not a hypocrite, she doesn’t go round patronizing everyone, pretending she thinks everyone’s equal, she really believes they aren’t. Well, that’s all right. She’s entitled to her own opinion.’ Julian laughed, and told her she was a hypocrite herself, but she was unmoved; Letitia was her heroine, she admired her brain, enjoyed her guts and her sense of fun and was constantly delighted by the fresh thinking and innovative approach Letitia brought to the company. Letitia was fascinated by new financial systems; she spent hours reading reports from big companies, she lunched with financial analysts and accountants, and hardly a week went by before she introduced some new piece of sophisticated accountancy, and drove Julian almost to distraction by constantly updating and changing her methods.
‘I really can’t see what’s wrong with the way you’ve done things so far, Mother,’ he said slightly fretfully one evening, as he arrived home exhausted after a long session with the buyer for a chain of chemists in the West Country and found her deep in conversation with Susan over the latest refinements to her system and the effect it was going to have on the next year’s wage structure. ‘I spend my life trying to follow your books and work out fairly crucial basic things like how much money we’ve got in the bank and I have to plough through three ledgers before I know if it’s OK to buy myself a sandwich.’
‘Well, I can always tell you that,’ said Susan briskly. ‘I understand all the financial systems perfectly well. And buying anything, even sandwiches, is my job, not yours. So there really isn’t any problem.’
‘Absolutely not,’ said Letitia. ‘Susan’s quite right, Julian, you just stick to your part of the operation and let us worry about ours. If Susan can cope with my systems, then it doesn’t matter if you can’t.’
‘Well thanks a lot,’ said Julian tetchily, pouring himself a large whisky. ‘I had no idea I played such a small part in this organization. You two seem to have something of a conspiracy going. Do let me know when I’m to be allowed to do something more challenging than planning the salesmen’s journeys.’
‘Oh, don’t be childish,’ said Letitia, ‘you’re obviously hungry. It always makes him fractious,’ she added to Susan. ‘Why don’t you take both of us out to dinner? Then we can try and explain whatever it is you don’t understand, and I can put in my request for a new accounts clerk at the same time.’
‘Dear God,’ said Julian, ‘your department will be the biggest in the company soon, Mother. What on earth do you need a clerk for?’
‘To do a lot of tedious repetitive work, so that I can get on with something more constructive.’
‘I think you’re just empire building,’ said Julian, laughing suddenly. ‘It’s a conspiracy between you and Susan to get more and more people employed in the company, and keep my wages bill so high I never make a profit. Isn’t that right, Susan?’
‘Well, people are the best investment,’ said Susan, very serious as always when her political beliefs were called into a conversation. ‘And there’s no virtue in profit for its own sake.’
‘Rubbish,’ said Julian. ‘Come out to dinner with Mother and me and I’ll show you the virtue of spending a bit of it.’
‘No, honestly I can’t,’ said Susan, ‘I must go home. It’s getting late.’
‘Well at least can I give you a lift?’
‘No, it’s all right, thanks.’
‘Well, let me get you a taxi.’
‘No. Really. It doesn’t take that long from here by bus.’
‘Susan, it takes hours,’ said Letitia. ‘For heaven’s sake, let Julian take you home.’
‘Oh, all right. I would be grateful.’
Julian looked at her. She seemed terribly tired. She was basically in far better health than she had been, and was altogether strikingly changed; she had filled out from her painful thinness, she had been able to buy herself a few nice clothes, she had had her hair cut properly, the cheap perm was gone and so was the peroxide rinse, and she wore it swinging straight and shining, a beautiful nut brown, just clear of her shoulders; her skin looked clear and creamy instead of pasty and grey. But the biggest change in her was the air of confidence she carried about with her. He could see it in her clear blue eyes, hear it in her voice, watch it as she walked, taller, more purposefully.
‘That girl,’ Letitia had said, looking at her across the factory one day, ‘is turning out to be something of a beauty.’
‘Yes,’ said Julian, ‘I know.’
She had looked at him sharply, but his face was blank, his attention totally fixed apparently on some orders. Thank God, she thought, that would never, ever do.
‘Tell you what,’ said Julian as the car pulled out into the Brompton Road and headed for Hammersmith Broadway, ‘how would you like a car to use? You could have one of the vans, we’ve got a spare, and it would make such a difference to you.’
‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly,’ said Susan. ‘Company car? Not my sort of thing, Mr Morell.’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, why not?’ said Julian irritably. ‘I’d like it even if you didn’t. I’m always either worrying or feeling guilty about you, or having to drive you home.’
‘Good,’ said Susan, ‘helps keep you in touch with reality.’ But she was smiling.
‘Look,’ said Julian, ‘if you like, if it’ll make you feel any better, you can pay me for the use of it. A bit. Give me what you pay on bus fares. And do the odd delivery, if it fits in. You work such long hours, Susan, you really do deserve it. And it would help with getting the kids to the minder in the morning. Go on.’
‘No,’ said Susan, ‘honestly I couldn’t. I may deserve it, but I can’t afford it. I can’t afford to buy a car for myself, I mean. And so I don’t think it’s right for me to have one I’m not paying for. It would make me feel uncomfortable. And what would the other girls think?’
‘They’d think you were bloody sensible,’ said Julian, ‘and if they could hear this conversation they’d think you were bloody silly.’
‘Well, I can’t help it. It feels wrong.’
‘Look,’ said Julian, ‘how about this. I want you to have a rise. Have the van instead.’
‘I’ve just had one. Anyway, I can’t drive.’
‘You can learn. I’ll teach you myself. Oh, for Christ’s sake, you are the most ridiculous woman. Here I am trying to improve your standard of living and you throw it back in my face. Don’t you want to get on in the world?’
‘Not if it means moving out of the bit of it I belong to. Losing touch with my own sort of people. That’s the most important thing in the world to me, Mr Morell. I can’t sell out on that.’
‘But you’re already doing a lot for your own sort of people as you call them, by getting on yourself. Surely you can see that. And I think it’s time you started calling me Julian.’
‘Oh. Oh, OK. But not in the office.’
‘All right. If you say so. But please think about what I’ve said.’
‘I will. And thank you.’
She came into his office a few days later, looking slightly awkward. ‘Mr Morell, I’ve thought about everything you said. I agree. I’ve been very shortsighted. I’d like to take the van, please. On one condition.’
‘What’s that? There can’t be many executives who lay down conditions for accepting their own perks.’
‘You put the girls’ overtime rates up, just a bit.’
‘Dear God,’ said Julian, ‘so your company car costs me about six times what it would have done. Why on earth should I do that?’
‘Because it’s fair. Because you can afford it. And because you won’t have to waste so much of your time and energy worrying about me on the bus.’ She was smiling at him now, a confident, almost arrogant smile; but there was, for the first time, real friendship in her eyes.
Julian didn’t smile back; he looked at her very seriously and sighed and buzzed through to Letitia who sat in a small anteroom outside his own. ‘Could you ask that infernal financial system of yours if we can afford to put the overtime rates up very slightly? Say two bob an hour?’
By the beginning of 1950 Morell Pharmaceuticals had expanded sufficiently for Julian to launch into his next phase.
He had sold both the factories for a sufficiently large amount of money, in the first of the great property price booms, to purchase a building in a small industrial estate near Hounslow. It housed two laboratories, a filling plant, a storage area and management offices. Management now incorporated a sales force of four.
His pharmaceutical range had extended to include six more simple, effective products, including a successful antiseptic lotion which incorporated a very mild topical anaesthetic in its formulation and therefore was far less unpleasant when dabbed on a grazed elbow or knee than other products on the market; it was no longer necessary to persuade chemists to stock Morell products, he was permanently bombarded with requests for them, and for information on any new ones which might be in the pipeline. Indeed he had received the unique accolade in the pharmaceutical industry of being approached by the head office of Boots the Chemist, rather than being forced to wait patiently in line for the honour of being granted an appointment.
Nevertheless, he stayed with his basic principle of knowing what he was talking about and knowing that his sales force knew it too; it was not only the thing which earned him the industry’s respect and custom, it was the way he kept tabs on what was happening in other companies, and it gave him some of his best ideas. A chance remark from a pharmacist over a cup of coffee, about how a customer had said she wished there was a toothpaste that would persuade children to clean their teeth, led with dazzling speed to Morell raspberry flavoured toothpaste; another over how most of the laxatives on the market were so unpleasant to take, and Morell Pharmaceuticals had come up with Herbal Tea Laxative, ‘the Comforting Way to Regularity.’
But Julian was wearying of patent medicines; he wanted to move into the field that had excited him more from the very beginning: cosmetics. And the cosmetic market was ready for him. There was as much excitement and interest in what women wore on their faces as on their bodies; fashion in make-up had changed as much as in clothes. During the war the only cosmetics a woman carried in her make-up bag were a powder compact and a lipstick, and possibly some ‘lick and spit’ mascara; now suddenly make-up had become much more complex. Foundation had become thicker, and less naturally coloured; rouge was being applied more skilfully and artistically (and was suddenly more respectable); lipsticks were no longer just pink and red, but every shade of coral, lilac and crimson in between; and eyes had become the focus of the face, with the dramatic, doe-eyed look, prominent feature of the high-class glamour peddled in the pages of Vogue by such high-class peddlers as Barbara Goalen, Zizi Jeanmaire and Enid Boulting. There was also (in keeping with the new extravagance in the air) a strong movement towards skin care in all its mysticism; women long urged (in Miss Arden’s immortal words) to cleanse, tone and nourish their skins, were now feeding it with different creams for night and day, relaxing it (with face masks), and guarding its youth (with formulae so complex it required a degree in chemistry to make head or tail of it, but you could put it on your face anyway, and believe). And belief was what it was really all about.
Julian Morell’s talent for understanding women, what they wanted, and above all what they could be made to believe, found itself suddenly most gainfully employed. What he knew women wanted above everything else was to feel desirable. Not necessarily beautiful, or clever, but desirable. To feel, to know that they could arouse interest, admiration and above all desire was worth a queen’s ransom. And those were qualities which he knew could not, should not, be bought cheap. The more rare and luxurious a cream, a look, a perfume was, the more rarity and luxury it would bestow. Anoint your skin with ultra-expensive oils and creams, surround yourself with a rich, expensive fragrance, colour your lips, your eyes, with unusual, expensive products, and you will feel and look and smell expensive. The other thing about cosmetics (and what distinguishes them from clothes) is that every woman personalizes them, makes them her own. A moisturizer, a fragrance, a colour becomes, in however small a way, changed, part of a woman’s own chemistry and aura and sex appeal. No colour, no perfume is precisely the same on any two women. It was this concept, together with that of desirability, that went into the formulation and personality of the first products in the Juliana range.
He started boldly. He knew if there was to be an impact of any magnitude on the market, it could not be achieved in the same quiet way as he had launched his medicines. There had to be a noise. The range had to have a personality. There did not have to be many products, initially, but there did have to be an advertising campaign. Women had to know it was there in order to buy it.
Formulating the range was the least of his problems. He knew exactly what he wanted in it – an expensive and complex skin-care range, with a strong selling concept, a streamlined colour collection, and a fragrance that was not only individual and sophisticated, but long-lasting. Everyone tried to talk him out of the idea of doing a perfume; the only ones with any cachet (everyone said) were French, and he would be wasting his time and money launching an English one. ‘It won’t be English,’ said Julian, ‘it will be French. And the range needs it.’
He hired, to help him create all these things, a man called Adam Sarsted, a brilliant lateral thinker and chemist, who had gone into pharmaceuticals from Cambridge, and spent a few months working for Beecham’s on their new toiletries division; he had heard Julian was looking for someone, went to see him, fell in love with his entrepreneurial approach and took a drop in salary to work with him. Together they created Juliana, not just the products, but the concept. The concept was Julian’s, born of a chance remark of Adam’s.
‘Christ,’ he said, late in the lab one night, after a prolonged session with Julian earnestly rubbing skin food and face masks into one another’s faces and studying the results. ‘All this, just for a lot of bloody silly women, with nothing else to worry about, and who think it’s essential they spend masses of their husbands’ money on their faces.’
‘My God, Adam, that’s it!’ said Julian, pausing in his study of himself in the mirror with peach kernel treatment on one side of his face and cucumber on the other. ‘Christ. How fantastic. I thought I’d never get it. You’re a genius. Wonderful. Thank you.’
‘What for?’
‘For a singularly great thought. I was waiting for a concept. A selling point for this range. You’ve just given it to me.’
‘I have?’
‘You have. Don’t you see, you just said it. What Juliana is or will be is essential to women. They’ll have to have it. Won’t be able to get on without it. It kind of knocks the rest, ever so slightly, makes them feel they’re depriving themselves if they don’t buy it. God, it’s brilliant.’
‘Christ,’ said Adam, ‘sometimes I know I should have stuck to ethicals. Can I have a rise?’
‘Absolutely not. But I’ll buy you dinner. And we can drink to your concept. Come on, I’m sick of this. Let’s go and talk some more.’ He pulled on his coat, held Adam’s out to him. ‘Let’s treat ourselves, this is a great occasion. It isn’t often a great new cosmetic range is born. I’ll take you to the Savoy.’
Adam looked at him and grinned. ‘Fine. I’d like that. The only thing I’d suggest, Julian, is that you might get a better table if you wipe Peach Kernel off your face first, and possibly Mauve Madness off your eyelids as well.’
Julian’s biggest problem, and he knew it, was selling Juliana into the stores. The rest seemed comparatively easy. He raised the money (through a merchant bank, impressed by his record over the past two years); he saw Adam’s occasionally undisciplined formulation safely into perfectly ordered ranges of cleansers and moisturizers, tonics and masks; and he created an advertising campaign with the help of a brilliant team at Colman Prentice and Varley, who took his concept of Essential Cosmetics and turned it into one of the great classics of cosmetic advertising, called the Barefaced Truth, a series of photographs of an exquisitely unmade-up face, the skin dewily, tenderly soft, the implication being that with the help of Juliana and its essential care, any face could be as lovely; the advertisements appeared on double page spreads in all the major magazines and on posters over all the major cities and made the elaborate make-up of the models advertising other ranges look overdone and tacky. He packaged the range, against the advice of his creative team, in dark grey and white; it looked clinical they said, not feminine enough, it did not carry any implications of luxury. But set against the pale creams and golds and pinks of the competition on the mock-up beauty counter Julian kept permanently in his office, the Juliana range looked streamlined, expensive and chic; the creative team admitted it had been wrong.
The perfume, which Julian named simply Je, researched outstandingly. Adam Sarsted went to Grasse and worked for weeks with Rudolph Grozinknski, an exiled Pole, one of the great Noses (an accolade awarded to few) of his generation, and together they created a fragrance that was rich, musky, warm: it exuded sex. ‘Je,’ ran the copyline under a photograph of a woman in a silkily clinging peignoir, turning away from her dressing table and looking into the camera with an unmistakable message in her eyes, ‘for the Frenchwoman in you’.
When it was researched, over ninety per cent of the women questioned wanted to know where they could buy Je.
But all this was effortless, set against getting the range into the stores. The most exquisite colours, the most perfectly formulated creams, the most sensational perfume, will never reach the public unless they can buy it easily, and see it displayed extensively in the big stores. In London Harrods, Harvey Nichols, and Selfridges are de rigueur stockists for any successful range; in Birmingham Rackhams, in Newcastle Fenwick, Kendals in Manchester and in Edinburgh Jenners. A newcomer imagining he can impress the buyers for these stores and persuade them to give away a considerable amount of their invaluable counter space can only be compared with a ballet student expecting a lead role at Covent Garden, or an unseeded player staking a claim on the Centre Court at Wimbledon.
Nevertheless Julian knew he had to do it; his first advantage was that, with a very few exceptions, his prey were women. His second was that he had a strong gambling instinct. He took the buyers out to lunch, individually, and rather than risk insulting them by attempting to charm them in more conventional ways, he asked their advice on every possible aspect of his range; on its formulation, its positioning, its packaging, its advertising, and then paid them the immeasurable compliment of putting some bit of each piece of their advice, in however small a way, into practice. It was to the buyer at Harrods that Je owed its just slightly stronger formulation in the perfume concentrate, to the buyer from Fenwick Newcastle that the night cream was coloured ivory rather than pink, and to the buyer from Selfridges that the eye shadows were sold in powder as well as in cream form. He then told them that if they would give him counter space, in a modestly good position (not demanding the prime places, knowing that would alienate them), he would remove himself and his products if they were not meeting their targets after eight weeks. The buyers agreed; Julian then gave several interviews to the press explaining exactly what he was doing, and what a risk he was taking, and the women of Britain, moved by the thought of this handsome civilized man (who talked to them in a way that made them feel he knew and understood them intimately – not only through his advertising campaign and his public relations officer but in his interviews with Mrs Ernestine Carter in the Sunday Times and Miss Anne Scott James of Vogue, to name but a couple) placing his fortune on the line in this way, went out in sufficiently large numbers to inspect the range, to try it, and to save him from financial ruin. By the end of its first week in the stores Juliana had doubled its targets and by Christmas it had exhausted all its stocks.
‘Where’s Susan?’ said Julian irritably to Letitia one morning in the following July. ‘The cosmetic factory is still only running at eighty per cent capacity, and I want to know when she thinks it’s going to be at full strength.’
‘She’s just come in,’ said Letitia, ‘in something of a tizz, I would say. Very unlike her to be late. Something must be wrong.’
Susan was sitting in her office eating a doughnut with savage speed. Julian looked at her anxiously.
‘You OK?’
‘I’m just furious, that’s all. I’m sorry I’m late, Julian, but I had to go and see Mum’s landlord. She had a letter this morning, saying she had to be prepared to move out within three months, as he wanted to sell the house.’
‘Well, that’s nonsense. Surely she’s protected by law.’
‘No, she isn’t. The house used to belong to his father, he was a dear old chap, came round every week for the rent, nice as pie. But he died, and the son’s been looking at all the tenancies, and because his dad never worried about making things official and proper leases, and Mum was just glad to get the place after the war, she just signed something without going into it very thoroughly. All it is is a tenancy agreement with a one-month-notice arrangement. I went and shouted at him, but he said he was doing her a big favour giving her three months, and told me to get the hell out and stop wasting his time.’
‘Brave chap,’ said Julian, grinning at her. ‘Sorry,’ he added hastily, watching her face freeze. ‘Can I help?’
‘I don’t think so. I just can’t think what she can do. It sounds awful, I know, but I just don’t want her with us. But I don’t see any option to her living with us again unless she goes and shares with her sister, and they can spend just about fifteen minutes together before they start bickering.’
‘It doesn’t sound awful at all,’ said Julian, who had met Susan’s mother and felt he had never come across such an unpleasant woman with the possible exception of a female commandant in the Gestapo who had conducted his preliminary interrogation when he had been captured during the war. (‘And the Gestapo woman had the mitigating virtue of being rather beautiful,’ he said to Letitia, when describing his early encounters with Meg Tucker. ‘This woman isn’t just unattractive, she’s positively repellent. I cannot imagine how she produced Susan.’)
‘Look, Susan, I really do need to talk work to you now, but let’s have a drink after we’ve finished and I really will do anything I can to help. Will the kids be OK for half an hour?’
‘Oh, I think so. Anna next door will have them in if I ring her. Thank you, Julian. I really do need someone to discuss it with.’
Susan had moved out of her mother’s house a year earlier, and bought a tiny little terrace house in South Ealing, with the help of a sudden and rather suspiciously timely payment from the War Office. (Not even Susan could see how Julian could have forged a letter on War Office paper; she underestimated what he had learnt in the Resistance movement.)
Jenny and Sheila were now ten and eight years old respectively, pretty but rather surly little girls – probably, Julian thought, as a result of spending too much time with their grandmother. They went to school within walking distance of the house, and Susan generally found life quite astonishingly easier. It took her just ten minutes to drive her van to the factory in the morning; she was earning, despite her strenuous efforts to keep her salary in line with what she considered equitable, quite a lot of money; she could afford to pay the girl next door to look after the girls after school and in the holidays, and was currently planning a package holiday with them on the Costa del Sol. She was endlessly teased about this, not only by Julian and Letitia, but Jim and Adam as well, who never missed an opportunity to point out to her that there were hundreds of people all over the country who couldn’t even afford a weekend in the Isle of Wight never mind jetting off (as they all put it) to the Mediterranean, but for once she was not even contrite. ‘I’ve never had a holiday, and we all need it,’ she kept saying defiantly, poring over her travel brochures.
A week after the disagreeable Mrs Tucker had first been served with notice to quit her flat, Susan came flying into Julian’s office, flushed and radiant.
‘You’ll never believe this,’ she said, ‘but we’ve had another letter from the landlord, telling Mum she can stay. He’s even sent her a new lease offering her a tenancy for an unlimited period. I just can’t believe it. Isn’t it marvellous?’
‘Marvellous,’ said Julian, smiling at her, just a little complacently.
‘Did you –’ Susan stood very still, looking at him in awe. ‘Did you have anything to do with this?’
‘A bit.’
‘But you couldn’t have.’
‘OK then, I didn’t.’
‘Well, what did you do?’
‘Talked to a few people.’
‘What sort of people?’
‘Oh, you know, mildly influential people.’
‘Like?’
‘Well, like a friend of mine who belongs to the local Freemasons’, which our chum the landlord is desperate to join. A reporter on the local paper. Those sort of people.’
‘Susan, darling, I think the less you know about it the better. Otherwise you might say something to your entirely charming mother, or perhaps to anyone who might be interested in your knowing anything about it all.’
Susan looked at him thoughtfully. ‘It all smacks of corruption a bit, if you ask me.’
‘I’m not asking you. And hopefully nobody else will. Now if I were you I’d just help your mother sign the lease and get it back to the landlord quickly before he changes his mind.’
‘Oh, Julian . . .’ She stopped, and looked at him very seriously. ‘I do know how good you are to me. And I never seem to thank you properly. How can I?’
‘Have dinner with me tonight.’
They were both surprised, shocked almost, by the invitation. Julian, who had been subconsciously avoiding any kind of close contact with Susan for as long as he could remember, and had planned to spend the evening with an old friend looking at horses at a stable in Buckinghamshire (he felt he deserved some slight reward for his unstinting labours of the past three years) wasn’t sure if he was pleased or sorry he had issued it, but having done so saw it determinedly through. ‘Please, Susan. I’d really like it.’
Susan flushed, looked down at her hands, and then very directly at him. ‘I don’t really think it’s a very good idea.’
‘Why not?’
‘Well – because – well, people might talk.’
‘Angel, people have been talking about us for years. We might as well give them at least something worth talking about. Besides, I only want a bit of peace and quiet with you so we can discuss Letitia’s wretched new costing system and how much we want the sales force to use it.’
‘Oh, well,’ she said, choosing to accept this arguably unflattering explanation, ‘that’s all right then. Thank you, I’d like it very much.’
‘Do you want to go home and change? Or shall we go from here?’
‘If we’re only going to talk about costing systems,’ said Susan briskly, ‘I don’t need to get all dolled up, do I? I’ll phone Anna and see if she can babysit. If she can’t I’ll have to ask Mum.’
Julian devoutly hoped that Anna would be able to oblige.
‘Where are you off to, darling?’ said Letitia as he came into her office at half past five to say goodbye.
‘Oh, I’m taking Susan out for a bite to eat. We’re discussing the sales people’s return sheets.’
Letitia looked at him very seriously.
‘Julian, don’t. Please.’
‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he said, irritably defensive. ‘Mother, just leave me alone, will you? Good night. I won’t be late.’
‘You do know. And I sincerely hope you won’t be.’
Julian slammed the door of her office and wondered, not for the first time, if perhaps he ought to think about getting a house of his own.
Susan was waiting for him in the car park.
‘Before we have dinner,’ said Julian, ‘I want to take you somewhere else. To meet a friend. Won’t take long. I tried to put her off but I couldn’t. Out near Slough. I need to be there by seven. But we should make that.’
‘What sort of a friend?’ said Susan, ever so slightly sulky. ‘What does she do?’
‘Runs around.’
‘I see.’
It was a perfect July evening: the sky was that peculiarly clear light turquoise that follows slightly hazy days, and spangled with tiny orange and grey clouds. It had been hot, but there was a breeze tossing the air about; Julian rolled back the sunroof of his new four wheeled toy, a cream Lagonda, and smiled briefly at Susan.
‘Now,’ he said, ‘if you look in that pocket there, you should find a map. Can you map read?’
‘Course.’
‘Good. Now it’s near Stoke Poges, this place. Near Burnham Beeches. Got it?’
‘Yes. You want to head out of Slough on the A4. I’ll tell you after that.’
‘OK.’
They pulled into the drive of a large, low house just after seven.
‘Damn,’ said Julian, ‘I think he’s gone.’
‘I thought it was a she we’ve come to see.’
‘It is. But there’s a chaperon involved. Ah, there he is. Tony, hello. Sorry we’re late.’
‘That’s OK. Traffic’s awful, I know. She’s round here, your lady friend. She really is gorgeous. You’re going to love her.’
‘Perhaps I’d better stay here,’ said Susan crossly.
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous,’ said Julian, ‘you’ll like her. Tony, this is Susan Johns. My right-hand woman in the company. Susan, Tony Sargeant.’
Susan nodded slightly coolly at Tony. She felt increasingly silly and miserable as she followed the man into a stable yard.
‘There,’ said Tony, stopping by a bay with a very dark mane, ‘this is She. Gloriana. Absolutely made for you, Julian. Superb hunter, very strong, but graceful too. She’s a honey. I’d love to keep her myself, but I don’t need another mare.’
‘She’s got a very nice head. Lovely expression,’ said Julian, ‘let’s have a look at the rest of her.’
Tony led the mare out into the yard. She was restive, dancing about at the end of her rein. ‘How old is she, did you say?’
‘Four.’
‘She looks younger.’
‘No, just four. She is quite slightly built. But she’s terrifically fast. And strong. She’d make a superb National Hunt horse, if you wanted her for that. Do you want to ride her now?’
‘No. I haven’t got any of the stuff with me,’ said Julian, eyeing Susan who had wandered off down the other end of the yard. Her initial relief at discovering the mysterious female was a horse had given way to boredom and irritation. ‘Anyway, I can’t stop now. But she is beautiful, I agree. I’ll come back and ride her at the weekend, if that’s OK. And thank you very much.’ He stroked the horse’s neck tenderly; scratched her ear. She snorted with pleasure. ‘He’s got a way with women,’ said Tony to Susan, laughing.
‘I daresay,’ she said shortly. ‘It’s not a side of him we see much of at work.’
‘Oh, come on, you misery,’ said Julian, taking her hand. It was the first time he had ever touched her. She shivered; she couldn’t help it. He noticed, and dropped her hand again, quickly. ‘You must be hungry.’
‘Sorry about that,’ he said, as the Lagonda swung out into the lane. ‘Very boring for you, I’m afraid.’
‘It was a pretty cheap joke,’ said Susan. ‘Making me think we were going to meet some woman.’
‘Susan!’ said Julian, ‘I do declare you were jealous.’
Susan looked at him very seriously. ‘Not jealous, Julian. But I don’t like being made a fool of. Even in very small ways. OK?’
‘OK. Sorry. Now get that map out again, and find somewhere called Aston Clinton. That’s where we’re going. To a restaurant called the Bell. You’ll like it. And I won’t make a fool of you ever again. Promise.’
The Bell was not very full. They sat outside in the garden to savour the evening and the menu, and Julian ordered a bottle of champagne.
‘I don’t know how you think you’re going to drive home,’ said Susan, ‘I’m not going to have any of that, and you’ll get awfully drunk.’
‘Oh, go on,’ said Julian, ‘just this once. For me. Try it. You’ll love it, honestly you will.’
‘No,’ said Susan.
‘All right. But you’re missing one of life’s great pleasures. Tell you what, I’ll get some orange juice and have it as Bucks Fizz and then maybe you’ll be persuaded to try it.’
‘Maybe. But I don’t think so. Tell me, what would you say life’s other great pleasures are? For you?’
‘Oh, horses. Cars. Women. Making money.’
‘What a corrupt list.’
‘I’m a corrupt person. You should know that by now.’
‘No,’ she said, very serious. ‘I don’t. Not personally. I’m prepared to believe it, but I don’t have any evidence of my own. Could I have some crisps?’
‘I’ll try,’ said Julian, wondering if they knew about crisps at the Bell.
The barman looked disdainful but provided a bowl of nuts, which Susan demolished in minutes, and while she was waiting for a second, and a replenishment of her orange juice, took a sip of Julian’s Bucks Fizz.
‘Yes,’ she said, savouring it carefully, ‘it is quite nice. It’s a little bit like orange and soda, isn’t it? You should try that, you know. Much better for you.’
‘Well, I suppose I might,’ said Julian, allowing himself for a moment to contemplate the terrible prospect of drinking orange and soda at parties. ‘Now shall I get a glass for you to have a bit more?’
‘No, thank you. I’ll just have the occasional sip of yours. I didn’t know you liked horses.’
‘You don’t know a lot of things about me. I love horses. Always have. Until we came to London, I rode all the time.’
‘I suppose you went hunting and that sort of thing.’
‘That sort of thing.’
‘I see.’
‘Do you disapprove?’
‘Yes, I do. But it’s nothing to do with me.’
‘True. And your disapproval is nothing to do with me, so I won’t try to convert you.’
‘No, don’t. You’d be wasting your breath.’
She took another sip of his drink. ‘I could get to like this, though.’
‘Be careful, Susan. One vice leads to another. Talking of vice, when are you off to the Med?’
‘Oh, I’m so tired of everyone going on about that. In a fortnight. The girls are so excited.’
‘I bet. Are you – is anyone going with you?’
‘What, Mum do you mean? No, just the three of us.’
He hadn’t meant Mum, but he was strangely relieved that nobody else was going either.
‘Also, could I have a week off in October?’
‘Good God, woman, your life is one long holiday. What on earth for?’
‘Well, it’s the Labour Party Conference, and I want to go.’
‘What, up to Blackpool?’
‘Yes.’
‘What an extraordinary girl you are.’
‘Not at all. You’d be surprised how many perfectly ordinary people go to party conferences. More than go hunting, I would say.’
‘OK. Yes, of course you can have the week off. Can anyone go? I might come with you.’
‘Of course you can’t come. They wouldn’t let you over the threshold. And anyway, you have to be a delegate from the Management Committee of your Ward.’
‘And are you?’
‘Yes. I’m not doing very much, but I would really like to get involved with the women’s side of it. They’re a very strong force in the Labour Party, you know.’
‘Indeed?’
She flushed. ‘I didn’t mean to bore you.’
‘You didn’t,’ he said, ‘not in the least. I like listening to you talk. I like trying to understand you. The only thing I don’t like is the thought of you getting too involved with the Labour Party and having no time left for me. For us.’
‘I don’t think there’s a serious danger of that.’
‘Good,’ he said, ‘because I should miss you more than I could say. Now then,’ he went on, deliberately moving the mood away from the sudden tension he had created, ‘what do you want to eat?’
Susan took another sip of Bucks Fizz, partly to please him, and partly because it was making her feel pleasantly relaxed, and picked up the menu. ‘A lot.’
She ate her way through a plate of parma ham and melon, and then some whitebait, before turning her attention to the main course; they shared a chateaubriand, and she ate all of Julian’s vegetables as well as her own and worked her way through three bread rolls and a packet of bread sticks.
‘You really have got the most extraordinary appetite,’ said Julian, looking at her in admiration. ‘Have you always eaten that much?’
‘Always.’
‘And never got fat?’
‘Never.’
‘Strange.’
‘I sometimes wish I could be a bit more – well, round,’ she said, ‘men like it better that way.’
‘I don’t,’ he said, ‘I like thin ladies. Preferably with very small bosoms.’
‘Then I should please you,’ she said, laughing.
‘Yes, you would.’
There was a silence.
‘And what else do you like in your ladies?’
‘Oh, all sorts of things. Long legs. Nice hair. And minds of their own.’
‘Husbands of their own, as well, from what I hear.’ She meant it lightly, but he scowled. ‘I’m sorry, Julian, I didn’t mean to be rude. I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘Well,’ he said, pouring himself another glass of wine, ‘I daresay I deserved it. It certainly used to be true. I don’t have time for any kind of ladies these days, married or otherwise. Except my mother. And you of course.’
‘Tell me why you like married ladies.’
‘More fun,’ said Julian lightly. ‘Less of a threat.’
‘To what?’
‘My bachelor status.’
‘And what’s so great about that?’
‘Not a lot,’ he said with a sudden, small sigh. ‘It gets bloody lonely at times. Don’t you find that? Don’t you still miss Brian?’
She looked at him, very directly. ‘Actually, no. I know that sounds awful. He was very sweet, but we never had a life together. I don’t even know what it might have been like. Living with him, I mean.’
‘And since then? Anybody?’
‘Nobody. No time. No inclination either.’
‘None at all?’
She looked at him sharply, knowing what he meant. ‘Not a lot.’
‘I see.’
‘I don’t think you do. But never mind.’
She wondered if he would think she was frigid, devoid of desire, and if it mattered that he did; whether she should try to explain, make him understand that the only way she could cope with her aloneness, the stark emptiness of her most private, personal life and her fear that she would forget altogether how to feel, how to want, how to take and be taken, was simply to ignore it, negate it, deny its existence; and decided it was better left unexplored as a subject between them, that she did not trust either herself or him sufficiently to take the risk.
‘What I’d really like now,’ she said briskly, ‘is some pudding.’
He called the waiter over. ‘Pavlova, please,’ she said, and upset the waiter visibly by ordering ice cream with it. ‘And could I have another Bucks Fizz, please? I’m thirsty.’
‘There is a possible connection,’ said Julian, laughing, ‘between the fact you’ve now had three of them, and your thirst. But never mind.’ He raised his glass to her. ‘It’s been a lovely evening. Thank you.’
‘It’s me that should be doing the thanking. As usual. I wish I could do more for you.’
‘My darling girl, you do a monumental amount for me. That company runs entirely on your efficiency. We would all be absolutely lost without you. I am deeply indebted to you. I mean it.’
A very strange feeling was running through Susan. It was partly being called Julian’s darling girl, and partly the effect of the Bucks Fizz; but more than anything, she realized it was simply a sort of tender intimacy that was enfolding both of them, a mixture of friendliness and sexual awareness, and a feeling of being properly close to him and knowing him and liking what she knew. The big low-ceilinged room was full now, there was a low hum of conversation and laughter surrounding them, candlelight danced from table to table, an entirely unnecessary fire flickered in the corner, and outside the sky was only just giving up its blue. She felt important, privileged, and strangely confident and safe; able to be witty, interesting, challenging.
This, she suddenly realized, was much of what having money was about; not just the rich smell of food, your glass constantly refilled; a waiter to bring you everything you wished. It was warmth, and relaxation; a shameless, conscienceless pursuit of pleasure; and it was having time to talk, to laugh, to contemplate, to pronounce, and all of it smoothed and eased by a mood of self-indulgence and the suspension of any kind of critical faculty for yourself and what you might say or do.
She looked across the table at Julian, graceful, relaxed, leaning back in his seat, smiling at her, his dark eyes dancing, moving over her face, utterly relaxed himself, his charm almost a tangible thing that she could reach out for and she felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him; not in a sexual way, not even flirtatiously, but rather as a happy child might, to express its pleasure and its gratitude at some particularly nice treat. She smiled at the thought.
‘What are you smiling at?’
‘I was thinking,’ she said with perfect truth, ‘that I’d like to kiss you.’
‘Oh?’ he said, smiling back, ‘well do go ahead.’
‘I can’t. Not here.’
‘Why not?’
‘The waiters wouldn’t like it.’
‘The waiters,’ he said, and they chanted together enjoying their old joke, ‘aren’t going to get it.’
‘Am I?’ he said, suddenly serious, pushing the thought of Letitia firmly from his mind.
‘Oh, Julian, don’t spoil a lovely evening.’ She spoke simply, from her heart; she was suddenly very young again, very vulnerable.
‘Well,’ said Julian, his eyes dancing, ‘I’ve had some put-downs in my time, but most of them were a bit more tactfully expressed than that.’
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous,’ said Susan irritably, upset at the fracture of her magic mood, ‘as if you cared what I said to you.’
‘Susan,’ said Julian, suddenly taking her hand, ‘I care very very much what you say to me. Probably more than anything anyone else says to me. Didn’t you realize that?’
‘No,’ she said, ‘no I didn’t,’ and an extraordinary charge of feeling shot through her, a shock of pleasure and hunger at the same time, confusing and delicious, turning her heart over, and leaving her helpless and raw with desire.
She looked at him, and he saw it all in her eyes; and for a moment he wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone. He looked at her eyes, soft and tender in the candlelight, at the frail, slender, sensuous body, the tough, brave, hungry mouth; he contemplated having her, taking her, loving her; and he remembered the promise he had made to her so long ago, and in one of the very few unselfish acts of his life he put it all aside.
‘Come along, Mrs Johns,’ he said lightly, ‘we must get you home. It’s late, and we both have a long day tomorrow. I’ll get the bill.’
Susan stared at him, staggering almost physically from the pain of the rejection, and what she saw as the reason for it. Her eyes filled with tears; the golden room blurred.
‘Excuse me,’ she said, standing up, ‘I must go to the toilet. The lavatory as you would say. I’d never get it right, would I, Julian?’
‘Probably not,’ he said with a sigh, ‘and it wouldn’t matter in the very least. Not to me. Maybe to you. You’ve got it all wrong, Susan, but you’d never believe me.’
‘I’d be a fool if I did,’ she said. ‘Let’s go.’
It was weeks before she would talk to him alone; months before their friendship was restored. But finally, she came to understand. And she was grateful for what he had not done.